February, 8, 2014
Dear Jack,
Everywhere I look there's something that reminds me of you. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, things just always bring my mind back to you. Like today, while I was in the car, I found the mixed tape that you made for me and of course instantly thought of you, as for it is made up of your many favourite songs. Then, while I was drinking my tea, I thought of how you liked your tea with sugar, so I added sugar, thinking maybe, a cup of tea would bring me closer to you. And then, I went to the beach and I sat there for a while, watching the waves constantly and continuously being pushed away from the shore, yet, still always searching for their way back so they could kiss it once again. It reminded me of us; it reminded me of when I used to lay down on the floor while you were leaning over me doing push ups, softly pecking me on the lips every time you lowered yourself.
I don't know why simple things like that remind me of you so much. But for some strange, and unknown crazy reason, I still can't ignore it. I try to stop myself from thinking about you because I feel as if the more I think about you, the more pain I will inflict upon myself. God knows I try to stop, but you are an illness, my own personal drug, one that I can not escape.
But in another way, I do not want to stop thinking about you. I want to see you, I want to hold you. Because you of all people, make me feel pain, yet, you also make me feel love. Which all in all, makes me feel alive. You often steal my ominous thoughts and fill me with pure prosperity. And although you're not here in my presence, you're still here with me in my mind. And better yet, in my heart.
Ashley.