He's been gone for weeks. Nearly fourteen weeks. He's been injured.
I had my hands in his body cavity. I had removed his gallbladder. I had stitched up bullet holes and removed bullets. He was my husband and he'd been left to die.
I ran to the restroom and got sick. I couldn't handle it, couldn't process it.
My husband, my forever, was dying in an operating room down the hall.
I called Kelly.
She answered, "Bridget, hi."
"You need to come up here. Bring the family."
"Why?"
"Jake's here and he's in pretty bad shape. I recognized him in surgery. Kelly, he's not looking good."
"We'll be there soon."
I hung up and went to check on my patients.
They were in surgery for hours.
I sat in the waiting area.
I couldn't believe James was in surgery. My James.
His family walked in.
My mind was racing. Had it been four hours? Really? It seemed as though I'd just sat down.
"How is he?"
I shrugged and wiped my eyes.
Drew pulled me in a hug.
I couldn't breathe.
He had to be okay. He just had to be.
When Dr. Thomas and the Chief came over, I felt my heart rate increase.
"Dr. Hamilton, he's asking for you."
"He's alive?"
"He is."
I nodded.
The Chief looked at me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You had your hands in his abdomen. You removed one of his organs. You can't be okay."
"I just need to see him."
He nodded. "Follow me."
We followed him to Jake's room.
He laid in bed, looking pale and pitiful. He looked exhausted.
Everyone crowded around him.
He opened his eyes and sighed, "I've got a big family. Hi, everyone."
Kelly kissed his head.
I watched from the door.
"Am I in Bethesda?" he asked.
"You are," the Chief spoke, walking in.
"I asked for them to bring me here before I passed out. I knew I was in bad shape."
"Did you ask for Dr. Hamilton as well?" Dr. Thomas asked, standing by the Chief.
"I did."
"And you didn't think to give them your name?" the Chief asked.
"It wasn't important."
"Yes, it was," Kelly argued.
"Mom, had I told them, they wouldn't have let Britt see me. She would have heard by word of mouth and she would have panicked."
The Chief spoke, "She's not been inside of an operating room in weeks."
"Is she okay?" Jake asked.
"Her research is excelling. She's spent nearly fourteen weeks researching."
"Workaholic," Jake smirked.
"She is."
"So was today a research day? Is she not here?"
"No, I'm here," I spoke.
He looked at me and smiled, "Told you I had a bad feeling."
"Told you I had a good feeling; you lived."
"I did. I-"
Two commanders pushed past me. "Sgt. Major?"
"Gentlemen," Jake nodded.
"We came as soon as we heard."
He nodded. "How's my squadron?"
"They're safe."
"Good."
"Sgt. Major, Dr. Hamilton informed us of your condition over the phone. Because of your condition, we feel as though an honorable discharge is in order."
Jake's eyes widened. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. It'll take me a couple months to recover and I can go back out there. I don't need to be discharged."
"You'd be doing desk work, Sgt. Major. It won't be completely ridding you from the military."
"No. I'm fine. Bridget, tell them I'm fine," Jake insisted, sounding almost panicked.
"You're not fine," I spoke.
"You're talking as my wife. Be my doctor," he ordered.
"You're not fine," I argued. "You almost died. If we hadn't gone in when we did, you'd be dead, and you're malnourished. You'll probably get multiple infections. You're not fine."
He looked at the Chief. "She's too emotional. You'll tell them."
"I agree with Dr. Hamilton."
I felt a pain in my lower stomach. Thinking it was nerves, I ignored it.
"And the trauma guy? What do you think?" Jake asked.
"I think we're going to watch you closely, because you're not out of the woods yet. Dr. Hamilton isn't an emotional person. She spent hours fixing you. It wasn't until after she finished that she began asking us questions to identify you. She put your health, her job first. I think calling her over emotional is a disservice to the woman who just saved your life."
"Are you gonna let him talk to our James that way?" Aunt Becky asked the Chief.
The Chief spoke, "Well, I do believe he's right."
A commander turned to me and handed me an envelope.
"What's this?" I asked.
"It's a summoning."
"I'm being summoned?"
