ROCKY
"Are you sure it's a good idea?" Maddy whispers leaning toward me.
"Of course it is, my ideas are always great." I wink at her. I reposition my pillow and stuffs as I feel them sliding from my arms.
This fabulous idea is to do a sleepover in Ethan's room tonight. The poor boy has been very down lately, and as friends, it's our duty to bring a smile back on his face. Maddy wasn't sure about this, and I can tell she still is. We are in the corridor standing in front of Ethan's room, so it's too late to give up now anyway.
"Believe me." I insist." It'll work." I gently knock on the door, waiting for Ethan to invite us. We only hear a weak voice telling us to come in. Maddy and I glance at each other. It'll maybe be harder than I thought.
I open the door, and we step in. A sad song that I never heard before is playing. As for Ethan, he's laid on his bed his hands folded across his stomach, and he stares blankly at the ceiling. He didn't even hear us.
"Hum... Ethan?" Maddy says to show our presence as she puts her stuffs down. He leans on his elbow to raise his body a bit, as a frown appears on his face.
"What are you doing here?"
"We just knocked, and you told us to come in. Don't you remember?"
"Oh. Yeah. Whatever." He lays back on his bed, but this time, puts his hands behind his neck. Maddy glances at me, waiting for me to do something.
"Ethan, we're gonna stay with you tonight."
This finally make him sit at the edge of his bed.
"What did you say?"
"We're gonna stay with you, to talk, and why not have fun." Maddy slightly smiles to help me. Ethan doesn't really look enthusiastic. He looks at us, and look away again not saying anything.
I put my pillow on the floor and I head to his chest of drawers ignoring him. I can tell he's hiding his feelings right now. If he doesn't want to talk, fine. I won't talk neither.
I open one of the drawer.
"Hey, what are you doing?" He protests as he gets up.
"Removing all the sharp items of this room. I don't want you to make silly things again." I say rummaging through what seems to be his clothes.
"You can't rummaging in my privates stuffs like that!" He tries to push me away. He's furious. At least it's an emotion. My fingertips eventually touch a cold object. I take it out, and I notice it's a Swiss army knife. I'm about to put it in my pocket, but Ethan puts his hand on mine to stop me.
"No! Please you can't take it!" He half yells. I can see the panick in his eyes.
"Why not?" I raise an eyebrow. His expression radically changes, from panicked to embarrassed, his cheeks red.
"It belonged to my father." He whispers looking down.
This knife has a sentimental value. I can't throw it away. I glance at Maddy behind us, who nods slightly at me.
"I'll bring it in my room, and I'll give it back to you when you'll feel okay again, okay?" I put a hand on Ethan's shoulder. He doesn't say anything. I sigh and turn around, looking for others sharp items. My eyes meet the razors in the toilet case on the chest of drawers. I grab them too.
"What? Even my razors?" He protests." I didn't even use them to cut my..."
"Listen Ethan." I cut him off coldly. He looks up at me, fear in his eyes. Maybe I was a bit too harsh. But he doesn't want to admit he has a problem. I don't want to do it, but someone has to. I must tell him.
"Ethan. You're addicted to scarification."
"No..." He shakes his hand." No I'm not." He pouts folding his arms across his chest.
I can feel Maddy's disapproving look on me. If she doesn't agree with my manners she should have done it herself, instead of glaring at me. I stare at her, trying to make her understand to let me do it. I think she gets it, because she sighs and moves toward Ethan's desk to do God knows what.
"You are addicted Ethan. You need help. So yeah. I'm gonna take these too."
"But..."
"You cut twice a day Ethan."
"Three." He says in an almost inaudible whisper.
"What?"
"I used to cut three times a day. Not two." He looks down.
There's nothing to say, so I gently take him in my arms. He hesitates first, but soon hugs back. He finally confided.
"But... You said to your psycologist that you only did twice." I frowns as I release our embrace.
"I don't trust her. She's weird. I'd rather talk to you." I put my hands on his shoulders.
"Isn't she nice?" Ethan shrugs.
"She's too nice. She treats me like I was a baby. And I'm not a fucking baby."
I tilt my head to make him understand to watch his language.
"Listen Ethan. You can talk to us whenever you want. We'll be here for you. But you have to keep on see your psycologist. She'll help you. If you make efforts, it'll be over soon okay? Just..."
"Oh my gooood it's so cute!" Maddy cuts me off yelling. Ethan and I both turn around. I raise an eyebrow at her.
She's holding a book on her hands, a huge smile on her face. When I look more carefully, I notice it's actually a photo album. Ethan probably did too because he starts blushing very hard.
