Tris
Somebody's knocking vigorously at my door. I try to tune out the sound, but it won't stop.
"Tris, open the door!" I hear Christina's muffled voice from outside.
Why is she here? I sleepily swing my legs out of bed and stumble over to the door. Christina looks at me concerned.
"Tris, you're alright? I've been knocking my knuckles wound here for two minutes now."
"Yeah, don't worry. I'm fine."
"You overslept."
"I figured that's why you're here."
I don't like having conversations in the morning. I need my time to wake up properly first. Christina slips into the room past me and hands me a mug filled with steaming hot coffee. It smells delicious.
"Feel free to sit down," I motion to the couch.
"You have about ten minutes until we have to leave. Simulations again this morning, do you remember?"
She keeps babbling about this and that while I gather some clothes and quickly change into them in the bathroom. I keep the door slightly open, so Christina can continue filling me in on her plans for today. When I step back into the room, she eyes me from head to foot.
"You look as if you haven't slept at all last night," she asserts.
"Can't you try to be a little less Candor around me for once?" I shoot back at her.
Her remark doesn't help to improve my mood. Now that Tobias and I have shared so much last night, I don't want to destroy the trust we've built by another of my stupid simulations. I know the way my brain pictures him in them upsets him and it always seems to throw us back a few steps, so I can't stop worrying about it.
Christina drags me back into my small bathroom and makes me sit down on the closed toilet seat. During the next five minutes she applies make-up on my face. I come to think she uses at least twice the amount of the few products that I actually have since she gave them to me. Obviously she uses some of them more than once. Then she brushes my hair and twists it into a loose knot at the back of my head.
"Okay, now I think I've made up for my comment. Take a look!"
When I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes light up. I don't know how she does it, but I really look a lot better now. The soft rosy color on my cheeks makes me look as if I'd just taken a walk outside and the soft silvery eye shadow and mascara let my eyes shine brighter.
"Thanks. You know, some day you'll have to spill me your make-up-secrets."
"Speaking of secrets: Whose sweater is this?"
She gestures to Tobias' sweatshirt hanging over the towel rack. I left it there last night before I went to bed.
"I found it in my cupboard. Whoever lived here before me must have left it there."
Christina eyes me suspiciously and it takes all my strength to keep eye contact. I'm surprised that she lets me off the hook.
"If that's what you say."
"We should head down, or we'll both be late," I change the topic quickly.
We hurry to the fear simulation rooms without speaking. I wonder if she's angry with me for lying to her. Maybe she noticed it, after all? If all Candor are like her, why do they need a truth serum at all?
We don't have to wait long. Christina is called in the next time Tobias opens the door. As usual when we are around other people, he doesn't show any sign that there's more between us.
I'm nervous. I try to focus on other fears than the one of intimacy. Maybe that will increase my chances to avoid that particular simulation. Besides, last night was the first time I was able to forget I was afraid for a while.
Butterflies come to life in my stomach when I recall making out with Tobias in the gondola. I close my eyes and see my hands move over his muscular chest, hear him moan into my ear, smell the hints of soap in his hair, taste his breath on my tongue, feel his hardness against my body... I get lost in the memories until Tobias' real voice brings me back to the bare hallway I'm sitting in.
Tobias
After Tris has managed to get out of her simulation dauntless-style by chasing all the ravens away with a burning torch, I say goodbye to her at the threshold.
"I'll stop by after lunch," I whisper to her. There are only two more simulations for me to oversee and then I can take a break. I want to spend at least some of my free time with her.
I sit with Zeke during lunch and it's nice to talk to him again. We haven't spoken much since Saturday because of his duties in the control room.
"What about having a drink tonight?" he asks.
Actually, I was planning to meet Tris again. Zeke leans over to me and adds in a low voice so only I can hear, "I have to tell you something. It's important."
With that he has my full attention. If Zeke says it's important, there must be something to it. He's a lot more talkative than I am and usually not someone to have secrets, so I agree to meet him tonight.
After saying goodbye to him in front of the cafeteria, I turn to walk to Tris' apartment. I can't wait to take her into my arms again. When I arrive, she's moving around in the kitchen, making coffee. I sit down on her sofa to wait for her to finish, and she joins me there soon. We sip our coffee and I enjoy the strong taste of the brown drink. I hope it'll help me to stay awake. The day is full of activities, and adding my date with Zeke has just made it even longer. How am I supposed to lead a training session with the initiates?
