Venice
"Where are you taking me?" I questioned Charles as he drove out of the University. I had thought that we would talk outside the campus but he eventually told me to get inside his car because he wanted to talk about us someplace else.
"Just trust me on this" I heard him say, stopping at a red light.
"Trust you?" I looked at him in confusion "Why would I trust you out of all the things that you've did to me"
He coughed in dismay and dismissively ignored what I said "To tell you the truth, I did read the letter, I remembered you because of it" he muttered under his breath and continued to drive.
I looked at him with utter confusion "If you did remember me, why didn't you come back?" I felt a burning sensation on my throat, it felt as though my voice cracked at the end of what I said.
---
"You are taking me to the world's tallest Ferris wheel because this is where you wanted to talk?" I questioned in disbelief as we both got out of the car. He ignored what I said and he eventually led me in.
"I like to spend my time here in silence and this is probably where we should talk in peace" He explained as he handed in the tickets to the man guarding over and we both got in to the Ferris wheel, with him sitting right at the opposite of mine.
"So," I started to fumble out "Speak"
Before he spoke out, he ran his hands through his hair and heaved in a sigh of frustration "I wanted to say that, "he started out and looked at me right into the eye with his piercing brown eyes "Venice Halsey, I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry that I broke your heart. I'm sorry that I reappeared back into your life again. I'm sorry that my presence here in London is a bothersome to you. I'm sorry that I ruined you. I'm sorry that I didn't give you the love that you deserve. I'm sorry that I came at the party last Friday night. I'm sorry that I bumped into you. I'm sorry that the thought of me coming back again broke you into pieces. I'm sorry that you didn't come out strong because you saw the sight of me again. I'm sorry that you made yourself thought that you had moved on. I'm sorry that you had loved me. I'm sorry that you got to hold your tears up when we had met unexpectedly. I'm sorry that you hadn't moved on. I'm sorry that I broke you over and over again," He breathed out "And I'm sorry that I didn't come back for you"
A tear escaped from my eyes "After 3 years, I have finally gotten an apology from you" I started to say "It took you 3 years to tell me that Charles"
He looked down in dismay as I heave in a sigh "I thought that I hadn't moved on yet. I was scared to think that I might fall for you again but right after your apology, you made me realize that there are more people that are worth it to be loved" I said as realization dawned upon me. The thought of his presence at the party made my heart ache again but when he apologized, it's like everything was fixed. I think this is what God wanted us to do. A simple closure.
Don't hold onto something that you know wouldn't happen Ven.
Payton's words dawned upon me. I cried back again for a guy that wasn't worth my time. I cried and curled myself up in bed because I thought that I hadn't moved on. I had thought that I still have those feelings but I was wrong. I realized that the 3 years that I had spent moving on shouldn't be a waste but yes, there's still that ache that you feel when you see him. I feel thankful that he showed up again in my life because it made me want to realize that I've moved on from the thought of him not showing up but in reality, I had moved on from the ache of seeing him, I had moved on from the accepting the sad reality and most especially, I had moved on to understand that a simple apology would be the root of acceptance.
"You know what I realized Charles?" I started to say and looked upon him "I realized that your apology was the only thing that I need for acceptance and closure" I explained "Yes, I did cry over you again right after we unexpectedly met at the party because I thought that I still love you but no, I didn't. I cried because of the fact that it ached my heart to see you again and I cried because I had thought of all the what if's because you had come back. I was wrong eventually. It dawned upon me that we both just needed an explanation and a closure for the both of us for it is the only thing left between us, it's the only thing that keeps us from moving forward"
"You didn't come back for me at the airport 3 years ago, and it's okay" I said, a tear escaping from my eye "My heart screamed that you would come running back into my arms but I was eventually wrong, so I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I thought that you would come back 3 years ago" I sigh "I'm sorry that I had loved you"
Silence dawned upon us. With no utterance or reply from Charles, he just looked upon the distance of the window, with the sight of beauty from the beautiful city of London. Just like him, I looked upon the distance and started to say, "This is me moving on. This is me accepting the ache of missing you. This is me waking up every single day, aware of what is missing, but accepting the fact that it's my life now, that this is the way things are going to be. This is me understanding that it is okay to have my heartbeat speak your name. This is me understanding that it is okay to miss someone who was once such a staple in my life even if I was just his fake ex-girlfriend. That one day, I will hear the songs that we danced upon to and smile, one day I will fall in love again, one day I will look back on this and my hands will not shake with the heaviness of it all" I let out a little laugh and shook my head in dismay.
