It was quiet. As quiet as it could get with walkers around. Outside was the only place I could go without feeling like someone was breathing done my neck. Outside was the only place I could get a few moments alone to myself. Otherwise I would be on duty of watching over a pregnant Lori or sitting with Hershel while he told me some medical things. Doing the same thing everyday was really starting to bug me.
I sighed, slipping a cigarette between my lips. I pulled the small thing of matches I found before peeking around the corner of the brick wall. If someone found out I was smoking, I'd probably have to deal with some angry people. Especially Daryl since they're his cigarettes that I have been stealing. I lit it, taking in a couple puffs before leaning back against the wall and closing my eyes for a second. It's not that I wanted to take up smoking something so unhealthy, but it calmed my nerves. Smoking has become something I use when I can feel myself losing it again.
I jumped -snapping my eyes open as I heard one of the doors leading into the jail open. I quickly dropped the cancer stick in my hand to the ground, stepping over it as someones footsteps got close.
"Claire?" A voice called out. "Are you out here?"
I exhaled the smoke in my mouth, coughing a few times before fanning my hand around me. "Yeah, I was just going pee," I lied as I walked around the corner of the wall.
I gave a fake smile towards Lori, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jackets. Lori nodded, waiting until I was in front of her to start following me back inside. I rolled my eyes, mentally cursing myself. If Lori finds out she'll tell someone and I don't want to hear anybody's mouth about what I do. I can tell she's already suspicious.
I walked back into the cell block where we were all set up, looking around to notice that Rick and Daryl where gone somewhere around this jail again. I sighed, walking towards the steps and taking a seat at the bottom one. "Glenn should be done with watch soon," Lori said as she walked over to me.
I just nodded, sighing once again. Crossing my arms over my bent knees, I buried my head in them, my stomach grumbling -reminding me I should have ate last night and this morning instead of trying to avoid everyone.
I jumped a bit as a hand laid on my head, slowly smoothing my hair down. "Have you eaten? You're looking a bit sick," Lori added, making me look up at her again.
I gave a small laugh. "You're pregnant and you're worrying about me?"
Lori cracked a smile, nodding her head. "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'll forget about your health too Claire," She explained. "You are a child in my eyes just as much as Carl."
As soon as the words left her mouth, the smile on my face faded. I'm no child. I'm sick of most of the group still seeing me as that way. I know how to handle and deal with this world. Hell I'm probably better equipped to survive in this world than most of the people still living right now.
I looked away, seeing Hershel walking out of his cell with crutches under his arms. I smiled, jumping up to my feet quickly and rushing over to him. "Damn I missed it all, how long did it take you to get use to them things?" I questioned as I stood besides. Lori and Beth rushed over, standing on either side of him with their hands out just in case he falls.
"Maybe you should rest Daddy."
"Rest? Let's go for a little stroll," Hershel countered.
I laughed, following them with Carl as Hershel headed for the door that leads outside. Lori opened it, Hershel going out first and the rest of us following him down the stairs. I smiled as I noticed everyone seemed to be paying attention to Hershel as he came out onto the courtyard.
"Alright Hershel!"
I rolled my eyes, already knowing it was Glenn who yelled that. Does he not remember there's walkers everywhere. I chuckled, looking over at Hershel from besides Carl.
"You're doing great daddy," Beth encouraged.
"Ready to race Hershel?"
I bumped Carl's shoulder, laughing to myself at his joke. "Give me another day," Hershel began, stopping for a second. "I'll take you on."
We stopped, letting Hershel get a break in. Hell, I can't even try to imagine living in a world like this with crutches. I probably would give up. I'm glad Hershel hasn't. We need him and I definitely don't want to see him go. Everything feels like it's supposed to be. It feels good again.
"Walkers!" Carl yelled. The smile broke of my face, being replaced with horror as I turned around to a group of walkers closest to Carl and I. "Look out!"
Lori and Carl pulled their weapons out, giving me time to push Beth towards Hershel to make sure she got him inside. I yanked my knife from around my hip, rushing over to Lori's side as my hearing become drowned with the snarls and growls of walkers again.
"Claire! Get them inside!" Maggie yelled, her voice barely reaching my ears. I grabbed Lori's wrist, pulling her along with me with Carl in front of us as we ran back to the gate that led to the stairs.
"Go, hurry," I screamed.
