'I felt my heart burst into a million pieces. Or so It felt like it. I've actually never been so scared in my entire life. I will be soon out of here, yet I'm scared because I will be separated from my daughter. Who knows for how long? I can't just accept there could be something wrong with Brayleigh. I've come a long, long way. i matured a lot these last couple of years. Never had a choice. This pregnancy did feel different. Not only physically but mentally as well. I don't know, after I accepted this pregnancy I started to care more and more about this baby. I really tried. I'm just so tired of keep getting hurt in the proces of it all. I don't want to lose my baby. She is the reason why I'm still trying. I have to think about John too, he probably doesn't see me the way I saw my mother when I was his age. My mom was everything to me when I was 4. She was my rock, my hero... just everything. I haven't been able to give my son the same kind of love because I was too busy with school, boys... Well Ben, Ricky, moving away to New York, getting pregnant again... and now, being a total and utter wreck.'
Amy closed her eyes one last time followed by a big sigh. She looked around to absorb the environment around her. It was 6 AM. She hasn't slept, not even for 5 full minutes. The only thing she could do was overthink, over and over again. The same things. For some reason she was disgusted by herself because she was too blind to see where her life went. How she became this person. Ricky didn't come back after he had left her alone at night. 'He needed some space.' She thought reading that text over. She rolled her eyes. Amy couldn't believe he needed space at such a fragile time like this. Her mother was on her way to pick her up from the hospital. Looking down she realized how much she indeed needed Ricky. His support, his helping hand... just everything. 'I don't want to go through this alone.' She shook her head, trying to erase all the negativity masking her face like she couldn't breathe. She lifted her blanket up. For some reason she wanted to see her scars. Why, she didn't know. But she wanted to see what it looked like. If something bad were about to happen to Brayleigh, she wanted recognition and to get some kind of acceptance from it all. She lifted up her shirt and looked at her scars. Her belly was still there obviously. It looked damaged and not attractive at all. It looked so messed up in her eyes. She didn't dare to look at her own body, fully naked in a mirror. And she didn't dare thinking about showing her skin to someone. She took a deep breath and let go of her shirt after insecurity about her body hit her. Her wounds were healing. But mentally, she wasn't. There was just no joy inside of her. 'I feel like I need to be brought to life again.' She thought looking at nothing.
The door opened. Anne's head popped in. "Hey, Amy." She smiled. "Are you ready to get out of here?" She just looked away. "I don't know." She sighed. "I don't know if I'm ready. I feel like I've been a part of this hospital for so long." Anne walked inside the room and closed the door behind her. "I know how you feel but you have to stop thinking that?" She took her hand. "Doctor Worthly is filling in your documents. You will soon be discharged from this hospital." Amy looked down. "What about Brayleigh?" Anne took her hand. "She will be okay. I just know it." Amy nodded.
