I had awoken a little earlier than planned. My eyes fought against the sleep before I was successfully able to pull myself out of bed. I yawned and stretched, noticing the still quiet atmosphere. Shrugging it away, I headed out the door and downstairs for breakfast.
"Anyone home?" I announced. Silence.
It was peculiar that no one was here. Ever since mother had been bedridden at the hospital, the house hasn't been as lively as it was. Sort of at least.
I wiped the sleep out of my eyes, as I poured the water to the kettle, spilling a little of the water to the sink. I always enjoyed a coffee in the morning, or tea, but I wasn't quite accustomed to making my own breakfast yet. I sighed, waiting for the water to boil, while leaning against the counter.
I missed (F/N). Whether or not I refused to admit it to myself, I had missed her. I never realized how her very presence was enough to lighten up my mood for the morning. I never realized how much I missed her delicious breakfast as well. I hoped to see her soon.
A sudden buzzing against my pocket knocked me out of my thoughts. I fished inside my pocket, and whipped out my phone. The caller ID name made me jolt.
'Text Message : Freya Darling (1)'.
I hurriedly swiped my phone, quickly entering the pass code to unlock it.
'Hey Robbie. Just wanted to drop by and apologize for what'd happened to your mother. You have my sympathy. I know you're in California at the moment, maybe even in need of a companion. Fortunately, I happen to be here as well due to a business trip. If you're up to it, meet me at the coffee shop near the public library later around 1. I will be waiting.'
I didn't bother to reply, instead shutting my phone off and slipping it back inside my pocket. I glanced at the clock. 8:27 A.M. I had plenty of freetime. Maybe after the coffee, I can proceed to shower.
The sound of the kettle whistling startled me, and I'd hurriedly shut the stove, pouring the hot water on my mug. Good morning to me.
The bristling sound of the water dropping against my bare skin felt refreshing. I hadn't known how long I'd been standing under the shower. I tend to stay inside for longer than planned as I reevaluate my life choices. I combed my fingers through my wet hair, slicking it back.
My head was pounding. The thought of the divorce could not leave my mind. I was still holding on to that hope. I had prayed that whatever I had planned will eventually happen. It was eating me alive, and even the warmest shower could not calm my shaking nerves.
Deciding that my showering would not do the California drought justice, I left, but I was unable to leave the lingering and troubled thoughts in my head.
I'd decided to meet up with Freya at the end. I really needed to clear my mind. I needed to distract myself from this, and I knew nothing but a small talk with her would help me.
12:20 P.M.
With a press, my car had locked. I wasn't surprised to see her figure hunched over to her cup of coffee. She must've spotted me through the clear glass, and immediately waved to me, enthusiastically. I raised a hand in acknowledgement, and pushed my way through the doors. She had a bright smile, as I'd walked over to her.
Freya followed my figure as I seated myself comfortably in front of her. She was beaming, and it puzzled me slightly. I've never seen a woman so happy.
"I'm so glad you can make it." Her smile turned into a crestfallen look. "Although, I really do apologize. I heard about your mother, and I wanted to check if you were dealing with this just fine."
Her hand reached over to me, and gave them a slight rub. Cold. For a woman who's hands has been gripping onto a hot cup of coffee, hers felt cold.
I shook my head. "No, I'm alright. She's fine. She's doing well at least. I.. never expected this to happen to her."
"Your mother is a strong woman, love. She can fight this. I believe in her, as much as I believe in you."
She squeezed my hand. For a moment, I felt the sign of reassurance through my veins. I let out a slight smile. I was right, I needed her comfort.
"I didn't want us to reunite with such a sad note. How've you been, Freya? How's business?" I looked at her.
Her solemn look quickly adapted to one of elation.
"Oh! It's doing great. To my luck, I was able to expand the shop a little bit. You can definitely drop by if you want. Plenty of jewelry to be sold now. My clients have been more than happy with their purchases." She rambled on. Her face seem to have brightened with every sentence. I was happy for her. She was doing well.
"That's very lucky of you. I hope your business strives to its highest point."
Freya smiled genuinely. "Thank you, Robbie. It really means a lot to me. What about you? You seem so troubled. Are you positive your mother is alright? You seem to be doing very unwell. You're paler than usual."
I was debating in my head whether or not I should mention the divorce papers. I was troubled, and I couldn't find another way out of this. I inhaled a deep breath, and thought maybe it's about time I release this off my chest. I couldn't have much time to think about it in depth. I couldn't keep her waiting.
"(F/N) and I, our marriage is being cut short by my parents." I pressed my lips together, suppressing the scream that wanted to release. I didn't want to lose her, under any circumstance.
