"What did the letter say?" Maya asked for the third time.
I wasn't able to understand her infatuation. In the letter, Aubrey said that he was going through some things, that he missed me and that he met a girl who he thought looked a lot like me. He'd seen someone, someone who resembled me. What if he had developed feelings for her? I couldn't fathom the thought.
I ignored Maya's question once again, uncertain of what to say about what I had read. The letter itself was innocent and the tone was gentle, but what if something had happened after he sent it? What if he liked her? I couldn't begin to imagine being without him for good.
I couldn't go back to being "that girl". The one who was insecure, shy, and uncertain. Now that I got a glimpse of what life could be like, I refused go back to being without him.
"She reminds me so much of you that it hurts; curly black hair, dark brown skin: it's almost disturbing. But her eyes, they're nothing compared to yours. Her eyes are pretty, but unlike yours, they are dead, emotionless, and borderline creepy. Your eyes are filled with life, animated and emotional. I can tell whether something is wrong from one glance, and it was one of the best features about you. I trained myself to identify your feelings from the looks in your eyes. I miss looking at those eyes, Amber. I want to see them starting back at me with adoration, and love."
What if she reminded him so much of me, that he started dating her? Would he let me know then? Would he have told me whether he felt for her or not?
I doubt I'll ever see her again, but it was so weird not to talk about it with you.
"I feel like you're ignoring me," Maya finally realized, pulling out a short burgundy dress from the clothes rack.
"I'm sorry, I just feel like every time we're together I bombard you with information about Aubrey and I. I don't even know what you've been up to lately." I tried, crossing my fingers, praying that it was enough to get her to leave me alone.
To this, her eyes widened, "I've been okay, I guess. Blake and I are on a break. We decided it would be best to postpone our relationship until after graduation." She disclosed.
"Is he coming to our graduation?" I asked her. Blake was very unpredictable, I doubted she knew whether or not he would attend.
"I don't know. I mean, he could." Maya shrugged, flipping her long, gray hair over one shoulder.
"I hope he does." I concluded, searching through the rack for a reasonable looking dress. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, but a few things caught my eye.
"Is Chris going to be there? She asked, rolling her eyes at the mention of his name.
"Of course he will." I laughed, "he's my friend."
"Amber, why do you even like Chris?" She asked, looking confused. She turned to face me, giving her full undivided attention.
"I don't know. Because I do. Why do you hate him?" I asked.
"He honestly doesn't seem like a genuine person. He doesn't tickle my fancy." She said, and I cringed inwardly. Maya usually kept her feelings about others to herself, it was surprising to hear her admit that she hated Chris.
"He hasn't even done anything to you. Are you sure you're not just jealous that we're hanging out?" I asked, hoping that was the only reason she didn't like him.
"Amber, I'm serious. He's shady, I can tell. I don't want him to hurt you..." she confessed.
I thought about her words. Maya wasn't very vocal when it came to feelings, so the mere fact that she felt the need to speak about it changed my views about Chris.
My phone vibrated in my back pocket.
They say, "speak of the devil and he shall appear." Chris's name popped up on the screen.
Chris: Hey, what you doing? 😍
I didn't even want to reply to the text message. I knew that he did nothing to me in particular, but if my oldest friend, Aubrey and even Alissa hated him, then I had to be careful.
Amber: Nothing much, headed home soon. I responded, trying not to disclose too much information regarding my whereabouts.
Chris:I'm Picking u up!🤗
Amber: I'm not close, might not be home for a few hours.🙃
Chris: But I want to see you today.. can you at least come over?
Amber: 🙄🤔 I'll think about it..
Chris: is that a "no?"
Amber: That's an "I'll think about it."
Chris: okay. Cut the shit... What's up? Why you talking to me like this?
Amber: Nothing's up. Gtg, I'll see you soon tho.
Chris: 😩 please come over.
I didn't want to, but I felt obligated to do so. I was his only friend. I brought him into my life and now I had him, for good.
...
"What is it?" Chris asked, staring at me intently. His eyes pierced into my own.
"It's nothing Chris.." I rolled my eyes upward, moving past him to sit on the couch.
"Bullshit! Stop lying to me. I can tell that you're not alright." He stated, standing in front of me. His eyes were large and calming as he stared down at me.
"I'm just so confused." I said, to get him to leave me alone. "I miss Aubrey, and all these important things are coming up that he most likely might not be able to attend." A lone tear slipped down my face, and I almost broke into sobs, but I remembered who I was and quickly wiped It away. Maybe that was actually what I needed, someone to explain these feelings to.
"I'll be here for you." Chris said, sitting next to me, "if you can't rely on him, rely on me.".
"I can rely on him. I know I can, it's just... you know what... it doesn't matter." I stopped complaining, "thank you for being here for me Chris. I really appreciate it."
"Anytime.." he said, inching closer, "I, I just want to be here, for you."
"Thank you, it means so much to me that you'd take the time out to talk to me. I'm not sure what I'd do if I wasn't for you... you are literally one of the best frie....." I was forced into silence, when a pair of lips covered my own. Chris's lips were soft and firm, and surprisingly sweet. I pulled away in surprise, reflexively slapping him in the face.
I was furious. Why would he even have thought about kissing me??
"What the fuck Chris?" I screamed, shooting to my feet. "We're friends, but not any more you fucking creep. We can't hangout. I'm done."
"I'm so fucking sorry. I just got carried away, I wanted to feel your lips...."
"But you can't do that Chris, WE ARE FRIENDS!" I interrupted, voice raised a few octaves higher than his.
"Don't you get it? I don't want want to be just friends anymore. I'm tired of all this shit.. me comforting you, you thanking me. It's not working out for me anymore. I want to be your man, the one that you call to talk to late nights, the one you love so much that it hurts. I can't be friends." He explained, my mouth hung wide open as I thought of something to say.
"You're right. We can't be friends" There was a smile that was almost unnerving plastered on his features. "We shouldn't speak anymore." I made sure to make my way to the front door before I delivered my final blow. "Lose my number, don't come to my house, my school, don't call or text me. Let's just go back to how it was before we met."
"Amber, wait. Please." He was quick, he sprinted to the door, luckily I was already running to my car, and had the door opened within seconds. "Stop!" He launched forward, grabbing my arm, and turning my small frame to face him.
"Let Go of me!" I gritted out. There was an emotion I had ever felt around Chris. It was fear, and it crawled down my spine like a millipede, slowly and very uncomfortably.
"Just listen to me." He tried, the corners of his bright eyes wet with tears. Seeing him so vulnerable softened my feelings. "I- I'm sorry that I did that... but" he breathed out through his mouth before continuing, " I've loved you since the first day I met you."
I gasped, taking a step back into side of my car. He didn't get to confess this. He didn't get to tell me that he loved me.
"Are you trying emotional manipulation on me? Cause Chris, I. Don't. Love. You." I explained, my head hurt, my eyes burned with unshed tears. It was honestly the worst feeling in the world. It was one thing to let Chris go as a friend, but to break his heart felt like over kill.
Chris banged one of his fists against the hood of my car. The sound frightened me and I jumped back, trying to escape his rage.
"Yes you do! I can feel it. Why can't you?" His eyes seemed deranged, unlike the Chris I'd known.
While he was speaking, I shoved him away from me, he stumbled back. I took that time to slip into the drivers seat, start the car, and lock the doors.
Tears streamed down my face as I sped off, leaving Chris and the house behind me.
A/N Omg.. y'all are probably like.. "Are you alive?" Lol yeah I'm here, just been back in school recently, less time to write. But I appreciate all who stuck around. Thank you!