"This is me finally moving on. This is me accepting the fact that we will no longer make memories together. This is me coming to terms with a reality of a future without you. This is me understanding that you will do everything we had ever spoken about- you will live a life you are proud of, you will become the person you told me you hoped you could be, you will soon be in-charge of your family business, you will take trips, you will experience all the things you wanted to experience, you will love-deeply, and wholly and with every inch of your patchwork heart, but all of that will happen without me" I said, he looked at me curiously and I gave him a sad smile.
"This is me moving on for the past 3 years of unanswered questions. This is me accepting that beautiful things end. This is me understanding that there is nothing I can say, or do, to fix that. This is me coming to terms with the fact that sometimes leaving is an act of love too. That sometimes you have to walk away from something soft and hauntingly real, that sometimes hearts don't align, but this is me accepting that endings don't have to be messy. This is me understanding how incredible it really is- that for a moment in time, in a world full of billions, two strangers were in the right place, at the right time, and something transpired between them even if it was just for a little while. This is my heart swelling with the thought- that at one point, we were the lucky ones. At one point, we beat the odds" I pulled him in for a hug with tears streaming down from my face "Thank you Charles Delacorte and I'm sorry for everything"
In a moment of silence, we were holding onto each other, hugging and crying and just minutes after the Ferris wheel would stop and come to an end of it all. Marking the closure that we both wanted. We both hugged each other for one last time "Goodbye Venice Halsey" I heard him mutter.
"Goodbye?"
"Don't worry, I'll be leaving soon, I'll stay out of your life because I don't want to cause you any heartbreaks again" he explained and he held me tight with his soft embrace, feeling the warmth of his arms one last time.
"Goodbye Charles Delacorte" I said and closed my eyes. We held onto each other as the Ferris wheel finally came into a stop and it was time for us to bid our goodbyes "It was nice seeing you again, have a safe trip back" I say as we slowly pulled away from each other.
He gave me a half smile "Thank you too, wish you luck in the future Halsey"
"You too Delacorte" I said and smiled as I was the first one to get out "Why are you not going out yet?"
"Nah, I enjoy seeing up the beauty of London one last time" He smiled and waved goodbye. I nodded my head and chuckled at him. We might have said our goodbyes but at least we had ended it up on a good note.
Charles
I didn't tell her the whole truth. I didn't tell her that I did come back for her. I didn't have the chance to tell her that I love her. I didn't have the audacity to chase her and tell her what I truly feel. There are two sides of the story but I guess, letting her go was enough for me to let her be happy and move on.
I didn't want to cause any heartbreaks for her. I didn't want her to be hurt again just because of me. I should be the one whose only gonna be hurt, I don't want her to cry again because of me. I just want her to be happy.
Realization dawned upon her. She thanked me that she had finally moved on. She thanked me for the apology because it had opened up her realization that my apology was the only thing that she needed to accept the fact that she didn't love me anymore. I didn't want to be a burden of her if I would tell her the whole truth. I didn't want her to break again.
This would probably be the last time that we see each other again, I ache for her presence but eventually, she had sacrificed for me. Now, it's my turn to sacrifice my love for her. She deserves to be happy and I know for a fact that I don't deserve to be her happiness. Leaving would be the only option. Even if it hurts, I want her to be happy. Love could eventually be a bitch sometimes and it fucking hurts.