( This was actually on my other HQ shit book, but I just had to share it here. I re-read it and gagged a few times tbh. )
Kuroo [ Level 15: Dark Knight ]: Hey guys!
Kenma [ Level 11: Assassin ]: *sees kuroo* . . . I hate my life.
Yaku [ Level 17: Priest ]: WHY AM I INVOLVED IN THIS SHIT
Taketora [ Level 3: Warrior ]: I'M A WARRIOR!
Innouka [ Level 37: Thief ]: You're on level 3 tho.
Taketora: . . . *runs away crying*
Innouka: . . . Oh my god
Kuroo: lmao
Kenma: why am i stuck with this loser
Yaku: WHY AM I HERE WITH EVERYONE WTF
Innouka: where's lev?
Everyone: . . .
- an NPC comes running -
NPC: DEAR ADVENTURERS! WOULD YOU HELP ME?!
Yaku: STOP SCREAMING YOUR HEAD OFF IF YOU WANT US TO HELP YOU
NPC: I'M So sorry. . .
Kuroo: *puts arm over the npc's shoulders* so what'cha got there?
NPC: A-a demon lord has kidnapped one of the most influential adventurers in the land, and that adventurer is the town's guard! We're going to be in trouble if he doesn't show up!
Kenma: why would the well-known adventurer even be kidnapped?
Innouka: *slaps hand over kenma's mouth*
Yaku: don't rob kenma, innouka
Innouka: i won't
Kuroo: ok we'll help!
Yaku: NONE OF US AGREED--
Kuroo: ssshHHhhh
Yaku: DON'T YOU DARE--
Innouka: *steals yaku's voice* . . . I didn't know i could do that.
Kenma: *muffed* wow
Yaku: *soundless screaming*
Kuroo: so where'd the demon lord go?
NPC: that mountain, sir *points to the mountain*
Kuroo: okay
NPC: . . .
Kuroo: okay. So what'd the adventurer look like?
NPC: um he had green eyes
Kuroo: uh-huh
NPC: silver hair
Kuroo: . . . Sure
NPC: and he was really tall
Kuroo: . . . Oh. . . Um okay?
NPC: he wore a full plate armor with a carving of the number 11 on the chest part
Kuroo: . . . I don't like where this is heading to.
NPC: and he had a beard.
Kuroo: WTF
Kenma: *muffled* not lev
Yaku: *silent shouting*
Innouka: fancy *removes hand on kenma's mouth*
NPC: PLEASE HELP US! *wiggles out of kuroo's grip and does the dogeza*
Everyone except npc: . . . You look familiar.
NPC: . . . I-I do?
Kenma: yeh
Kuroo: sure do
Innouka: idk but yeah i guess
Yaku: *nodding*
- and they hear taketora screaming down in the village -
- but no one cares -
Kenma: aren't you terushima?
NPC: teru what
Kenma: terushima yuuji
NPC: *stands up and stomps on ground* BRO NO YOU NUGGET FUCKER I AM AN NPC AND ACCEPT THE FUCKING QUEST RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW GODDAMNIT WHOEVER THIS TERUSHIMA YUUJI IS, I WILL BEAT HIS LAME ASS FOR LOOKING LIKE ME *twirls around* I'M A RARE DESIGN!
Nekomas: *slowly backing away* *hides behind trees*
Kuroo: *pokes his head out the bushes a little bit* WE ACCEPT 'YER QUEST.
NPC: YAY! *blows up*
Innouka: . . . Ok then
Kenma: wow
Yaku: *nudging innouka*
Innouka: . . . Meh. It's best if i leave tou without your voice.
Yaku: *frustrated sobbing*
- and the adventurers go down to town and they notice that every citizen looks like terushima -
Kuroo: . . . Plot twist.
Citizen A: hi dear adventurers! Are you looking for a place to stay?
Citizen B: *in a woman outfit* *terushima voice trying to sound like a lady* oh my, such nice looking young men!
Kenma: . . .
Yaku: . . .
Innouka: . . .
Kuroo: . . .
Carrot: . . .
Nekomas: *teleport to the end of the town*
Yaku: *crying*
Innouka: that grossed me out so much.
Kenma: true
Kuroo: i felt goosebumps--
Ushijima [ Level 14: Farmer ]: Someone say goose? QUACK QUACK
Kuroo: that's a duck, you bozo
Ushijima: . . . Oh. . . *loud crying*
Innouka: . . . *steals his money* run.