Tris snuggles up at my side and lays her head on my shoulder, stifling a yawn. She must be tired, too. I pull her close to my side and rest my head on hers. As good as it feels to kiss her, right now I'm completely satisfied to just sit here with her. I notice I'm almost falling asleep when my head slides down.
"We can take a nap in my bed if you want to," she offers, her voice sleepy.
"Sounds wonderful. Let's just set an alarm. We have to be at training on time."
I realize with satisfaction how natural it is to lie down in bed with Tris and how relaxed she is with me today. She pulls her blanket over us, then rests her head on my chest and places her hand over my heart. With my arms around her I doze off.
When it's time to get up again after an hour of sleep, I need a lot of willpower to pull myself together and leave, taking my sweatshirt I gave Tris yesterday with me. I stride over to my apartment to change into training pants and shoes. Spontaneously, I decide to take the group out for a run. The fresh air outside is going to help Tris and me stay awake, and I'm not in the mood to spend the rest of the afternoon in a dark training room. I throw the sweatshirt from last night over my shoulder to wear it later when we are outside because I like how it faintly smells like Tris.
The initiates are already waiting in the training room. They become quiet as soon as I enter the room.
"Hi everyone. Put on some sweaters or jackets, we're going for a run outside today. We leave in two minutes," I call over to them.
I lead the group to the pit, and we climb the path that leads upwards. We pass the guards and once we're outside, I let them stop and stand in front of me. Before I start my little speech about the importance of cardio training, I quickly slip into my sweatshirt. It's windy today.
Then we start a little warm-up. I give them ten minutes to get ready for the run. While I do some exercises, too, I try to keep an eye on the initiates. Most of the time I glance over at Tris. She has done so much training and therefore has become so much stronger since she transferred. It reminds me of my first weeks here.
While I'm stretching my legs I notice Christina has stopped in her tracks and watches me instead. Why would she?
"Is there a problem?" I call over to her.
"No," she replies quickly and continues, but she looks absent-minded.
Whatever her problem is, I can't regard to it now.
"Okay everybody, let's go. During the next hour I want you to keep running. We'll start at a slow pace, but we'll do some sprints in between. I want you to concentrate on your breathing all the time, so no talking," I command and then lead the group down the first street.
I take them to an overgrown park that's only ten minutes away. There we can jog on softer ground, and we can also practice with some natural obstacles like tree trunks and stones.
I enjoy being outside and the cool air helps me feel more awake than I have all day. Running is the kind of workout I need. Tris and I even manage to steal some glances at each other when nobody's looking. Everyone is distracted by the impressions of the city and park, since we rarely go outside for training. Only Christina seems off today. I wonder if she and Tris have had an argument, since they aren't speaking. Well, literally I've forbidden any conversation, but still it seems somehow strange. I'm not sure if I'm right, but to me it seems as if she was secretly observing Tris from the corner of her eye.
When we reach the compound after little more than sixty minutes, I dismiss the initiates, telling them we're done for today. I'm exhausted from the run and not in the mood to oversee any more training. Instead, I'm in desperate need of a shower. I call Tris over to me. The others are already on the verge of leaving and don't pay attention. And it's not forbidden for us to talk in public after all.
"I'm heading home now and I'm going to visit Zeke later. There's something he wants to talk to me about. I just wanted you to know my plans, so you won't have to wait for me tonight," I say quietly. I keep my hands in my pockets to not inadvertently take hers.
"Okay, I think I need to go to bed early, anyway," she responds, but I can tell she's disappointed.
"I can stop by after dinner, briefly," I offer and her eyes lighten up and catch the sunlight beautifully, "maybe for an hour or so."
"Thank you," she whispers and then, after holding my gaze about one second too long for instructor and initiate, she turns and walks away, her loosely tied-up hair swaying with her steps.
Tris
I walk back inside and descend to the pit. I wonder where Christina has gone. Usually we would walk back home together after training. Perhaps things are different now that we don't share a dorm anymore. Or maybe she's with Will. They try to keep their hands away from each other during training, but every time that it's over they can't stay apart any longer.
But today I have a nagging feeling inside me after her visit this morning. It's a mixture of worry and bad conscience. I wonder if she knows that I know that she knows I lied to her. She's been distant all afternoon and I blame it on my lame excuse after her discovery in my bathroom.
I'm not used to having secrets, and now I have to learn to live with not only one, but several, of them. When did things get so complicated?
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DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.