things were a little rocky in the beginning with luke away, but we slowly fell into a rhythm of constant contact as much as possible, and everything went back to normal - or as normal as can be when your boyfriend is half way across the globe.
i can easily say everything has been good, great even. and i don't want to jinx anything but we're back to our 'too good to be true' phase and i'm worried it won't last long. nothing good in my life lasts long.
•••
"luke i-i can't do this anymore, i-it's too much.." i say to my boyfriend, as tears roll down my cheeks.
"shh.. baby, it'll be okay.." he says, trying to make me feel better, knowing it isn't helping. "i'll, uh, be on the first plane out of here, and to you, tomorrow morning."
"n-no, it's fine." i say trying to force a small smile. "i just miss them so much."
"i know - er, i don't but, um" he scratches his head. "just try not to think about them? go talk to your foster parents..?"
i roll my eyes.
when i was about five years old, my parents died in a car crash. not going into too many details, but it was definitely my fault. it's something i remember in snapshots: first snapshot- me leaning over my seat, playing with the car radio; second snapshot- my parents yelling at me, telling me to stop; last snapshot- the hospital.
i've been placed in a countless number of foster homes since then, getting switched almost yearly because i was 'too emotionally damaged' to be living with other kids. i've been in this home for about a year and a half - no kids, but that doesn't mean a quiet house. i know i don't have the worst life in the world, so i shouldn't be complaining, but my foster parents argue so much, and i know i'm the reason they won't get a divorce. they'd lose me. but they don't even like me?
"if i did that you know what would happen, i would get yelled at or hit, and i'm not in the mood for that." i joke, or at least try to joke.
luke bites his lip softly, not finding it all that funny. "then tell them how you feel. tell them you feel like this house is broken in two and you'll go to social services if they don't figure something out."
"i wish it were that easy luke." i sigh. "everything used to be so perfect. they used to love each other. they used to love me. i wish i could go up to them and be like 'hey mom, hey dad, what happened? when did this end? when did you lose your happiness?'."
"you can, why won't you?"
"because there's a huge part of me hoping, praying, that i won't need to. that they'll figure this out all on their own."
•••
word count: 492 words
i kinda like this chapter i think?? IDK WHAT DO YOU THINK!
also i have like ideas for soooo many stories but i have NO time! im helping my dad at work, i have APLANG summer assingmentS, so many books to read, netflix to watch ;) and i have to do drivers ed ahhh
WHAT ARE YOUR SUMMER PLANS ?? :)
k bye