*Your POV*
After we eat in silence and I choke on my water because he takes his jacket off, we drive to get me some tattoos.
Yes I choked on my water because he took his jacket off and first I saw his muscles and second the tattoos that were covering them. Not completely but mostly.
My heart started racing.. he's been looking so hot in his black t-shirt without his jacket.. I haven't seen his arms before.. that made me weak. Yes I've been right.. the snake is going up his arm..
I couldn't stop staring at him. He noticed that and said »You can stop staring at my arms now.« I looked into his eyes and said »Sorry..« I tried so hard to not look again but it was impossible... especially the veins..
Although I didn't do drugs this time I still got horny. In that moment I only wanted him to wrap his arms around me.. I wanted to feel his arms and hands around me.. and again my legs started to shake..
He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me.. and then he smirked.. »You really can't hide it..« he said and suddenly I had a hiccup. »What?« I asked with a shaking voice. »That I make you wet..« he said leaning in with a quiet voice..
My hiccup got even worse.. I looked away and tried to hide how much I've been blushing.. that was so god damn embarrassing.. I could already feel his smirk getting bigger.
And then I felt his hand on my bare leg under the table.. going up to my thigh.. I looked at him immediately.. his big tattooed hand going up under my dress..
I grabbed his hand with my shaking hand.. his devilish smile scared me and I was afraid that I couldn't resist..
Now there's a man in front of me with a needle in his hand. My heart is racing and I'm shaking like always.
Why can't I just stop? I'm so terrified.. I can already feel it hurting.. I look up at red hair. He's his arms crossed in front of his chest..
I scream silently without opening my mouth. He rolls his eyes.. »Can I at least hold your hand?« I Ask with a shaking chin. »No.« he says totally cold and I furrow my eyebrows.
»You're a weird couple.« the tattoo guy says. »We're not a couple.« he says. I swallow.. »Of course we aren't..« I mumble..
»Shut up and let him do his job.« red hair says and I nod.. I'm already used to him being so mean. »You look very young for a tattoo.. are you sure that you want this?« he asks and I bite my lower lip.
Then he tells me about a few rights and that it'll never go away again and about how dangerous it is and all. That makes my heart race even more.
I nod very fast before I change my mind or before he shoots me.
If I change my mind red hair will beat the hell out of me and I'll miss the chance to do something cool.. but there's no going back and I'm not sure if I really want this.. it's too risky.. there's one thing I forgot.
I don't have the right to choose.. although he chose what I'm going to get I kinda like it and that's why I'm confused.
I never thought about a tattoo. I knew mom and dad wouldn't allow me one to get one and I thought it would make people ugly and disgusting.
If my parents would find out about this they would probably freak out, lose their mind, jump out of the window or something else.. and actually that's one of the reasons why I want to do it.
I want to do something different.. something that makes me not perfect, something that changes how people see me. Something that they would never expect from me.
»Good then let's begin.« he says and I hold my breath..
***
»Ouch..« I say when we walk towards his car.. my thigh is still hurting.. it's pretty big and it looks amazing but it hurts like hell.
I even cried and we had to take a little break so I could calm down and that bitch didn't even care.
He even left for a couple of minutes. I really don't understand what he's doing and why he's doing what he's doing but it's hurting and pissing me off.
He's one of these people that you'll never understand no matter how much you try or how much you think you do.
»How am I supposed to 'work' now?« I Ask him and he clenches his fists. »Y/N you didn't die. It'll heal fast. And I've changed plans. We're heading back to the club.« he says and I nod.
»If you say so..« I hope he changed plans remembering my thigh. I'm really sensitive and I think he knows that.
We drive back to the club and when we enter he says »I'll introduce you to the girls.« I look at him totally confused. He sounds serious and kinda mad.
We walk past the poles to a dressing room.
I swallow when we enter and see girls.. more like women because they look way older than me which are getting ready for the show tonight. I can recognize some of them.
I knew I would have to get to know them and I would have to do what they are doing earlier or later. That makes me feel so shitty I could crawl up in a ball and disappear.
»Listen hoes!« he screams all of sudden and I wince. They all look at him and I swear I can already feel my palms sweating. He's about to throw me into a pool with piranhas. I can feel it.
I wish I could get tinier or just run away from here but I can't and my muscles aren't moving. I feel him looking at me so I look at him as well. »Y/N is your new member.« he says and my heart stops.
