By J
~
Dear Exgirlfriend,
Hi ;-)
I hope you don't mind, but I decided that this last love-letter to you shouldn't ever be sent. Therefore, instead of mailing it, I went for publishing it. But never mind, it's not as if you have a say in it anyways... We haven't talked in almost a year. +
And that's kind of the point. Communication was never our thing.
Thus, the reason we are no longer together.
Yes, I know we did talk. We talked sweet nothings for hours, held hands and promised each other we would talk about the important stuff...
... but we never got around to actually do it.
I never expressed how I really felt about you, because I had a profound fear that it was one sided.
I never said how stupidly insecure I was about the fact that you were bi and only half-heartedly out of the closet.
I know I'm the reason you came out in the first place...
So, I guess I am not the brightest star up in the sky. But anyways.
My point is we didn't talk about the important things.
In addition, I have a gutfeeling that I wasn't the only one with bottled up insecurities in the end.
Anyways...
I don't know if you heard it... But after our relationship, I started to only wear skirts. At the beginning it was in order to change (my hair was to short for a drastic haircut), but in the end I found clothes who make me feel like myself.
And they are comfortable at that. (Skirts for the win!)
During our time together that I somehow had to be the man...
Because, I felt you were mainly attracted to the more boyish part of me. Yeah, I know. That's daft to.
But I only came to terms with my femininity after I felt striped of it during our time together.
So... I guess I should thank you for that.
In general I should thank you for a lot of things...
... Being the first girl my hand tingled when I held hers.
... Letting me cuddle you. (I know I was quit a handful)
... Teaching me philosophy.
... Discussing anything and evrything with me.
... Letting me save my first kiss for someone else.
... Giving our relationship a civil ending.
I know this letter is a hot mess.
I'm sorry.
That's indeed, something I should have told you a long time ago. For a lot of things.
No longer yours, sincerely,
J.
P.S.
Dear reader,
I hope your not too confused and that you will take tree things from this letter:
1. If you are so lucky enough to have found someone you fancy, who fancies you back... Talk to them. Not only about sweet nothings. Talk about your feelings. It's not easy. But it is key.
2. Don't come out for someone else. Come out when you feel like it.
I think my ex wasn't sure about whether or not she even liked girls. And she came out to her family... And I don't think it helped her. You need some time to get comfortable and sure about your sexuality, before let others bombard you with questions about it.
3. Don't let your gender expression be dependent on what someone might fancy. You are a special snowflake and it's your time to shine ;-)
Not yours either, sincerely
J.
P.P.S. Sorry for my lack in proper grammar and spelling. English is my fourth language and I'm still learning.