Silence. That's what I've been for the pass two weeks. I would go to school, watch Henry, go home, sleep, repeat. When I sleep I would see Graham's lifeless body in my hands.
I thought his funeral would give me some closure, but it just made things worse. Every morning I would wake up crying. Dad tries to get me to talk to him, but I just shrug him off. I'll only nod or shake my head at his questions.
Emma handed me Graham's badge. "He would want you to keep it." She said.
I grabbed the badge. The small star that made Graham who he is, even though he didn't really need it. I ran my hand over the lettering before crying again.
It's only been five days and people act like nothing happened. They came to the funeral, gave condolences, but that's it. They act like they haven't lost the town's best sheriff.
"I still don't understand." I sniffled. "Graham is as healthy as a horse. How could he get a heart attack?"
Emma had a few tears in her eyes before wrapping her arm around me, "I don't know."
I kept staring at the badge. The door to the shop opens, but I ignored whoever came in. "Gold?" I heard Emma. "You in here?"
"Well, it is my shop." Dad mumbled under his breath. I would have laughed at that, but I didn't. I couldn't.
I heard Emma's footsteps before she came to the back room. She sniffed the air, which was bad on her part. "Whoa." I don't need to look at her to see her nose scrunched. "What is that?"
"Oh, this is lanolin." Dad said. "Used for waterproofing." I got use to the foul smell years ago.
"It smells like livestock."
"Well, it is the reason why sheeps' wool repels water."
"It stinks. Um, if there was a reason why you called the Sheriff's Department," I bit my lip to avoid more tears coming down. "if you want to talk about that more quickly or outside -"
Dad cut her off, "Yes. I just wanted to, uh, express my condolences, really. The sheriff was a good man." Was. I held onto the badge tighter till my knuckles turned white.
"I don't think we should talk about this." Emma said. I could tell she was looking at me. "How is she?"
Dad sighed. He gave me a quick glance. "She hasn't spoken a word since that night. She would mutter his name in her sleep and I would find her crying."
"Graham was like a brother to her."
"Indeed he was."
"Did you take her to see Archie?"
Dad shook his head, "My Little Raven doesn't need it. This is her way of dealing with things. She'll come around momentarily." It's true. This is how I cope with things. For example, I didn't talk to anyone for three days when my dog died. "You're still wearing the deputy's badge. Well, he's been gone two weeks now. And I believe that after two weeks of acting as sheriff, the job becomes yours. You'll have to wear the real badge."
I gripped the badge even tighter. My hands would have bled if it was sharp. "Yeah, I guess. I'm just not in a hurry." Emma said. "And I don't want to take away the only thing Jax has to him. So, um, thank you for the kind words."
I finally looked up when Emma cleared her throat. She began making her way out with Dad following her. "I have his things." He said as I got up.
"What?"
"The sheriff. He rented an apartment that I own. Another reason for my call, really. I wanted to offer you a keepsake."
"I don't need anything. You should give them to Jax."
"As you wish. But, if I give them to my daughter, she might go deeper into her depression. I can't let that happen. I'll give them to Mayor Mills. It seems like she was the closest thing he had to family."
Emma looked pointedly at me, "I'm not sure about that." I looked at the ground with his badge in my hands.
"No love lost there, I see." Dad grabbed the box of Graham's stuff. "Look...I fear that all of this stuff is headed directly for the trash bin. You really should take something. Look. His jacket." The one Graham always wears. I blinked the tears away and choked back a sob.
"No."
"Oh. Well, look." I slowly looked up to see Dad holding up the walkie-talkies. "Your boy might like these, don't you think? You could play together."
"I don't -"
"No, please. They...They grow up so fast."
Emma looked at me. I gave her a small nod before she grabbed them, "Thanks."
"You enjoy these with your boy. Your time together is precious, you know? That's the thing about children -" Dad looked at me before looking back at Emma. "Before you know it...you lose them."
》》》》
What Dad didn't know was that I grabbed one of the pictures from Graham's apartment. To me pictures capture the most important moments in your life. It was us on my birthday a few years back. Graham held the camera from afar so we could be shown. You could see the docks from behind us. The water was in clear view. Graham and I were mostly in the corner of the picture, but I don't care. We both had smiles on our faces and the sun started to set behind us.
