15. Confession and Conviction
I scream as I feel a burning sensation on my face.
My head snaps up, and I realize where I am. The lighting, the no windows. I'm shackled in a chair, a chair that's stuck in the middle of the Devil's trap.
I'm in the fucking bunker dungeon.
I struggle against the restraints, desperately wanting relief for the sting in my face.
"About time you woke up."
Sam steps into the light, a frown etched into his face. He's the only one in the dungeon with me; Dean and Cas are nowhere to be found. I look at my brother.
"Where's Claire?" I ask.
"None of your business." As an extra low blow, he throws holy water on me again.
I scream. "Would you stop that?!"
"You're not in a position to be making demands." He crosses his arms.
"Sam..."
"Who are you, really?"
I blink in confusion. "W-what?"
"Don't play stupid with me, this is far from my first interrogation. Answer the question."
"Sam, it's me. It's Jo." My voice is raspy.
He snorts, rolling his eyes. "My sister is dead."
"No, I'm right here."
"No, you're not her. This sounds about right for your kind. You try and pull off a stunt like this in hopes of, what? Spying on us? Getting the chance to put our heads up for display on your mantle in Hell?"
"Sam." I cry out as a get a third holy water shower. "Stop it, God damn it." I can't wipe my face, which I know is slowly healing.
"You know, I'm considering giving you credit. Your kind seem to be stepping it up lately in your acting skills."
I pant. "This isn't an act."
"You expect me to believe that Josette really came back in a different body, you hitched a ride, and you decided to make your debut at Randy's house, killing people?"
"Well, you haven't done this interrogation before now." I shrug. "So you believe it on some level. Gah." I shake my head as holy water sprinkles my face again. This is getting really old now. "You can deny that all you want, you know I'm right about that."
"That's too good to be true. I figured I'd play the game, wait for the right moment. I've got to thank you for that one, by slaughtering those men at Randy's house. That really drove my theory home."
I groan. "There aren't two different people in this body, there's only one. It's just me. Josette. Your sister." I wince, as I think Sam is about ready to throw holy water on me again. He spares me the pain, for now.
He slowly paces in front of me, dagger eyes not focusing on anywhere else but me. "She left me. She left us."
"I never left you," I say, pleading. "Look, I get it. The eyes made you jump to conclusions. Totally understandable." I frown. "I just wish you didn't have Cas as an accomplice."
"He wasn't happy about it."
"He still did it."
"It was either he did it the nice way, or I did it the not-so-nice way." Sam shrugs.
I struggle in the chair. "Are you gonna kill me?" I eye him warily.
Sam pulls out the demon knife. "I've thought about it."
"But you want to see how much you can make me suffer first." I snort. "And I thought I had the darkest side. I'm the one who went to Hell and came out a demon."
"Josette didn't go to Hell."
"Well, she didn't go to Heaven, either." I feel weird referring to myself in the third person.
"So you're not my sister." He nods slowly.
I groan. "All right, let's end this bullshit talk fest. I know that you absolutely hate clowns as much as Dean hates flying with a burning passion, just like how I hate feet." I wrinkle my nose. "Peanut butter and banana is the best sandwich in your eyes, which Dean and I will never understand." I suck in a breath. "When storms got rough, you would always cuddle with me because that's just what we did. You and I were always closer than Dean and I—hell, even more than Dad and I ever were.
"You broke your arm that time we dressed up as superheroes. I was Wonder Woman. We freaking carved our initials into Baby, and they're still there. Dean shoved Legos into the vents—and we still hear them rattle when the heat's on. You crammed an army man into the ashtray, and it's still there." I feel the tears welling in my eyes. "The night that I left you, and Dad, and Dean, I told you that I would always love you. I told you that you still had time to get out too."
Sam's face is still intense, but his eyes tell me he's considering my words. I keep my brain working fast. I know I've got him thinking, I just need him to really realize that it's me, his sister, Josette Avery Winchester. Born in Lawrence Kansas, on February 5th, 1981.
"The night that you lost us," I say through tears, "I was out of my body. You were at my bed, sleeping. You were waiting for me to wake up, and my God, Sammy, you have no idea how much I wanted to. But then a reaper came knocking and convinced me that I was making you hurt more by hanging on." I chuckle darkly. "How I let a reaper trick me, who actually wasn't a reaper at all. While I was flat lining, he was taking my soul to Hell, Sam." I sniff. "Everyone had you out of my room as they tried to save me, but even I knew as I went downstairs, there was no chance."
