Lareen
6:00 am pa lang ay paalis na kami ni Ate Lala sa bahay para pumunta sa hospital. Mga 11 am kasi ang alis ng private plane paluwas ng Manila. Hindi na inallow ni Mommy na magovernight pa si Ate Lala sa hospital dahil alam naming may jetlag pag siya. Mom insisted na umuwi kami kagabi ng 10pm para makatulog si Ate Lala sa kwarto niya ng comfortable.
"Bakit ka nakasimangot?" Napansin na pala niya ang pananahimik ko kanina pa lang pagkasakay namin sa Van na maghahatid sa amin sa hospital.
"Nalulungkot lang ako na this is the last day na makakasama kita dito" I said and slouched.
Hinawakan niya ako sa baba at pinaharap ako sa kanya. "Mas mura na ang tawag mula Manila to here kaya don't worry, Riri. I will call you more often or you call me on you free time. I think Mom will be happy with that"
"Sana nga marami akong free time, no? Later at 3pm, Ate Ren asked me to meet Frank. Agad agad!" I pouted.
She clears her throat and smiles.
"Good luck sa paghawak mo ng company, Ri" she said and winks.
Wow. Nakakalakas talaga ng loob.
"Do you think Ate Ren is in her right mind? Why would she let me handle Dad's precious business e wala nga akong alam don" sabi ko at nakita kong sumulyap sa amin ang driver mula sa rearview mirror.
"She is. I trust her judgments, you know" she smiled at me and elbowed me. "I think you are the right person too, Lareen"
I smirked.
"You are!" She shouted.
"I don't have backgroud-"
"That's why there are papers you need to read as reference" she butted in.
"I am not famillar with the obligations of-"
"Frank is there to help you" she said again.
"How can -?"
"Ri" She again cuts me off and grabs my hand. "Give it a try" she looks at me straight. "This is the place where you should be for now. Nowhere else but here. Not in New York with me nor in Barangkal. This is the place where you can be yourself and prove yourself. " she took a deep breath.
"For now?"
She nods. "Maybe this is the chance for you to prove something to Dad and to all the people who belittled you and those who judged you. Kuha?"
"Pero -"
"I know you can do this. You are so much stronger than you think. This is your another jumping-out-of-the-window chance again. Do not waste it"
"Iniisip ko na baka kasi galit lang si Ate sa akin and this is her way to punish me. I know nothing about the business - "
Umiling si Ate Lala "Stop thinking na galit sa'yo si Ate Renren kaya niya binigay sayo ang obligasyon na ito"
"She never called me "Riri" anymore. She just refers me as "her" or "you" or "Lareen". She's cold to me. Maybe because she hates me"
Umiling ulit siya. "Nah. She'll never hates you. Sa ating dalawa, she always confides with you. Intindihin mo na lang si Ate Ren. Remember, nung umalis tayo sa Milagros, hindi lang si Dad at si Mom ang iniwan natin - we left her too"
I find myself agreeing to whatever Ate Lala is telling me right now.
"Think about it as if Ate Ren is just opening the window for you and telling you to jump. If you want to fully escaped from your Arnulfo Montemayor nightmare....jump" she said and hugged me. "Promised me that you'll jump again, Lareen"
"I've taken the scariest jump of my life that night Ate. Fighting for my freedom e?" I smile.
"Freedom" she mouthed.
"I'll jump" I said and she hugged me again. "That's my Lareen!"
Ilang sandali pa ay narating na namin ang hospital.
"Laarni" bati ni Tita Maria kay Ate Lala. Nasa unahan ko kasi si Ate. Tita Maria is Tito Julio's wife. "Hi Tita" she said and holds the door for me. Siya lang at ang kasama niyang personal assistant ang tao sa room. Where's Mom and Ate?
Inintay ako ni Ate makapasok bago siya lumapit kay Tita Maria. Bumeso siya at ganun din naman ang ginawa ko. "So it's true that you're back"
I thought it was Ate Lala she's talking to but no. She's talking to me. Tumango ako.
"That's why your Father's here?" She said. Hindi ko alam kung kalmado ba siya o cold lang. Hindi siya ngumigiti.
"Tita? Of course not" Ate Lala confide in me. Hinawakan niya ako sa braso. Wala si Mom at Ate sa kwarto malamang ay nasa isolated room sila kasama ang doctor.