"Maddy, plea-please don't..." He stutters nervoursly.
"Look Rocky it's adorable!" She smiles walking toward me. I glance at the picture she's pointing at. It's a blond boy, about 2 years old, his face lit up by a huge smile and queazy with chocolate mousse. I guess this little boy is Ethan. He has the same grey eyes.
Aaah girls and babies...
But I have to admit it's actually very cute. I look up at Ethan smirking.
"You're sooo adorable."
I can tell by the look he gives me he's the kind of person who hates being taken in pictures.
"Give me this back." He takes the book out of Maddy hands, a frown on his face.
"Oh come on you're the most adorable baby I've ever seen!" She cooes at him pinching his cheek slightly like a grandmother. He hits her hands to make her stop, but I see how he tries hard to not laugh.
"Okay. Fine. Let's say together tonight. You are both right, I have to stop wallowing in self-pity." He weakly smiles glancing at me. I made it. I knew it'd work.
"First, I'm gonna stop this sad music. " He takes his iPod and turn it off. He puts it in his pocket as he puts the album photo on the chest of drawers.
"And If you don't mind, I stayed here all day, so I'm gonna take some fresh air a minute or two."
"Yeah, go. We'll wait for you."
Ethan weakly smiled again, as he leaves the room.
••••••••
ETHAN
I close the door behind my back, leaving them inside. I'm not really in the mood to talk or have fun right now, but I can't tell them to go. They're doing their best to help me, and they're in part right. So I'm going outside before joining them again, to take some fresh air. Even if it's probably a bit cold and dark already.
I climb down the stairs which lead to the first floor, and head to the exit. I push the door and step outside.
As I expected, it's dark and chilly. I fold my arms across my chest and rub them with my hand to keep me warm. I should have taken a jacket.
It's quiet, and nobody's here. Exactly what I needed. Maddy and Rocky are nice, but I need some time before pretending to be happy.
I sigh and close my eyes, trying to relax, and letting the cold stroke my cheeks softly. But I hear a weird noise on my left. I quickly turn my head, but there's nothing. Only some bushes. I guess I'm a little paranoid now. There's no one here.
I sigh and look in front of me again. I jump as I see Zayn standing there, with a blank expression. His right eye is black, and his lips is still a bit bruised. What the hell is he doing here!
"Damn it you scared the hell out of me!" I frowns at him. He just steps foward making me back up.
"What... What are you doing?" I stutters, starting to freak out. Last time I saw him, it was at his father's office, right after Rocky beat him up because of me. What if he came to take revenge on me? I back up more and more as he gets closer, still not saying anything.
I close my eyes as my back hits a wall. I try my best to not look frightened.
"What do you want?" I finally say daring to look up at him. He brutally puts his hands on both side of my head. I close my eyes again.
"What I want?" He says his face so close to mine that I can feel his breath." It's a good question."
"Listen, I just..."
It's at this moment Zayn does something I would have never expected from him.
He presses his lips on mine.
I don't have time to pull away that he does it himself. He looks right in my eyes, before droping his gaze and he furiously hits the wall beside my head with his palm, gritting his teeth. And he goes away, to sit on the little sidewalk a bit further. He burries his head in his hands. I just stand there in shock. What did just happen...
I decide to come closer. As I walk, I can hear him sniff. He's quietly crying. Second thing I would've never expected from him in just a night.
What am I supposed to do now? My bully is crying in front of me, just after he somehow kissed me.
Zayn looks up at me, with tears brimming his blue eyes. I can tell he's doing his best to hold everything back.
"What, you're still here? Just go away Ethan." He pulls his knees up to his chest as he start rocking himself back and forth. Seeing I'm still not moving, he burries his head on his knees again.
Wow. So he actually knows my real name. He never called me Ethan. It's always Summers or fag, or others insults.
Believe it or not, I sit by his side him. He doesn't really deserve comfort after what he did to me, but I can't stand seeing people crying. He did hurt me, but that kind of make me feel bad to see him like this. It's not my fault, I'm a sensitive guy.
"Hum... Could you explain? I'm kinda lost." I say breaking the akward silence that took place.
"Cause you think I'm not?" He snaps coldly. I flinch, surprised by his sudden reaction.
"Sorry, it's just... I don't know what's happening to me." He closes his eyes passing his hand through his brown hair. It seems he's avoiding my look.
"Well, you're the one who... You know..." I clumsy point out scraching the back on my neck.
"I don't know how to explain this. And the others things I did as well to be honest."
"You bullied me and you just kissed me. You know that doesn't make sense, right?"