Anne stood up and started packing Amy's bag. It al felt so surreal to be leaving this hospital. She felt like she was dreaming. A part of her was so happy she would be going home to fully recover. Physically and mentally. But another part of her was so depressed to even think about going home happily. Her gaze changed when she saw who was standing in front of her. "Ricky?" He stood there in front of her bed. Staring at her. "How long have you been standing there?" His gaze dropped and sat down next to Amy on her bed side. "I just came in." He said. "I'm sorry Amy." She sighed. "For what?" He stood up and looked at Anne. Hoping she understood his sudden stare. "Oh, my phone is still in the car, I need to call your father." She said, getting his point. Once she left the room. All there was left were Amy and Ricky. "So?" She asked. He sat down, once again. Staring at her. Trying to make up his mind. "I wanted to apologize for everything." He said. "For what exactly, I don't understand?" He looked at her with eyes filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry for meeting you at band camp." She shook her head in disbelief. "What are you saying?" He tried to think of a way to just say it without sounding too harsh. But there was no way around it. "I'm sorry that I met you. I'm sorry I played with you and had sex with you. I'm so sorry I got you pregnant at fifteen. I'm sorry I didn't care about you at first & I'm sorry for the things I may have done wrong during this pregnancy. I'm just sorry for taking away the life you always wanted." At that moment she didn't know what to say back. She was taken a back and felt so much guilt lingering around her. "Ricky, it wasn't your fault! We both made mistakes and did what we did. We are BOTH responsible for everything that has happened to us. That day at band camp may have started every single thing. But..." She hesitated, not sure if the words coming out of her mouth would make sense. "I wouldn't change a thing... just because everything is rough." She smiled. "I wouldn't." She looked into his piercing eyes. "Of course I imagined my life different. But who doesn't? Everyone imagines their life differently. Every single human being has plans but plans change. Life happens. That's what happened to us." She sighed. "Look, you don't need to feel guilty. Please don't. It was my decision to begin with." She looked at her environment, trying to show him their surroundings. "It was my decision to stay pregnant with John. I couldn't go through the abortion." Ricky looked away. Thinking about that moment in his life made him want to punch something because he wasn't there for her. "After I decided to keep John -but wanting to give him up for adoption I can't exactly say I wanted to give him up for the right reasons." She started to look uncomfortable. Knowing what would come next could change her appearance as a person. She never told him this. Was this the moment they would spill secrets? seriously. "I honestly wanted to give him up for adoption because I thought you were no good. You weren't good to me, why would you be good to my baby? That, and the fact I was a stupid teenager who wanted to be with her boyfriend. Stupid me thought the weirdest things and-" He cut her off. "Like you said, we both made mistakes and learned from it. At the end you kept John. I honestly knew you would eventually. You were too good at heart to just toss him away." She looked surprised. "Is that what you felt about it? 'Toss him away?' If I had a chance to give him a better life?" He sighed. "Yeah, that's how I felt about it. Because no one's life is perfect and he should know that, & learn from our mistakes to do it better someday." Amy nodded and bit her lip. "You know, when I found out I was pregnant again I didn't know what to do. Abortion came to mind maybe once or twice but I knew I wasn't going to do that. It wouldn't have been fair to Brayleigh. Because I kept John." She swallowed and wiped away her tears. Ricky looked guilty. He never knew all of this. Sure he had thought about it. But hearing this right now made him realize he hadn't changed for the better, yet. "But at the end it's my fault she was born too early and I had an illness during this pregnancy. Because I didn't take a good care of myself when I was pregnant. I was so stressed out about everything. School, being on my own, having my mom with me knowing she was missing Robbie the entire time. That, and..." She paused, not sure if she should say this out loud. "That and the fact that I was jealous." Ricky looked confused. "Jealous of what?" He asked, not sure what she meant by that. She looked up, into his eyes, trying to make him get it. But he didn't. "I was jealous AND angry at you for moving on so fast with Clementine and for telling me we could be together again while you were with her!" She shouted, raising her voice. He looked super guilty at this point. "I'm sorry." She shook her head. "You're sorry? Is that it?!" He opened his mouth but no words came out. "Why Ricky?" She gazed in front of her. "Why did you have sex with me and tell me we could have a start at something beautiful again? And to leave me to find out you were in a relationship with the devil!" He brushed his hand through his hair followed by a big sigh. "It was wrong of me to do that to the both of you. To her, because she had already been hurt by guys so many times before. And to you because we have a history together and shared a life together." He sighed. "I guess I believed myself when I said that to you. I guess I trusted in my words that something good would come out of it." She shook her head. "And what good came out of it?" She asked, rather disgusted. "Brayleigh!" He said, trying to make her get it. She shook her head wildly and looked as if she could burst at any moment. "I can't believe you, you know that."
"What did I do?"
"Nothing good came out of it. The only thing that came out of it is hurt. Lots and lots of hurt." She said, trying to keep her tears in. "You don't know the hell I've been through these couple of months. You don't know my scars, you don't get to see it. How ugly it makes me feel inside. The proof is on me. How I failed miserably."
