Gerard.
•
Waking up in hospital is terrifying.
What's more terrifying is Frank, stood next to me.
The strongest person I know is stood there crying, as soon as I opened my eyes I felt the pain of the stitches and glue. It stung like nothing else. Frank crying honestly stung so, so much more.
He had lied to the hospital and my parents were not brought in. No one would know apart from me and Frank.
He hugged me and we left, that's it. The American mental health system is corrupt as all hell. I don't mind though, I hate hospitals.
Strangely I was only in hospital for a few hours so when I got home I sat in my room staring at the dried blood on my floor. Frank helped me clean it up but before he came in I hid a few of my blades. I could feel a strong urge to hurt myself again but not let Frank know, I hid 4 and gave him the other six perfectly clean ones.
"Gee, I need to go home." He said after I gave them to him.
I couldn't say much so I stuttered out an 'Okay', hugged him and he left. And I was alone again.
Now I had this all figured out, I knew how to cut shallowly. Oh God, I liked this too much. All of my pent up emotions came out in the form of crimson. I loved it.
I cannot, I repeat- cannot, let Frank know.
He doesn't understand, He never will!
He's never done it! He isn't depressed.
I know he only takes drugs because he gets sad sometimes but fuck him!
He'll never understand.