By RandomTheUnicorn.
~
I didn't always know I was gay. There was a time when I didn't normally think about these things. This was the darkest part of my life.
My name is RandomTheUnicorn, but most people call me Random Person. I am a gay guy who is living his life without fear of rejection. When I find a homophobe, I stand tall and defend everyone. We are all people here. We all deserve better. But that's not what I am here to talk about, unfortunately. I am here to tell the story of my life, and how things got better. Because before I knew myself I was always being someone I wasn't. I hated it.It started in school. I had just moved and was being homeschooled by my parents. I HATED homeschooling with a passion. I wanted to be out in the world, meeting people and getting away from the people I called my family. I hated them then. But it wasn't them I really hated.It was me.Anyway, I finally got to go to a public school. I started the 5th grade. On my first day there I had made friends. They were fun, and weird, like me. We would play on the playground all the time. The year went fast, because I had started in the middle of it, and summer came.It wasn't so bad. Things were pretty okay then. Hell hadn't started yet. When the summer was over, and the school year rolled around again, it was time for the sixth grade. I was going to middle school.
I saw my friends again, met my new teachers, and had the time of my life. At school. When I came home during the second quarter of the school year, things started falling apart...
I had become two different people. School Random and Home Random, I called them.
School Random was always fun, and carefree. He always knew how to have a good time, and would never let anybody down. He was the best person ever.
Home Random was the complete opposite. He was horrible, negative, and mean. He hated everyone and everything. Bitter and cruel, the fights at home became worse.My family and I would fight every day. It was terrible.
Summer came back, and things started getting a little better. We fought a little less, and everything started feeling better.
Until school came back.
Seventh grade, I started something that I thought was important. I started dating.
I wasn't the kind of person who lead a group of friends into battle. I was the person who was always hidden in the background, and made a few words before fading away again. I was just another follower. So, when I started dating, one of my friends said she liked me. I, not knowing what to do, said I liked her back. And so we "dated." I didn't feel anything towards her. Eventually, we got into a fight and broke up. Then another girl said she liked me. And the process repeated again.
But dating wasn't the only thing that started. This was the year I found my love for reading. In my reading class, we had started reading Percy Jackson and the Olympians. That book had changed my life. Not only did it make me read all the freaking time, it also made me want to create. This was the year I started writing.
But, for now, that's not what is important.
It wasn't until the end of seventh grade that I thought I found someone. She said she liked me since I had gotten there, and so, when summer ended and the start of eighth grade began, I dated her. The whole year.
I thought I felt something special with her. But it was probably just our friendship. It had lasted for what felt like a lifetime. Eighth grade sucked. Thanks for asking. My teachers were horrible, and I hated EVERYTHING! YAAAAY!
And so, with middle school done, it was time for high school.
I had three days of it.
Not joking.
Three days of high school.
Things had gotten somewhat better at home, but there still were some huge fights. With the last one, I was taken out of school, and went back to being homeschooled.
I.
Was.
Miserable.
I had made myself known to the world, and now I had just vanished. But that wasnt the worst part.
The worst part was that I was stuck with myself, trying to figure out who I was.
After going to school for about four years, I was the person I thought I should be. I thought I had figured things out. I was Random, and that was okay. But, being alone, it didn't feel okay. Too many answers were missing. Gaps in who I was were everywhere. I needed answers, and they just weren't coming.
Quickly, my bright mind turned dark, and thoughts of worthlessness came. I didn't think I was worth anything. I was just another nobody living a nobody life.
I read more, trying to keep myself occupied and away from my worthless life. I read Percy Jackson and The Heroes of Olympus both series by Rick Riordan. And when I finished them, I read them again. From beginning to end, and then back to the beginning. Percy soon became my life. I lived in those books. That was my new home.
I had discovered that there was a gay guy in those books, and that made me happy. And when Riordan's next book came out and the person had his point of view added in the chapters, something began to click.
I quickly finished the book, again and again, but it wasn't that book that changed my life. It was The Son of Neptune. Reading Percy's chapters, I began to feel feeling for him. He seemed so heroic, and brave and...cute.
OH MY GODS!!
I had developed a crush on Percy Jackson.
But I didn't freak out. No. There was no freaking out.
Being the weird and random person I am, I had decided to do some "tests." I started checking people out. And out of all of them, complete strangers, I found the guys, and only the guys, most attractive. And so I knew. I was definitely gay.
With one answered question, more answers came. I found out who I was. I was, and still am, Random Person. A very happy, very gay, unicorn.
And I do, still, to this day, have a crush on Percy Jackson.
My hero.