- and the adventurers ran towards the mountain -
Taketora: *running about naked*
Kuroo: OH MY GOD
Kenma: *faints*
Yaku: *uses holy hammer skill on taketora*
Taketora: *hp goes zero and he falls on the ground*
Nekomas except dead taketora: . . .
Innouka: nice
Kuroo: don't go stealing his virginity--
Kenma: *wakes up and slaps kuroo* don't.
Kuroo: BUT I WAS--
Kenma: *slaps him again* NO.
Kuroo: Q ^ Q
Innouka: why'd we kill him tho
Yaku: *pointing at author*
Kuroo: rather not
Kenma: ok let's go rescue the adventurer
Innouka: . . . What's our reward?
Nekomas except dead taketora: . . .
Kuroo: i dunno, his identity?
Kenma: . . . Good enough.
Yaku: *laughing silently*
Innouka: ok
- and so, the sun goes down and they arrive at the headquarters of the demon king -
Kenma: who is the demon king?
Tendou [ Level 1: Demon King ]: IIIII AAAAAM THE DEMON KINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
Kuroo: *smashes him with a skill*
Tendou: *dies*
Nekomas: . . . What
Innouka: that's it?
Yaku: *strangles innouka*
Innouka: *gives him back his voice*
Yaku: FINALLY YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT I WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE IF YOU DIDN'T FUCKING RETURN MY PRECIOUS GODDAMN VOICE IN--
Innouka: *steals his voice*
Kuroo: . . .
Kenma: . . . Bye yaku-san
Yaku: *silent crying and runs down the mountain and falls face first so he gets his flesh ripped by sharp rocks and he falls into the sea only to be eaten by seductive mermaids who turned out to be lochness monsters*
Innouka: . . . Wow.
Kuroo: you killed him.
Kenma: *mourning*
Kuroo: *hugs kenma*
Kenma: *pushes kuroo off the mountain*
Kuroo: *tumbles down the mountain but lands on a mountain goat's back so he's fine and he goes back up with a shit eating grin* let's go get the adventurer!
Kenma: *sad face*
Innouka: why am i still alive tho
Kenma: whadd'ya mean?
Innouka: i mean, I'm, like, a side character or something why am i still here?
Kuroo: no one knows
Kenma: you'll probably die soon
Innouka: D:
- and then a pterodactyl swoops down and grabs innouka by his arms and flies into the sky with him -
Pterodactyl: MARRY ME
Innouka: . . . FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Kuroo: there he goes
Kenma: i just saw the future
Kuroo: lmao
Kenma: oh well
Kuroo: im not going to suicide tho
Kenma: sure
- kenma and kuroo enter the headquarters of the dead demon king and they see that it's decorated with hello kitty stuff, but they ignore it because there was a Buddha protecting the hello kitty shrine and they move towards the hot spring, and they find a tied-up, unconscious silver-haired adventurer -
Kuroo: why is he in the onsen
Kenma: i dunno, viktor maybe?
Kuroo: . . . Good point.
Kenma: *starts untying the adventurer*
Kuroo: *wakes him up*
Adventurer: *wakes up* oh. Oh, hi. Thanks. *gets up*
Kenma: *sees that he's dripping with blood from a stab wound to the stomach*
Adventurer: can we get out now so i can eat katsudon in my darling yaku's house? *yawns*
Kuroo: yaku's dead you bitch
Adventurer: oh.
Kenma: . . .
Adventurer: cool.
Kuroo: I'm sorry, what?
Adventurer: i said cool. So no longer have to fucking propose to that little shit in a church in Vatican city after episode 10.
Kenma: wtf
Kuroo: you're injured
Adventurer: oh *looks down on body* totally forgot about that *faints*
Kenma: oh.
Kuroo: he's got no beard tho
Kenma: this dude is lev
- and they take lev home and present him to the villagers and they make a fiesta in town to thank the adventurers. Lev turns out to be a famous ice warrior who has the full name of Lev Nikiforov and he comes from Russia. Kuroo and kenma gets haunted by yaku, tora and innouka's ghosts and they run into a large tryrannosaurus rex in the middle of the unicorn bouncy house and they get eaten. The end. -