"To testify in his honorable discharge trial."
Another pain.
"I can't do this. I'm his wife."
"But you're his doctor, correct?"
"I am."
"Then, you'll report tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? Isn't that a bit rash?"
"We're the United States Military, ma'am. We don't do rash, we do efficient."
I didn't know what to say.
They left.
All eyes were on me.
"What are you going to say?" Jake asked.
"The truth."
"Bridget, no. I'm fine. I'll be fine. You know me. You know what I'm capable of."
Another pain.
"Jake-"
"If you love me, you won't do it," he challenged.
"That's not fair. I have to do it."
"No, you don't."
"If you get deployed again with the body you now have, you'll be killed."
"So let them kill me. It's my decision, not yours."
I felt a warm liquid rush down my legs as another pain hit me.
Dr. Thomas rushed over. "Dr. Hamilton, do you have a cut?"
"No." I felt dizzy, gripping the threshold.
He looked at the Chief.
The Chief ran from the room and got a stretcher.
They put me on it.
"I'm fine."
"You sound as stupid as your husband. Shut up and let us treat you."
I felt another pain and gripped my stomach.
"Where does it hurt?"
"Lower stomach...ouch," I moaned.
"Appendicitis?" Dr. Thomas asked.
"She wouldn't be bleeding profusely," Kelly spoke up, coming to my aid.
"What could make her bleed this much?" Dr. Thomas asked, looking at the Chief.
"I don't know. Let's run some tests."
I looked at Kelly, totally panicking.
"May I come with you?" she asked.
"Of course."
We left.
They rushed me to CT.
"I can't see anything. Something ruptured."
I began running through my head's data. I thought of something. "Guys?"
"What, Doctor?"
"Call OB."
"Are you pregnant?"
"Not that I know of, but it would explain the bleeding."
They did as I said.
She examined me and spoke, "Okay. Let's rush her to surgery."
"Why?" we all gasped.
"A Fallopian tube has ruptured. She's bleeding out."
They rushed me up without saying another word.
They put me out as soon as we got to the operating room.
***
When I came to, Kelly was by my side.
The OB was charting. She looked at me. "Welcome back, Dr. Hamilton."
"What happened?"
"You were pregnant, about thirteen, fourteen weeks."
"Ectopic pregnancy?"
She nodded.
"Just my luck." I looked at Kelly. "Does Jake know?"
"No. I'm mad at him, haven't seen him since you nearly passed out."
I nodded and looked at my doctor. "Can I get a wheelchair? Please?"
"Dr. Hamilton-"
"My husband is in the hospital. He can't get out of bed. I can. Please."
She sighed and got me a wheelchair.
Kelly took me to Jake's room.
His family sat around, looking worried.
Jake looked up. "Where the hell have you been?" he snapped.
"James, shut up," Kelly snapped.
"No. She can't yell at me, start bleeding, and never come back. She doesn't get to disappear like that without an explanation."
"She was in surgery."
"That's great, really. Typical, really, Bridget. I shouldn't be surprised," he sneered.
"She was the one being operated on, James," Kelly spoke.
"What happened?" he asked, still pissed.
Kelly didn't speak.
"What happened?" he repeated, nearly shouting.
"Apparently, I was pregnant and didn't know it. It was stuck in a Fallopian tube that ruptured," I spoke, looking at the ground.
"How long have you been keeping that secret?" Jake asked.
I looked at him. "I didn't know. Do you honestly think I'd work with radiation every day for weeks if I'd have known?"
"You've never wanted kids. It would make sense. I mean, how do I even know it was my kid, huh?"
"For the love of God, James, shut up!" Drew snapped.
We all looked at him with wide eyes.
"She's your wife. She just lost your child. Your child. She lost a lot of blood and she operated on you today. She saved your life. You think being discharged or doing desk work and training is the worst thing that ever happened to you? What if you had lost her, if she hadn't been here when it happened and she bled out? How would you feel then? Would you care about going back to the damn war you almost died in?"
We were quiet.
"You gonna answer?" Drew asked.
"I don't know what to say," Jake spoke.