"I'm stupid. I just don't want to admit it." He says finally opening his eyes. He puts his chin on his folded arms put on his knees.
"Maybe you're bisexual you know, not gay." He laughs nervously.
"Oh yes I am. I did my best to hide it, since I'm 15, but you brought it back when you arrived. I try to erase those feelings but I was just deluding myself. I realised I really liked you when I notice you had a crush on him. I couldn't stand it. I wanted this feeling to disappear so I did my best to hate you. It totally failed." He twists his hands, looking at the ground.
"Now you hate me, and worst, I scare you. I ruined everything. I'm just stupid."
"No, you're not..." I try to reassure him.
"Pff, stop that would you? I am stupid."
"You... You just didn't know what to do."
"Well." He finally turn his head toward me, looking at me straight in the eyes." I could have just take my courage in both hands and tell you, instead of hurting you. But no. I'm a coward, a stupid coward that doesn't want to admit he's gay and have feelings for a guy." His chin start quivering as he bits his lower lips. Oh no. I can see what's gonna happen next.
He burst into tears and burries his head in his knees again. It's getting worse and worse here. And I don't know what to do. I've never been good in conforting people.
I hesitate, before passing my arm around his shaking body. I give him a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder as he looks up at me.
"Why are so nice with me? I've been such a douchebag with you." He sobs slightly as he folds in arms on his knees.
"Well I have a heart unlike someone here." Damn it Ethan, it's not the time to be so sarcastic! His eyes wide open, as he slowly drops his gaze on the ground, tears running down more on his cheeks.
"Sorry, it's not what I wanted to say." I make up for my mistake.
"I deserve it anyway." He whispers putting his chin on his folded arms.
"You should tell you father."
"I don't want to. I'm afraid how he will react."
"What would he do anyway?" I raise my eyebrow.
"Don't you remember, at his office?"
Oh well, when he got slapped. He actually deserved it. His father won't do it again tough, he's tolerant and just.
"Davis isn't homophobic." I point out. Zayn only laughs nervously.
"He'll be with his own son."
"Don't say such things. He won't, you're his only son."
"Listen Ethan, I just... I don't want to tell anybody. Not now." He glances at me. I notice tears stopped running down his cheeks." Can this stay between us? Like a secret?"
"You know you'll have to come out someday." I insist. The sooner he does it, the better it'll be for him.
"Please?" He pouts making puppy eyes. I roll my eyes.
"Fine. I won't tell anything." I sigh giving in.
My little cousin used to do it all the time, puppy eyes I mean. And each time I gave in. How could I resist now? Beside, he has to do it himself. He'll come out when he is ready after all.
"Ethan you're awesome." A weak smile forms on his lips."You can't even imagine how sorry I am."
"I could tell you you're forgiven, but it'd be a lie."
I can't completly forgive him. Not now. Not after everything he has done. He needs to understand it won't be that easy. I will need time.
"I cut myself you know? Because of what you said. It hurt a lot inside. Now I know you didn't think any of this, but still. I hope you understand." I add seeing his questioning look. He nods and look away.
"Yeah. It's understandable."
An akward silence takes place.
"I didn't know you self-harmed. I'm sorry about this." Zayn looks down. I can tell he feels guilty.
"I won't any longer though."
"Great. If I can help..."
"Rocky and Maddy are here for me." I cut him off." And I'm seeing a psycologist."
Zayn passes his hands through his hair.
"A psycologist? Damn, I'm such a jerk."
I let him wallow in self-pity, as I discreetly check what time is on my iPod. I should go back inside. My friends are waiting for me. It'd be akward if they come down and see me chating with my former bully.
" Zayn?" I pat his shoulder to make him listen to me. "I gotta go. They're waiting for me."
"Oh."
"Go back to your room to rest a little. I know it's kind of hard to apologize to someone, especially when you did something really wrong." I say as I stand up. He nods slightly. I start walking to leave, but he calls out to me one last time.
"Ethan?"
I can hear the doubt in his voice. I slowly turn around and my gaze drops on him, who is still sat on the little sidewalk.
"Thank you." He weakly smiles at me after a few seconds. I blankly stare at him. He frowns a little, probably waiting for an answer that it isn't coming.
"Good night Zayn." I simply before turning around. I still can feel his sad look on my back, but I can't stay here any longer. I want to get away from him as fast as possible.
I sigh as I open the front door. I kind of feel relieved actually. I know the thruth now. I still don't know what to think or do though.
He hurt me. He insulted me.
I'm not ready to forgive him. Even less to forget.
No yet.
•••••
Who expected this.
I promise the next chapter will be better 😁