I heard a knock on the door and quickly hid the photo. Regina came in, "Jax, how are you feeling?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Emma told me that she gave you the sheriff's badge." I nodded. "It wasn't her choice to make." She sighed. "I'm sorry to do this to you but I'm going to need it back."
I gave her a wide-eyed look while shaking my head. That is the only thing I have of Graham, she can't - she can't take it away. I looked at the corner of my bed, where the badge is, and back at her. I leaned over and grabbed it the same time her hand grabbed mine. I tightened my grip on it while she tried to pry it off my hands.
"Jax, let go." Regina grunted. I shook my head while I tried to pull it back. Regina tightened her hold on my grip as I started to cry. Her nails dug into my palms. I winced as I let go. I grabbed my wrist and started to rub them. "I'm sorry. But, this is what's best." Regina walked over to my door. She looked at me one last time. "I'll see you tomorrow." Then closed the door.
I looked down at my wrist to see the nail marks she left. I started to sob. I lost him and now I lost the only thing I have to him. I brought my hand over my mouth. Tears ran down my face. My throat tightens. I brought my knees up and wrapped my arms around them as I lay my head.
I can't get over this. Graham was my best friend, he was my brother. I looked up to him. He was one of my heroes. I don't remember when we actually became friends. I don't even remember exactly when we started talking. Graham and I've been really close for a long time. I loved how we could joke with each other. I loved how I could flirt with him and he knew I wasn't interested in him that way.
I thought I heard something and looked up. My breath got caught in my throat. It was the shadow. I closed my eyes tight and opened it again. I expect it to be gone, but it wasn't. I rubbed my teary eyes and looked again. It was still there. Why is this thing watching me?
"What do you want from me?!" I screamed at It, tears still streaming down my face.
I jumped in shock when It flew closer to me. Its' hand reached up and cupped my cheek as I started to hyperventilate. I don't know why but I felt myself getting calm as Its eyes pierced mine. Its thumb moved to wipe a tear down my cheek.
"Cas." It muttered. It talks. This shadow man talks. I didn't say anything and just looked at it. My mouth flew open. "He's waiting."
"Who?" I breathed.
I thought the shadow man would answer. Instead it flew backwards before flying out my window. I got up and ran over. I looked out and couldn't find it anywhere. Great, I'm actually going crazy.
》》》》
I walked over to Mary Margaret's apartment. I held more tears as I thought about Regina's visit. She just took that badge away without a care. I knocked on the door and expected Mary Margaret to open. It was Emma.
"Jax, what are you doing here?" She asked. I couldn't hold it anymore. I wrapped my arms around her and began crying again. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? Did something happen?" I nodded. "What?" I pulled away and pointed towards Emma's belt, I thought the badge would be there but it wasn't. Emma looked down on her pocket. "I don't understand."
I heard footsteps and saw Mary Margaret coming down the stairs. "What's going on?" She asked. She noticed me crying. "Jax, you ok? What happened?"
"I don't know. She won't tell me." Emma said.
"That's because you don't speak Jax." Mary Margaret looked at me. "Now, what's wrong?" I pointed towards Emma's belt and made a circle with my hands where the badge would be. "You're upset that Regina fired Emma?" I nodded my head before I shook it. Yes, I'm upset that Emma got fired, but that wasn't it. I looked around the apartment before grabbing a rubber band. I made a star before placed it at my belt before shaking my head again. Mary Margaret gave me a sad look. "Someone took Graham's badge." I nodded before I started to cry again.
Mary Margaret brought me into a hug. "It was Regina wasn't it?" Emma asked. I nodded. "What she did to me isn't fair, but that's not right. I gave you the badge, fired or not, that doesn't give her the right to take it away." She grabbed her coat. "Come on."
I followed Emma out. We went to her car. She started driving towards Regina's office where she's appointing the next sheriff. I read the charter, she can't appoint someone to be sheriff. She could only appoint a candidate. I knew what Emma's going to do.