His eyebrows are furrowed and he's looking at me like I've done something really bad and have to deal with the consequences now.
Maybe I did and I'm not aware of it. Lately I'm not aware of anything and I'm questioning every single shit although I'm trying my best to just let it be..
I don't even knows what I'm doing and what's happening to me and I also don't know why I'm not doing anything to change that... I'm scared because a little part of me likes it..
»So she's the little girl that's been with you these past days.« one of them says.. I look at him. He clenches his jaw and his fists.. »She's here because of Pablo.. not because of me.« what a fucking liar.
Thats no true. Okay it is kinda true but I'm mostly here because of him. He brought me here. It's not like he knew me before or Pablo knew me before and planned this all the time. That's impossible because I don't have anything to do with these kind of people.
»Show her what she has to do. Get ready for tonight.« he continues and my jaw drops. Tonight? How fast? I can't do that. Not me. I'm not a stripper and I don't know anything about it.
He looks at me again. »Not you. Not tonight.« he says and I feel some kind of relief but my anxiety is still there and makes me panic. I don't want to throw up right in front of them all and embarrass myself from the first minute on.
»Damn you cute girl how old are you? You look so young!« a woman with big curly hair asks smiling. She looks even older than the other ones. »Sixteen.« red hair answers for me before I can even open my mouth. I hear the other ones making sounds like
‚Aww'.
She walks towards me and I try to smile. I don't want to seem like a shy, terrified chicken although thats exactly what I am. »I'm Giselle.« she says showing her white teed and reaching her hand out. I shake it and nod smiling acting like I'm totally happy to be here and get to know them..
She has long red nails that are really pretty and clean and also match her black skin. She has some tattoos as well. I guess that's some kind of thing here.
»Giselle is the mother of this team.« he says with his arms crossed in front of his chest and a wide smile that makes me weak. I can't help but smile when she rolls her eyes at him. This atmosphere here is so smooth right now.
»Son, you making me feel old. I'm only thirty-seven.« she says. I chuckle. »Good you heartbreaker now leave us girls alone. We'll handle this.« she says grabbing my shoulders gently. Her hands are warm.
I look at him and he looks serious again..
»Be nice to her. If I see her sad or scared I'll fucking kill you...« he says and even his looks could kill. I look at him eyes wide open. What did he just say? Should I be happy about that or be scared?
He turns around and leaves while I'm still trying to understand what he said. I'm hella confused. I already feel uncomfortable because he's leaving but I'm screaming on the inside because of what he said. Of course he cares.
He must care.
If he wouldn't, he wouldn't say that.
Would he really kill them if they would make me sad or scare me?
I feel the heat in my cheeks and look down so they won't see my smile.
But I need to calm down and stop jumping into conclusions. I don't want to believe in something that's not real.. no feelings. I need to remind myself of that before I forget it.
*Ethan's POV*
I don't feel well with getting her into this. I know she has to do this because she's here for this but I think we're better with the other jobs.
I need to talk to Pablo about this. We have enough girls and she doesn't need to do this. She's too young and innocent for this..
I have no explanation for my thoughts and the things I want but I just can't help it...
***
*Your POV*
After a little smalltalk and 'get to know' session I don't feel as uncomfortable as before. They are very nice and funny. Especially Giselle. She really tries her best to make me feel comfortable and I appreciate that.
There's only one of them that makes me feel uncomfortable. I think her name is Beverly. She doesn't seem to like me.
She's giving me death stares all the time and whenever I say something she rolls her eyes or says something that makes me feel bad. I try to not mind her.
Then they tell me exactly what they are doing and that it's pretty easy but my heart already stopped and I start to panic. I know this 'job' is not only about dancing around a pole..
The things they have to do is honestly so disgusting I'm sure I can never do that.. that's impossible.. drugs, robberies, tattoos.. fine.. but this is making me puke..
I can't give someone 'head', sleep with someone for money or get naked in front of a stranger or let someone touch my private places.. or worse.. that makes my stomach ache..
Good they're nice and all and they're comfortable with this but I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to sell my body..
I want to be me.. I want to stay clean and innocent.. I want to stay raw and untouched but I'm already dirty..
I know I wanted to work and I'm acting like a pussy again but this is really under my self respect...