I look in the mirror, my long fingers gripping the sink. My image appears distorted from where I punched it so hard earlier. I sigh and look down at my right hand. Even though I bandaged it several hours ago, I see that blood has started to seep through the white gauze. I sigh and close my eyes hoping for some kind of relief from chaos that seems to have taken over in my head, but the day's events just start to replay again making the turmoil that much worse. Where did everything go so wrong?
My team and I had just finished giving our presentation to Amar in the conference room. We had been working on the new software for a client, and we needed to present it to Amar before he could take it to the client. It had taken us nearly five months to get to today, but it was finally done. The program had been tedious given that I expected nothing less than perfection, not only from my team, but myself as their team leader. It had been worth it though to see the look on Amar's face.
"You guys have done an amazing job, and managed to finish three weeks ahead of schedule no less." He paused looking at everyone around the table, thinking. "Why don't you guys take the rest of the day off? In fact, make it a long weekend and I'll see you Tuesday." A cheer went up around the room. Everyone thanked Amar, and before he could change his mind, they were out the door.
I chuckle to myself. Not only are they probably scared Amar might change his mind, but are probably more scared I might hold them back to check the program one last time.
"Four?"
"Yeah? What's up?"
"Can I see you in my office before you leave?"
"Sure. I'll be there as soon as I finish cleaning up."
I pack up the last few remnants of what I brought, and start throwing away the various cups, napkins, and wrappers people have left. Even though my cleaning habit comes in handy when no one is willing to help, I don't like the circumstances of where I got it. My father quite literally beat it into me every day as a kid. The beatings were worse if I failed to complete any of the tasks he had set before me. Once I'm finished, I walk over to Amar's office and knock.
"Please sit down Four." I take a seat in front of his desk and wait to see what he wants to talk to me about.
"You really did an excellent job with your team. I couldn't be more pleased with how things look. With any luck, we should be able to present it to our client in about a month, assuming all goes well with testing. I'm proud of you Four." He says this with a just a small smile playing on his face. It makes my chest swell knowing I've made him proud. He has been more of a father to me than my own, and an incredible mentor as well. He is one of the few that know of my demons, and didn't offer me pity, but a way to fight back.
"Thank you." I pause as I realize he didn't have me come in here just to say he was proud, even though I appreciate it. "There's a 'but' isn't there?"
"Not exactly. More like a proposition."
I lean back in my chair and wait for what Amar has to say. He steeples his fingers before he continues, "Four, you've done so well here. You have become one of the few people I can trust to run things and I know it will get done." I'm not sure where this is going, so I continue to wait.
"As you know, two years ago, the company launched our sister site in Atlanta. While they are delivering the required programs to clients, the problem is, they aren't performing to the standards that we expect. So I would like to propose, if you are willing, to relocate you to Atlanta to see if you can improve our team there." He pauses to look at me, I'm at a loss for words, but before I can respond he adds, "Of course we would be helping you relocate and your current salary would be increased by 20% given your increased responsibilities."
It takes me a moment to respond to, as I'm trying to take all the new information in. "Amar, I don't know what to say. Do you mind if I take some time to think about this?"
"Sure, of course. In fact, why don't you take next week off? You've worked hard the last few months, you deserve a break. Besides, I know you probably need to discuss this with Nita after all."
I just nod, still not sure what to say at his generosity and proposal. Amar stands, and walks around so that he is now standing in front of me. Being this close, I notice the laugh lines that have begun to form on his face, as well as the grey that is starting to creep through in his brown hair. Though he is only in his late forties, his life has been anything but easy. He places his hand on my shoulder, "I'll see you in a week. Think about it ok?"
"Yeah. Yeah I will."
Somehow, an hour later, I seem to come to my senses as the icy sting of Chicago's winter air hits my face walking to my car. Well, I sure won't miss that if I do move to Atlanta. My car finally warms up, and I head back to my apartment. I look at the dash and see that the clock reads 3:30, so I know Nita won't be home yet. She's been getting off later recently, but she said it was due to an increase in orders for the electronics the company she works for makes. At least it will give me some time when I get back to maybe hit the gym to clear my head, organize my thoughts about Amar's proposal, and then take a shower. Maybe I can take Nita out tonight to celebrate finishing the software and also discuss Amar's proposition. We haven't been out in what feels like forever, so this might help make up for some of my late nights.