I looked at her. "You have my vote." I mumbled. "I guess my dad told you."
"He did." She said. She looked at me before looking back at the road. "It's nice to hear you talk again." I didn't say anything. "Too soon?"
I nodded, "A little bit."
We stopped in front of Regina's office. Emma looked at me. "You coming?"
I shook my head, "No, I don't want to see her. And I'm suppose to be in school, but my dad let me stay home."
Emma gave me a sad smile, "Ok."
She got up. She looked up at the house before straightening her jacket. I could tell she was glaring at the house before she marched her way in. I took the picture out and looked at it. I wish I could go back to this day.
None of this makes sense. Graham is healthy. He takes good care of himself. How did he get a heart attack? It couldn't be from stress. It couldn't be from fatty foods. What could it be?
I heard the door close and looked at Emma, "How'd it go?"
She gripped the steering wheel, "Great." She looked at me and noticed the photo. "May I?" I nodded and gave it to her. She was looking at Graham's smiling face. "I miss him, too." She handed me the picture. "Ready to see Henry?"
"Yeah."
So she began driving again. "Tell me your favorite memory with him." She said.
This brought a small smile to my face. "Ahh, there's so many to pick from. But, it's got to be from two years ago. It was on my birthday. Graham and I went to the docks, like we usually do. See, every year we would go. How old I turned was how many rocks we skipped. Each rock represented a wish. The more I wished for the same thing, the more it would come true. Well, Graham tried to grab one of my rocks because he ran out. I backed away from him. I gave him a teasing smile and held them away. He went to grab it again, but I moved out of the way and he fell in the water. He got out and was like 'mind giving me a hand.' I reached down. He grabbed my arm with both his hands and pulled me in. I shriek when my head was out of the water. The next thing I knew, we were having a water fight. Graham was more of a land guy and I was more a sea kind of girl. So you could guess who won."
Emma chuckled, "That actually sounds like fun."
My smile got wider, "It was." My smile slowly faded, "I still can't believe he's gone."
We pulled up at the diner. "Me either," Emma said. "But if I know Graham, he would want you to be happy. He wouldn't want you to mope around and be miserable."
"Because you could bloody read people like that?"
Emma smiled, "Yep." Then she got down. I shook my head before following her. "How was school?" I heard her ask Henry.
"Okay." He said as I sat across from them. I noticed the paper he was reading had Emma's face. I couldn't make out much since half of it was upside down, but my eyes widen when I saw 'ex-jailbird' on top.
"You're reading that paper pretty hard."
Henry flipped the paper, "Sidney wrote it." Of course he did. "Is it a lie?"
"No."
"I was born in jail?"
"Yes."
I grabbed the paper before raising my eyebrow at her, "Lass, aren't those records suppose to be sealed?"
"They were." She wrapped her arm around Henry. "Tell me you're not scarred for life."
Henry shook my head, "I'm not. Well, not by this."
"Good. Then let's throw this out, and we will get our news from something more reliable, like the Internet."
I crossed my arms. "Yes, because the internet is more bloody reliable." I said sarcastically.
Henry ignored me, "That's what I've been trying to tell you. Good can't beat evil because good doesn't do this kind of thing. My mom plays dirty. That's why you can't beat her, ever."
"I have a new ally. Mr. Gold said he's gonna help."
"Mr. Gold?" Henry said the same time I said, "My dad?" Then he added, "He's even worse than she is."
I gave Henry a look, "I resent that."
"You already owe him one favor. You don't want to owe him any more." Henry pleaded. "Don't do this."
》》》》
I decided to spend some time with Henry. We went to the castle and talked. It's weird the more I talked the more I started to say lass, mate, bloody, love, lad. It started since I had that weird hallucination that night Graham died. Henry even noticed.
"Where did you learn those words?" He asked.
I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. One minute I'm just talking regularly, then the next I'm swearing like a sailor. Must be from my twit of a father."
He shook his head, "I don't think so. You haven't seen your dad in years and Mr. Gold has a different accent. Maybe -" He didn't finish when we heard an explosion.
