I kept a low profile while getting off the plane, trying to get through without being noticed. I wasn't in the mood to fake a smile for a picture. I just wanted to be alone, however this was LA, I was bound to be noticed. I got in a cab and gave that address of a small cafe walking distance from Dad's. I didn't like giving the real address due to security issues.
"You ok?" The driver asked.
"I'm fine," I said looking up and putting on my poker face. I couldn't let anyone know I was hurting, especially a stranger.
As the short walk came to a close, I knocked on the hard wooden door to the place I called home for less than a few months. I never thought of it as a home, it was more of a place to rest until I found home.
"Rey?" My dad asked, opening the door, "what's wrong?"
"Men," I sighed, "especially if there names start with F, and rhyme with tin."
"What happened?" My father asked, sitting with me on the couch and rubbing my back.
"He lied to me," I cried, "I thought I could trust him."
"I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?"
"Can I stay here? Just for a few weeks until Finn has found a place to stay."
"Why do you care? I mean you seem pretty mad at him."
"He has an eight year old daughter. I'd feel bad to kick her out," I said, that being the complete truth. I didn't get the best vibe about Phasma as a mother, and didn't want her to be forced to go back there.
"Oh, alright. Is that suitcase all you have?" Dad glanced over at the hard grey suitcase.
"I have stuff at home, but it's nothing I can't live without."
"What about your job?"
"I may just quit, I don't see much of a reason to keep working there. I've been out for so long, I'm concerned about coming back."
"I thought you loved the news station."
"I know I'm going to get fired, I get three weeks of leave a year, and I've missed over three months, closer to four. And I have a possible project coming up, which would require even more time off."
"Lucasfilm call?"
"Yeah," I said honestly, "I was told not to tell anybody, even former cast members, cause they still weren't sure about bringing back everyone.
"Want some insider information?"
I shrugged, "I guess so."
"What I'm to say doesn't leave this room," I nodded. "They told that to everyone. It was my idea because I knew people like Poe would freak if they thought Jessika may not be returning."
I smiled for the first time all day. "I love you dad," I said, standing up from the couch.
"I love you too Rey." I took my bags up stairs, and sat them on my bed, then looking around the room. It had remained untouched since I moved out, which was how it was at my last visit, around 5 years ago. Dad said my room was the only one he planned never to change. He had told me that I'd occasionally need an LA home, and wanted me to be comfortable here. My siblings all still lived close enough to LA not to need that amenity.
I laid down on the bed, thinking more about Finn. A small, unrealistic part of me hoped he would've followed me, but he had no idea where I was, and I wasn't going to tell him. I had made it through the airport unseen, and didn't plan on visiting any places where there could be press for a few days, just to confirm I was out of the woods.
Although it was barely one pm here, I eventually found myself falling asleep and staying that way until about three pm when a nightmare woke me up. I hadn't had one for months, so the wake up call was somewhat odd, however it was the first night I hadn't spent with Finn and I was in a spot that triggered nightmares.
For the first time in a while, I thought excessively about Plutt. What was he up to know. I wasn't sure if he was still in prison, I was told 15+ years, a lifetime was considered too excessive. A restraining order had also been placed. That was for life. I wondered if prison had reformed him, or if he was still the same, abusive and drunk.
I then began to wonder what if he was out of prison, and has already spent every dime on Jack Daniels, this time with no one to clean it up. Would he try to find me, or was he content with knowing he hurt me enough? I stood up from bed and looked at my back, rubbing my finger along a scar, I had always told myself- when the scar faded, it would mean I was safe. It had been close to 20 years though and the scar was just as clear as it was at three years. I worried it would never fade and my superstitions would cause me to always feel uneasy.
I stood out on the balcony and began to cry again. I wanted to let go, but everything I did brought back memories of Finn and I. I was beginning to hate him. Why? That was all I wondered. What part of Finn thought that lying was a good thing? I took an ice cube from the cup of water that had sat on my table, and threw it onto the ground. Using all my strength. Although the ice cube wouldn't be my first choice to concur anger, out of everything I had up here, it was the most effective.
I opened my suitcase and began to unpack. Although almost everything I had was tank tops and shorts, there was a pair of sweatpants I packed for sleeping. As I placed clothes in drawers, I noticed one that still had old clothing in it. On the top was Finn's old varsity jacket, our old jacket. At the sight of the old jacket, my emotions picked up. Although it hadn't even been day, I missed Finn, but knew I could never get him back. I looked down at my finger, where the diamond Finn had given me earlier today laid. I took a deep breath as it slid off my finger, then into the jacket pocket. I was letting go.