Tempted, you know
Apologies are never gonna fix this
I'm empty, I know
Promises are broken like the stitches
— Harry Styles, Woman
T Y L E R
I was half sober when I realized what had just happened and how we had fallen apart.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
If I could kick myself, I would. Why had I said all of those horrible things to her? I was drunk and in a bad mood, yet still, that didn't justify my action. What I'd said was unforgivable.
As I paced around and about, trying to clear my head while waiting for her to come home, I subsequently checked my phone. I recalled seeing her grab her phone and wallet before leaving. Although it was unlikely she would send me a text, let alone call me, I kept my phone on hand just in case.
I walked into the kitchen and started making coffee. Strong and black. I really needed the caffeine slap if I wanted to stay awake. My phone buzzed and I immediately put everything down on the counter. False hope. It wasn't from Autumn, just another text from Mario, reminding me to keep my phone with me all the time in case they needed me for last-second errands.
I shoved the phone back into my pocket but changed my mind halfway and put it on the counter next to my mug instead. I filled half the mug and raised it to my lips. I took a sip and let the bitterness roll on my tongue before swallowing it.
With one hand holding the mug while the other holding my cell phone, I moved to the couch and sat.
I started to worry when the sun came up and she hasn't come home. I wanted to ask her brother Steven to call her but I knew she wouldn't like that. It was around six in the morning when she finally walked through the front door.
She hung her coat on the coat stand by the shoe cabinet. "Autumn." I put my mug on the table and moved towards her. She didn't spare me a glance as she walked across the room to the bedroom door. I followed closely behind her. "Autumn, we need to talk."
There was zero response. She acted like she didn't hear a thing as she continued to open the drawer and pick up her clothes. She was heading to the bathroom but I caught her arm as she walked past me. "Autumn." She shot me a murdering glance. "I can explain."
"No." She ripped her arm out of my grasp. "You don't get to talk. You've done enough talking." She walked away and I heard the bathroom door slam.
This wasn't our first fight and this wouldn't be our last either. She would cool off, I just needed to give her some time. Maybe in a day or two, she would come around.
AUTUMN
I planned to ignore him for the rest of the day. I was in a good mood when I was out with Frazier roaming New York City, yet as soon as I stepped into the apartment, the smile was gone. Everything he said came back and made me angry.
By the time I got out of the bathroom this morning, he was gone. I had to admit, I felt cold without him around. Even when we were fighting, or in this case me ignoring him, I still loved him. Sickening, wasn't it? But the two years we've spent, those memories we had, still lingered in my head and I could feel it deep in my heart.
I put sunscreen on my face, then topped it up with a little foundation and setting powder. I wasn't born blonde, although I had some blonde highlights in my hair, so my eyebrows and eyelashes were brown. I didn't have to use a brow pencil or mascara if I didn't want to. Frankly, today was one of those lazy days when I could care less about my makeup or how I looked.
In ten minutes, I was already on my way to Columbia. Today I only had one morning class, I was thinking of dropping by NYU right after. I still needed to clear things up with Jess. After what happened with Tyler, I needed my best friend.
"Oh, look who it is!" A familiar voice greeted me as I stepped into the BMGC class. I was five minutes early and the teacher was nowhere to be found. "The school's biggest slut."
I looked at where the voice came from and saw Freja giving me a mean smile. She was the one who yelled those words with Margo sitting beside her looking like a college Regina George.
I've never faced bullies before, partly because I was queen bee in Carlton High and no one in their right mind dared to throw shït at me, but I knew running away like a coward was never the right move. The best move was to stand up to your bullies and never let their words bring you down.
"Really?" I countered as I approached her with my head held high. "If I'm not wrong, you're the one who couldn't hold her urge and had a quickie in the toilet two nights ago." I knew it hit the right nail considering her eyes bulged and her cheeks reddened.
I bet no one dared to say that in her face, just like no one dared to call Frazier an ass in his face. These kids needed someone to tell them that they weren't as perfect as they thought they were and I had no problem being that person.
Margo put one hand on Freja's shoulder. "At least she did it with her boyfriend." The smile she was giving me was cunning and full of hatred. "Not her high school English teacher or the college admission board."
I knew I would never get this off my back. People would talk and once they talked, they wouldn't stop. The fact that I slept with Mr. Rodrigues back in high school sort of supported the lie about me sleeping with the admission board.
They would never understand what really happened and judging by the look everyone was giving me, I knew they didn't care about the truth. They wanted someone to be blamed for something. They wanted rumors and gossip. They wanted to throw shade at people to make them feel better about themselves. It was almost classic.
"Geez. You're like a plunger, you keep bringing up old shit." I shook my head. "I almost feel sorry that you're so desperate to be a mean girl. No one can beat Regina George." I leaned on her table and looked her straight in the eye as I said, "I did not sleep with the admission board. I got here by a partial scholarship. You should get your facts straight before you blabber around."
