Author's Note
Please listen to a song called 'Everybody Hurts' by R.E.M. when I say so. You can listen to either the original by R.E.M. or the Glee Cast version I prefer the Glee Cast version, but it's your choice.
{Belle's POV}
It's like the world is frozen around me. All I here is my heart beat pounding in my ear drums. The tears fell down my cheeks. I didn't even bother wiping them away.
This can't be true. Scott is alive. He's probably watching TV or playing outside right now. He's not dead, he's alive.
"He's alive. Not dead." I whispered loud enough so the boys could hear me. My vision blurred from the tears. All I could make out was my hand that Zayn is holding onto tightly. Tears dripped on them making them wet, but I didn't mind. "Belle, his funeral is tomorrow. We booked a flight for tonight." Zayn said softly, wiping away some of my tears.
For the first time in two days I looked Zayn in the eyes. His eyes filled with tears and a sad smile grew on his lips. "It's all my fault. If- if I didn't try and kill myself Scott would be alive. He never would've gone to Albany. He'd be alive. It's all my fault." I admitted, realizing the obvious.
If I would've sucked it up and took the beatings Scott would be alive. I might not of met the boys but Scott would be alive. He'd be perfectly fine. He'd be playing outside completely naïve about the abuse I got. It's all my fault.
Zayn's smile faded as he shook his head. "Don't think that. It's not your fault because of the drunk guy that caused the accident." He used his other hand to brush back a piece of my hair. I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. It is my fault.
"Attempting to commit suicide might of been bad, but getting away from somewhere unsafe was good. Scott could've gotten abused to later on. You telling the police that your mum was abusing you was a good thing. You two got out of there, that's good. The accident wasn't your fault." Harry assured me, trying to make eye contact. But I wouldn't. I'm not as mad about the whole 'Cole thing' but I could barely even listen to what he was saying.
(Play it now.)
My hear beat filled my ears as if someone was banging a bass drum inside my head. The tears continued to flow down my cheeks like a river. My body started to shake from the uncontrollable sobs that I'm holding in. It's getting bad.
Just like when I cut for the first time.
The familiar urge ran through my body. The same emotions sped through my veins, begging for me to slice my skin so the warm blood could trickle down my skin.
I need it.
I stood up from my spot on the couch and walked out of the room. None of the boys said anything. Probably thinking I just needed time and my space. That's true, but with a different meaning.
I need time to cut. I need space to so I can do it in peace. To let my whimpers fill the empty bathroom.
My feet carried me upstairs to my room. When I reached the top I wasn't out of breath, I took my time climbing up the stairs. To make sure the boys didn't suspect anything.
The tile flooring padded against my sneakers as I made my way towards the shower where I kept my razor. With a shaking hand I grabbed the plastic device and placed it on my wrist.
Everything seemed to hit me like a brick wall at that moment.
I don't know if my father is alive or not.
My older sister is six feet under.
My mother abused me.
My grandparents don't like me.
My younger brother will be in the same place as my sister tomorrow.
I only have one friend where I live.
The five boys that I live with don't even know that it's my fourteenth birthday.
And I get hate every single day.
My life is hell.
I placed the blades against my scarred wrist and pulled down, letting to well-know pain go through my body. It felt so good, yet a quiet whimper left my mouth.
The blood started to come out of the cut I just created as I made another next to it. A tear fell onto the open wound causing a louder whimper leave my mouth.
That's when the sobs broke loose. It all poured out. All the emotions I've held back from over the past few days. Anger, sadness, frustration, agony, and the worst one of all. Heartbreak.
For the last one cutting my one wrist wasn't enough. I took the razor in my other hand and slice my clean wrist. Instead of a whimper, this time a scream left my mouth. A scream I needed to let out. But screaming was the wrong thing to do, because seconds after I heard the boys feet pounding up the wooden stairs.
{Zayn's POV}
The adrenaline rushed through my veins to carry me up the two flights of stairs. That wasn't a scream of terror, but of pain.
The lads followed behind me, Liam right next to me because he's the fastest. When we reached Belle's room it was empty.
Everything the way she left it before she left to go out with Cole, expect her bathroom door is shut. I ran over to it with the last of my energy and swung it open.
Belle didn't seem to notice us at all. She just fell to her knees, squeezing her eyes shut, and clutching onto the razor that was kept in her hand.
No one moved. We stood their staring at her. I couldn't seem to move my body. It feels like I'm made of stone.
The only sound was of Belle's sobs. