Gerard.
•
It's been a while since cigarettes and alcohol didn't make me feel better. I don't know what's up with me; ever since I thought of Frank with someone else I felt sick to my stomach. It wasn't the fact they took him way it was they fact they could.
I was thinking way too much about pointless things again. I hated that.
If he loves me, he won't love anyone else.
Calm the fuck down Gerard.
After Frank gave me a kiss and my bottle of Gin I walked off, despite his shouting telling me to stay. They more I looked at him today, the more I'll want to cry.
-
I went home after school and turned my phone off. I went up to my room and huddled in a corner, tears dampening my knees that were tucked to my chest.
I have a way to cope with this.
I picked up a book where I had hidden a blade in between pages. I pulled it downwards on my wrist, blood pumping out in beautiful crimson streaks. I did it more and more until my arm was covered, back and forth with the metal. The relief searing through me like a shot of vodka. It burned but oh God I loved it.
I pulled my sleeve down, knowing full well it would sick to it and hid my blade yet again, Fuck I needed that.
I stayed up that night until 3 in the morning watching crappy shows on my TV. I fell asleep watching a shitty crime show were some woman got her eyes gouged out. Lovely.
-
"Mikey!" I shouted, "Are you going to school today?"
"Yeah, You?" He yelled back. His voice cracking.
"Nope, want some breakfast?"
He ran downstairs and spun into the kitchen, jumping on one of the chairs, "yes please!" He smiled so I smiled back, he was so stupidly funny.
"Gee? Why aren't you with Frank?" He inquired, eating his lucky charms like he was a vacuum.
"I just needed a break from him." Mikey frowned and looked at me. He noticed how the bottles of Gin I'd collected from a shop last night were laid next to the couch.
"You need to stop drinking. You know what it does to people." I knew that, deep down I wanted to be addicted so I had something else to take the pain away.
But I could handle my alcohol.
"I know Mikes." I hugged him and went back upstairs to get changed and shower, again covering my other wrists with blood red lines.
This is my painkiller.
I grabbed my phone and called Frank, his phone is always on so it worries me when he doesn't answer.
He's probably with his better friends.