I can't do this, this is wrong, so wrong.
That keeps replaying in my head faster and faster as I walk over to my bestfriend Nash's house. My boyfriend, Nash's bestfriend, Jack Gilinsky is at vidcon right now, and he hasn't called me, or texted me in three weeks. He won't return my calls either. What did I do wrong? I don't know. But, I did something terrible last weekend, something I promised myself I would never do.
I slept with Nash.
Yes, I know it was a fucked up the to do, but Jack wasn't picking up his phone and it felt as if he just dropped off the face of the earth. I was sad and Nash was there, He was there to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. I was vulnerable. Right now, I'm supposed to be joining Nash for movie, But I know it's going to end up somewhere else, it always has.
I knock on the door quietly, taking deep breaths as I wait. I bear footsteps and the door opens. Nash welcomes me with a huge bearhug. When he lets go I realize that he's shirtless.
Not, now hormones. Not now.
I step into his home and sit on the couch. Nash quietly sits next to me. We both know the tension is growing, I can tell by the look on his face.
"Nash." I blurt
"Hmm?" He looks at me
"We need to talk, about...about last weekend." I mumble
"I though you were never going to ask that." He says, looking relieved
"What we did that night, and-um that morning, was a mistake. I love Jack and I would have never done something like this." I say
"I know, that's what I've been meaning to tell you, I just couldn't shake the feeling of doing this to him. I mean, I was the one who set you two up. It's just that, I've always had this crush on you, even when I first saw you I became hooked, but I realized Jack was a better match and I-I just didn't want to ruin that. But, that night I was so pissed that Jack was ignoring you, I just wanted to show you how being treated right, felt like." He says, his hand on my thigh
Oohhh, boy.
"I'm really glad you agree. What we did was fun, and I'm not going to say that I'm not attracted to you, because I am. But, I really love Jack." I say, smiling
He smiles too and we both stand up. I wrap my arms around his neck as he wraps his arms around my waist. I squeeze him gently and pull away. But his grip on my waist doesn't loosen. I look up at him and his blue eyes meet mine. He leans I'm slowly, and I do too.
What the hell am I doing?! We just had a whole conversation about this???!
His tongue brushes against my lip and I give him entrance. We both pull away at the same time, letting go of each other.
"No, no, shit!" Nash says running his hand through his long hair "Damnit, I'm so sorry."
"Nash." I say quietly
He looks at me.
"What if, what if Jack is cheating?" I'd at quietly
"What? No, baby, don't say that. He isn't cheating." He says, walking up to me
"No, it's all, making sense now!" I exclaim, tears falling down my face "He was anxious to leave, Madison was invited to Vidcon, Jack even told me that they might have a room together! He promised, he promised me!"
"Don't think like that." Nash says
"And I'm just as bad as he is!" I say, walking up to Nash and sobbing into his chest
"Its okay, it's okay." He says
"Nash, make me feel better." I say quietly
"What? How?" He asks
"Please, Nash, make me forget." I mumble "Make me forget, show me how I should be treated.
Nash took my face in his hands, looking into my eyes. He kissed my lips softly, like repeated pecks. I stood on my tip-toes to reach his lips. My fingers tangled into his long hair.
"I have to have you." He says quietly, looking into my eyes "Please, give me a chance. I'll treat you like the princess you are."
"What about Ja-"
"Do you love him?" He asks
"Yes, yes I love him." I say
"So you love him as a friend or as a lover?" He asks
I blink a few times, that's a great question. All this time I've been saying how much I love Jack, not even stopping to ask that million dollar question.
"I-I" is all a can make out
Nash pulls me closer, forcing me on to his feet so I can reach his face.
"I will be everything you want and more." He whispers
He kisses me again before I could finish. He lifts me up, gripping my thighs. He carries me into his bedroom, laying me down on his bed. He took off my shirt gently. His blue eyes staring into mine. He took off my shorts and threw them over his head playfully. I let out a small giggle and pull his head up to mine. I tugged at the hem of his pants, trying to pull them down. He smiled at my failed attempt and pulls them down.
He kisses my stomach down to my underwear. He stops there, and hooks his fingers onto the hem and pulls them down slowly. I pinch my thighs together and close my eyes tightly. I'm not used to being naked in front of..well anyone really.
"Please don't be shy around me, babe, You are perfect in my eyes." Nash says
I slowly open my legs, breathing deeply, trying to calm myself down. My body jerks when I feel his tongue at my area. He lightly flicks his tongue at my clit, making me go crazy. I grab a hold of his hair and tug gently, making him groan, sending vibrations into my legs. I moan softly, biting my lip. He comes back up, kissing me passionately. He pulls down his boxers making his length slap against his stomach.
"Nash." I say nervously
"Yes, baby?" He asks
"Please, please be gentle. I've only done it, once. So please, be as gentle as you can." I say
"Anything you want, princess." He says
He leans down and kisses my cheek. He grabs a condom and rolls it on. He holds my hips and gives me a look of reassurance. He pushes in slowly, making sure not to be too rough. I yelp in pain, Nash is a little bit bigger than Jack, so it hurts more.
"God, it feels like I'm being ripped apart." I say, only half joking
He pulls out slowly and thrusts in again. He lets himself hover over me, his elbows keeping him from crushing me under his weight. His eyes focus on my face, small groans escaping his mouth. I grab onto his hair, pulling it a bit rougher than I did last time.
"You can go faster." I whisper
He obeyed by picking up the pace, going deeper each time. He lowered his head into the crook of my neck, muffling his moans of pleasure. His hand traveled down to my legs and wrapped one around his back, making him hit a spot that made me melt.
"Nash.." I moaned out
"Fuck, say my name like that again." He moaned
I did as I was told. He kissed me sloppily, biting my lip occasionally. He went faster, hiting that spot again, harder this time. I moaned loudly, quickly shutting my mouth. I wasn't the vocal type. He held the leg that was around his waist tightly, throwing his head back. My nails raked down his back. My stomach grew tight, I knew what that meant.
"Nash, I think-I think I'm gonna-" My sentence was cut off with an uncontrollable moan
A euphoric feeling crashed onto my body, shaking my petite frame. My nails digging into his back. His eyes were screwed shut, his mouth slightly open. His grip on my leg tightened, his whole body stiffened. He collapsed beside me, breathing heavily. He threw the condom out and kissed my forehead. He held me close, staring into my eyes.
"Can we try and make this work"? He asks
I nod. "Yes, just don't hurt me.
"I wouldn't dare." He says, pushing his head into the crook of my neck, kissing it lightly
This could work.