A/N: I hope you guys like this oneshot. I am kinda rubbish but oh well. x'D I try. I don't know where I got the idea from, I just thought about it for some reason. I am so sorry about how sad this will be. I will add a happy ending.
Word Count: 2671
Trigger warning: This contains suicide and it is also very sad.
Dan's POV
Phil had asked me to do the shopping today as he woke up in a strange mood. He was tired and never really looked at me. His voice cracked a few times when he tried to say a sentence... but other than that he told me he was fine. Just didn't feel well.
I debated leaving him, and in the end I did. I left the apartment to do my shopping. "I'll see you later Phil! I won't be long!" I shouted to him before leaving. "Okay! I love you Dan! I might not be here when you get back though..." I heard him shout bye and I love you.. but he mumbled the rest. I shrugged it off. "I love you too Phil!" I shouted back before I grabbed my coat shrugging it on and walked out of the apartment closing the door behind me and left for the store.
* * *
Once I got back, I walked in and placed the bags onto the counter top. I took my coat off and put it on the coat hanger by the door. "Phil? I'm back!" I shouted into the eerily quiet apartment. "Phil?" I shouted again, hearing quiet sobs coming from the bathroom. My heart started beating faster. "Phil?!" I shouted again as I started to walk to the bathroom.
The sobs got louder as I got closer. As i tried to open the bathroom door, the door wouldn't open. "Phil?" I asked with more concern. My palms started sweating. my heard beat getting faster. "Phil open the door."
"I'm sorry Dan..." His voice was quiet. Almost a whisper. I could barely hear him becuse of his sobs. He sobbed more. "But I can't" Now I was terrified. What was going on in there? I did what anyone else would do. I forced myself against the door. Trying to get through. Finally the door barged open. Now I see why he wouldn't let me in.
He was on the blood covered floor, leaning against the wall. His arms limp by his side with dashes al up them. Blood still flowing from them. My eyes welled up and tears started to stream down my face. "I'm sorry Dan." His skin had gone a lot more pale than it should be, he looked weak. I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed two towels, I ran back to his side and fell to my knees, ignoring the pain. I attempted to wrap the towels around his wounds. He kept moving his arms away from me.
"Don't." I said, and tried again once more. He refused to let me help him. "Why are you doing this? Why are you so eager to leave me?" I cried looking into his dull grey orbs. They didn't even sparkle with life and happiness any more. They were just a dull, lifeless grey.
"I can't do it any more Dan. It was all my fault." I looked at him in confusion. "What was your fault? Nothing was your fault Phil. What are you going on about? Please just stop... let me help you! You're going to die!" I cried more.
He slowly lifted his hand to cup my cheek. "Please don't cry. Please." His voice was raspy and quiet. His eyes barely open. He looked to his side and gabbed something. He looked back towards me and managed to pass it. It was a folded piece of paper. I took it and looked at it in my blood covered hands and looked back at him putting it in my jean pocket.
"I love you Dan. Never forget that." He tried his hardest to smile at me. "I love you too Phil. If you really love me, you won't leave me here like this. Not yet. Not like this." I cried more, placing my hand over his on my cheek, but took it away and into my own hand.
"I'm sorry Dan, but I can't. We all die some day. Weather it's now or when I'm an old man. I'll still die." He was barely speaking now. His eyes shut. "Phil. Phil please!" I shook his shoulders still crying. I stopped shaking him, and his chest wasn't moving. "No..." I put my hand over my mouth in dis belief.
Why did I leave him on his own? How was I so stupid to not go into his room and make him talk to me. To ask him what was wrong? Just because of one stupid mistake I have to live with this. I sat crying beside him for about an hour.
The tears had stopped and my emotions were gone. I looked at his face one last time as I put one arm under his around him and my other under his knees, picking him up off the cold floor. I carried him out of the bathroom, and out of the apartment I quickly rushed outside and walked towards the woods. I walked far in, not looking back. I knew no one had seen, and knew no one would dare follow me if I did. My expressions were gone. I had blood all over me, and I bet it looked like i killed him. They would think of me as a mad killer. That I would turn and kill them too. I haven't killed him and wouldn't kill anyone, but by how this looks, people would judge me easily.
I felt like whatever life I had left in me was ripped from my body and trashed. I had no shovel on me. No way of digging into the dirt to bury him, so I kept walking. Knowing where he wanted to be buried in the first place.
Flashback starts
"Hey... Dan?" Phil said quietly, turning his head to face me as we laid in the middle of the quiet field. Hidden by the long grass. This was our quiet place. This is where I first asked him out. Where I took him for our first date, where we sat and had a long chat, with nothing but the stars, a blanket, food and each other. Where al most our first everything happened. Almost.
"Yes Phil?" I turned to look at him. "Don't think I'm crazy or weird.. but.." He started and look up at the sky, sighing. Taking in a deep breath. "It's okay... you can tell me." I squeezed his hand that was in mine gently, to encourage him to go on.
"Well, I was doing some thinking.. and came across the idea of where I were to be buried if iIhad to. If I died or something happened to kill me... weather it was old age. Or a serial killer... I wanted you to know where I want to be buried." He started.
"Remember the deep river not far from here? Where we stood on the bridge... talked for a while.."
"Where we had our first kiss." I added before he could. Giggling a little. "That too." He smiled. "Well, that is where I want to be put. At the very bottom. It's a special place to me and I don't want to be under the ground here. I want to have some sort of freedom when I die. No I won't be alive to move around or anything... but I want to be somewhere that was special to me. We spoke about our fears. What we want to do when we grow old. Talking about adopting kids... which I still want to do by the way." He smiled and looked at me again.