We got up, "What the bloody hell is that?" There was a cloud of smoke coming out. I grabbed Henry's hand. "Come on, Munchkin."
We followed the crowd. They seem to be going towards Regina's office. My eyes widen. Henry and I ran faster to see the firetrucks hosing the fire down. Emma stood at one side while Regina was being taken care of on the other. The fireman told us that Emma pulled Regina out. We ran over to her as Mary Margaret, Archie, Ruby, and Granny circled her.
"She did it." Henry beamed.
"The guy told us you saved Regina." I added.
Mary Margaret started making plans for the campaign. We would use the picture of Emma saving Regina for the campaign posters. We'll post those around the town and everyone could see what a hero Emma really is. I looked towards Regina to see her getting her ankle examined. I walked away from the group and went towards her.
"I'm fine." Regina snapped at the paramedic and waved him off. She noticed me there. "What, Jax?"
I ignored her little snap and wrapped my arms around her, "I don't care what happened anymore. I'm just glad you're ok."
She stiffened for a bit before wrapping her arm around me, "Thank you. And I'm sorry for what I did. It was insensitive of me. I forgot how close you and Graham were."
I pulled away and shoved my hands into my pockets, "The Mayor apologizing. This is big news, should I go get Sidney?" She glared at me. "I'm only joking, love."
Ok, maybe I'm not.
》》》》
Mary Margaret was stapling posters. Archie was handing out buttons. I'm handing out flyers. I kept giving each one to the people of Storybrooke. I had to smile and add 'Vote Swan.'
"Vote Swan." I said as I passed one to Ruby. I passed another one to Leroy. "Vote Swan." I spun around. "Vote Swan." To my surprise it was David. "Oh, it's you." Yeah, Mary Margaret told me what happened. After claiming to love someone and just leave them kind of makes me want to punch the person.
"Hey, Jax." He said. I ignored him and handed out more flyers. "What's with the cold shoulder?"
I stopped, "I don't know, David. You wanted to be with Mary Margaret, you talk about how the man who married Kathryn isn't the same man, then you broke it off with Mary Margaret at the Toll Bridge saying how you should honor your marriage after you left it." I snapped my fingers and said sarcastically. "Maybe it's because I couldn't find my leather jacket today."
He sighed, "Ok, I get it. I didn't go through with my end by staying with Kathryn. I basically broke off whatever relationship Mary Margaret and I could have had."
I handed another flyer, "Wow, someone isn't as dumb as he looks." I gave the person a smile. "Vote Swan."
David stepped in front of me, "I'm sorry, ok. I know how much Mary Margaret means to you, and I know you want her to be happy." He sighed. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"You know what, mate, I don't believe one word that comes out of your bloody mouth. Actions speak louder than words." I spotted my dad waiting for me by the entrance of the building. "And as of right now, your words mean nothing to me. You could rot in hell for all I care."
I left him standing there and went over to my dad. I grabbed his arm and helped him inside. Everyone began taking their seats as I began searching for two. I looked on stage to see Emma looking through the crowd. Her stare met mine and I gave her a little wave, followed by a thumbs up in good luck.
Archie was opening the debate. He was nervous, but he made it through. I cringed when he made that joke about Sidney's last name being Glass and Emma's Swan. Glass. Swan. Like if it was some decor someone tried to get you to buy. Sidney was first.
Sidney adjusted his jacket, "I just want to say that if elected, I want to serve as a reflection of the best qualities of Storybrooke - honesty, neighborliness..." He paused for a moment. "And strength. Thank you."
I slowly clapped with the audience. Archie walked up to the mic, "And Emma Swan."
I sat up straighter when Emma came on stage. She's got this. "You guys all know I have...what they call a, uh, troubled past," She started. "but you've been able to overlook it because of the, um...hero thing. But here's the thing...The fire was a setup." The audience began to murmur while I furrow my eyebrows. "Mr. Gold agreed to support me in this race, but I didn't know that that meant he was going to set a fire." I snapped my gaze towards my dad with my mouth hung open. I know my dad likes to make deals and such, but I never knew he'd go this low. "I don't have definitive evidence, but I'm sure. And the worst part of all this was...the worst part of all this is I let you all think it was real...And I can't win that way. I'm sorry."