I looked at Kelly. "I should go put scrubs on."
"Bridget."
"I'm fine. I just need to get back to work."
The Chief rushed over. "How are you feeling?"
"Can I go back to my research?"
"Dr. Hamilton-"
"I'm fine."
"You operated on your husband and lost a child. You expect me to believe you're fine?"
"I was shot by my own mother after performing a surgery on my boss's husband during a lockdown. My parents died the same day. I went back to work the next day. I took my intern exam, too. This? This is nothing. I'm fine."
"Okay, but research only." He looked at Kelly.
"I'll keep an eye on her."
He nodded. "And no staying overnight. Go home and get some rest for once."
"Okay."
I changed into scrubs and went to my lab.
Kelly sat with me. She looked at some of my research.
"Bridget, this is some remarkable stuff."
I went over to the mice I was testing.
"Mhm."
They were doing exceptionally well.
I went back to my microscope. I worked for about an hour. Then, I put everything away and turned to Kelly.
"You want to go home?"
"I want to say goodbye to Jake first, then yes."
"Bridget-"
"He's still my husband and he's still in critical condition."
She nodded and took me to see him.
No one was in the room.
"Where is everyone?" I asked.
"I sent them away. I wanted to be left alone," Jake spoke.
I nodded.
"So we should go," Kelly spoke.
"Actually, I'd like to talk to Bridget alone, if that's okay," he calmly spoke.
She looked at me.
I nodded.
She left the room.
I moved over towards him. "How are you feeling?"
"I could be better. How are you feeling?"
"I could be better," I spoke.
He nodded. "How far along were you?"
"About fourteen weeks. They usually don't find this type of pregnancy until the 8th week when the tube ruptures. This was extremely rare."
He nodded. "And you didn't know?"
"No, I didn't."
He nodded.
"And it was your baby. I'd never cheat on you."
"I know that. I was just angry. I'm so angry about all of this."
"I know."
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. None of this is your fault. I shouldn't have took it out on you."
I nodded.
"And I know you only said what you did because you don't think I can go back there and come home alive. I get it."
I was quiet.
"And I agree with you. I just-I don't know. It's scary, knowing one thing for so long, then having it taken from you."
"I know."
He took my hand. "But it's not the end of the world."
"No, it's not."
"I missed you."
"I missed you, too," I spoke, looking up at him.
"Can you stand?"
I slowly stood.
He pulled me close and gave me a sweet kiss.
I forgot how nice his lips felt against mine. I forgot how sweet they were.
I pulled back and whispered, "I love you."
"I love you," he spoke, giving me another kiss.
"Tomorrow, at the trial-"
"Tell the truth. It's all you can do. Like my brother pointed out, I'll still have you."
I nodded, "Okay."
"You should go home and sleep."
"Yeah, you need your rest, too."
Diane ran in. "Oh, my God. I just heard. Are you okay?"
I sighed and turned to her. "Diane-"
"I'm your emergency contact while Sgt. Major is--oh, my God. Sgt. Major! Welcome home, sir."
"Thanks, Diane. Will you take Britt home and make sure she gets some rest?"
"Yes, sir."
I kissed his head. "I'll stop by on my way to work."
"Okay. I'll see you then."
I started to leave.
"Bridget?"
I turned. "Yeah, Jake?"
"I love you."
"I love you," I smiled and left the room.
Diane took Kelly and me to the house.
I went inside, took a quick shower, and laid down. I closed my eyes and sighed. I needed to sleep. I needed the day to be over.
***
The next day, I was testifying at the trial.
"Dr. Hamilton, do you think Sgt. Major Hamilton is fit to do another tour?"
"No, his body has been too wounded. Although he'll be better in a couple of months, he won't be as well as he once was."
They asked question after question, and I gave answer after answer.
When the trial was over, I went to the hospital and changed into a pair of scrubs and clocked in. Then, I made my way to Jake's room.
His family was crowded around him. There were flowers and baskets of candy everywhere. It looked like a gift shop threw up.
I left the room and got Jake's chart from the nurses' station.
"Dr. Hamilton, are you checking the Sgt. Major's vitals?" a nurse asked.
