Jack opened the door as he pulls me inside gently. I could walk but in the same time, my legs felt numb. I quietly looked at the dark room as light slowly scattered just as when Jack lit a candle nearby.
Slowly I walked up to the desk that was in the middle of the room. I even needed assistance just to sit on top of it. Jack then looked for the medical kit from the sides.
I looked at my hands that are dyed in blood. My body slightly jolted when I remembered the six people I killed from the past. I curled my hands into a fist and closed my eyes bitterly. I bit my lip in disgrace and bow my head down as I tried to calm down.
I lady like me shouldn't be crying. The Dark Queen of this land can do better than this. I furrow my eyebrows as i shook the bad memories away.
I heard the metallic case being placed down just beside me. Hold it in Hold it in...
This is nothing. This happened before. You can bare it. Bare it. Bare it.
"Louisa..."
I slowly look up with a cautious look. Jack stood in front of me and with his caring smile he stretched out his hands towards me. Eyes slightly widen and lips enveloped. My body silently screamed for comfort. An uproar in my throat wanted to escape.
Hold it in.
I shut my eyes and clasped the edge of the desk to hinder from moving. Instead of giving in, I furrowed my eyebrows and gave a vicious glare to the man in front of me.
But even though I tried hiding everything with anger. The walls I built were still breaking down. The image of the pregnant woman came in mind.
HOLD IT IN.
I hold my breath as I felt the lump in my throat rise. My eyes started to blur, so I looked down and turned away. My body begun to shake and my eyebrows started to jitter.
Jack moved closer and slowly reached out for my cheek. Before an even slight of touch I slapped his hand away and pinned it on my desk. I gripped it tightly and heaved in my tears but they couldn't stop for a halt.
With my other hand I clutched unto his arm and dragged him closer. My shoulders shivered and shivered as my head slowly settled on his chest.
HOLD IT-
"Don't...don't hold it in...there's no use," he whispered.
The sobs were stifled at first, then was overcome by the wave of emotions. Everything broke down entirely, all defenses was washed away in those salty tears.
Slowly with hesitance I felt Jack caress the back of my head while my hands slowly loosen it's grip around his right arm and slowly clasped to one another
"I'm sorry...I was terrified," I sobbed.
"There's nothing wrong about being scared," he whispered.
"I did it again...h-how much I wanted to kill h-him but I didn't want it l-like this,"
"It's not your fault," he answered.
"What if I woke knowing his d-dead under me! He would be the seventh-..." I insisted.
"The two kidnappers, a k-kid, a merchant, a lowlife thief, a p-pregnant mother! Now him!!" I hit his chest weakly.
"This isn't the first time...I've killed a lot more than this six but knowing I killed someone without even being conscious about i-i-t, I...I can't seem to get hold of it," I whispered.
"I don't wan this to happen again...what if I killed you...or anyone else that I hold so dear..." I slightly squeeze his shirt.
The picture of the people I hold dear slowly crawled in my mind as my eyelashes brimmed with heavy tears.
L-Liyah, Shinami, Aniki, Jean, Ash, Emma, the Schatten Catzen, the gang....ugh.
"I'm sure that won't happen,"
"Don't you remember that I almost killed you too in that state!?" I raised my head towards him.
His olive green eyes were sad, but he was still smiling. Why? What's with that expression? The hand behind me slowly reached my face as the it's thumb tried to wipe the droplets away. I quickly pulled away and set my gaze away.
"You stubborn girl," he pulled my face to face his and forcefully dried my tears, "Aren't you the one who said to me that 'To overcome fears is to stand strong, to make sure they won't drag you down'?"
I glared at him silently. Instead of being scared he chuckled.
"Your the reason I'm not even scared of you like the others," he hummed as he reached out the kit.
"Come on, let's patch up your wounds...we don't want them to get infected hmm? And remove your black long sleeve top too."
"I'm not wearing anything under it..." I answered but instead of a response he pressed my stomach in a harsh manner.
"Ah!-Hey!" I slapped his hand away and hold y abdomen in pain.
"We have to patch up that bruise under your long sleeve shirt though," he smiled.
I sighed, "Fine."
I removed my top and a big darn bruise was revealed. But I'm embarrassed. You know why, I'm wearing a freakin bra in front of him!
"Wow, It's big." he's eyes widen.
"Hey, tend the bruise as quickly as you can or I'm going to poke your eyes out ..."
"Hahaha...oh gosh, it's big alright," he chuckled at me and stopped just as he saw the dagger on my hand.
"I meant the bruise," he smiled widely.
"Get it done..."
"Yes madam," he chuckled.
Just as he patched up the injury on my abdomen, I quickly wore back my top and turned away.
"Stop looking away would yah? Most of your wounds are on your face, good thing you didn't have a black-eye," he forcefully made me face him and quickly tended my wounds and scratched with alcohol.
"Does it sting?" he asked.
"Kinda..." I replied.
