Author's Note
I changed the accident. Now it's of an accident I made up. Nothing bad.
~Monday, April 15th~
{Belle's POV}
Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at my reflection. A black lace dress fit tightly around my upper body. Showing every curve, everything I'm insecure about. It's hard enough I have to go to my brothers funeral, now I have to feel insecure while doing it.
I'm already insecure about seeing everyone now that they know I attempted suicide. Now adding onto how I look is even worse. Luckily I don't have any zits thanks to the magic called Proactive.
But now I have to face my grandparents, who hate me, and a bunch of Scott's friends. And at their age I know they'll make fun of me.
My fingers subconsciously rubbed over the scars from yesterday as I stared at myself in the mirror. I hate mirrors. Every mirror makes me feel like shit. I clenched my hand around my wrist to stop myself from grabbing something sharp and cutting. God, I hate being like this.
Having the urge to cut every time I feel self conscious. Every time I see someone prettier then I am. Every time I go on twitter.
"Belle! C'mon! We're going to be late!" Niall called as he pounded on my bedroom door. I sighed, grabbing my phone, shoving it into my dress pocket, and walking out.
The first person I made eye contact with was Liam as I stepped out of mine and Niall's room. We haven't spoken since Friday. Especially after yesterday he has been distant. I think he's avoiding me. To be truthful, we're both avoiding each other.
I'm scared of him. I'm scared that if I get him mad he'll hurt me. Just like my mom.
Scared.
That's a word I use a lot. An emotion I can't keep control of. It's like it's controlling me instead.
"Someone looks beautiful." Louis commented, giving me a wink. I blushed even though I know he's lying. I truly want to believe him, but I don't.
"Stop talking about yourself Lou." I tried to joke, but my pain broke through as I spoke some of the words. It took all I could not to crack a tear.
They all look better then I do. All of their clothes fit nicely onto their bodies while mine make me look fat. Being self conscious sucks.
"Awe, you're so sweet." Louis said, a tint of blush appearing on his cheeks. I shook my head as a knock on the door filled the room. "Belle, why don't you get it?" Harry offered, a mischievous grin plastered to his lips.
I furrowed my eye brows in confusion, then walked towards to door. Since I'm to short, and the boys obviously know who it is, I opened the door.
My heartbeat stopped when I saw him in front of me. No. Why the hell is he here?
"Go away Emerson." I tried to slam the door in his face but he shoved his foot between the door frame and door. "Can we talk? The boys invited me to come to the funeral."
All with my heartbeat the rest of my body froze. My head became lightheaded and all I could feel was chest moving up and down from breathing.
Why would they invite him? Shit. They probably think we're still dating. I knew I should've told them!
Fuck my life.
"I don't want to talk and I especially don't want you going to my brothers funeral." I spoke coldly, keeping my volume low so the boys wouldn't hear me. It's not their fault that he's here. Well it is but they didn't know better.
"I messed up. I was just really shocked at what happened. Can you please just give me another chance?" His green eyes bored into mine, making my breathing hitch.
No Belle stop it! Don't look him in the eyes! You'll just cave.
I listened to my conscience and looked to the side of his head. My eyes concentrated on his ear. I'm not one of those people who find ears attractive, I don't even know who does though, so I was okay.
"You got mad because I tried to commit suicide. You insulted me by calling me an emo suicidal bitch. Yeah, I remembered it because I remember ever insult someone gives me. You knew about my past and still did it. So just leave me alone." I tried slamming the door shut again but of course his fucking foot was in the way.
Excuse my French, but I want this fucking bastard to go the fuck away!
"Please. I'm sorry. Can you at least look me in the eyes?" His voice cracked making my hands start to shake.
Don't do it! Don't do it!
I looked up into his eyes causing my heart to break. They're full of tears. As in real tears. "I-I'm sorry Belle." I didn't reply. All I could do was blink.
The only movement was from my shaking hands.
"Belle what's wrong?" Cole's British accent asked, the sound of his footsteps became louder as he got closer. I looked back at Cole with pleading eyes.
I don't know what he can do, but I need him to do something. I want Emerson gone, I don't need him in my life. Especially after what he called me.
"Who's this, love?" Cole asked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind in a hug. What's he doing? All he ever does is hold my hand, and that's when I need him to. "Is this your boyfriend?" Emerson asked, hurt playing in his voice.
That's what he's doing! He's pretending to be my boyfriend to get Emerson to go away! Smart boy, very smart boy.
"Yeah. What's it to ya?" Cole questioned, using a masculine voice. I leaned back into Cole's chest, playing the role of his girlfriend. "Oh. I-I um didn't know. I guess- I guess I'll go now." Emerson stuttered out, making me feel guilty.
Should I be guilty? He's the one that insulted me.
I watched as Emerson walked down the hallway, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. I shut the door so I wouldn't have to watch his receding figure.
Cole let go of me once the sound of the lock clicking filled the silence. I turned around, resting my back against the door. This day just needs to be over.
"What happened to Emerson? Isn't he coming?" Zayn asked, oblivious of what just happened. I sighed placing my head on the door. "We broke up a while ago. I didn't tell you guys because I didn't think it was important, but I should've."
No one said a word. I locked eyes with Liam, him not making a word or movement. He kept his brown eyes, that are full of empathy, on mine.
"C'mon lets go." That's all I said before walking out the door, shutting it behind me, and walking towards the elevator.
***
The car ride was silent. No one spoke, especially me. I kept my eyes trained on the buildings and trees zooming by.
All I could think about was Scott. Even after what just happened, I couldn't stop thinking about him.
Just about the little things he'd do. When we were in the car he'd start drumming on anything to the rhythm to the music. Just like Ashton was when we were on the plane.
I can picture him sitting in the passenger seat tapping him hands against the dashboard. Keeping his eyes closed as he bit his bottom lip. Whenever it'd happen I'd watch in amusement.
"Belle. You okay?" Cole's voice broke me away from my thoughts. For the first time through the car ride i noticed a tear rolling down my cheek. I took a deep breath, blinked my eyes twice, then turned towards where his voice was coming as he stood outside the door.
"Yeah." I breathed out, not ready for what's coming a head of me. Once I stepped out of the car Cole clasped his hand around mine.
My feet somehow carried me towards the church doors. The boys walked ahead of us, glancing back every so often.
Nothing seemed to cross my mind. Usually I think about something all the time, but now there's nothing. Right as we were about to walk inside I froze. My feet stopped moving as I took deep heavy breaths.
The last time I was in a church was at Erin's funeral. After that I couldn't go back. Not couldn't, but refused to.
When I was younger I used to go every Sunday with my family. But once Erin died to wouldn't go. Because each Sunday Erin and I would sit next to each other in pew and write notes on scrap paper.
A tear dripped out of eye at the thought of both my sister and brother dead. I'm the last one. There's only me left, and I'm not even a Centful anymore.
"Belle. It's okay c'mon." Niall's said softly as his hand grasped onto my free one and lightly tugged on it, but I wouldn't move. "I can't do this." I whispered, letting go of both Cole's and Niall's hands.
Everyone gave me confused looks as I turned around. From the point where I couldn't move, not I couldn't stop from moving. My legs carried me down the street while the tears free falling down my streets.
The pain filled my legs as I pushed them even farther. My brown curls flowing behind me as the warm April air blew against it.
I don't know where I'm going, but it's anywhere except that church.