Someone should yell at me. Go ahead. I know I didn't update on Sunday and I hated it!! But school comes first and I was already up til midnight doing homework, I simply didn't have time to finish this and I apologize! BUT....I hope this chapter is worth it! It kinda made me cry....kinda. Ok, go read before I give away everything that happens!!
Let me know what you think!!!! Please vote :) It would make my day if you commented too! :)
-Hannah :)
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Maria’s POV:
After I walked Evan down to the beach to say goodbye I entered my kitchen searching for something to eat. My mom was sitting at the counter reading another one of her magazines and she looked up at me immediately.
“Mornin’, darling. How was your night last night,” she asked, taking her reading glasses off and folding her hands in front of her as she watched me walk to the fridge.
“Great. The party was amazing too so thank you,” I told her, pouring me a glass of orange juice and grabbing a blueberry muffin.
“Oh that was all your planning…,” she said and I could tell she was trying to figure out how to approach the question of what exactly Evan and I did last night.
“Is there something on your mind mom?” I asked, picking out the blueberries from my muffin and popping them in my mouth.
“Well, if you must know, I saw Evan in your room with you this morning…in your bed,” she admitted, scrutinizing me and how relaxed I seemed.
“I know,” I told her looking up at her shocked face, “Evan was awake,” I explained, “He told me you came in and he didn’t know what to do so he just pretended to still be asleep.”
She laughed slightly, “That boy.”
“Mom just ask me what you want to know!” I told her as I got up and threw what was left of my muffin away and placing my glass in the sink.
“Honey did you sleep with Evan?” she asked in a hesitant tone that had a slight worried note to it.
I turned around and leaned my back against the counter. “No, he…we wouldn’t do that. Mom I’m sixteen and he is eighteen. Sex isn’t exactly what our relationship is about.” I told her honestly.
“Oh, good good,” she said, sighing in relief.
“Why?” I questioned, “Why do you sound so relieved?”
“What? No, I…your father and I, you know we adore Evan. He is an amazing guy and you two make each other happy—“
“Mom, where are you going with this?” I asked her ,my voice wavering slightly, afraid of what she was going to say next.
“Maria, I’m not saying this because I want, I’m saying this because I want to protect you,” she said, standing up and walking over to me.
“Saying what mom. What are you talking about?” I yelled, not meaning to be so angry, but at the same time I couldn’t believe she was doing this to me.
“Sweetie,” she said sighing like she didn’t want to say her next sentence but knowing she had to, “After Sean, you were in such a bad place. You weren’t interested in anything, you hardly left your room, you didn’t even see Rachel for weeks! You barely finished your junior year and then bam! You meet Evan and it’s like everything is perfect again. I just don’t want you to be using Evan to get over Sean because you both deserve better. Does Evan even know about Sean?” she asked, eyes concerned and also remorseful, like she wished she hadn’t said all that.
I stood there completely taken aback. My mom had always been supportive of my relationships, especially with Evan. Now she seems like she doesn’t want me to be with him at all. The funny part was Evan knew more about what happened with Sean more than anyone else did; and I told her that. “Mom, Evan has nothing to do with Sean. Evan helped me more than anyone else could because I trusted him. I trusted him to hear me out and help me get over what happened. Evan is exactly who I need. We need each other in more ways than you can see and if you even think for one second that I am using him…well that just shows how much you don’t know me,” I said, standing my ground even though my eyes were watering and my lip was shaking; I had to be strong.
“Ok, alright. But Maria, you and Evan need to realize that you live miles apart. The fact is that he has to go home at the end of the summer. I don’t want you to go through what you did after losing Sean again after losing Evan—“
“Mom I’m not going to lose Evan. Never. It’s not going to happen. And I wasn’t upset about losing Sean, I was upset about why he lost me. I was upset about why I had to leave him,” I admitted, tears falling now as images of that horrible night ran through my head once more.