"Yah know, I'm guilty...guilty for not being there for you three years ago. Would things change if I were there? Maybe you wouldn't have been captured, or maybe I'd be with you on top of the underground. Heh- I even barely made it this time," he sighed and continued tending my face.
"I wouldn't want that...I'm happy that you didn't come with us..." I answered.
"Heh, why?" he spread out a smile.
"You'd be that type of person to get eaten by a titan easily," I replied.
"What?! I don't think so!" he pouted.
"Oh, trust me...you would, and no one's going to watch around here," I added.
"If I were there with you, I could have spent a lot more time with you," he grinned.
"Just patch m up."
"So who's the guy you like...the one you were crying for?" he asked out in the blue.
I raised an eyebrow as I stared at him. Reiner came in mind but I remembered the confession I made with Jean.
Jean, I chose him...and I want to be with him the most.
"I ended up with Jean," I replied bluntly.
He let go of his appliances,"WAIT THAT HORSEFACE!????"
"The hell? Who else did you think???" I asked in confusion.
"Well, I thought it was that Eren dude," he answered.
"THAT SUICIDE BASTARD!! WHY THE HELL DID YOU THINK THAT??!"
"I don't know, I just felt he has eyes on you..." he crossed his arms.
Shivers went under my spine. That suicide-bastard...seriously? EW.
Slowly, Jack started to tend my wounds again. He patched up the bruise on my right cheek the cuts near my eyes and my lips. I slightly rubbed my neck and felt the sting of pain on the right side of my neck.
The hickey...
Jack noticed it too.
"could you use a big bandage to cover this up? I don't want Jean or anyone to see it..." I asked.
he heaved a sigh, "Of course."
I watched him as he covered the hickey with a big bandage. It's to full others it's a bad injury or some wound.
"So this Jean...what do you like about him..." he asked.
"What's with that question?" I raise an eyebrow. To tell you the truth, now that he asked, what do I like about him?
"Come one, I'm just curious," he smiled...again, but his eyes are sad.
I stood silent for a while, "I...like how he's not afraid to speak, but he's actually very sometimes. He can be an ass and he knows he is but he doesn't care. Moreover...I can't resist his smile."
I looked back at him an he was pouting. What did I do again???
"Hmmmm, seriously??" he pumped his lips.
"W-what did i say?" the feeling of timidness rushed through my face.
"Huh...but the most part he was there for you, right?" he sighed as he stood up and started packing up.
"For the most part..."
He looks sad...
"Well, your patched up, how you feeling?"
"Fine."
Unusually, he stood in front of me with those sadden eyes again.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked with a tint of concern
Instead of replying, he placed his hands on my shoulders. He's eyes were yearning for something. Full of sadness, full of pain and full of longing.
Before I know it, he hugged me so tight I almost fell flat on the desk. He's heavy. I didn't know what to do, should I wrap my arms around him? Or rather stay still.
I hear footsteps.
Before I could decide, he left one hand behind my head, he released his hug and sweetly kissed my forehead. I was too shock to even react.
Just as he stepped away, someone knocked the door.
"Come in," Jack replied cheerfully.
the door opened to see Eren and Historia. Quickly I hopped off the desk and changed my expression back to normal.
"Y-you needed something?" shoot, I stuttered.
"Uh, Levi send a letter, said we had to go back," Eren replied and he and Historia came in.
I took the note and read it, "You guys can go first, tell Yuki that she'll be the one escorting you."
"What about you?" Historia asked.
"I'll be back around the night...I can't leave yet," I answered.
"Should we tell the others what happened?" Historia asked.
"No-"
"There you go again hiding secrets..." Eren stated.
"Let me finish you bastard..." I glare at him and continued,"No need, I'll tell them myself when I get back."
"I'm fine with that," Historia commented.
"I'm not...what would Lance Corporal say?" Eren commented as well.
"I'd rather tell them when I get back, than you guys asking questions and making commotion when I stepped in the base," I answered.
"Wouldn't it just end the same way??" Jack asked.
"UGHHH, I'll tell them when I get back. That's it, so shut your mouths when you return to the base," Louisa glared at the two.
"Fine, ughh...you sure like hiding secrets," Eren answered as he and Historia headed out.
"Stay safe Louisa..." Historia replied.
"Sure."
As the two left, I looked back at Jack, "W-what was that for!?"
"Your blushing..." he teased.
"D-don't just change the subject!" I walked closer to him.
He sighed as he grabbed my shoulders to place a distance between us.
"Come on, you have to check Ash and Emma," he sighed with a smile.
"Your changing the subject...again."
Instead of listening to me, he pushed me towards the door.
"Don't mind me, you can forget what I just did. The kids need you now," he opened the door.
"Jack..."
"You need to leave..." The door shut in front of me. Then I just realized I was already outside. With all my injuries and the brain pain i just experienced, I couldn't even stop him physically.
I sighed, I collected my thoughts and begun walking to where the kids are.
I never knew what he did after I left, but there's one thing I know for sure, that kiss...felt bitterly sweet.