A/N: Thanks for those who’ve reviewed on the last chapter, means a lot! This is a really long chapter, I didn’t want to break it into two parts. Let me know what you think. I LOVE feedback!
Chapter 18: Acceptance…I think not.
The next few weeks went off without a hitch. Shawn had kept a watchful eye out for the two men at the diner that he’d seen previously sitting across the street from his apartment, but was unable to catch sight of them again. Though, he hoped that was the last time he would see them lingering around his place.
As for Cassidy, the first two weeks were hectic with the DEA’s PTT and BAT. However, she managed to complete all of said requirements before the deadline. Now it was a waiting game and the test results were expected to arrive any day.
~ANTIQUITY~
“So, how’s Shawn?” Evelyn said with a knowing smirk as she passed Cassidy a ceramic plate to dry off.
The teenager sighed. She should have seen this coming. Oh, why off all days did she have to offer to help her mother out with the dishes? She took the plate from her mother’s hands and grabbed the dish towel lying on the counter and began to dry the plate off in a circular motion.
Cassidy tore her eyes away from the window to look at her mother.“Great,” Cassidy said quickly. “He’s doing great.”
Cassidy rolled her eyes and looked back out the window. The world on the other side of the glass was dark and dreary. It was rare for Santa Clara to have rainstorms, but tonight was one of those rare nights.
The sky was pitch black, the wind was whipping the leaves off the trees, and the lights were flickering uncontrollably. A bright light outside the window filled the large kitchen for a moment before the roaring sound of thunder followed it.
“Oh, come on sweetie you don’t have to be so shy around me, I’m your mother you can talk to me about anything.” She smiled. “Have the two of you gotten you know ‘physical’?”
Cassidy’s cheeks flushed pink. She never felt so humiliated in her life. The plate she was holding slipped through her fingers. With quick reflexes she caught the plate with ease before it managed to hit the ground and shattered into tiny little pieces.
“Christ mom, this is exactly why I don’t like talking to you about these things.” She said. “You always manage to strike up a conversation and turn it into an awkward one.”
Evelyn chuckled softly and shook her head. “What, I’m your mother. I’m curious as to know if my daughter is having intercourse and is using the protection I provided for her in case one day she decides she’s ready.”
Cassidy placed the plate down in the dish rack and proceeded to the next one. “Geez, mom I’m still a virgin alright.” She said uncomfortably. “And yes, I’m still on the damn pill.”
“Do you want more?” Evelyn asked.
“Mom!”
“Just answer the question, Cassidy.” Evelyn said. “It’s okay to want more in your relationship as long as you’re ready for it. I was a little older than you when-“
Cassidy sighed.
“I really, really don’t want to hear another story about you and dad’s sex life. I swear if I hear another one of those I’ll scratch my eyes out from the horrible images you placed in my head.” She said. “If I tell you will you please get off my back?”
Evelyn smiled at her daughter. “Fine,” She said.
“Yes,” Cassidy said honestly. “I want more from him and I can tell he wants the same, but he doesn’t pressure me into doing anything I’m not comfortable with unless I’m ready. I just…I don’t know how to tell him that’s what I want without sounding like a slut.”
Evelyn laughed lightly and gave her daughter a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “You’re not a slut,” She said. “When you’re ready just tell him. Just say. “Shawn, let’s have sex!””
Cassidy smiled and shook her head. “Great advice mom,” She said sarcastically. “It’s nice to know my own mother is encouraging me to have sex.”
She felt dirty as that certain word rolled off her tongue.
“I’m not encouraging,” She said. “As much as I would like for you to wait it’s not like I can stop you two from doing anything physical.”
Cassidy opened her mouth to speak but before she managed to get the first word out the doorbell rang throughout the house. “Thank god,” Cassidy said and tossed the dish towel onto the counter and ran through the corridor to see who the unexpected visitor was that was stopping by late in the evening.
Cassidy smiled at the man standing before her, Agent Miller. For the past month this man had stopped by her house every other day. She supposed he was lonely and didn’t have family for around here. So her mother brought him in like he was one of her own. Of course her parents didn’t mind his company. They actually liked him, surprisingly. And he was slowly growing on Cassidy as well, sadly she wished her parents, well more father liked Shawn as much as he did Miller.
“Thought I’d take the liberty of hand delivering this to you myself,” He said as he handed Cassidy the manila envelope.
“You came all the way out here just to drop off an envelope late at night and in the pouring rain nonetheless.” She said curiously. “What is it?”
“Take a wild guess,” Miller said
“Shut up, it came in!?” Cassidy said, ripping the manila envelope out of his hand excitedly.
Miller smiled. “Yep.”
Cassidy stared at the manila envelope in her hands then up to Miller. “I’m too nervous, I can’t open it.” She said, then handed him the envelope back. “You do it.”
Evelyn walked into the foyer. “What’s going on?”
Cassidy turned to her mother with a grin on her face. “The test results came in,” She said.
“Well, then let’s hear it!” Evelyn said excitedly. “Open it!”