Freya nodded in acknowledgement. "And I'm guessing you do not want it to end?"
I shook my head rapidly, "No. I'd fallen for her. But I couldn't let my pride run to my toes, I signed the divorce papers anyway. However, my plan is to never mention any of these events to her and maybe then we wouldn't have to cut the marriage right?"
I knew for a fact I sounded very desperate. I sounded like a lost puppy. I sounded so helpless.
Because I was.
I was so desperate for help. I knew my mother was ill, but I'd now wished she came here as well to at least grieve with me. I regretted not taking her here as well.
The sudden feeling of my hand being caressed took me by surprised. I looked up and saw Freya. Her eyes shone in pity, and almost sadness.
"Robbie, you're not in love with her."
What?
I stared at her in disbelief, "What do you mean I'm not in love with her? I feel lonely without her!"
She shook her head. "No Robbie. That's not love. Love is more than just feeling lonely when they're far. Love is being patient, forgiving, caring, and fear of losing them. I know for a fact that you only claim to be in love because you've never been this close to a woman before. You're not in love with her, you're just so drowned under the feeling of actually being around her that you mistaken it for love. Believe me, I've been through something like this."
Suddenly, the spark in her eyes had drowned into melancholy. My eyes widened at the sight of her eyes.
She was on the verge of crying.
"Freya--"
"I had been played like this before. My previous 'lover' claimed that he was in love with me. But he wasn't. He was just so accustomed to being around me, that he thought he could never imagine himself with someone else. I was heartbroken when I'd discovered he'd ran off to another woman."
A drop of tear had fallen from her red cheeks. I quickly leaned over to wipe them, standing from my seat.
"Don't cry. He's not worth crying over."
Freya stared at me, her eyes clouded with tears. I couldn't look away anymore.
Before I had known, my lips were against hers. Our lips moved in sync, my chapped lips against her soft ones. I'd shut my eyes, and cared of nothing. Not even the surroundings. I'd envisioned it was (F/N). I pulled her closer, unknowing the person in my mind was not the person I was kissing.
When I'd opened my eyes, I immediately pulled back. Our breathes were uneven, and I was panting from the lack of air.
It felt wrong to kiss her, I don't know why it felt wrong. But, it won't really count if she wasn't what I'd envisioned... right?
"Robbie..? Are you alright?"
Freya reached over to grab my hand, but I pulled back. I licked my lips, and stood up.
"I need to go. I have errands to run. It was nice seeing you again. I'm sorry I can't stay longer."
I pulled out a small handkerchief from my jacket pocket and handed it to her.
"Please don't cry. I dislike seeing you cry."
I fled the coffee shop not a minute later. As I entered the car, I saw her wiping her tears. I inwardly in relief, thanking her for being so understanding.
As I pulled out of the parking lot, my mind raced. I'd kissed Freya. Yet imagined it was (F/N). I knew I was going crazy. I drove back home, hoping maybe a small nap would help me.
The nap that had planned to keep me from going insane didn't help. I was so on edge, my eyes were bloodshot red. My hair was unkempt. I looked beyond jaded.
The ringing of my phone woke me up further. I glanced at the ID then the time. It was 7:47 P.M. I slept longer than expected. Must've been because I woke up earlier than I usually do.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Robbie, dear? I have great news, I would like to tell you this in person." It was my mother.
"..Sure, I'll be on my way." I half yawned. I shut off my phone after a 'bye, and I love you'. I didn't bother to change my attire. I had left the house without another word.
Whatever the news was, I hope it would be enough to cheer my dead spirit.
My shoes clicked against the tiled floor. As I neared her room, I was growing nervous and anxious. What was this feeling? She said she had good news, why did I feel so worried? Why do I feel like something's wrong?
I'd opened the door, and my tired eyes opened wide. My mouth fell agape.
"..(F/N)..?" I stuttered.
She stood there, in her beauty and glory, staring at me with a hint of disappointment in her eyes. Her lashes looked damp, had she been crying?
"I missed you." I wanted to say, but I couldn't. I was frozen on the spot.
She finally broke our heated stare, and looked at the door. She looked so devastated.
"Robbie! I'm very glad you can make it." My mother announced. I'd forgotten I came her for the good news. My heart was rapidly beating.
"What was the good news?" I asked, with a low voice.
"(F/N) here had signed the papers. The marriage is now over and out of your hair!"
I felt my heart sink to my toes. That centimeter of hope I had, vanished. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't speak.
My biggest fear of losing her, is finally happening. And I refused to accept it. God, no..
..Let this be a nightmare. Please.