"I am."
"Dr. Thomas requested you monitor him."
I nodded and went into the room, looking at his chart as I spoke, "Good morning, Sgt. Major. How are you feeling?"
Everyone kept talking.
"Guys?"
They didn't stop.
"Guys?"
"Hey!" Dr. Fields shouted, walking in.
Everyone grew quiet and looked at us.
I looked at him. "Thank you."
He handed me a coffee. "No problem. I came to see if you'd like to scrub in on a double-bypass procedure. It'll start around one."
"Yeah, which operating room?"
"Two. You'll be my first assist."
"Great."
"See you in there." He walked out.
"He's got the hots for you," Kelly smirked.
"He does not. He's my boss."
"Doesn't mean anything," Drew spoke.
I looked at Jake. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm great."
"You're a liar," I spoke.
He shrugged, "I've been through worse."
I put the coffee and chart down and sanitized my hands. "Mind if I take a look at your incision?"
"Nope."
I lifted his gown a bit, looking at the cut I made.
"Now, we couldn't do it laparoscopically, because of your condition, but it went smoothly. You should probably feel some discomfort in the region for a couple of days."
"Okay."
I covered it and looked at the incisions on his chest. I nodded. "These will probably be tender and uncomfortable as well, but that should pass."
"Okay."
I looked at his knee, which was also injured. "Our orthopedic surgeon should be in shortly to make a judgement on the severity of your knee injury. You'll probably need a few sessions of physical therapy."
"A few?" Drew asked.
"A couple months," I clarified.
Jake groaned.
I looked up at him for the first time.
He sighed.
"I need to take your vitals." I took his pulse and blood pressure and charted them. I nodded. "Your levels are low, but that should be normal for you since you're so active."
"Okay."
I looked at his chart. "You had a fairly good night last night. They gave you Benadryl to help you sleep. Did you handle that okay?"
"I did."
I made note of it. "Okay. Is there anything I can get you?"
"No, but you can come here."
I looked up at him. "I'm officially on duty."
"Bridget, please?"
I sighed and walked over. I ran a hand through his hair. "You sure you're okay?"
He nodded. "I'm okay. Are you busy today?"
"Lab day, so not really. I-"
Diane knocked on the door with another researcher by her side.
I looked up.
"Dr. Hamilton, do you have a minute?" the researcher asked.
I looked at Jake. "I'll check on you in a bit."
"Do you have to leave just yet?" he asked.
I looked at the researcher. "Is it urgent?"
He handed me a file.
I looked at it.
The results were incredible. No cancer detected. Nothing. The mouse had originally had stage three liver cancer.
I shuffled through the file one more time. "Did you make note of this?"
"Yes, Doctor."
"Did you notify the Chief?"
"No, Doctor."
"Did you notify the board, so we can begin a trial on humans?"
"No, Doctor. I wanted your permission."
I nodded. "Okay, go tell the Chief to come see me. I'll call the board when I'm finished with that."
"Should we begin targeting another cancer?"
"No. We want to be sure this works in humans first. If not, we've done something wrong."
"What's going on?" Jake asked.
I looked at the researcher. "Get me the Chief. I'll meet you in the lab in twenty."
He nodded and left the room.
"Britt, what is it?" Jake asked, tugging on my scrub top.
I looked at him and smiled, "Cancer research. After seeing the success of the pancreatic cancer treatment, I began working on liver cancer. It's more complex, but it's a promising step forward."
He smiled, "I'm so proud of you."
Diane spoke up, "Dr. Hamilton, should I cancel that surgery with Dr. Fields? It appears you now have a bit to do."
"Yes, please. Send him my deepest apologizes."
She nodded and left the room.
My pager buzzed.
I looked at it. "Jake, I'll be right back, okay?"
He nodded.
I left the room and took his chart to the nurses. "Page me if his status changes."
They nodded.
I went downstairs to where I was paged.
To my surprise, my grandparents stood there. My grandmother didn't look so well.
I walked up to them. "You had me paged?"
"We know you don't want to talk to us, but we really need a consult."
"Then, go to the emergency room. They've got other doctors."
