I choose...
I choose to stay. I tell it; a black smoke then appears before my eyes, it slowly moving its way around me.
"Are you that fucking stupid?" I then realized it was the same voice inside of me talking out of the smoke.
"You're so stupid you know? Many people don't even get to choose; they all just die, and watch others die. You have a choice. A choice Belle! Look at the pain you've caused your friend Michael." She spits; then the smoke she was made of slowly shifts into Michael; it was him, holding my hand on the hospital bed. He was crying on the side of my 'almost dead body' as if there were no more air to breathe. Doctors and nurses pulling away from me but he tries to fight them off, he won't let go. I look away but then the darkness overcomes me.
Everywhere I look is of someone killing themselves; Michael, Luke, and...Dad. I look closer at the vision of smoke as it begins to grow bigger and bigger of size. My dad was on my grave holding a gun close to his head and a one peculiar tulip. BANG! And as soon as his gun went off, everything soon vanished. The cloud of smoke was no longer as it was before; surrounding everything around me, but it was of a girl. And it did not look like me.
The smoke took a figure of a girl; aged around mine, with long hair cascading her night gown; a similar one I was also wearing.
"I chose to die too Belle, and look where it got me." The whole scenery of the forest I was already in; vanished. It became of a girl's bedroom with scribbles written on every wall. She faced me.
"As soon as I died, I died. I watched everyone I loved die; one by one. All because of me, I was so angered and so infuriated with myself that I couldn't do anything more. I'm up here with literally nothing to do.
I saw that night you know? The night your mother died, as soon as I saw you; I felt this 'connection' with you like; I needed to help you somehow. I took as your 'darkness' within and tried to help you as best as I could, but not in the way I was told to." She said, I have so many questions, so many. But I know she wouldn't answer them until 'later'.
She does the same thing earlier but this time the smoke was white; and filled with joyous colours; visuals of all my 'happy times' replay over and over in the smoke. My dad and I's first fishing trip, Luke's and I's first kiss, and Michael. He's only sleeping beside me, but the look on his face makes me happy. Memories flood back; so do laughter kisses and hugs.
"So what do I do?" I ask her
"You Live."
-
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
I slowly open my eyes and look to see what was before me. Plugs everywhere attached to my body, tubes and flowers, the smell of blood slowly tickling my nose. And the same hair of Michael's appear before my eyes.
I look at my hands to see that they were pale and starting to warm up; I rub my eyes slowly as if my eyes were glass. Everything hurts. My body hurts. I look again to see Michael passed out on the chair; wearing the same clothes as I last seen him with. A pain in my heart stings as I remember what I was capable of doing this to him.
I don't bother to wake him up as he's probably have had restless nights with me in his life; instead I look up at the ceiling and wonder what will become of me, now that I have chosen to stay.
The look on Michael's face in his sleep makes me feel weird inside. As if he were having a nightmare; ugh I ruined him didn't I? He's now starting to shake and now he's yelling; my legs are to weak to move but I still try. I get off the bed and go over to Michael as fast as I can, waking him up from his nightmare. His eyes go completely wide as he sees mine looking through his; and hugs me tightly, crying even harder.