Lori shut the gate behind us, holding onto it in terror. I watched as Maggie ran over to us, Lori opening the gate slightly to let her in before slamming it back shut. I stared in horror at the walkers, my heart pounding painfully against my chest.
"Let's go."
We rushed back inside, Maggie leading the way back to the cell blocks. I kept watch from the back, my hand gripping so tightly onto the handle of my knife that my knuckles were beginning to go white.
"This way," Maggie ushered in panic as walkers came out of the cell wing. Maggie grabbed one of Lori's arms while I grabbed the other, pulling her along with us as fast as we could. "The gate Claire!" I nodded frantically, slamming the gate shut before following them quickly.
Sweat dripped down my face, my eyes checking every corner I could as we moved around in the dark halls of the prison. My head pounded along with my heart as fear set in. Not for me, but for Carl, Maggie, and Lori. It's been so long since we've lost anyone. We just almost lost Hershel. This can't be happening. I don't think I'm ready to see anyone of them go. Not when we've made it this far. God help us.
I screamed, both my hands flying up to my ears as a horn blared throughout the prison. I hardly managed to stay gripping onto my knife.
"We need to find somewhere safe," Lori yelled out in fright.
I looked down, seeing her cradling her stomach with shaky hands. I looked back up, staring at Maggie in panic. She had to know what to do. We need to get Lori and Carl to safety. That's our top priority right now.
"Follow me," Carl spoke up.
I couldn't do anything else but nod, the blare of the alarm still going off. I covered Lori's back once again as we moved, praying no walkers popped up out of no where and cut me off. I didn't want to get separated from the small group I was already put into under these circumstances. Plus I need to make sure Lori and the baby are okay. That's the least I could do for the group at this point.
My eyes widened at Lori placed her hand on the wall, leaning over as she gave out a grunt of pain. "What is it?" I dreaded the answer. It couldn't be happening now.
"Keep up," Maggie ushered.
Lori shook her head, pushing herself off the wall. "Something's not right."
"Were you bit?" Carl asked, staring up at his mother worriedly.
Maggie helped Lori steady herself against the wall, my eyes watching the group of walkers come from around the corner. "I think the baby is coming," Lori rushed out breathlessly.
"What?" We all asked in unison, panic setting in over again.
"There's no time, turn back."
I followed behind Carl, Maggie helping Lori move by taking on most of her weight. We followed behind Carl, Lori's grunts of pain setting reality in even worse. There couldn't be a worse time to go into labor. "In here," Carl suggested, swinging the door open as I helped Maggie bring Lori in and Carl tried to close the door.
I watched worriedly as Lori gripped onto the metal gate of the room we were in, her breathing heavy, and her posture looking as if it was taking all her will power to stay upright. We hurried down the few steps, deeper into the room we were in. My mind raced. What were we going to do? Lori is in labor. Hershel isn't here. What do we do.
"What are those alarms?"
"Don't worry about them."
"What if it attracts them?" Carl asked.
I didn't say anything, my mouth too dry to even let me open my mouth. Lori walked into another part of the room, Maggie trying to get her to lay down but Lori refusing.
"The baby's coming out," Lori said.
Carl looked at his mom, a scared expression on his face. "We have to get back to the cell block, Hershel-"
"We can't risk getting caught out there" Maggie argued, ending his idea at the start. "You're going to need to give birth to this baby here."
"Great."
I took a step back as Lori started breathing heavily, sounding as if she was struggling to catch air into her lungs. "What's wrong with her? Can she breath?" Carl asked.
"She's fine, come on let's get your pants off."
I fell to my knees, helping Maggie pull Lori's pants off as she said something to Carl. I couldn't focus as my hands shook, everything was happening to quickly. I had an awful gut feeling like something was going to go terribly wrong. I stayed on the floor as Maggie helped Lori stand up to push from the wall. I watched, not knowing what to do. Hershel taught me everything I was supposed to need to know, but as soon as the situation came, everything vanished from my memory.
"Stop! Stop!" I yelled, crawling over to Lori quickly. "She's bleeding!"
We all turned our heads to Maggie as blood trailed down her hand, the only sounds being heard was the alarm blaring and Lori's loud scream of pain.
"Something's not right."
I stood up, rushing back to the front of the room to look for something to clean Lori up. She needs Hershel, this wasn't supposed to happen like this. I tossed things from the small desk in the room, cursing to myself as I couldn't find anything. I ran back to the others, my hands shaking.