"I doubt it, Laarni. Since the day she left, Kuya Leonardo never feels well" nakataas na nag kilay niya.
"It's not her fault" matigas na sabi ni Ate Lala. Gusto kong lumubog sa tingin na yon ni Tita Maria.
Tita crossed her legs. "Really?" She laugh sarcastically. "What do I expect from both of you? Tss. Nevermind"
Nararamdaman ko ang paghigpit ng kapit sa akin ni Ate.
"Birds with the same feather -
"With all due respect, Tita Maria" Ate cuts her off. "Medyo sumusobra ka na. Who invited you to come here, anyway?"
Nanlaki ang mata ni Tita at tumayo. "I'm your Tito Julio's wife, in case you have forgotten. And I am here to support your family because I care -"
"You don't care. You never cared."
"Look how rude and -
"What's happening here?" Nagulat kami sa paglabas ng Mommy at Ate mula sa isolated room. Napatigil si Tita sa pagsasalita.
Pero dahil walang nagsalita sa amin ay nagsalita na ulit si Ate. "Nagpahanda kami ng breakfast sa cafeteria. Andon na sila Phil, let's go" sabi niya.
"No. I have to go" kinuha ni Tita Maria ang handbag niya at inayos ng bahagya ang buhok niya. "I have a meeting to attend pa so hindi na ako makakasabay sa breakfast. Weng let's go" sabay baling niya sa kasama niya.
Lumapit si Mommy sa kanya. "Thank you for coming here, Maria"
"Just tell us the hospital details ni Kuya Leon sa Manila para pag clear na yung schedule ni Julio at ng mga bata ay makabisita kami. Take care, Lou"
"Yeah" tumango si Mommy at inihatid niya ito sa labas.
"What's wrong?" Tanong ni Ate Ren sa amin ni Ate Lala.
Nagtinginan kami and we gazed back to Ate Ren.
"Yes?" Nagaantay siya na may magsalita sa amin. "Hey, may kausap ba ako dito?"
"Nothing" I said.
"Nothing?" She doesn't look convinced.
"Let's go, Ate Ren?" Inakbayan siya ni Ate Lala.
Her eyes went to a line.
"That's nothing, you know. Parang di mo naman kilala si Tita" ani Ate Lala.
"Yeah. I know her very much that is why I don't think it is just nothing"
Yumuko ako ng tumingin si Ate sa akin. Hindi na kami nakasagot ni Ate Lala. "Let's go" sabi ni Ate Ren at nagpatiuna na sa psglabas. Nagkatinginan na lang kami ni Ate Laarni.
Matapos ang breakfast ay bumalik na kaming lahat sa itaas. It is time for them to go. Gusto kong maglupasay, promise.
Kung iiyak ako para isama ni Mommy daig pa ako nung mga anak ni Ate na parang walang pake kung aalis yung mommy nila.
"Lahat ng binilin ko sa'yo a. Call me when you need anything, baby" kanina pa ganito si Mommy. Natatawa na nga lang si Ate Lala sa inaasal ni Mommy.
"Yes, Mom"
"Visit us pag may chance ka. Wag mong masyadong pagurin ang sarili mo sa trabaho" she said then hugs me.
"Mom" sumali na si Ate Lala sa amin. "Kaya yan ng bunso mo. Para san pa't siya ang kamukha ni Dad, di ba?" She winks.
Ngumuso ako.
"Si Ate Ren kaya ang kamukha ng Dad, diba Mommy?" sabi ko.
Nangingiti si Mommy.
"Kayo kayang dalawa" ayaw talaga patalo ni Ate Lala.
"Che" sabi ko at natawa siya.
"Ma, everything is ready na" biglang pumasok si Kuya Phil.
"Ah okay. Salamat, Iho" sagot ni Mommy kay Kuya Phil at bumaling siya kay Ate Lala. "Tell the doctor that we are good to go"
"Okay Ma" she said then smiled to Kuya phil "Thanks, Phil!" She said at iniwan na muna niya kami ni Mommy.
Awwww. Ito na. Aalis na sila. Naramdaman ko na naman yung takot.
Fear na wala akong makakapitan.
Wala akong kakampi.
Walang sasalo sa akin pag nagkamali ako.
Yes malapit lang ang Manila pero iba pa rin na andito sila.