“Why did he lose you Maria? What did he do? You never told us and all we wanted to do was help you!” my mom said, her own tears falling as the frustration of me never letting on what happened getting to her. I knew it killed her not being able to understand what had hurt me all those months ago, but I wasn’t about to let her know now.
“I can’t tell you mom. I just can’t tell you,” I told her and I turned to go past her and out the door.
“Maria, wait! I don’t want this to end in a fight like this…I just don’t want you to get hurt, not again,” she said, the last part barely above a whisper.
“Well right now, you are hurting me more than anyone else,” and with that I ran out the door, needing to clear my head and knowing a run would do just that.
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Evan’s POV:
Ashley walked down to the beach and took a seat in the sand. I followed suit and stared out at the ocean as I waiter for her to say whatever she had to. If there was one thing I remembered about Ash, it was that when she said she needed to talk, you listened and you didn’t interrupt her.
“I never told you why I ended things the way I did, or why I wasn’t there for you that night,” she said, in a soft voice that half melted into the sound of the tide crashing to shore. “That night, my parents were fed up with me always spending time with you. They thought I needed a normal life with someone who wasn’t so sad all the time ya know?” she asked, but she wasn’t expecting me to respond.
I thought about what she said and I realized I truly had been the lousiest boyfriend ever in the months before my mom died. I hardly did anything but go to school and come home. Occasionally I would see my mom if she was in the hospital, but I dreaded walking out the doors and seeing people who would just look at me like I was a lost puppy out in the rain that they couldn’t help.
“My parents took my phone and locked me in my room and,” she paused, biting her lip and turning to face me, “and I felt free. Evan in that one night I felt like I didn’t have to worry about you. I felt like I could be a normal teenager and read gossip magazines and dance around my room to cheesy pop songs. Evan,” she took a shaky breath before saying, “I felt like I didn’t need you anymore. But. I. Was. Wrong.”
“Ash, you don’t need me,” I tried to tell her but she just shook her head defiantly.
“Evan I gave you that therapist’s information because I wanted to help you. I thought that I would help you by letting you go. Letting you focus on your family. Letting you spend time with them and be happy. I thought we could get back together after everything settled down” she reasoned, placing a manicured hand on my thigh.
“Ash, I was happy. With you. You had no idea how much seeing you helped me. Even when all you did was come into my room and lay next to me, it helped. I needed you and I especially needed you that night, but you weren’t there—“
“I didn’t have a choice! My parents—“
“I don’t care about your parents Ash, I care about you! You had a choice to be with me or to not be with me and you choose the wrong one,” I said, anger building.
“I didn’t know she died, Evan! I didn’t know until the next day!” she said, pleading with me to understand.
“Yeah and then what?! You find out and break up with me anyway!” I told her, standing up just to get away from her. I couldn’t stand the way she was looking at me, like she wished she hadn’t hurt me; but the damage was already done.
“I’m sorry! Evan, honestly I didn’t know how to handle it!” she said, following me down towards the water where I kicked at the tide in furry. The nerve of her to say that, she didn’t know how to handle it? How did she think I felt?
I couldn’t talk with her anymore, I just couldn’t do it. “Ashley just go on inside and I don’t want to see you again. If that means you sit in the van all day until the others are ready to go then so be it, but I cannot stand to look at you right now,” I told her, my voice laced with venom. She had no idea how mad I was until that point because I could physically feel her shrink beside me.
“I loved you Evan. I did. I just didn’t know how much until I left you,” she admitted, clearly crying now.
“Ash we were just kids…” I tried to console her, to be honest as mad as I was at her, crying girls were my weakness.
“Just kids? Evan that was barely 3 months ago! Look how you are with Maria! Do you love her?” she asked and that’s when I finally just had to get it through her head that I was and forever will be with Maria, not her.
“Yes. I love Maria more than I can describe to you. We have this relationship that scares me sometimes because I am dreading leaving her and going home and I know how much pain we will both go through. I LOVE her Ashley. Not you. Sure, maybe I did love you at one point…but that’s done and over with,” I said strongly, looking straight into her eyes.