"You're the best oncologist."
"I'm not an oncologist. I'm a surgeon."
"Bridget, please," Granddad pleaded. He looked tired, too. He held a file out to me.
I took it and sighed, "Follow me."
I took them to a conference room.
We sat down.
I opened the chart.
It was my grandmother's.
She had stage two liver cancer. Odd timing.
I looked up at them. "What do you want me to do?"
"Do you have any suggestions?"
"This says you're on chemo, nearly daily, with radiation a few times a month. This is vigorous treatment. It has to be working."
"It's not," my grandfather argued.
"Is it not? Or are you just telling me that so I'll help you?" I asked.
He looked angry.
I looked at her. "The only treatment available right now is the one you're on. I've gotten promising results on mice with liver cancer, but I don't know if it'll be approved for human usage."
"Do it anyway," my grandfather snarled.
"I can't. If I could, I would. I can't. I could lose my license."
She nodded and took his hand.
"And you're in an early stage, so that's a good sign. You were diagnosed a few months ago. These things take time, okay?"
"And if this option, the one you're working on, gets approved?"
"Then, you'll be my first call. It may be a few days, but it may be a few weeks. I need to send my research to the FDA and I'll know soon enough."
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "So what do we do until then?"
"Continue her treatment until I call."
He nodded and took a breath.
"How's James?" Nan asked.
"He's home. Actually, he's upstairs. He was injured and down here, where he's recovering. He-"
There was a knock on the door.
I looked up.
A nurse looked in. "Dr. Hamilton?"
I looked up.
"Sgt. Major is, um, I don't know. Something's wrong."
We followed her upstairs.
Jake was moaning, gripping his leg. "Britt, what's happening to me?"
"I don't know." I lifted his blankets. His leg was swollen and purple. He was bleeding out into his leg. "Everyone out!"
No one moved.
"Out! Now!" I snapped. I looked to the nurse. "I need a scalpel and page Dr. Walker 9-1-1."
She nodded and left the room, returning with what I asked for. "He's in surgery, but he's coming."
Kelly came in and put gloves on as I did. "Hey. Where do you want me?"
"Kelly-"
"I'm still a surgeon."
I nodded. "Okay. Immobilize his leg." I looked at Jake. "I need to relieve the pressure from your leg. You're going to feel some pressure, okay?"
He nodded.
I looked at the nurse. "Book an O.R. and get blood from the blood bank."
She nodded and ran from the room.
"Kelly, get a stretcher."
She did and returned with a team.
"Okay. The second I cut, we move, okay? I don't want him bleeding out."
"Bridget-" Jake spoke between closed teeth.
"Jake, I've got you, but you need to breathe."
Kelly put oxygen on him and nodded.
"Ready?"
He nodded.
I made the cut.
Blood gushed from his leg.
We moved him to the stretcher and to the nearest operating room.
Dr. Walker wasn't there.
"Where is Dr. Walker?" I asked.
Jake groaned.
Anesthesia put him out.
"His leg is going to lose blood flow," Kelly spoke.
I thought a moment. "Hypothermia."
"What?"
"Like in hearts. It'll buy us some time."
She nodded.
We put ice to his wound and waited. The temperature in the room was put to an abnormally cold level.
When Dr. Walker came in, he shivered, "Jeez. What's going on?"
I explained.
"Wow. Okay. Let's get working."
We got to work on warming him up.
Dr. Walker got to work. "His femur is broken. What the hell? There's a previous break. And a massive infection." He looked at me. "We may have to amputate."
"Is that the only option?" Kelly asked.
"He's already on antibiotics."
"We could put a graft in and talk to him first."
"He may not have the time," Dr. Walker spoke.
I looked at Kelly. "He'd kill us."
"It'll save his life," she defended.
I hesitated. "I don't know. He'll be angry. He's just forgiven me and-"
"Okay. We'll close him up and talk with him," Dr. Walker nodded.
So we did.
When he woke, Kelly, Dr. Waker, and I were at his bedside.
He sighed, "Ouch."
Dr. Walker explained what his findings were.
Jake sighed.