My dad looked towards me before getting up. I kept staring at him as he made his way out of the Town Hall. He planned this. I can't believe he actually did it.
》》》》
Emma won the election, but I didn't go down to Granny's like everyone else. I decided to go home. I made sure to slam the door as I entered. Dad was polishing his pocket watch. He sighed as I crossed my arms. "We're going to need a new bell if people keep slamming the door," He said.
"Really, Dad? Setting a bloody fire. You could have killed them." I scolded.
"But they're not dead. I knew what kind of person Ms Swan is. She wouldn't leave Regina there to die."
"And that makes it ok?" I asked ridiculously. "Dad, Henry could have lost both his moms. I never knew why people were so afraid of you, but now I do."
"Are you? Are you afraid of me, Little Raven?"
I walked over to him, "No, I'm not afraid of you." He almost looked relieved. "I'm afraid of what you have done to the people who made deals with you, what you've done to those who bloody double-crossed you. I'm afraid you're not the man I thought you were." I walked past him to the stairs. I looked back at him. "And I don't know if that makes me scared or disappointed."
"Jacqueline -"
I shook my head, "Night, Dad."
》》》》
Emma called me later that night as asked me to go to the Sheriff's Office. When I arrived I found her behind the desk. I leaned against the door, "Place fits you well."
"Yeah..it does." She said with a little smile. She got up came over. She handed me Graham's badge. "I believe this is yours."
I grabbed it. I smiled as my hand went over the lettering. I shook my head and handed it back, "No, I think Graham would want you to keep it. You are sheriff after all."
She smiled before taking it back and attaching it to her belt. "If I'm the sheriff, then I'm going to need a new deputy."
"What are you trying to say, love?" I asked with a smirk.
"Jax Gold, how would you like to be my deputy in training? You do have school after all."
"Don't forget watching Henry."
"Watching over Henry will be part of the job. So, what do you say?"
I smiled at her, "Sure, I'll be your deputy in training."
Emma went over to the coat rack. "Then you need to look the part." She held up a jacket. My smile got wider when it was Graham's old jacket. "For Graham."
I walked over, "For Graham."
She slid the jacket on me. The moment my arms went through the sleeve the world started to spin again.
Papa knelt down and had his arms spread out. "Come on, Cassie. Walk to me. Walk to Papa."
Baby me didn't know what was going on. I kept bouncing on the ground from the ship. I was smiling at Papa while I held on to my bottle. My gaze went towards Papa's hook. The sun was hitting it just right, making it come out all shiny. I smiled again and threw my bottle. I got on my knees as my little hand reached towards it.
Papa noticed it and waved the hook, "You like this, Cassie." I laughed and let out a little squeal. My little fingers were wiggling like the hook would magically appear in my hand. "No, no, Cassie. You need to come over here."
Baby me grabbed the pole of the ship. My big eyes never left the hook. I pulled myself up. I removed my hands but my legs gave out and I landed on the floor. "Try again, love." Papa encouraged me. "Try ag -"
Papa stopped and 'collapsed' on the floor. Baby me didn't know what was going on. My smile turned into a frown when I didn't see Papa moving. My small hands pushed myself off the floor. My right foot took a small step, then my left. I wasn't falling. I slowly made my way over to Papa. I didn't know what happened. All I know is that Papa fell on the ground. His eyes were still open and a small grin was on his face. I made a sound before my small hand slapped his cheek.
Papa turned his head and smiled at me. He sat up and wrapped his arm around me. "I knew you could do it, Cassie."
My eyes found his hook. I squealed before my hands reached for it. Papa chuckled before he brought his hook closer to me, the sharp end away from my face. I smiled as I grabbed it and began biting it. I let out a happy noise, not caring that my drool was going down the hook. I looked towards Papa again and let out another laugh. My mouth went back on the hook while Papa laughed.
"I just wish your mother was here to see this."
I was brought back into reality. Emma gave me a concerned look. "Jax, you ok?"
I gave her a smile while I nodded, "Yeah, yeah, I'm good."
What the hell is happening to me?