^ {AMBIENCE INCLUDED} ^
Requested by lappissedoff
Trigger Warning: overdose
{PRESS PLAY}
Gerard's Perspective
Why did I leave? Why did I have to leave? I was gone for three hours, and the sight that I came home to was horrifying. It wasn't pleasant to see my lover passed out on the kitchen floor, surrounded by bottles of alcohol. It was so hard for me to see someone like them in that state, because I was in that same place over ten years ago. Nothing was worse than seeing someone suffer from the same problems and make the same mistakes.
I recalled our argument as I sat in the ambulance, holding my lover's hand. I never should have said the things I did. I couldn't take it back now. I left them. Me. When I promised that I wouldn't.
We had went on a walk that morning, and it started to rain. It wasn't a bother to us though, so we continued to walk and talk. Something was wrong, but I couldn't tell exactly what it was. I didn't want to think about it, but we suddenly we got in a small argument that set me off. I regret going a separate way that morning. I could have stayed. I could have helped. Who was I to just leave like that?
When the ambulance reached the hospital, I fought tears. Our hands remained connected as they were placed on the gurney and moved into the hospital room. I wasn't surprised that I had to stay outside of the room, but the doors to get in were made of glass. I could see what they were doing, so I watched for a bit. My hand was on the glass, and I cried silently.
Through the glass, I saw the pale and unconscious body. They were hooking wires and injections up now. I hated to see this, but I watched anyways. I wanted to see that it was all going to be okay. It didn't look like it was going to turn out okay.
I waited all day, in a chair outside of the room. Nurses would walk by and ask if I needed anything, or wonder why I was still waiting. I waited patiently for any news, but there was nothing. Some even told me to go home, because it was useless to stay. There was no way that I was going to go home. I wouldn't be able to sleep there anyways, especially after a situation as extreme as this.
Thoughts were going through my head the whole night. If I would have just gotten a call or text, I would have came right home. If I would have just knew I was needed, I would, without a doubt, do anything to help.
I began to think of all the apologizing and crying I would have to when I was allowed in the room. There were no words that could fully explain how devastated I was. It was much worse than the usual stress, sadness, fear, anger, or anxiety.
Hours and hours passed. I grew exhausted as the clock continued to tick from night to morning. My anxiety was horrible, but I fought through it. I survived on no medication. I told myself that I was not going to fall asleep. The struggle to keep my eyes open grew worse.
I toughed it out until the morning, but even then I still wasn't allowed to know anything. I was hungry, extremely tired, and in desperate need of some pills.
After all this time, I sat there, waiting.