“No need, I already know the outcome of the results.” He said. “Out of the five who made it to the written assessment, that’s with you included. Three out of five made it with one score exceptionally high and the others passing by a hair. The student with the top score was you, Cassidy. You scored a 96/100, an almost perfect score. The highest score this agency has ever come across.” He said. “Congratulations,”
“Holy crap, I passed!” She shouted excitedly as she threw her arms around Miller’s neck. “I freakin’ passed!”
She pulled away then embraced her mother. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” She said. “There was no doubt in my mind you couldn’t do it.”
“I gotta tell dad!” She said.
“Hold up,” Miller said. “There’s still a lot we need to discuss. By far you’re the youngest who’s ever applied to take the exam and has passed. Required age to be employed with the Drug Enforcement Agency is twenty one. You young lady are sixteen and won’t be turning seventeen until sometime next year. That’s still quite a ways from being the required age. Though, my employers are still battling this out with the state for you to join us when you’re officially done with the state’s requirements from the police academy as well as a few classes under your belt from the local college.”
“Yeah, yeah that’s great. Something you really need to discuss with my parents.” Cassidy said, then grabbed the manila envelope from Miller’s hands. “But in the mean time I’m going to tell dad the great news!”
As she ran through the corridor and towards the back of the house where her father’s shed was located she could hear Miller shouting her name for her to come back, but she was too excited and ignored his call.
When she reached her father’s shed slammed the manila envelope down on his table and grinned. “Read it and weep old man,” She said proudly. “Test results are in and I think you’ll be pleased.”
Her father sighed as he placed his gun and magazine clip down onto the table and turned to Cassidy. He grabbed the manila folder from the table and pulled the tab. Once opened, he pulled the papers out and skimmed through the contents.
“What the hell is this crap?” He growled as he tossed the envelope aside, the papers scattering on the desk.
Cassidy stiffened at his harsh words but said nothing.
“You scored a 96 out of a 100?” He continued. “If you weren’t so damn preoccupied with that boyfriend of yours it could’ve been a perfect score, but no, you rushed and you got sloppy.”
She winced at his words, looking absolutely miserable. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“You’re kidding, right?” Cassidy said in disbelief. “The DEA’s exam is the most rigorous test this state has to offer. I passed just like you wanted and with flying colors I might add and you’re upset because I missed two questions, are you serious?”
“That’s not the point, Cassidy.” He said. “The point was is that I’ve spent years training you to be the perfect asset and shoved countless amounts of valuable knowledge into that small brain of yours. Everything I taught you was on that test and you stroll in here all ecstatic and proud of yourself when I know damn well you could’ve aced that test with a perfect score.”
The teenager’s eyes suddenly dropped to the floor as she gritted her teeth.
“I’ve done everything you’ve requested of me.” She said quietly, her voice surprisingly soft and…wounded. “What more could you possibly want for me, when will I ever be good enough for you?”
“When you decide to show me real improvement,” He said as he stood up from his seat. “That’s when you’ll be good enough.”
As her father left, her whole body shook with anger. She literally couldn’t control herself, she couldn’t breathe. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes as she counted to ten, trying to control the rage that wanted to leave her body. It didn’t work so she continued to count.
The conversation played over and over in her head and she could no longer control her anger. The rage officially took over and she stormed out of the shed.
“You should have never come home!” Cassidy growled as she jumped on her father’s back and wrapped an arm around his throat, chocking him from behind. “You’re like the plague. Everything was going great until you decided to come back!”
David grabbed Cassidy’s arm and swung her over this shoulder, causing her to land hard on her back, but that didn’t stop her from finishing what she started. She rolled to her side and quickly got to her feet as she swung her left arm only to have him block with ease.
“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” She cried angrily reeling her arm back to land another attack. As her arm thrusted forward David balled his right hand into a fist and hit her square in the chest, knocking her down onto the soaked ground, breathless.
Evelyn and Miller ran out of the house when they heard the commotion.
“Stop it you two!” Evelyn shouted through the heavy rain. “Please,”
“Wait here, I’ll break it up,” Miller said, rushing towards the brawl only to have Evelyn grab his arm refraining him from approaching the two.
“No, don’t,” Evelyn said. “If you go over there now you’ll just end up getting hurt in the process.”
David walked over to Cassidy and placed both hands around her throat and lifted her up from the ground with ease. “Is this how you want to play this, Cassidy?” He growled. “You dare pick a fight with me, your own father? What’s the very first thing I taught you not to do in a fight?”
“David, stop!” Evelyn pleaded. “You’re hurting her!”
“Quiet, Evelyn.” David warned, then turned his attention to Miller when he saw that he was itching to break them apart. “And you, you stay out of this, this has nothing to do with you.”
The throat around Cassidy’s neck tightened. “Answer the question,” He said, shaking her slightly.
“To,” Cassidy gasped. “Never pick a fight with someone you know is stronger than you.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s a high probability the fight will lead to failure.” She replied.
David brought up his knee, kneeing her in the abdomen, the impact knocking what oxygen she had left. He then released his grip on Cassidy’s throat letting her collapse onto the ground gasping for air.
“Stupid child,”
Without another word, David left the backyard, closing the door loudly behind him. Evelyn rushed to her daughter’s side alongside Miller.
