Minutes of silence went by. The car was still standing in an unfamiliar place. A place both Ricky and Amy never went to.
Ricky was thinking about what Amy felt like. Or, why she felt that way. He felt like she didn't had any reason to feel this upset and angry. He was doing the best he could. Co-parenting with his ex fiancé at age nineteen wasn't the dream he always dreamed of. Having a second baby at age nineteen wasn't what he was planning to do. He just knew that he had to support Amy! Even though he didn't feel like she was right about her feelings towards him. About the anger she had inside of her.
He sure had thoughts too but he couldn't spill his thoughts, knowing that Amy couldn't take any more stress right now. Even though her thoughts about him hurted.
He just had to stay out of the discussion. And that was what he was going to do.
Hesitating, he started the car.
"So, do you still want to go to the hospital or should i drop you off back home?" He asked, trying to sound nice.
Amy nodded. "Wanting to go and having to go are two different things." She sighed. "But yes, i want to go to the hospital." She said with a soft tone.
"So are we going to find out the sex of the baby today?" He asked, trying to get an answer, if she wanted him to be with her at the hospital or not.
Amy looked at her belly. She knew that she couldn't say no. Ricky was never involved within her previous pregnancy. He never took her to the doctor. "Yes." She responded back. "Because i know that you were not involved when i was pregnant with John! And you deserve to be a part of this." She said, nodding.
"Yeah. I do deserve that, Amy." He said. "I know that i wasn't a big help for you when you were pregnant with our son." He sighed.
"The only time that i actually went to a clinic, was with Grace to stop you from having an abortion." A tear slowly showed up on his right eye.
"And the sad part of this is, that i actually didn't care about your pregnancy. I took it as a big joke. Grace was really the only one that truly wanted to stop you from having that abortion."
Amy sighed and looked down. This period of her life was a confusing and dark time.
"That's something i don't really want to remember. I don't even know what i was thinking to do an abortion? Now that i know John, i just can't imagine my life without him."
She looked at him.
"And why are you telling me this now, i mean after all those years?"
"Because." He said. "Because i can also not imagine my life without our son."
Amy nodded.
"I'm glad that i didn't do that abortion."
"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think about it. I don't want you to feel bad. That happened a long time ago. It wasn't your fault! You were just a scared fifteen year old pregnant girl. And i was a... Uh..."
"A dick?" Amy asked, trying to smile.
"Yes, i was a dick." He nodded.
"It doesn't matter anymore! Because you're here now. And i do forgive your past self, Ricky! I really do forgive you." Amy sighed. "I just wished that we handled our situation differently."
Ricky nodded. "Me too, Amy. But i can't go back in time and change the way i acted. I can't change that! And i'm not asking for your forgiveness! Because something like that. My past self, shouldn't be forgiven. You know that i was a wreck, trying to heal from my childhood."
He looked away, ashamed.
"I took advantage of you by having sex with you!" He carefully looked Amy into her eyes. "I don't need forgiveness. I just need you to believe in me that i can change!" Amy nodded. "It's really not your fault that you had problems with being committed to a girl! I know that it was the way you handled your past. You were dealing with something horrible and that's why you had sex with all those girls, including me. But all those girls didn't get pregnant! I did."
Ricky nodded. "I know that you got pregnant... Twice! And for that i'm sorry. I've learned from my past mistakes, including not being there for you the first few months of this pregnancy." He shook his head and looked out of the window. He looked how people were walking on the streets. Everyone living their own unique lives. Watching people who have a story of their own. A little girl walking right next to her mother. An elder lady trying to make her way across the street. A woman and her husband walking into a restaurant. All these people walking around and living their own lives, made Ricky realize that this was the life he and Amy shared. A life filled with joy, sadness, betrayal but most importantly a future.
"I just want to apologize for every single thing. I'm sorry that i didn't believe you when you told me you were pregnant again. I'm sorry that i told you that this wasn't my baby. I'm sorry for not standing up earlier and i'm really sorry that i kept dating Clementine while i knew you were having a hard time in New York. I'm just so sorry, Amy."
Amy's heart felt whole again. All those months she just wanted him to say these words to her. Because he never apologized. And now he did.
Ricky smiled and took Amy's hand. He started to play with her fingers and stroked her palm.
"No matter how hard life is, or how we are going to do this. I just believe that we can do this! You don't have to go through this alone, Amy. I'm here for you and i'm not going anywhere!"
She wiped away the tears, who slowly started creating a path on her cheeks.
"Okay." Was the only thing she said. The only word that came out of her mouth.
[to be continued]
"Are we close enough?
There is something I must confide.
I think we've lost our touch.
There's no sparkle in those eyes.
What an awful mess I've made.
There's nothing left to say.
I don't wanna do this by myself.
I don't wanna live like a broken record.
I've heard these lines a thousand times.
And I've seen it all before."
- Seen It All Before by
Bring Me The Horizon