I see a tear slip down Sam's face, he acts as though it doesn't fall. He knows, he has to know I'm telling the truth. Hell couldn't get those things out of me. Hell didn't want those details. All Hell served as was a torture chamber.
"I-I'm sorry, Sammy. Believe me, I kicked myself every day I was in Hell, even when I had demons kicking my ass, wearing you and Dean, and Mom and Dad..." I shudder. "I let you down, again. I left you when you needed me most, and I came back with faces with no names to put to them. I woke up in a different body, scared, confused..."
"Why did you?" Sam finally asks.
"Why did I what?"
"You come back?"
"I escaped Hell. Something happened, though, that caused the memory lapse. It all came back to me when Dean was still a demon." I wrinkle my nose.
"So he knew. And I'm sure Cas did."
I nod solemnly. "They did. Sam..."
"You don't need to plead your case more," he says. His face has softened greatly, and that's the best news for me. "The one thing I know about my sister is that she always says everything with conviction."
I laugh through my tears. "Could you maybe...?"
Sam steps into the trap with me, but he hesitates. I look at him with big, green eyes. He takes a chance and lets the restraints off. I stand up, rubbing my wrists.
"Why am I not in my body, though, Sam? You never answered that for me the first time I asked."
He rubs the back of his head. "When you...died, I, uh, did a Hunter's Funeral for you."
"You...you burned my body?!"
Sam winces. "I didn't think you were gonna come back. And I kind of did it because, as much as I was alone, I didn't want you back, Jo. I didn't want to go through the pain of seeing you be resurrected like Dean and I have so many times. I didn't want to see you trapped in the same endless cycle that we've gotten ourselves into."
"Sammy," I whimper, "if I had gone to Heaven, I would've stayed. But I went to Hell, and you know I wasn't gonna want to stay there for all of eternity." I laugh apathetically. "As much as I was against a second chance, I'm...I'm glad I have it."
"There's something else, Jo. Your...demoness."
"I'm not taking the cure. Dean already gave me that option," I say adamantly.
"You...don't want to be human again?"
I shake my head. "What happened was a...lapse in judgment. Total lapse in judgment. But it's out of my system now. It'll be managed better."
Sam gives me a severe look. "I don't know..."
"Sam, let me do this. Okay? You need to trust me." I look at him with hopeful eyes.
"You won't take the cure willingly, huh?" He tries a weak attempt at a smile.
"I won't. And if you try and force it on me, I'll fight back." And there's no joke in that.
He sighs through his nose. "All right, we'll try it your way." He rubs his forehead, closing his eyes. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this."
"If Dean can battle his Mark of Cain...this is mine, if you think about it. Only I guess I'm the Mark, it's not on me." I shrug. I start to walk out, but an invisible barrier stops me. I look at my younger brother. "Mind letting me out?"
Sam scratches the paint job of the trap, and I step out of it. I touch my face—I don't know why I didn't before—and I feel scabs forming already.
"Where's Dean?" I ask.
"He's...recovering." Sam clears his throat awkwardly.
"And Claire?"
"Cas has her in a motel room."
"Did she see anything?"
"No."
"Does she know?"
"I don't think so."
"Okay, good." I roll my arms. "You know, I feel better having this out in the open with you now, Sam."
"Why didn't you in the first place?"
I give him a look. "You gave me a holy water shower after I showed you my eyes. You really think I wanted to tell you when I knew this was how you were gonna react?"
"Fair enough," he considers.
"Sam, I am sorry, about leaving you. Again." I brush my hair away from my face. "I'm the worst big sister ever."
"No, you aren't. You were doing what you thought was best for me, like you try to do." He offers me a timid smile. "That's what siblings are for."
I shake my head at him. "My God, Sammy. It must be nice to be so forgiving so quickly."
"Look, I'm just accepting that you're different. I'm not entirely over the fact that you lied to me about this, and that Dean and Cas did too. That's going to take some time."
"I wouldn't expect anything different from you."
**Confession: I teared up writing this. Sam and Jo have always had a closer relationship than her and Dean. To know that this was going to happen, and to have written it out...there was so much pain. Almost too much.
It wouldn't be Supernatural without some Winchester heart-to-hearts, even if one is currently a demon. *dabs eyes with tissue* Also, the song doesn't help, but I wanted the biggest impact with this chapter. These are the important moments, the moments that you want to remember.**