Clutching her abdomen, Cassidy curled into a ball, in the freezing rain, gasping for air, trying to comfort herself through the pain.
As soon as her mother’s hands touched her, Cassidy recoiled from her touch.
Tears welled in her eyes. “Don’t,” She sniffled. “Just don’t.”
“Honey, what happened?” She said gently.
The tears began to fall harder. “I’m nothing but a failure in his eyes.”
~ANTIQUITY~
She couldn’t stay in that house, not for a second more. She had to leave, at least for a day to cool off. She wanted to feel wanted, safe, loved and there was only one person that could provide her that, Shawn.
Lights still glowed, reflecting off the wet ground in distorted patches of bright color. The rain drowned out all other sound, but she could see several lights on in surrounding buildings. The rain couldn't quell Santa Clara’s bustling night life completely, but it seemed nobody was crazy enough to be out in the downpour but her.
Cassidy hurried through the empty streets, towards Shawn’s apartment, praying that he would be there. In retrospect, she probably should have called him first to make sure he was home but it was a little late for that, considering she hadn't even brought her phone with her.
She got out of her car and let herself into the drab hallway of concrete and peeling paint, knowing her way by now to Shawn’s apartment.
She raised her hand to knock on the door, knowing for sure now that she was out of her goddamned mind for considering asking the question she was about to ask. If she had to lose it to someone, it might as well be Shawn, she trusted him, loved him and he the same. She couldn't believe she was going to ask this of him.
She knocked three times, firmly and a little urgently and waited for a reply, chewing her bottom lip nervously as she listened for any noise from within that would tell her he was there.
Nothing.
Cassidy knocked again, louder and more insistent this time and after a long and almost unbearable pause, the door opened and there was Shawn standing before her, looking quite comfortable in a form fitting T-shirt and sweats.
"Cass?" he asked, clearly perplexed as to why she had come to him so late at night, soaked to the bone and without any prior warning, but his beautiful Hazel eyes held worry as he took in her drenched form huddled on his doorstep.
Her clothes hung off of her, making her look even more petite than she actually was and for a moment, she seemed very vulnerable as golden orbs looked up at him.
"Hey," Cassidy said a little sheepishly, realizing she must look like hell. She found herself wishing she looked more presentable while simultaneously wondering why she cared. This was Shawn after all. He had seen her at her best and her worst.
Shawn stood aside to let her enter but still looked at her curiously, even as he shut the door behind her.
Before Shawn had the chance to say a word, she was upon him, hands clinging to him desperately as her mouth pressed hungrily to his. Shawn gently grabbed her wrists and pulled away slightly, breaking their kiss.
"What happened?" he asked.
Tears escaped from beneath her eyelashes, cutting wet trails down her cheeks. “I just…I try so hard you know. And no matter how much I try it’ll never be enough for him.” She replied, lifting her eyes to meet his. “I hate him, I hate him so much, Shawn.”
Shawn gently brushed her wet bangs away from her face. “Hey, you don’t ever have to worry about feeling that way around me. Your dad’s an asshole and we both know it.” He spoke softly, gently wiping away the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re perfect and I love you just the way you are. You don’t ever have to change or prove yourself. Not for me, your dad or anyone else for that matter.”
Cassidy closed her eyes, letting the tears fall freely at his sweet words. She pressed her forehead to his, his breathing blowing across her mouth and neck making her tingle with desire. Shawn closed the distance and pressed his lips to hers, stealing her breath away.
Her heart began to race as she kissed him back with the same intensity, making her body thrum with excitement. She honestly loved this man more than life itself and would do anything for him. Cassidy wrapped her arms around Shawn’s neck as his hands grabbed her thighs and hoisted her up as he pressed her against his apartment door as he kissed down her neck, biting gently on the skin making her moan lightly.
She ran her hands down his back and pulled his t-shirt up, trailing her fingers up his back as she pulled it over his head and threw it on the floor
“Shawn,” she whispered. “Make me forget for a while.”
She leaned forward to press chaste kisses to his neck, trialing them down his throat and down to his collarbone, her touches turning hungrier as she went.
“Forget?” He murmured, enjoying the sensation of her lips touching his skin.
“The exam, my father whom I’m not good enough for, this town, all of it, Shawn. Help me forget, just for a little while.”
Her pain held a pained edge to it. The pain of failure and helplessness and it broke his heart to hear her like that.
“Cass,” He said softly. He wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault, that she was doing the very best she could and he was proud of her for what she had accomplished. She was far stronger, smarter than her father gave her credit for and that she shouldn’t berate herself for what he’d thought of her.
But before he could form the words of his tongue, slender fingers found themselves at the waistband of his pants.
“Please,” She breathed, begged.
He groaned heatedly and threw her over his shoulder, causing her to squeal at the sudden gesture. “Oh, screw it.” He said as he carried her towards her bedroom. “When you ask like that, how can I say no?”
A/N: I really, really wanted to do the lemon but I had to consider the younger readers on here. If you want the lemon, message me your email and I’ll send it to you. Reviews, let me know what ya think!