Anywhere from 4 to 8 chapters left. Jesus.
44- watch the sunset/rise
47-dance in the rain
"You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue. But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky, and you decided purple just wasn't for you."
-Colors, Halsey
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I wake to Parker shaking me urgently. My eyes snap open.
"What? What?!" I ask quickly. "Are you okay?! Is it Jordan?"
I notice it's dark out, but just a tiny tiny tint of light out.
"Let's go watch the sunrise. It's on the list, and then we can watch it set tonight." He tells me. I let out a breath.
"Don't scare me like that, Parker!" I snap at him.
"Shhh. Come on, baby girl." He says, taking my hand and forcing me to follow him out. My heart melts.
I have been feeling anxious lately.
I know that we already talked about what would happen when the list was over, but there were only 10 things left, one of which we were about to do, so 9.
I love him. A lot.
I'm scared that he's going to leave.
I squeeze his hand tighter. He smiles at me, and I give a weak one in return.
I can see it on his face that he can tell something is bothering me, but he doesn't say anything for now.
We go to the deck and sit down. I take my flip-flops off and dip my feet in the water, lying my head on his shoulder and watching across the water. The sky slowly and gradually is turning lighter.
"What's wrong, Ally? For the past few days, you keep thinking about something at random times. Tell me what's on your mind, Princess."
I inwardly sigh at his words.
"I-I know we talked about this but... The list is almost done." I whisper. He laughs quietly.
"I don't get why that stresses you so much. You should be glad it's almost over. That'll mean you've done all those things." He says.
"I noticed a fault in the list. One of the numbers said, 'Let go of my past'. I realized that Melinda never did let go of her past." I tell him. "I just... I don't know. The only reason we ever spoke was because of the list."
"No, it was not, Ally." He laughs loudly.
"What do you mean?"
"Okay. Let me tell you my side of the story. So my friend Ty and I walk into Starbucks after class. Our other friend was waiting for us at a table. We start walking there, and I do a scan of the room. My eyes land on the most beautiful thing I've ever seen: Allison Smith. Everyone knew her, obviously. She was so gorgeous that you couldn't not know her. She didn't even notice the attention she had. Guys talked about wanting to get with her, girls talked about wanting to look like her. I've heard it all. She was wearing a grey sweater, blue skinny jeans, and black boots, and was typing at a computer and sipping her drink. I was so distracted that my friend pushed me over to her, but I fell on the chair like an idiot. Your bag fell. I picked up the papers with you and saw the list. I scanned it really quickly and was surprised at it. But I didn't care about it either. I found it amusing almost but not sad at all. Cool. That one day you could do all these things with someone. And that's when you looked into my eyes for the first time. That's why I was so shocked, Ally. Not because you never went out like you said a few weeks ago, but because your eyes are my favorite color. Aqua blue. It was love at first sight, I just didn't know it." He tells me. Tears build in my eyes.
Then he says something that completely and utterly shocks me to the core.
"The list was just an excuse to talk to you because I didn't have the guts. Especially not when it came to someone so perfect. And I fell in love. And you fell back. And we caught each other and we're going to have the best life together imaginable. I can't wait to marry you, buy a house with you, have kids with you, and grow old with you. That's my list, Ally. Those 4 things. It will happen to us. I know it because you are meant for me 100%."
Tears fall from my eyes. I kiss him while laughing slightly, happier than I ever have been.
He kisses me back, softly, smiling into the kiss. He pulls away first and hands me a pair of sunglasses. We both put a pair on and then watch.
The sun suddenly peaks through the ground. Slowly, over about the course of half an hour, it rises.
I sigh, happy, and content.
In a little bit, it started to rain.
Parker looks at me from across the tent and smiles devilishly. "Number 47!" He says.
He grabs my hand and drags me out.
He sets his hands on my waist after taking my hands and putting them around his neck.
I stare into his honey eyes.
"There's no music," I whisper.
"We don't need it." He tells me, before placing a soft kiss on my lips. We begin to sway slowly. And at one point he dips me and winks at me before kissing me again.
I rest my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. The beat is fast. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard, better than the music we didn't need.
"Do you hear that? How fast you make my heart race?" He asks me. My heart melts. I begin to cry. He looks at me. "Why are you crying?" He asks.
"I just love you so much." I babble. He smiles again.
"And I love you, always."
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.
.
We watched the sunset.
8 things left on the list.
But I'm not scared anymore. Because I love Parker, and I know that he loves me.
We'll go to school. We'll come home and take care of Jordan.
We've been talking about moving in with each other. Since Laney is moving into Sam's apartment, he's going to move in with me, and I couldn't be happier because the thought of waking up every morning to his face is delightful.
Now, going home, a comfortable silence around Parker and me as he drives with one hand and has the other intertwined with mine, I feel calm and happy.
I feel at peace. With myself. With everything. It felt like there was never anything wrong with me or my past. I never had an addiction, my parents were out of my mind, and my best friend never killed herself. That's what it felt like.
But it wasn't reality.
And as a cruel reminder decided to come my way, that was when the other car slammed into ours.
.
