Everything feels so; weird. Like, I don't feel like I belong here, I've been staying at Luke's for the past week and it just feels; wrong. I don't know; I don't know if it was me forgiving him or the fact that we sleep in the same bed.
I'm sitting on his bed swinging my legs back and forth waiting for Luke to come back from the bathroom, my eyes glance over at his bedside table with crumpled line paper with scribbles and rips all over them; without thinking I grab one.
All those fairy tales are full of shit you know? Everyone knows there's no fucking happy ending. It's all just fantasies love-sick people make-up. I'm sitting here so fucking alone, high of my ass waiting for you that will never come. I've planned it every day since I left, how I've missed you so much, how many restless nights I've had without you. But now that I saw you I didn't have the words to speak. Nothing came out. The scars on my wrist remind me that it was my fault; my fault I lost you. My fault that I broke you, and it was all my fucking fault you killed yourself. Oh my god bella. You do not know how much I fucking love you. But now you're gone and-
The letter ends there. The ink gets smudgy and the rest of the page is ripped; my heart is pounding as well are my ears. My chest tightens as the sound of Luke's voice snaps me back into reality.
He leans against the doorframe with one arm crossed against his chest and the other playing with his lip ring; he's smirking with a blush creeping up his cheeks.
He scans me up and down and chuckles. "You look really hot in band merch you know." He stops in midsentence with his eyes wide open like he regretted every word that just came out of his mouth; he mumbles a "sorry" then sits next to me.
His dirty blonde hair isn't styled up with all his fancy gel; instead its left down messy like he just woke up wearing a hat. He's biting his lip trying to cover the stupid smile on his face and in seconds he wraps his arms around me and pulls me down on this bed with him; soft giggles and chuckles escape from the both of us.
His eyes are fixed on mine as we look at each other; Luke and I used to do this all the time; for hours until end. We both escape reality and enter a new world. Looking in another person's eyes shows you a whole different person that you never get to see. Different shades of blue are mixed in together as if a great artist painted them. The colours in his eyes aren't so dull and boring as they used to be, but now there's one thing in them I haven't seen in a long time; happiness.
I bite my lip too as I notice I'm smiling like an idiot too, I turn away but he quickly turns me around.
"Bella, you don't know how much I've missed you." he says with his lips tugging into a smile, my cheeks flush the slightest of pinks as he continues "And you don't know how much I've missed doing this." He pulls me in cupping my cheeks with his hands, and puts his lips close to mine hesitating to kiss me, our eyes focusing then he does it. I do it; we both do it. We're kissing, setting off fireworks and every feeling I've stored in my body for the past few months. We don't pull away but I can feel him smiling as I let go; both our cheeks are flushed with the reddest of reds.
"Bella, I lo-really like you." Luke says covering up his mistake, there's a thought in the back of my mind telling me that this is a bad idea. And yeah I do agree I stay silent and play with my fingers, chipped nail polish on each of them and poorly cut nails sets a frown on my face. "Please say something." Hye pleads but I stay silent once again as I've been doing for the past week with him.
He outs his head in his hands a sighs, he rubs his forehead with his palms and leaves the room once again. I sigh too as I probably made the biggest mistake leading him on. What am I doing? Why am I even here? I can't hide from Mike all my life; and I decided I need to confront him about Cathy.
Oh Cathy, what the hell am I going to do about that? I get up from his bed and peer around the corner spotting Luke watching TV in his upstairs living room. His heads facing the other way from the door as his eyes fix more on the screen that to anything else.
I step back onto the room and trip over something which causes me to yell. I tripped over Luke's electric guitar and the end of it scratched a part of my leg. Ouch, it stings but it's not too bad the scratch is barely a cut but Luke comes running in with a worried expression on his face.
"Oh my god Bella are you alright?" I have to seconds to decide; am I gonna finally talk to him? Yes.
"Yeah I'm fine it's just a little scratch." I say and he smiles, the worry in his eyes soon disappeared as he scooped me up in his arms and walked toward his bathroom. He set me down on the counter and examined the tiniest scratch on my leg. Thank god I shaved my legs.
He furrows his eyebrows and looks at me "it looks serious; I think you need a doctor." He says in a 'doctor-ly' voice while giving me a serious look with his eyes "Looks like a job for Dr. Hemmings" he says and I laugh
"Your dad Dr. Hemmings?" I say and he looks at me with a funny look
"Dr. Hemmings.. jr." Luke says while running out of the room. I fix the big band shirt Luke gave to cover up a part of my thigh exposing a few faded scars; the boxers Luke gave were a little small I should say. They were his a good ten years ago.