He started shaking his head. An angry feeling rushed over him. "What are you talking about Amy? Yes, we've been hurt by all of this but that doesn't mean nothing good came out of it!" He sighed. "We all have our scars and... it makes us who we are today. Not 7 months ago, or 4 years ago. But today. At this very moment. This right here is us being strong and not giving up or giving into a certain fear." She shook her head. "I'm just so scared, Ricky."
He moved forward to place his hands around her. To give her that one hug he had wanted to give her ever since.... ever since the very beginning. She leaned in and let her head rest on top of his shoulder. Silent sobs left her lips. "What do we do now?" She asked, pulling away. "You do nothing. You just go home and rest. Take every single day at a time. Not rush yourself into thinking about all of this." He sighed and took her hand. "We just have to wait it out and see what future Brayleigh has in front of her and hope for the best. That's all we can do right now." She nodded her head carefully. "I know." She looked around to absorb this one last time, the hospital that was her second home for quite some time now. "I will get your mom so we can finish packing and then we're out of here." He said, letting go of her hand. Turning around to walk out of that door.
Amy stood up. Or she tried to. For the last couple of days, weeks even. Everyone had to help her up. She never had the strength to do it. But today, she wanted to do this on her own. Find her strength and get up. To keep going. She lifted the blanket up and carefully let her feet rest on the cold hospital floor. She then stood up holding the bedside. She felt a bit dizzy, since this was the first time standing up properly. It felt good to be on her feet, standing for a change. 'I need to get ready.' She thought. At that exact moment the door opened followed by a shocked looking Ricky and Anne. "Amy, are you okay?" He asked, making sure she felt comfortable standing up. She just nodded and continued to walk into the room's bathroom, alone. "I'm gonna change." Ricky nodded but kept his gaze on her until she closed her door for some privacy. Anne sighed heavily. "It's good she's on her feet. It really is!" Ricky nodded. "I know." Anne folded the last piece of clothing and packed in into the suitcase. "Let me get that." He said. Taking the two suitcases from Anne. "I'm just gonna put these in the car." Anne nodded and held open the door so he could easily get out. Anne sat herself down on the edge of the bed. Facing the bathroom door. "Amy, if you need any help just ask, okay?" She shouted a bit so she could hear. "Ok mom. But I'm fine. There's a stool here, I'm sitting down while changing."
"Okay!"
Several minutes later Ricky walked in the room followed by Doctor Worthly.
Amy had just came out of the bathroom, supporting herself on the wall. "Hey, Amy. I can see you're standing. That's a progress." Doctor Worthly said. Amy nodded and forced herself a smile. She then sat down on a chair with the help of her mother. "So, you're free to go. The hospital discharged you." He said, rather excited. Amy nodded. "What about Brayleigh?" She then asked. "Brayleigh is still in a fragile position. We're still running tests. So far, she hasn't responded to some of our tests." He noticed Amy's odd and scared looking expression. "No worries, that's good. But we're still careful with her. Some tests we have to wait out a bit till she's stronger. As for her heart; it's still unclear." He said, disappointed. "What do you mean unclear?" Amy asked, once again. "We don't know for sure yet. And I don't want to talk about something we're not sure about yet. We'll have her results in less than two days." He said, nodding.
"But can we see her frequently or not at all?" She asked, looking scared.
"Of course. Only once a day for now and two people at the most." He sighed. "Starting off tomorrow." Amy looked down. And sighed. "Okay."
"If that was it, you're free to go." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Good luck to you Amy Juergens." He said, smiling.
"Thanks."
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A/N: Hey guys. I will soon start the sequel to this story. I think there are still a couple of episodes left for this season. But the sequel 'The Secret Life Of The American Teenager - Moving On' will come out asap! So stay tuned & make sure to add that to your library (it's on my account. Just click on it & add it to ur library) to get notified when I start that story :) If people will enjoy that story as well, I might make it long like this season. If not, it won't be as long. But I promise you next season will be juicy. This season was about making mistakes. Overcoming fears. Overcoming mistakes & leaning forward. Next season is gonna be a lot more ;)