FLASHBACK to the past.
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"Dad," I inhaled, looking my father in the eyes with a fake confidence. It was all adrenaline.
"Yes, Rob?" He replied, a nervous grin on his face. I'm not sure what he was expecting, but it probably wasn't what I was about to tell him.
"I'm gay," I said.
And then it changed: his perception of me. The way he looked at me. Like I was the devil instead of his son. Like I was evil.
He kicked me out after that, but I knew it would be okay because Mat was there for me, he was my knight in shining armour. I relied on him and he knew that.
"Mat," I called to him when he opened the door to his one room apartment with a dingy smell and strange stains on his carpet. Sad tears fell down my face and he pulled me into a hug and when we pulled away, he clasped my head between his palms. I think he was inspecting for damage. His thumbs wiped away tears and then his lips were pressed against mine.
"Mat," I whispered breathlessly. He tugged me inside and shut the door behind us. I kicked off my well worn shoes and followed him to the couch.
"Stay," He said finally. I nodded.
We sat and cuddled, watching comedies on Netlix until the sun was beginning to dip. A sort of fog hugged the horizon and darker blue started to overtake the sky.
"What kind of takeout do you want?" Mat asked me, his hands stroking my hair like I was a puppy.
"The same as usual," I replied, "But can we get extra chow mein?"
"Of course, babe," He got up and made the call. When the food got there, we chowed down and continued our movie and cuddle marathon.
The next morning, I woke up in Mat's arms on the couch. He was already awake, I noticed. His eyes watching me in a sweet way and his fingers drawing circle patterns down my stomach.
"Morning," I moaned out, voice groggy with sleep.
I heard him giggle and I couldn't help but smile.
"Good morning, babe," He replied.
"Let's go to the beach today," I suggested. It was quiet after that.
"It's fall."
"So?" I argued.
"It's 13 degrees outside," He laughed.
"Please, Matty?" I begged, using a childish nickname for him.
"Okay, okay. You want to go? Let's go," He grinned, stretching and moving me around so he could get up.
"Get ready, babe. We'll get breakfast on the way there, sound good?" He asked. I nodded and smiled, not moving from my spot. I watched my beautiful boyfriend as he walked to his bathroom. Probably to put in his contacts.
I got up and walked to the bathroom, too.
"Mat?" I asked, putting my hand flat on the door.
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm taking a morning shit, what about you?"
I giggled.
"Can I come in?"
"I guess, but it smells like, well, poop," He said bluntly. I laughed harder and opened the door. Mat wasn't sitting on the toilet, he was putting in his contacts.
"Knew it," I whispered, feeling victorious.
Mat laughed and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my nose.
"Cutie," He smiled.
Eventually, after much goofing off and laughter, we left the house in swim shorts and t-shirts.
"I'll pay for breakfast," I grinned as we walked up to a Tim Hortons on the way. I felt my boyfriend press a kiss to my cheek.
"You're too sweet, Robby," He smiled and clasped our hands together. I felt a rush of warmth radiate through my body.
After breakfast, the journey to the beach began. It included loud music, open windows, and goofy singing. It was so much fun, but nothing could compare to the beach.
"Oh my God!" Mat screeched as he tiptoed into the water. The beach was empty, the cold weather keeping everyone away.
"Cold?" I called, shielding my eyes from the sun with a saluting pose.
"Ice!" He laughed, waving me to go in. I slipped off my shirt and threw it on our bags. I ran to him with open arms, laughing and feeling overall: happy. Carefree. Like there were no pressing problems.
The water was freezing, my feet feeling numb after a few minutes. Mat and I hugged in the water, smiling and feeling the small waves hit the backs of our legs. It was nice.
We left the water pretty soon, it was unrealistically cold. We stayed at the beach, laying on the sand, until the sun was setting. We talked the whole time, our hands wound together.
"Rob, I know you don't want to talk about it, but your dad," He brought up hesitantly, his thumb caressing my hand.
"I told him," I replied curtly, not wanting to say anything more. I glanced at the pink horizon, wishing to forget my worries.
"How, um, how did it go?"
"Bad," I whispered, not removing my gaze from the setting sun.
"Did he kick you out?" His voice was soft and gentle, a sound I felt blessed hearing. A sound that was reassuring.
I nodded.
"I'll buy us a house, something small, but nice. We'll make it big, Rob," He said with hope. I turned to face him with a small smile.
"Yeah, let's do that," I told him.
We got the house after many legal problems because of my dad. We eventually got it from my mom.
It was nice. Every morning, we woke up and worked on a new project whether it was painting or setting things up. But as we were working on the basement, laying down carpet which was the last place that needed to be finished, Mat got a call.
"Hello, Mat here," He answered. "W-What? No, you're kidding. You have to be kidding. He couldn't have– I just saw him yesterday," Mat's voice cracked and I knew something was wrong.
I quickly ran to him and pulled him into my arms, making sure not to bump the phone.
"We'll be right over," I heard him whisper into the receiver.
He pulled out of my embrace, saying, "We need to go to the hospital," And then after a moment, "My dad."
He didn't make it. A heart attack. 56 years old.
After we left the hospital, Mat wasn't the same. The silent tears seemed to never stop streaming down his face. On the way home, I held the steering wheel with one arm and Mat's hand in the other.
He broke down almost immediately after we walked in, like it was something he was holding in for a while.
"He's gone, I should've done something," He kept whispering as I rocked him in my arms.
"Mat, you couldn't do anything, it's okay, it's okay baby," I consoled. He snapped at that.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" He yanked himself away from me. "It's not okay! He's dead! My dad is dead! And I cared about him, damn it. You wouldn't understand," He yelled.
I felt a jab in my heart, but ignored his words because he was just really sad. I knew that.
"Mat, calm down. Just cry it out, okay? Let it go," I said softly, pulling him back into my embrace. He closed his eyes and weeped until he fell asleep. I brought him to bed and let him sleep.
"We'll get through this, babe, you'll get through it," I whispered, knowing he couldn't hear me in his unconscious state.
But I knew he wouldn't get over his grief and anger anytime soon.
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hello hope u enjoyed!
this sort of explains mat's growing anger!!
bc anger is often a result of major grief
(which is something i experience, as in i experience the anger of someone's extreme grief)
anyway tysm for the idea to write a flashback Fangirl4Ships
ps wish me luck on my last three exams this week pls i need it
pps i love it when u guys send me songs that remind u of this, i think it's the sweetest and cutest tysm