By Anonymous
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I'd make really close friends ever since I was a child but then I'd have to move schools, however I had one friend (let's pretend he's Matt) who I kept in contact with after I moved schools in 3rd grade because our parents are friends.
I'd see him every week and every week we'd have so much fun together until I had to move to another city at the start of middle school. I'd only get to see him in the holidays.
More and more I'd think more about him and dream more about him and after a while I came to the conclusion that I liked him right at the beginning of the school year.
Over the year my crush would expand and every time I saw him my heart would leap and I'd cherish every moment I spent with him.
Sometimes I would have minor crushes with my family friends who spend a long period of time with me before I'd quickly get over it and my mind would be clouded with Matt again.
Until recently, I realised that I have a crush on my best friend but I kept denying it, there's no way I have a crush on my friend who's a girl, so I searched it up.
The immense amount of thinking about her, hoping she'd like something I give her, waiting for her to text back, feeling something rush up my spine every time she called me cute, I tried to brush it off as a friendly feeling but I gave in and I had to tell myself that no, I have feelings for her.
I searched it up, I researched the lgbtq+ community and found out I'm demisexual.
One of my friends in the group I'm in, came out to us about being in the lgbtq+ community a while ago so I decided to tell her in secret on the way to a class where our classes are close to one another. I told her I found out I liked a girl and she kept asking who it was but I didn't tell her.
I tried to get over my crush so I avoided my friends overall and eventually became a very quiet person but I found that I'd only want to admire her even more and my chest would ache the time my crush yelled at me for avoiding them so I tried sitting with them but I'm a lot more shy now, but it still haunts me everyday when I remember how she yelled at me, I'm scared they hate me now, I feel like they don't like me sitting with them but I don't know how else to make it up to them then to try and talk to them again.
At least now my crush seems a bit happier and a lot more goofy around me so I decided on staying as her friend so I can appreciate the little things about her when she concentrates in class or when she draws a little puppy in the back of her notebook. I find her so adorable.
As long as I can be a person that she can spend hours texting about bread, as long as I'm someone she can call cute and find me adorable, as long as I'm someone who can make her happy, then I'm happy, even if I'm only her friend.