I smiled as I packed my suitcase and thought about nothing other than getting to see my family and my girlfriend again. Each night when I danced around a chair to Missing You with a fan I'd pictured Ariana, as I last saw her. Long flowy black hair with her perfect spanish complection and light green eyes with her curvy body.
I had no idea what I was ganna see once I was home again, she refused to send me any new pictures despite that I sent her new ones whenever she wanted. I'd mostly take them in the gym mirror of whatever hotel we were at when I had my hair tied up and shirt off, yeah she was already MINE, but I still always wanted to impress her.
I could feel everyone's excitement as the car got closer and closer to the NY airport! We all missed sleeping in our own beds and waking up to our families. Tour life was great and exciting, but there's no place in the world that compares to "home sweet home", and we all knew that. During the flight I kept forcing myself to sleep so that time could pass faster and it was difficult since I wasn't even tired.
"Jake!" My mom exclaimed.
I embraced her in a long and tight hug and the smile she wore didn't leave her face until we were on the road and she was dealing with road rage.
"This damn LA traffic! Oh my goodness!" She hollered.
I laughed at her while she got more and more frustrated and annoyed,cursing in spanish.
"Ma can you drop me off at Ariana's?" I asked.
She smiled. "Ooh can I meet her!?"
I frowned and shook my head. "She doesn't wanna meet you or Behlen or anybody...I mean she WANTS to but...when she gets better."
"Well what if she doesn't ever get better?"
I shrugged and leaned my head against the window. I was afraid she'd ask that.
"Ok...I'll drop you off and pick you up on my way to get Behlen from Mariah's....so about...2 or 3 hours."
"Thanks." I said quietly with my head still resting on the window. I looked at everything as we drove by it, stray cats, houses, stores, and other cars, I was worried about Ari, I wondered how she was feeling.
"Have fun!" My mom told me, pulling up to Ari's house.
"I will mom, bye."
I smiled at the sight of the familiar house and walked happily towards it's big white door with it's skinny window along the center. I could see a fuzzy shape approaching after I knocked and knew that it was a person. Ariana's dad opened the door and smiled at me.
"What a nice surprise. Ari is upstairs with her mom, just knock before you go in."
"Yes sir." I smiled and nodded. I hoped Ari would be as happy to see me as her dad was.
I climbed the steps slowly and could hear her mom's laughter as I got closer to Ariana's light purple door. I knocked to the same beat I always used when knocking on her door, a secret way of letting her know who it was before even opening.
"Who is it!?" Her mom called.
I smiled. Ari knew who. "Jacob!" I said.
"Just a minute!" Her mom replied.
I stood outside the door, in the dark hall for quite a while. The only light came from beneath Ariana's door. I could hear a lot of movement from in the room and suddenly the door flew open.
"Jacob! Lovely to see you!" Her mom said with a big smile on her face and pulled me in for a hug. "You two have fun, I'm ganna go start dinner."
Her mom turned away from me and made some kind of facial expression at Ari that made her blush.
"Mom get out!" She laughed.
I stepped inside and Ariana stood up from the chair she was sitting in. She had on a short brown wig and eye makeup. The makeup looked good, but...I hated the wig. I thought it looked weird on her, maybe that was just because I was used to seeing her long and dark hair though.
She flashed a small smile and shifted back on the heels of her feet. She wore a big T-shirt and sweatpants, but I could still see how much weight she had lost. I could see it in her face, and her arms too.
"You...wear wigs now?" I asked her.
"Uh...yeah. Well not usually, I don't like them, but I thought you'd feel more comfortable, so my mom helped me get it on."
I invaded her space and wrapped one hand around her fragile side.
"You wanna know what I think about that?" I asked. She nodded and gulped. With my free hand I pulled the wig off of her and threw it on her bed.
"I think if you don't like the wig you should NEVER wear it. I like you with or without the wig."
I looked at her head and it was completely bald, but she was one of those girls who could pull off the look, she had a nicely shaped head.
"Jake don't look at it." She said in a bossy tone.
I looked right into her light green eyes before looking at her head again and kissing it.
"Jake stop. Please."
I sighed and looked back into her eyes. "Fine. I guess I'll kiss another part of you."
I brought my lips to hers and kissed her extremely softly, it seemed to be all her mouth could handle. When we pulled our lips apart I pressed my forehead to hers and our noses touched. We were looking right at eachother.
"I missed you." I whispered.
"I'm glad you did. I missed you too." She whispered back.
"I'm glad you did."
She laughed at my mocking tone and put her head on my shoulder while we hugged. I could have held her forever in my arms if she'd let me. We released eachother and I held one of her hands, walking over to her bed and sitting beside her.
"How have you been?"
"No! How was tour!? It must have been great!" She said as excited as she could.
"Ariana we can talk about that later. I wanna talk about you."
"Why?"
"Because I care about you? And because I've been wondering. You never told me the truth. You'd always say you were fine. I get it, I was on tour and you wanted me to enjoy it, but tour is over now."
She sighed and looked down at our hands touching. She took hers away and then started to play randomly with my fingers.
"I've been fine." She lied.
"Ari."
"Ok. I have been...not fine."
"Oook....and?"
"And what?"
"Please Ari. This isn't a joke."
"I'm not joking around Jake. I just want you to not worry about me."
"Well I care about you so I'll always worry."
"Don't."
I sighed and stood. "Fine. I can't do this right now. I'm ganna go."
"Jake! Please...don't leave me."
Tears rolled down her face and it hurt my heart to see her so thin and sad.
"Baby don't cry." I said quietly and sat beside her again.
"I'm sorry...Just don't go."
"I'm only staying if you tell me the truth."
She nodded slowly. "Ok."
We sat with our legs crossed like you do when you're in Elementary school and I prepared to hear the worst.
"How am I? I'm great. How am I honestly? I'm miserable. I've lost all my hair, I've been pricked with a million needles, I can't keep on any weight and I have no appetite. This is the first week I've been home since you started tour."
"Really?" I was shocked and scared by that fact.
"Yup. When I started Chemo they wanted to keep me a few nights at the hospital to monitor progress and I just...kept getting worse. I'm pretty sure..." More tears rolled down her face.
"Pretty sure what?"
"Pretty sure I'm not ganna live."
"Oh." My own eyes started to sting from tears. "You can't say that Ari. You have to keep positive! It might not be easy....but you have to have faith."
She shrugged. "Who cares anyways. Who is ganna miss me? I mean my parents will get over it eventually and my school friends have already forgotten about me."
"What about me? I would miss you. My mom would miss you. Behlen would."
"They haven't even met me." She shrugged.
"You think just cuz they haven't SEEN you that they don't know all about you? I talk about you all the time to them and they are as worried as me."
She bit her lip and looked away from me completely.
"Jake..."
"Yes?"
She still wouldn't look at me.
"I don't wanna d-die."
I could hear so many emotions in that one mumbled statement. I could hear her fear, sadness, pain, and hopelessnes.
I pulled her into my chest and squeezed her small frame.
"You're ganna be ok." I said in a calm, quiet voice.
I cried with her, we both knew I could be wrong. It scared the hell out of me.