I was on that dangerous edge where I wasn’t quite crying but I could explode any second. I wasn’t quite irate but I was mad enough that my hands were shaking. Looking down at Ashley memories of our relationship passed before my eyes. This conversation was like the break-up we never had. I had been too emotionally drained to argue with her last time, and maybe that was a good thing. I feel like if I would have fought for our relationship then we probably wouldn’t have broken up, and then I wouldn’t be with Maria.
“Ok. I guess this is goodbye then,” Ashley said, looking up at me with her big blue eyes that knew so much about me but also knew nothing.
“Yeah I guess so…” I agreed tentatively, I wasn’t sure what she was implying but the way she said goodbye made it sound like it was a forever kind of goodbye, not just a see-ya-later goodbye.
I was just about to look away and turn back towards the water, but Ashley’s hands caressed my cheeks and she rose on her tiptoes to place her lips longingly on mine. It was strange how my initial reaction was to force her away, my mind screaming that it wasn’t right, but my body knew that kiss so well. My hands found her waist and for a millisecond I pulled her closer before realizing just exactly who I was kissing.
“No!” I exclaimed, pushing her away and stumbling backwards, too stunned to know what to do next.
“Evan,” Ash pleaded, her voice breaking, “You still love me! You know you do! That just proved it! You kissed me back!” she was blubbering through her words now and all I could think about was how out of place this conversation seemed. Here we were, on a beautiful summer morning on the beach, having the re-breakup of a lifetime, both of us crying now with conflicting emotions toying with our hearts and minds.
“I don’t Ashley,” I told her, trying to convince myself just as much as I was trying to convince her.
I was with Maria. I loved Maria. How was that so easy to say and hear and believe last night, but now it seemed like the feeling was slipping away from me? Like the more I tried to hold on to her, the more Ashley weaseled her way into my heart. I was done with Ashley. I was. I was. I was. We were over.
Ashley apparently ran out of responses to my outright denial of my love for her so she just shook her head and turned to go back up to the house. I wearily fell to the ground and sat in the sand with my head in my hands. I had woken up this morning so happy, so in love and Ashley had to go and ruin that feeling.
“Evan?” a small voice asked, I turned to see Maria standing to the right of me.
She couldn’t have seen what just happened could she? Did she see Ashley kiss me? Did she see any of it?
I scrambled to my feet, but when I approached her she took a tiny step backwards. No! No Maria please don’t do this, not now!
“Maria, hey,” I greeted her, wiping my eyes quickly and focusing in on her. She seemed out of breath like she had just ran all the way here. She also looked like she had been crying. Shit what happened?
“Evan,” she returned my greeting and paused looking me straight in the eyes and asked, “Why did you kiss Ashley?” and I swear when she finished she physically braced herself for my response. I could see her hold her breath and her body go rigid as she waited for me to tell her everything we had was a lie. But there was no way in hell I was going to do that to her.
“I didn’t kiss her, M. She kissed me—“
“Yes and you kissed her back. Evan I saw it with my own eyes. Why did you kiss her?” she asked again, but she already had her mind made up that I was the bad guy here. Which I guess I was.
“Maria, she was trying to get me to get back together with her. I told her I loved you, you, Maria, and she didn’t believe me. Finally I just told her to leave and I guess she thought leaving meant she got one more goodbye kiss…God I don’t know,” I sighed, stepping forward, taking Maria’s hand. She didn’t move away but she didn’t respond the way she usually did.
“Babe, say something,” I urged after a moment of silence. Her lack of response was killing me. What was she thinking right now? She had to be thinking the worst, right? I had to do something, anything to make her change her mind. I wasn’t sure what that was exactly, but I knew I would stop at nothing to get her trust back.