I dropped back to my knees besides Maggie, looking down at Lori's paling face worriedly. "There's nothing to wipe up the blood."
"We have to cut her. Claire you have the knife," Maggie started. "You need to cut her open."
I froze, my hand unconsciously going for my knife I had put back around the belt loop of my jeans. "I can't," I whispered.
"You have to," Maggie snapped as Lori said something to Carl. It was as if I was fading out of my body again. Like I wasn't here anymore. It felt like hours when it was probably only minutes before I knew in my heart what I had to do, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it. Every other scenario played in my head.
What if I hid the knife? What if we could get Lori back to Hershel safely? What if Lori just needs to push a little longer? Why can't we save Lori instead of the baby? How am I supposed to cope with losing someone like Lori, someone who has became the mother figure to me in this cruel world? What am I supposed to do if I'm the one who is going to have to cut her open? How can I live with that?
After long minutes of silence I finally spoke. "How can you ask me to do that?!" I screamed with a cracked voice, turning my teary eyes to Maggie. My head spun, my stomach churned, and I felt like I was going to throw up my organs.
"Please," Lori begged. "You have to save my baby. Please."
"I can't Lori," I cried out, tears running down my face. I couldn't do this. I can't watch her go. I won't be able to live with myself.
"Alright. It's alright, it's alright," Lori repeated as she patted Carl's leg.
I bit down on my bottom lip, my throat feeling like it was tightening up as I nodded my head sadly, tears falling as I couldn't stop them. I gripped my knife in my hand, carefully lining it up with Lori's old c-section scar as best as I could.
"Goodnight love," Lori whispered.
"I'm sorry."
A hand was placed over mine, guiding mine as I dug the knife down into Lori's stomach a bit to cut it open. A sob spilled from my lips as Lori screamed out, the sound of her flesh being split apart filling my ears with her screams. Sobs shook my body as I continued, Carl yelling at Maggie and I to stop. If Maggie's hand wasn't over mine, I would have. I would have stopped and tried with everything in me to turn back time. To keep Lori alive.
"Carl give me your hand," Maggie demanded. "Carl please."
My hand still gripped the knife above Lori, blood dripping from my hand and the knife as Maggie dug into Lori to get the baby. Everything Maggie said went through one ear and out the other as I stared at Lori's lifeless face, tears clouding my vision. I turned to Maggie as a baby's cry filled the room, blood coating most of it's body.
Carl pulled his jacket off, handing it to Maggie for the baby. I cut the umbilical cord before standing up slowly after Maggie and Carl. "We have to go," Maggie said.
"We can't just leave her here," Carl and I both said.
"She'll turn," Carl added. I looked towards Maggie, blinking away stray tears as I tried to appear strong in front of her. "No." Carl mumbled sadly, a tear falling from his eye.
"Carl."
"She's my mom," He said as he pulled his gun out. I watched as Maggie took one last look at Lori before walking back to the front of the electric room with the baby. I turned to Carl, nodding at him before following her. The only sound that was heard was our small sobs and the babies crying. I jumped as a gun shot rang, Carl walking back towards us without saying a word.
What could he say? He just saw his mother die and then had to put a bullet through her skull. No one said anything as we walked back into the prison halls, making our way back for our cell block. We made our way back outside of the prison as quickly as possible, the baby making a sound as we stepped outside.
I instantly spotted the others, tears instantly coming from my eyes once again as Rick looked over at us. I stayed behind Carl, the knife used to cut Lori open still in my hand and blood coating my arms and hands. We walked towards the others slowly, leaving me to stop a few feet away from Carl and Maggie as Rick dropped the axe he had in his hand.
He walked towards Maggie and the baby shaking his head, walking left and right as despair took over his features. "Where- where is she?"
The only answer Maggie could give was a sob, making me grip the bottom of my shirt to keep myself from falling to my knees. "No Rick no," Maggie repeated as Rick began walking towards the gate that lead inside.
I shook my head sadly at him, moving to block his way as I bit down on my tongue. It broke my heart as he begun to cry, his bloody hands going to cover his eyes. "No, no," He chocked out as he looked at Carl. "No, no, no" He repeated.
Glenn walked towards me, making me take a step back and shake my head as I let out a heartbroken sob. I didn't feel right. I felt as if I took her life. Glenn ignored my steps that I took away from him as he reached me and pulled me into his arms.
And for once, even in his arms, I didn't feel comforted the least. I felt like a monster.