You know that moment when you just wake up when you have no idea who you are or where you are? That didn't last for very long with me when I woke up on the Sunday morning. I remembered clearly where I was.
Images of Aubrey's head between my legs, and my mind blowing orgasm ran through my mind. Justin ate me out before, and it was always alright but Aubrey was a pro, my body still tingled thinking about it. He gave me my first orgasm. I never knew it would feel so good. Aubrey was amazing.
I looked down at my body. I was dressed in my night dress. Wait. I didn't remember changing. What happened after I came?
"Aubrey?" I asked as I sat up quickly, my head spun.
"Mmm.." He answered, half asleep, then he realized it was me. "Yes baby.. Are you alright?"
He sat up, inspecting me as if I was a science project. What was going on?
"Why am I dressed?" I asked.
Aubrey smiled at me. "Well umm.. You kinda passed out after I ate you out. I dressed you."
Passed out? It was that good? Who was I kidding? Yes it was.
"Oh. Damn." I said as I tried to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. My legs gave way as soon as I stood up and I fell down.
Aubrey ran to my rescue and picked me up off the floor. Then he carried me, his hands gripping my ass firmly.
"How do you fall on a flat surface?" he asked, his eyes dancing humorously.
"Hardy-har...I never came before." I said, burying my face into his neck.
"You haven't?" He asked looking at me, "never?"
I shook my head.
"I'm a virgin." I said embarrassed.
"I know." He said.
"Wait how? I told you that I wasn't."
"Who's not a virgin, has a boyfriend for seven months and doesn't sleep with him not even once?"he asked.
"Good point." I said, laughing at my own stupidity.
"Let's get you cleaned up baby. I have somethings for you."
"Okay. But only if you carry me around for the rest of the day." I snuggled into him some more.
"No problem, your highness. I'm your servant remember?" He said grinning.
I sighed..."I love.." I stopped myself. Why did I almost say that? I didn't love him. Did I? Why was a relationship with Aubrey so confusing? It was as if my feelings for him were getting to be too much for me to handle.
"What was that Amber? What did you say?"
"Nothing. It was nothing." I said as he carried me to the bathroom.
"Okay... I..."
"Fine. Fine. I said that I love you." Fuck it. Fuck it all. I do love him. And I want him, and I need him and I want him to fuck me. I couldn't see my life without him....
"Amber... Earth to Amber. Stop daydreaming." Aubrey said. I was seated on the toilet. Was I really that out of it? "What is up with you today babe?"
"I..uh I don't know." I said.
He looked at me in confusion for a while. "I'm gonna just leave so you can take a shower fam."
"No. You can shower with me, just stay with me."
Aubrey's POV
I loved Amber, but sometimes she could be very guarded. I wanted to know how she felt about me, but it was proving to be more difficult every day.
I knew that she loved me, she couldn't fool me anymore. I spent the entire night thinking about the fact that she got LeBron James and his friends to have dinner with us. That right there was proof that she loved me. Why can't she tell me though? Why could she not say it out right? Was she scared that it would make her seem soft or something? I didn't understand her.
I took my vest and basketball shorts off, throwing them into the hamper and getting into the shower. Amber quickly followed. I had seen her naked last night but she still had the same effect on me. I stared at her openly, then turned on the water.
The warm water cascaded down her brown skin beautifully. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I put my hand on her waist and turned her to face me.
"Amber. I love you." I said.
She looked down at her feet. "Aubrey i know.. I can't... I..."
"I know you love me too... Why can't you say it to me?" I asked.
"I..it's not that simple."
"What happened to you in life that you can't accept the fact that you love me?" I asked her.
"I'm scared."
"I'm here for you baby. Let me in, please. You're guarded and it's killing me to see you this way. I know there's so much that you're holding back from me. Tell me what you feel. Tell me what you're afraid of."
"It's complicated!" She yelled.
"Let me in!"I raised my voice back at her, I didn't want to start the day off fighting but I wanted her to talk to me.
"Aubrey this isn't your burden."
"Somethings bothering you." I whispered.
"I have a hard time with I love you's Aubrey."
"Tell me why." I said, I could tell that I was beginning to get to her.
"I was 5. My best friend, Mitch and I used to live in the same neighborhood. He was a year older than me, but we did everything together. We used to say 'I love you' to each other all the time. He stopped coming to school after a while and I had to visit him in the hospital. He had cancer Aubrey, and I would go to visit him everyday to tell him that I loved him. I thought Love would make him get better faster." She was tearing up. "One day I went to the hospital with my mom and one of the nurses told her that Mitch had passed. I didn't know what it meant, until I saw him laying in the casket at his funeral. I kept thinking that I failed. My love didn't work. It didn't make him get better. I cried for weeks asking God to forgive me and to please bring him back to me, because I loved him, but it never happened. After that I kind of became numb to others. I didn't click with anyone the way I did with him. I avoided saying I love you at all costs. Don't you see Aubrey? Love can't do anything. It's just a word used to make people have a false sense of security. It's irrelevant." She began crying for her best friend again.
My heart broke a little for the five year old Amber, just beginning to understand death. I hugged Amber tightly as the water fell to the shower floor in the background.
"Shh..shh..It's okay." I said, "I'm sorry for pressuring you baby. I'm so sorry. I really am."
Hearing my voice calmed her a little. Her bawling turned to sobs, then she just held on to me tightly until she was able to contain herself again. We stood under the hot running water until our fingers looked like prunes. All I could think about was how much more I loved the girl in my arms.