Trigger Warning: There are mentions of death of a loved one in this oneshot. If you are experiencing extreme grief and reading this may affect you, please do not read on. The National Grief Support Hotline is 1-650-321-5272. Please call it if you need it. You are not alone 💜
Why did I do that to him? Of all people, why did I have to choose Brendon Urie? I punched Brendon Urie in the stomach today. He didn't do anything. He whimpered and asked why. I told him he didn't deserve to breathe the same air as me and that I was trying to get it out of his lungs. Why do I have to be so mean? I really did like him, but there was just a part of me that didn't want anyone to know. I know he liked me too. He'd smile at me even though I made high school a daily hell for him. "Hey, Dallon!" He'd says with the same enthusiasm as the day prior, like he somehow hoped I'd woken up and had a sudden change of heart. "How has your day been so far?" I'd look at him in disbelief every single day when he asked me this. Even though I beat up this boy and taunted him, he never gave up or lost his faith in me. Why can't I be like that? Tomorrow I'll be like Brendon. Tomorrow I'll have faith in humanity and in myself.
~the next day~
I woke up with a slight pit in my stomach, as I'm sure Brendon does every morning as he waits for what I'm going to do to him that day. I was going to talk to him.
Once I was ready to go, I left the house immediately. I usually left half an hour after I was ready so that I would avoid seeing Brendon. I rushed out the door and ran to his bus stop. It was raining. "Hey, do you want a ride?" I asked the dripping boy with no umbrella. "Uh, why? Dallon, I've tried not to hate you, but you make it really hard. I don't feel like being bullied today." He sighed, looking me in the eyes. His eyes were watering. "I'm not going to do anything to you. You don't have an umbrella, and I have an open seat in my car." I explained. "You don't have an umbrella either. If you're going to come up with an alibi, at least make it a good one." He scoffed. I took my umbrella out of my backpack and opened it over his head. "If you're not going to take my offer, use this. I don't want you getting pneumonia." I handed him the umbrella and walked away. "Wait, Dallon!" He shouted as he came running after me. "It's cold, and if you don't mind, I'll take a ride." He clarified as he caught up with me. "Okay." I smiled slightly. He still has a little faith in me.
"Where are we going?" Brendon asked. "To my house. I left my car to go offer you a ride." I took the umbrella from his hands and held it over our heads. "You were planning on driving me?" The shorter boy next to me questioned. "Yes." I smiled at him. He returned the gesture hesitantly. "Why? If you don't mind me asking." He added. "I've been really mean to you; actually, I've been really awful to you. I'm sorry." I attempted. He looked at me in pure disbelief. "You punched me in the stomach yesterday, and you've beaten me up every chance you've gotten for the past year. How can you be realizing that you've been an asshole just now?" He narrowed his eyes at me. I looked back, my face dripping with shame. "I um, I like you, Brendon." I muttered. "Elaborate." He requested, folding his arms over his chest. "I think you're uh cute, and I'd like to take you out later." I somehow managed to get all of my thoughts out. "You-you like me?" I nodded. "I beat you up because I didn't want anyone knowing I liked you. I know it's probably the worst idea in history." I put my face in my hands and sighed. "No, shooting John Lennon was the worst idea in history. Beating me up is just a poorly formulated plan. I will go out with you later if you can promise me that you will not bully me." He challenged. "Yeah, sure." I nodded fervently. "You really expect me to believe that?" He cocked an eyebrow as I unlocked my car. "I mean, I hoped you would. I really am sorry. I would kiss you to show you that I'm being honest, but that'd be a bit rushed, no?" I laughed awkwardly. "Hey, I'll open the door for you." I offered, standing next to him and waiting for him to move so I could open the door. He stepped to the side with a confused expression. "See? I'm just opening the door. I truly want to take you on a date." I explained. I shut his door and walked to my side of the car, sighing.
"I have bruises y'know." I heard beside me as the car started down the road. "From uh from what?" I asked hesitantly. "From you." He confirmed. I shook my head and felt my grip tighten on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry." I said, a tear sliding down my cheek as I spoke. "Wait, are you crying?" Brendon Urie looked at me in mass confusion. "I- no, I'm not." I lied. "Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought up the bruises. It's okay."
He took one of my hands off of the steering wheel and held it in his own. "Dallon, breathe." He requested. I took in a gasp of air. "Dallon, I need you to look at me and breathe." I was only taking in shallow breaths, and my chest felt like it was being pushed in by a semi-truck. "Dallon, pull over." He said in a calm voice. "I-I can't. We'll be late for school. I have to keep going. I'm fine." I rambled on. "Dallon, pull the god damn car over, now!" Brendon raised his voice, causing me to panic and nearly hit the car next to us. I finally made it to the side of the road and put my hazards on. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have bruises. You shouldn't have to deal with me. You shouldn't have to be late because of me. I'm driving you to school, now." I spoke quickly as other cars rushed past my own parked one. "Dallon, stop." Brendon's hand was still holding onto mine when I reached for the gear shift. "Stop fucking telling me what to do! You're in my car! I'm driving you to school! Just because I punched and kicked you doesn't mean I'm soulless or any less of a person than you are! I have feelings! I like you, and I told you that! I told you I wanted to take you on a date, and all you responded with was letting me know that you had bruises! You think I didn't know that?! Do you think I'm an idiot?! Because I'm not! You don't think that it hurt me just as much, if not more, to see you like that?! I've spent countless nights in my room alone feeling unloved and hopeless because the one person I thought I loved had no clue and was hurting because of me! I'd pull my hair out strand by strand and set it in a pile on my floor next to me out of stress and frustration! I'm starting to think that maybe picking you up this morning was a bad idea! I was willing to subject myself to being killed for being gay if someone found out! Did you know that my boyfriend in middle school was shot because he was seen kissing me?! Huh, did you know that?! He was bruised from the kids who shot him kicking his lifeless corpse. I was willing to put myself in the same position that he was in because I was tired of seeing you hurt and being so alone, but now, I feel even more alone! You think I'm some sort of idiot that has no idea what a punch to the stomach can do! Well, I'm studying to be a doctor, and if I had punched an inch higher, you'd be coughing up blood! Don't tell me what to do, Brendon, don't you dare! The last time someone screamed at me and told me what to do was when I was told to step back and my boyfriend was shot right in the back of the head!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, letting the words flow out like vomit. He just stared at me. "I-I didn't know, Dallon. If I had known, I wouldn't have-" He began. "You wouldn't have what? Yelled at me? You wouldn't have been so quick to judge? Well, it's too late now, isn't it? Maybe if you hadn't found it necessary to alert me of the condition of your torso, we'd be at school looking forward to a date at the movies later. I've been saving a $25 gift card for the movies in my wallet for the past six months so that when I grew the courage to ask you out, I'd have a place to take you. The theater has free popcorn from 6 to 8 so I figured it'd be perfect. I've been planning this, and you just ripped my heart out of my chest and stepped on it right in front of me." I shouted, this time at a quieter volume. "Dallon, I-" He tried to come up with another excuse. "I'll drive you to school, but don't try talking to me after that. You've ruined what could have been something great." I turned myself around and faced the road. I was composed and completely calm. "Dallon-" He attempted once again. "Stop." I muttered. His face fell.
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A/N
Well, that was sad. Should I make a part two with a resolution? I'll be doing requests again in a couple of weeks, so start thinking of ideas! I can't believe this story has almost hit 10k! You guys are incredible, and I can't thank you enough. I hope you enjoyed that upsetting roller coaster of emotions.
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