"Okay. If you die, that is where I will bury you." I smiled back at him. "Promise?" He asked, holding his pinkie up to me with his free hand. I rolled my eyes at his childishness, but agreed. Linking my picking finger with his and shaking once. "I promise."
We continued to talk. I told him where I would want to be buried... I want to be by his side. Where i belong.
Flashback Ends
I walked to the bridge and stood at the top, placing Phil on the flat side of the bridge. "I promised you I would bring you here. I never thought it would be 2 years after we got together, but i still keep my promises." I was about to push him over. When something stopped me.
Fresh salty tears rolled down my tear stained cheeks again. "I can't. Phil why did you do this? Why did you have to leave me so soon?" I sniffled and remembered the paper. I took it from my pocket, and unfolded it.
Phil's messy handwriting covered the page.
Dan,
By the time you read this, I might not be here. I'm sorry for what I did to you. I feel horrible. You don't deserve to be with a person like me. You deserve better. When you found me kissing that other guy that other week, and you got angry at me... I felt so bad. I felt like i was punched in the gut. I'm sorry I cheated on you...
I feel so bad... I deserved to be yelled at. You should have just ended our relationship there. I'm surprised that you said nothing. I guessed it was over. You started to be a lot colder to me. You would ignore me. You wouldn't go any where near my room any more. Hell. You probably forgot about the entire thing by Wednesday. I'm sorry I ruined your Friday evening by doing this.
Do you know what today is Dan? Today is 2 years since you asked me to date you. Since you made me the happiest man on earth. You have been nothing but good to me. You were the best i could ever ask for. I am glad I met you online. I'm glad we decided to meet up after endless ours of Skype chats. I'm glad we moved into an apartment together. The only thing i hate myself for is tearing you apart.
That guy meant nothing to me. I was drunk and wasn't thinking. Who does when they've had too much? When I saw you walk into the room at the party, my hear shattered into a million pieces. I couldn't feel anything other that regret and guilt. It all caught up to me you know. The entire week has been my own personal hell. Even my own thoughts decided to join in on my torture.
Dan, even though you might have found me by now... don't cry. Just know I'm happy in heaven. I'll watch you from above. Even though I deserve to rot in hell for being so horrible to do something to someone like you... I will watch over you over time.
Please don't cry over me. I'm useless. Move on Dan. Find someone who will take care of you and love you better than I ever did. Grow old. Adopt kids or even have them if you find the girl of your dreams this time.
I love you.
Phil.
I couldn't take it any more. Now my heart was shattered. How could I have made him feel this way? I remember it all. I was so horrible to him that I made him feel like this. I'm already broken to move on now. Today was the 2 year anniversary. He didn't know that it was also going to be the day i proposed to him. I reached into my front pocket. Taking out a box. I opened it and looked at the ring i had bought.
There was no need for it now. I dropped the box onto the floor, the ring still in my hand. "I was going to propose to you Phil. I was going to ask you to be with my forever." I laughed to myself quietly and bitterly. It's too late. I was too late." Regardless I slipped the ring onto his finger, making myself cry more. What else was I supposed to do with it? I can't just throw it away. The ring was made just for him, I'm not going to give it to someone else.
"I'm sorry Phil. I'm so damn sorry. I should have been better to you. I should have told you it was all okay. Held you in my arms. Told you that I didn't care about what you did. That I still love you, but it's too late. If you are watching me as a spirit... even though I don't believe in that crap... please forgive me. I'm so, so, so goddamn sorry." I cried into him as I hugged his cold lifeless body.
I looked up at his face, and climbed up onto the edge. I picked him body up carefully in case i fell off toe wide platform. I faced the water and held him close. "I told you I would die beside you. only you knew this. Since I never told anyone else, I'm going to join you. Maybe, if I come back to you... we can live happy for eternity." I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. Once I opened them again. I stepped forward completely missing the platform and plummeted down into the water.
Once we landed in I let him go and took his hand as we slowly sunk to the bottom. When we reached the very bottom, I slowly opened my eyes to look over at him. I held his hand tight as I lost my breath.
My last thought?
I love you Phil. I will never leave your
As I felt myself slipping away, flashing of lights appeared before me. My life from when I was first born, up till now. I was watching my entire life flash before my eyes as an even brighter light took over, a set of stairs formed, leading to pearly gates at the very top.
"This is brighter than my future." I joked to myself, as I started to climb the long almost endless stairs. Getting closer, I saw a tall dark haired boy, his bright blue eyes noticeable from here. I beamed to myself and started running up the stairs towards him.
I reached him and flung my arms around his neck pulling him into a hug. "I'm so sorry Phil. I'm sorry." I apologized, salty tears escaping my eyes once again. "It's okay... Don't apologize. I should be the one saying sorry. Not you." He leaned back and held his hand on my shoulders. A smile plastered onto his beautiful face. "I love you Dan. I'm sorry for what I put you through, but I couldn't do it any more-" I shut him up with a quick kiss, and smiled taking his hands into my own.
"Phil, you are such an idiot... have you realized?" He shook his head slowly and looked at his hand. The ring I was supposed to give him while he was living, had appeared onto his hand.
"You were going to..." He started. His eyes welled up before he started crying, pulling me into another hug. "I'll never leave your side Phil. I'll always be here."
"I love you Phil."
"I love you too."
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I hope I didn't make anyone cry... Oh my goodness. If you are crying you should go read Broken promises... a phanfiction. I can tell you it is a lot happier, funnier and quiet a few stupid silly moments to make you laugh, so check it out if you are upset from this oneshot.
nearly cried and I'm the one writing this. Dang.
I will make the next oneshot a lot happier, but until then. Have a great day/night/morning/evening.
I love you guys.
~Jo<3