"I can feel your fears, Lareen" nagulat ako ng hawakan ni Mommy ang mukha ko. Direcho siyang tumingin sa akin.
Totoo nga. Moms have powers to read minds.
"Chin up, baby"
I hugged Mom so tight.
"I am proud of you" she said while caressing my hair. "Whatever happens always remember that I will always be...proud of you"
"Even if I fail? Even if I disappoint you before?"
"Regardless. Your Mom is always proud of you"
Yung pinipigil kong iyak ay ito na. Ewan ko kung ano yung iyak na to. Pressured ba o guilt o fear o nalulungkot lang talaga ako.
"Do your best. Okay?"
Tumango ako then she smiles.
"Go to your Dad. Maya maya ilalabas na siya" sabi niya.
After kong magbihis ng plastic body suits ay lumapit na ako kay Dad. Naghehesitate akong hawakan ang kamay niya. This hand that pushes me away...
"Dad.."
I took a deep breath.
"I - I am taking back all the harsh words I told you the last time we talked" mariin akong pumikit. Guilt is killing me right now.
"I hope it is not too late. I hope I can erase all those words, Dad. I hope you can hear me right now" tuloy ng tumulo ang luha ko.
"I'll make you proud. I- I promise"
I wiped my tears. It really hurts talking to someone you hated a lot. I hate him. Yes. I hate him but I still love him and that hurts me more.
"When you wake up, It'll be different. I'll be different. I will never be the same Lareen, Dad. I will do everything to earn your trust, Daddy"
I kneel down before his bed and caress his hand.
"I'll jump again but I won't run away. I will stay and work hard. No running away, Daddy. No more hiding. No more lies. No more pretending. This time...I will live a real life"
I stand up and bend towards him. I touched his hair.
"Get well soon, Dad. I love you" I said and kissed him on the cheek.
ARKIN
"Doy, magandang umaga. Kamusta?" Garalgal pa ang boses ko dahil kagagaling ko lang sa tulog. Hindi pa ako bumabangon sa kama pero naisip ko ng tanungin si Andoy patungkol sa Barangkal.
"Boss" bakas ang pagkalungkot sa boses niya. Napahawak ako sa ulo. Alam ko na ito.
"Wala kang napapunta sa Barangkal?"
"Meron boss, kaso si Ma'am Kassandra po..kasi..e..-" halos utal utal niyang paliwanag.
"Ha?"
"Ano boss e...kasi"
"Okay na, Doy. Gets ko na. Kung invloved si Ate, alam ko na" sabi ko at natigilan ako ng may kumatok sa pinto ng kwarto ko.
"Arkin! Arkin!" Sunod sunod na malakas na katok ang narinig ko mula sa labas ng kwarto ko. It's Ate Kassandra.
"Here she is. Salamat, Doy at magandang umaga"
"Pasensya na talaga, Boss" sabi nito at pinatay ko na ang phone.
"Arkin, ano ba?! Buksa mo to!"
Hindi ko siya pinansin. Kumuha ako ng unan at itinakip ito sa tenga ko.
"You dumb! Open this door or you will regret that you live!" Sigaw pa niya.
Kassandra is very bossy. Yeah. I know that she's the only girl in the family and she's used to get what she wants but sometimes I am so sick of adjusting to her. Brat. Pft.
"Come on, Ate! Hacé tu vida!" I shouted back.
"Mabuksan ko lang 'to and I'll take yours, Moron! Open this door!!! Now or -"
She stopped the moment I opened the door. Nagulat pa siya ng bahagya.
"What's your problem?!" Hawak ko ang pinto at hindi ko siya pinapasok.
Nanlisik ang mata niya. "Ang tigas ng ulo mo no? Nagpadala ka pa ng tao para pumunta sa Barangkal?!"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Lakas talaga ng radar mo no?"
"Screw whatever plans you have, Arkin. Or else -"
"Or else? Itutuloy mo ang demolisyon?"
Pero imbis na sumagot ay ngumiti lang siya at alam kong malala pa yon kesa sa iniisip ko.
"Trust me, you don't want to hear it" she said. I don't know her plans pero si Kassandra yung taong hindi mo dapat inu-underestimate.
"I need to check them"
"Check her. It's her. Say it, Arkin. Say it" she clenched her jaw.
"Stop it, Ate Kass. You can't just stopped me from caring about her. La amo"
"Marami pang iba dyan" mapakla niyang sabi.