“I feel like we rushed this,” Maria said, avoiding my gaze and staring at her feet instead. “Us. Evan we rushed us. It’s summer and we got carried away with being with each other—“
“No, Maria. We are meant to be together, don’t you feel it? When I’m with you…it’s like nothing else matters! You are my world and goddamn I don’t care if that is cheesy but it’s true!” I wasn’t about to lose her over some crazy idea that we “rushed” us.
“I do feel it, Evan I do, but—“
“There is no but about it Maria Elizabeth Mancini I meant it last night when I told you I loved you and I meant it this morning and I mean it right now: I love you. I love you and some stupid ex-girlfriend of mine isn’t going to come in between that okay?” I know I had interrupted her twice in a row but she needed to understand I wasn’t going to just let her walk away; we both had shared too much with each other for that.
Finally, her eyes rose to meet mine after what felt like forever and I could see the conflicting emotions. She seemed like she wanted to believe me, but at the same time, whatever had caused her to think these crazy thoughts in the first place was still pulling her in that direction.
I gently brushed her slightly curly hair away from her eyes and let my finger tips trace her face. Her eyes never left mine as I leaned down and kissed her with everything I had. This could be our last kiss if she kept thinking the way she was thinking and I was determined to change her mind.
Kissing Maria, was nothing like the kiss I had just shared with Ashley. How could I have been so stupid and selfish to think that what I had with Ashley was real? How could I of let her get to me like that? Maria was who set my body on fire. Maria was who made me want nothing more but to stay by her side forever. Maria was who I wanted to stay with and if that meant staying here in North Carolina then that was what I was going to do because one thing was for sure: I needed Maria Mancini.
In the middle of the kiss I felt Maria just break down, physically she just crumbled and sobs erupted from her. I hugged her tight as she apologized over and over saying something about her mom, but I couldn’t quite make it out. All I cared about was that she was with me and she wasn’t going to end us. That was never going to happen.
“I’m sorry, Evan. I should have known…” she trailed off, looking up at me and looking so broken and hurt. How could the girl I left only an hour ago who looked like she was in the best mood of her life, look like this such a short time later?
“Shh, no it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have let Ashley get to me the way she did. I should have made it more clear—“
She didn’t let me finish my thought; instead she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and kissed me. It wasn’t our usually sweet kiss or even the occasional sexy kiss, this kiss was possessive and needing. Like she needed to remind herself that I was hers and she was mine. I wrapped my arms around her and let her lips control mine, feeling her heart beat against mine in a steady quick rhythm.
When finally neither of us could breathe anymore, the kiss ended but I pulled her tighter against me and hugged her, remembering how it felt to have her in my arms. She buried her head in my chest and I could still feel her shoulders shake lightly as the last of the tears made their way out of her system.
“I love you,” I whispered in her ear, kissing the side of her head lightly and swaying back and forth.
“I love you more,” she said and I couldn’t help but laugh. Her laugh melted with mine and together we ended up kissing each other more, not caring that we were on the beach, but only trying to convey to each other that we were theirs and they were ours.
It’s crazy how one moment you are as happy can be, the next your emotions do a nose dive and get so twisted and turned around you don’t even know what to feel, and then in the end you end up back where you started, but even better than that. You end up above the happiest you thought you could be. They always said you had to go through the worst times in order to get to the best; well that moment with Maria was out worst, and now we were at the top of the world, as happy as could be.
“I love you so much,” I repeated, kissing her forehead and nose and cheeks and anything I could find.
“I know,” she said, and that was almost better than her saying it back because she knew. She knew just how much I cared and how I would do anything for her.
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Were you expecting that?!?!?! I sure wasn't lol well I kinda was, but I didn't expect it to be as bad as it was but it ended ok don't ya think? So I am going to ask some questions now and if you would like to comment and answer them that would be lovely. If not...then I will be sad :(
1. Do you think Maria was right to forgive Evan for kissing Ashley? Do you think she was right when she said they rushed into things?
2. Why do you like this story? I know it is a vague question but I am curious! :) Humor me!