I pull in a few minutes later and go to pick up the mail first. Most of the mail appears to be either junk or bills. However, I notice that there is a letter addressed to me from someone in Atlanta. Strange. The only people I know down there are Zeke and Shawna and I know they wouldn't write to me. Zeke's too lazy. So who is this from? I'm to my door, and I'm about to put the key in, when something catches my attention. Nita's laughter. I thought she had work today? It's then that I hear a muffled male voice, and my heart sinks. I put the key in the door, and open it slowly, determined to prove my brain wrong. That it must be a Tv show she's watching because she got off early. My eyes scan the room, and unfortunately, my suspicions are confirmed.
Nita stands in the kitchen in no more than the black bra and panty set she claimed she never liked to wear. There is a man standing behind her kissing her neck, his hands roaming her tanned body, while she reaches back and runs her fingers through his hair, oblivious to my presence.
I slam the door shut and this seems to gain their attention. They turn around and stare at me with shock and guilt written on their faces. My face becomes the hard mask I learned to wear as a kid to hide my true emotions, as what I'm seeing registers in my brain. Nita is the first to say something as she steps toward me out of her lover's embrace. "It's not what it looks like Four."
I feel my eyes narrow. "Oh really? Then do explain, because I think I know exactly what's going on," I snap back.
She pauses, as if she's trying to decide what to say next, while slightly lifting her chest, trying to distract me, "Jason took me home since I wasn't feeling well..."
"STOP! Just stop!" I yell.
Nita looks at me and her face clearly reads that her body isn't going to be able to get her out of this mess. She has no good explanation for what is going on. She has clearly been caught and no excuse in the world is going to be able to salvage the situation.
Jason, or whatever the hell his name is, looks at Nita, then me, before he goes to retrieve his clothes. He doesn't even have the balls to look me in the eyes as he quickly leaves, taking one last glance at Nita before closing the door.
"I'm sorry Four..." Nita begins, but I quickly cut her off.
"Nita, I don't want to hear any of your excuses. All I need to know is how long?"
She doesn't say anything at first, just looks down at her feet, afraid of my reaction. So I repeat my question through gritted teeth this time, "How long has this been going on Nita?"
She still can't look me in the eyes as I hear her quietly say, "Two months."
Two months. She's been going behind my back, fucking another guy for two months. I thought she loved me. I thought I loved her. How wrong I was. "I think you need to leave. We're done here."
"But Four..." Nita begins.
"No Nita! We are done. You obviously found someone else who was worthy of your fucking time and it's not me. So go. Be with your new boyfriend and leave me be."
I start to walk forward, my feet finally able to carry me somewhere other than the spot I was rooted to. I throw the mail on the table, the letter from the unknown person forgotten, and begin heading to the bathroom. When I reach the doorway, I stop and turn to look at Nita. "When this ends badly for you, and trust me it will. I will not be here to pick up your pieces." I turn to go into the bathroom and add without looking, "I'm going out for a few hours, don't be here when I get back." I slam the door, leaning against it. I try taking calming breathes in through my nose, closing my eyes, as I slide down the door. I can barely register her sniffles through the door as she walks past the bathroom and goes to the bedroom.
I won't be crying, I haven't cried in years, and it certainly won't be over her. She's probably upset that she got caught and her meal ticket will no longer be providing for her. Once I feel myself calming down, I pull out my phone. I can only think of one person to call when I'm faced with this kind of situation and quickly hit his name on my contact list. It rings twice before he picks up, "Hey Four! What's up?"
"Hey Amar." My voice raspy.
"What's wrong?"
"Can you meet me somewhere? I don't care where. I just need to get out of my apartment for a few hours."
"How about you come down to the gym. You sound like you need to let off some steam."
"Sure. Fine." I pause. "Then drinks, ok?