"Why would I find someone else when I already found her?" I look her in the eyes.
She pursed her lips. "Stop being delusional, Arkin. For once, listen to me! Por favor!"
Umiling ako. "No. I cannot. I love her. I am sorry but I can't just undo it. It's not that easy"
She stared back. She's hurt. I know. She's my sister. I love kassandra and I feel like an asshole for hurting her like this but this is too much. She's asking too much from me. This is something that is out of my control. How can I forget her? How can I unlove her?
For once they should let me do what my heart wants me to do - and that is to pursue her.
My heart wants to pursue her.
La amo.
"You done?"
"Di pa tayo tapos, Arkin" sabi niya at naglakad palayo.
"You forgot your manners. Good morning, Kassandra" sabi ko sa palayong si Ate. Padabog siyang naglakad palayo.
"Desesperado!!"
"Have you brushed your teeth? Aga-aga mong nang-aaway!" Habol ko.
"Che!" She shouted back and I closed my door.
I leaned at the back of the door.
"Oh, Reena. Anong ginagawa mo sa akin?"
I closed my eyes and try to remember her face.
"I miss you" I whispered.
I miss her lips and the way she pursed it.
I miss her hair and it's scent that awakens me.
I miss how she annoys me with her clumsiness.
I miss her laugh and her face when I teased her.
I miss the wrinkles in her nose when she's clueless or curious.
She's all i can see when my eyes are closed.
Damn.
Reena, I wonder if you missed me too. Because right now, I can give up everything jus to see you.
"Arkin? Are you awake?" It's Mom.
Unti unti kong binuksan ang mata ko. "Yes, Mom" as I opened the door.
"Breakfast is ready. Akala ko nasabi na ng Ate mo?"
"Hindi niya priority na pagalmusalin ako. Inaway niya lang ako e" nagpacute ako kay Mommy sabay kamot sa ulo.
"Don't mind her. Tara na at ikaw na lang ang inaantay" sabi niya at hinawakan ako sa pisngi.
"Sunod ako" sabi ko at nagmadali na akong nagbihis.
Ilang saglit lang ay nasa dining table na ako. Dad is busy with his newspaper and Kris is on his phone while Kassandra is driking her coffee.
"Good morning" I said and they looked at me. I smiled and take the seat beside Dad.
"Paantay ka talaga lagi e no, kuya?" Karl hissed.
"Sisihin mo yung spoiled nating Ate" sabi ko habang inaayos ang table napkin.
"Why me?"
"Imbis na inaway mo ko e di sana sinabi mong magaalmusal na"
Inirapan niya ako.
"Guys please.." nakakunot noong saway ni Mommy. "Don't start"
Naghands up na ako. Waving the white flag.
"So do you have any plans to make your stay here productive, Arkin?" Dad asked.
"Uhm..."
"Hindi mo naman siguro buburuhin ang sarili mo sa bahay na ito diba?" He added.
"Maybe" I answered.
"Maybe? I'll take that as a yes. So I have a Trade Launch party I need to attend next week - pumunta ka don. " he firmly said.
Napatigil ako sa pagkain.
"What? I don't like parties. Mierda"
"Arkin, your words please" awat ni Mommy
"I don't care if you doesn't like. Just go. I want you to go so just go" he said at nung tumingin alo kay Ate Kassandra at Kris ay nagtatawanan sila.
"What's funny?"
Ate Cass just rolled her eyes at me.
"Dad please. Ask me anything but not social gatherings like that" I looked at Dad pero parang wala siyang balak na baguhin ang desisyon niya.
"Anything, Arkin? Really?" Makahulugang sabi ni Ate.
"Càllate!" I hissed.
"You shut up" balik niya sa akin. "Dad, Arkin is anti-social. He hates socializing with fancy people" sarcastic na sabi ni Ate.
"I don't hate it, Ate. I am just not used to it, okay?"
Nagkibit-balikat lang siya.
"Come on, Kuya. You can do it. After all, all of us here are fancy people" dagdag pa ni Karl.
"Just because you lived in Barangkal doesnt mean that you are not one of us" Ate added
"Enough" Dad cuts us off. "Arkin, go to that gathering so you get used to it. End of discussion"
Nangitian sila Ate at Karl.
Hindi na ako nagobject. Wala na akong magagawa.