"I will have the proof and I will show it to everyone!" said Margo through gritted teeth.
I laughed. "You know, sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than open it and remove all doubt." I stood to my full height and looked down at her. "Honey, no one could produce something out of thin air. Sorry to break it to you but magic ain't real." With that, I went to the empty seat several rows from her and put my bag on the table. Everyone's gaze split between me and Margo. This wasn't the first time I had people's eyes on me and I've mastered the art to pull on my most confident mask.
I even smiled when Margo walked out of the class as our professor arrived. Apparently, Business Management in Global Context wasn't one of her classes. She solely came here just to embarrass me in front of the whole class. Seriously, don't these people have a life?
Frazier found me while I was eating my lunch at the John Jay Dining Hall. I knew we'd managed to spend one night without a fight but I didn't expect us to hang out during lunchtime.
"Dude, what are you doing?" I watched him warily as he put his tray on the table and took a seat in front of me.
He smiled. "Having my lunch. Why? Do you want some of my chips?" It was weird how he could be an äss sometimes and a charming guy some other times.
"No." I stifled an urge to laugh. "I have my own now." I looked around the cafeteria and noticed that a few people were staring at us. "Why are you here, sitting with me? Don't you have a pack of minions to boss around?"
He frowned. "What minions?"
"You know, those people you came and had lunch with yesterday. Those who look at you like you're some sort of a god or something." I stabbed my potato wedges with a fork and brought them to my lips. It was nicely seasoned and had the right crispiness in it. I knew this might came a little silly, but I could be really picky when it came to potatoes. Maybe because I was a potato myself. I spent most days wearing T-shirts or any comfortable clothes and could care less about my looks.
The small frown on his forehead cleared up. "Oh, you mean my friends." He used the knife and fork to cut his steak. "They don't usually eat lunch this early."
"But today you do?" I grabbed the bottle of water, twisted the cap open, and took a drink.
"I want to spend more time with you," replied him with a smirk. "That's what friends do, right?" He forked his steak and brought it to his mouth then chewed.
I didn't know what to answer that. Considering what his girlfriend said to me before class, I doubted this friendship would last. I wondered if she knew about our little adventure last night and if that was what caused her to act like a bïtch this morning. Or maybe boys were just the same, they didn't tell their girlfriends when it was about spending time with other girls. Like their friends or ex-girlfriends. "Are you planning to get me in trouble?" I asked truthfully.
Frazier swallowed and downed a quarter of his apple juice. He raised a brow. "What trouble?"
"With your girlfriend, duh." I rolled my eyes at him. "Do you really think she would approve of this friendship?"
His brow lifted even higher. "Why do we need her approval?"
Was he serious? I put my fork down and stared at him with a 'you gotta be kidding me' look plastered on my face. "Cos she's your girlfriend."
"I don't need anyone's approval on doing anything." He continued to slice up his steak. "Besides, Margo isn't my girlfriend."
Well, that was new. "Then how about the brunette?" I remembered him making out with a brunette yesterday after lunch.
"What brunette?"
"That brunette you were making out with yesterday." There was a hint of frustration in my voice as I struggled to remain calm.
He frowned. "You're the only brunette I was making out with yesterday."
Oh my god. He suffered short-term memory loss. "Are you shitting with me right now or are you seriously don't remember?" He looked at me with a blank expression, totally clueless about what I was on about. "Okay. Never mind."
We continued to eat in peace. He managed to finish his steak faster than me eating my fish and chips. "Temptress," he started.
"I've told you not to call me that," I countered as I dipped the fish to tartar sauce. "Or else I'll start calling you Mr. Jackass."
He chuckled. "Was it true?" asked him softly.
I paused and looked up to meet his eyes. "What was true?"
"About you and your English teacher."
I searched for a sign that he would judge or criticize me but found none. The look on his face told me that he genuinely wanted to know the truth so I gave a brief nod. "Yes."
His gaze moved across my face as if he was looking for something but in the end, he only said, "Okay."
I was always a curious person and his reaction got me curious about what was in his head. "Why did you ask, to confirm what you've heard?"
He shook his head and offered me a genuine smile. "To know more about you."
* * * * * * * *
a/n: are you crying, my angels? I feel like my heart is breaking while writing this scene. It hits me so hard because the exact same thing happened to me in real life (no, it wasn't about hooking up with a teacher, it was about something else. My mom would send me to Azkaban if I ever had any relationship with my teacher plus, none of my high school teachers are as hot as Nick Bateman who played Mr. Rodrigues). Although, the sad part is, my best friend wasn't drunk at that moment. We never truly recover from the blows because of her action. We remained friends but we're not as close as we were before.
Have you ever experienced something like that? A betrayal of a friend? In my opinion, it cuts deeper than a betrayal of a lover. Because your friend is who you trust your secrets with, those you give your trust to and would do anything for.
♥
Loads of Pizza your noob neighborhood author, agatha x
Here is a photo of Frazier, I hope that'll cheer you up!