Everything felt hazy.
Like I was having a really good dream.
White. Everything was white. It was a blank canvas of nothing at first.
Then, colors slowly began to fill in around me.
Green grass. Trees were all around the small meadow, where flowers were.
Two women sat in the meadow, facing away from me. I blink a few times and slowly stumble forward.
I'm in a white dress. My hair is around me in beautiful waves.
I approach slowly. They turn.
I halt.
"Ally, come join us. We're having tea and biscuits, your favorite." Melinda smiles warmly at me.
"No... No this isn't real. This isn't real. Where am I? Who are you?" I ask, my heart hurting.
Melinda and my mother sit there, smiling at me.
"Honey, don't be ridiculous. You know who we are." My mother says. "It's so nice to finally see you again. You were such a beautiful baby. I just wish this wasn't so soon. You're beautiful."
"Where am I?" I ask weakly.
"You're in the middle. You're in between life and death. We came to talk. To convince you."
I walk forward and sit with them. I take a glass of tea.
"Convince me to...?"
"Live," Melinda says.
"Why? If I'm going to die, why not now?" I ask bitterly.
"Many reasons. You're young and beautiful. The note I gave you months ago which you haven't read yet," Melinda glares slightly, "there's something important in there to be read. Your friends who care about you and are crying in the hallway right now. And your boyfriend who is completely frozen and crying by himself in the hall as they continue to pump your heart. There's still hope."
"But.. I... I missed you. I always wanted to know you. I want to stay."
"You can't, sweetheart." My mom says. "I died so you could live. Please. Don't make that all for nothing. Don't take everything you have for granted. Your brother is sitting out there thinking he's about to lose one of the best things to ever happen to him."
Tears well in my eyes.
"You have to make a choice," Melinda says. "Please, don't make the wrong one."
I take a deep breath and think.
"Sis, I love you and all, but you're a mess."
"Shut up, it's not like you're any better!" I laugh in glee.
"Honey, you are rockin' that dress. Parker is going to fah-lip when he sees you." Hendrik says with a smile.
"Ally, you should get out more often." Laney smiles at me.
"Do you hear that? How fast you make my heart race?"
"I'm a selfish, a very very selfish man. You're mine, okay?"
"Give me a second, you just keep taking my breath away."
"I love you."
And that's the moment I decided I would live.
I woke up seconds later after the doctors were all sighing in relief from my heart beating again.
They fired questions at me and ran tests in the room, to find out that I was perfectly okay other than the broken ribs and hand I have.
I asked them if they'd told everyone I was okay, and they said no, so I told them to let them in.
They have me lie down fully, gently easing me.
Everything is hazy, a different hazy than the dream thing where I was in the middle or whatever.
Parker barges in first and sighs in relief when I meet his eyes. I smile weakly at him. He comes to my side instantly and takes my good hands and kisses my knuckles softly, still crying.
I made the right choice.
"I was so scared." He whispers. "Don't ever scare me like that again. I love you. I love you so, so much." He says, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
"I love you too, Parker. I love you too." I tell him. I fix his hair, and he smiles lightly at me.
"Ally." My brother says in relief when he enters the room. I smile at him.
"Hey, brother."
We all catch up. I was out for two days. I have to stay here for a week. I asked Laney to bring me the note addressed to me in the second drawer of my bedside table. She did so.
That night, after I forced Parker to go home, alone in the hospital room, I opened the letter.
Ally,
This is the most unfair thing for me to ever do. I get that.
When you receive this letter, it will have been two years since I've died. When you finally read this, call the number at the bottom and get everything sorted out. I have a lot to say.
I was in a bad place. Too bad for my own good. And if I know you, you still blame yourself for a choice I consciously made on my own. It isn't your fault. It's mine.
When he cheated on me, it hurt me too much. And I may sound weak and pathetic but I couldn't give a damn because that's the truth. I thought he was the one for me. And that cut too deep. I couldn't take it. That's why I ended my life.
Now the other thing I have to tell you.
I have a child. If you recall, a week before I passed away I had come home from a mental hospital in which I was there to 'get better'. That was a lie and coverup. I was pregnant during those six months of being away. I gave birth to my child there. For now, my mother has custody.
Ally, she isn't the godmother. She isn't supposed to have my child.
You are the godmother. It's on the legal papers and I specifically requested in my will for you to take the child if you wanted when you read this letter and called the number, which is my lawyer.
I know that this is a lot to put on you. It's all your choice whether or not you'd like to take care of my child. I'd never blame you if you didn't.
I love you, Ally. You are my best friend. Forever. You gave me hope that even in dark situations, you could come out on top. But I am not strong enough for that. But you are.
I'll see you on the other side, hopefully when you're old and grey.
Be there or be a loser,
Infinitely yours,
Melinda.
#***-****
I pick up my phone and dial the number.
"Hello, Kyro Law, Mr. Davenport speaking."
"Hi. My name is Allison Smith, and I'm calling for the custody of Melinda Hawthorne's child."
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🙃
This means some changes have to be made in their plans.
And poor ol' Parker doesn't even know.
XoXo
-Elisia