Chapter 5
“So what are you going to do?” Pam asked me.
I asked her to accompany me to my doctor’s appointment. All three tests came back positive and there was no denying my pregnancy now. I was freaking out. This morning I had cramping and a little bleeding so of course I ran to my big sister seems how Trina was at work and she dragged me to her OBGYN. I probably should have come two days ago but I’m here now.
“To be honest Pam I don’t know. I can’t be a mom.”
“It’s too late for that. When I first got pregnant I thought I couldn’t be a mom but I did it and you can do it to. What about the firefighter is he going to help you?”
“What if I don’t have the baby,” I asked avoiding her questions.
“Are you talking about abortion?” she practically hollered.
I had thought about it once or twice. Would I go through with it I don’t know. I’m not in a position to take care of a kid. I can barely take care of myself.
Before I could answer Pam the doctor called me back and Pam followed. Pam hanging out with me I think has helped her more than it’s helped me. I think she needs something to take her mind of Blake, the asshole, who’s trying to win her back.
I got on the hospital bed thinking the doctor, Dr. Cook was just going to take blood but she rolled in the sonogram.
“I thought you were just taking blood?” I question.
“Because you’ve seen bleeding and your cramping I want to make sure everything is okay. Three pregnancy tests came back positive I’m sure it’s safe to say you’re pregnant.”
Pam laughed as the doctor rolled up my shirt. I guess the doctor did have a point.
“Bleeding is common in most pregnancy but I just want to make sure your baby is okay.”
I nodded my head as she place the gel on my tummy. She began to move the scoop around. My eyes were planted on the screen. Before Dr. Cook pointing to the very small heartbeat I knew right away this baby was real. A wave of emotions washed over me. All I could think about was this child’s future, which meant I was keeping it. Who knows what kind of mom I’ll be but I would love this baby.
After we were finished with the sonogram Dr. Cook asked me a series of questions. Then informed me my baby was perfectly safe and I was at 7 weeks.
After my sister treated me to lunch were we talked about the asshole, Blake and his latest attempt to win my sister back. He sends flowers every other day and buys her jewelry. Pam is still going through with this divorce.
“When are you going to talk to Tatyana?” Pam questioned.
I owe my sister an apology but I was afraid to face her. I know I was wrong but so was she. She’s never had my back.
“We should go visit her at work.” Pam pushed.
I agreed to it only because my apology was long overdue. Once we were finished we headed straight to Tatyana’s job.
“Just know I can’t stay long because I have a night shift.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this but in your condition you can’t continue to work there. You have to return to paramedics.”
I signed at the thought of her comment. I just got of the ambulance and now I would have to go back. That was just great.
“Hey Tai!” Pam greeted as she opened Tatyana’s office door.
Tatyana wrapped Pam in her arms and asked, “How are you?”
Before Pam could answer Tatyana spotted me over Pam’s shoulder. I gave her a shy wave as she released her hold on Pam.
“What are you doing here?” Tatyana asked.
She defiantly was not happy to see me. All I wanted to do was avoid that look she was giving me.
“I came here to apologize. I was wrong to put your business out there to the family. I am truly sorry.” I pleaded.
“I don’t understand why you dragged me into it,” Tatyana hollered.
I wasn’t going to say anything about Tatyana always siding with everyone else besides me. However, it all just came tumbling out.
“You are at fault too,” I hollered. “You are my big sister too but all you care about is protecting everyone else. You could care less about me. You watched Pam attack me and you did nothing.” I looked at Pam and added, “this was a bad idea I’m out.”
Pam rushed to the door and blocked by exit attempt. “No you two need to talk.” Pam ordered.
“Lilly you never needed protecting. Especially when mom was around. Mom wouldn’t let a fly hurt you. When you got older you were independent and you never needed us.” Tatyana hollered back.
We were back to mom. Again I felt like coming clean.
“I’m tired of you guys blaming me for our mother’s actions. Mom never protected me. She didn’t protect me when a man entered my bedroom when I was 7. He held me down and did things no man should do to a child!” I hollered. I turned to Pam and hollered, “move out of my way or I will forcefully move you.”
I don’t know what came over me but I was angry and blinded by rage.
“Lilly…” I heard Tatyana say behind me. “Please don’t go.”
Within seconds my anger was replaced with sadness and I dropped to my knees sobbing. Pam and Tatyana both got down on their knees with me and hugged me.
“I’m sorry Lilly,” Tatyana whispered.
“I’m pregnant!” I blurted out.
I just really wanted to change the subject. I didn’t want to talk about what I had just said. I just wanted to move pass it.
“What,” Tatyana screamed. I just nodded my head as I whipped tears from my eyes. “The firefighter!”
“What have you two heard about Sonny and I!” I screamed.
Who the hell was telling them this stuff? It wasn’t me.
“She told me,” Tatyana said as she pointed to Pam.
“Blake told me,” Pam informed me.
“Tell him to stay out of my business,” I informed Pam as Tatyana helped me to my feet.
“I’m excited for. You’ll be a great mom.”
I’m hoping I will be a good mother.
“I just hope I’m nothing like our mom.”