"How did you have a break?" Kelly asked.
"I don't know. I'm tough." He looked at me. "Do you really have to cut off my leg?"
"Jake-"
"You're smart and innovative. I'm sure you can think of something."
I sighed and looked at Dr. Walker. "What if we used a titanium rod and screws?"
"I'm game," Jake smiled.
"There will be a lot of recovery time and physical therapy."
"He's need it with a prosthetic, too," I spoke.
Dr. Walker nodded. "Okay. Sgt. Major?"
"Let's make me a robot," he smiled.
A while later, we took Jake back into surgery.
We got to work.
I worked alongside Dr. Walker, irrigating the wound and cauterizing infected areas.
After putting in the rod and screws, we had to create a cage to keep it secure while he laid in bed.
Dr. Walker nodded. "Nice work, Dr. Hamilton."
"Thank you, Dr. Walker. I'll take him to post-op."
He nodded.
I took Jake to recovery and waited with him for hours. I was getting tired, but I never left his side. I was replacing his morphine drip when he began to wake.
"Ouch. Where am I?"
"Recovery," I answered.
"Oh. How'd it go?"
"Very well. If you weren't on morphine, you'd be in so much pain right now."
He sighed, "Can't wait."
I nodded.
"Thank you for being you."
"Jake-"
"You're good on the spot. You knew what to do."
"I'd never helped with one before. It was kind of fun."
He nodded. "When do you get off work?"
"I'm on night shift tonight."
He nodded.
"I'll be monitoring your progress tonight."
He nodded and sighed.
"I better get your family..." I started to leave the room.
"Britt?"
I turned to him.
"Come here."
I walked back over.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, working. I-"
"No, Bridget. You had surgery yesterday. How are you feeling?" he spoke, taking my hand.
"I'm fine, a little sore, but it's nothing I can't handle. I'm the one who cut myself open in your kitchen."
"True. Badass," he smirked.
I smiled, "I really should get your family now."
"Our family."
"Sure, our family, whatever," I smiled, rolling my eyes. "I'll be back, okay?"
He nodded.
I went out to the waiting area.
His whole family was there. They looked up at me.
I sighed.
Kelly stood. "Did you amputate?"
"No, he's fine. He's in his room if you'd like to see him."
They nodded.
We made our way to his room.
Jake was sitting up. He sighed, looking at his leg. He looked up as we entered.
"You're fucking crazy," Drew spoke.
"I know. I-" Jake spoke.
"You had two breaks and some kind of infection. You didn't think to tell anyone when you got here?" Drew asked, sounding angry.
"They would have taken my leg."
"No. Your wife would have cut your leg off, because you requested her but didn't give your name. She already took out one of our organs. She's probably traumatized," Drew snarled.
"I'm fine," I spoke, adjusting Jake's fluids.
"Britt would never do anything she wasn't comfortable with."
"She doesn't get a choice here at work," the Chief spoke.
I turned.
He was in the room. He held up a folder. "You going to come talk to me about this?"
My research. Oh, I'd totally forgotten. I hesitated.
He smiled, "I made a call in to the FDA. We need to get a trial going ASAP."
I nodded.
"You're single-handedly curing cancer. Why aren't you on the moon? Why aren't you jumping for joy?" he smiled.
"We don't know if it works in humans, yet. It might not work."
"You don't give yourself enough credit."
"She never has," Jake spoke up.
I looked at him.
"Why didn't you tell me it was going so well?"
"Because I was too busy saving your life."
"You should go celebrate."
"All of my friends are working. I do need to go see if my grandparents are still here. My grandmother would be the perfect candidate for the trial."
"She's got liver cancer?" the Chief asked.
I nodded. "I just found out."
"Odd timing. Let's go call them. If we get a list of patients, the FDA will be more willing to approve the trial."
"You'd help?"
"You bet. Let's get going."
I looked at the nurse in the room.
"If his status changes, I'll let you know."
I nodded and followed the Chief from the room. I called my grandparents and had them come back in.
I sat and took a breath. Jake was okay. There was probably going to be another trial. Things were working out. Things would be okay. I could finally breathe.