He runs in and I burst in a fit of laughs as he trips over his electric guitar too him cussing every curse word there is out there. He sounds like a dying whale and looks like a fish without water on the ground causing me to laugh even more.
I hop off the counter and sit on the floor next to him while he's having his 'moment' on the ground and I'm still laughing my head off; he stops and smiles at me with a pout on his face.
"Kiss my foot better?" he says acting like a five year old, I look at him with a smirk on my face
"Nah." I say and he pulls me close once again, none of us wanting to break this moment.
-
We both fell asleep on the couch while watching a random movie he picked out Luke still stirring in his sleep and I in his hold. The door opens as Liz walks through the front door yelling "I'm home!" into the house. She steps in the living room where Luke and I are and I pretend to be asleep.
She 'awes' in awe at the sight of Luke and I sleeping together. She runs out the living room taking her heels of and coming back with a Polaroid camera. My eyes are shut but a little open to peek what in the world she was doing. The flash goes off and the camera gives off some film as Liz is smiling at the newly taken picture she just took.
She walks toward the both of us Luke holding me tighter by the second.
"Aren't you two just the cutest" she gushes and kisses Luke's and I's foreheads. She steps out of the room and I look up at the ceiling.
What am I doing? I close my eyes and snuggle further into Luke's chest his scent is the same as I breathe more and more of it.
-
"hello" she says. Hey its you. it's the girl from before the one who turns into smoke. The voice inside me. Her hair is longer as it reaches her bellybutton and the gown she's wearing is no longer white but more of a light shade of pink. Her eyes are bright and her lips are as red as strawberries. Her voice is soft yet her tone is sad.
"hello." I say back to her, she nods her head and motions me to come follow her.
"youre with Luke I see?" she asks and I nod my head. "This seems familiar right Bella?" she asks holding out the '94 mixtape Luke gave a little over a year ago, I nod my head and she hands it to me.
I turn it around looking over the list of songs he added; yep I do remember this. I haven't seen this in ages.
"Do you know the words to Track 12? Take it back by Pink Floyd." She asks me and I nod once again looking up to her.
"I memorize this whole tape inside and out." I say and she puts her finger up to her lips tapping it while giving me a look.
"Say the second verse for me, will you Bella?" she closes her eyes and sits down on the grass, I happily agree while she listens.
"So I spy on her, I lie to her; I make promises I cannot keep. Then I hear her laughter rising, rising from the deep. And I make her prove her love for me, I take all that I can take, and I push her to the limit to do everything to make her break."
I stop and she looks at me with worried eyes.
"Keep that in mind Bella. Please." she says and then she vanishes.
-
I wake up in a sweat, Luke nowhere to be seen. I need to leave I need to. If she tells me it's not a good idea then I need to go. I look to see what I'm wearing a band t-shirt that goes down to my knees and Luke's old boxers, I take a peek outside the window to see that outside was shining with sun and other kids were out wearing shorts and tanks.
I take my jacket and put on my shoes softly closing the front door behind me and running. Running; I've seemed to do that a lot lately.
.
.
.
I step closer and closer into the apartment which is my home with Michael. Where I've lived most my life with my dad until he left me and Michael moved in. this is where we watched movies, played games, laughed until we cried, and made the best of it.
I knock on the door being welcomed not by Michael but yet another familiar face.
"hello Stacy, I'm here to see Michael" I say while walking in my apartment. She nudges me back out of the apartment and crosses her arms.
"He's not here." She states and I roll my eyes
"Okay then, I'll just wait inside until he comes." She softly pushes me back once again but now with an angrier tone.
"Go somewhere else Bella." She says putting her hand on her hips; I shake my head and push her over once again
"This is my house." I state and considering our height difference and that I'm all weak and lanky she pushes me back once again then slams the door shut. Tears fall from my eyes as I pound on my front door again and again screaming Michael's name.
"Open the door!" I yell but it was no use; I'm sitting in front of the door with my head in between my knees. I look up as I feel a gentle tap on my head.
"Calum?" I say looking at him; he's shirtless with nothing but boxers and socks.
"Hey Bella, c'mon let's go to my apartment it's getting late." He says ignoring the fact that i'm crying at 3 in the morning in front of my apartment. Holding my hand, he leadins me down the hall away from my old apartment.
-
OH MY GOD THIS TOOK ME A WHILE. SORRY I DIDNT UPDATE SOON ENOUGH. SORRY THIS WAS A TERRIBLE UPDATE. SORRY I SUCK AT WRITING. just just sorry eh?
i was sick the whole week along with mother nature sooo. yeah. sorry.
we have. 8K reads like h w a t. remember when only Nathalie and alondra were reading this omg. and then kerryhemmo joined and then hemmoftthevamps and then all you lovely people.
good times.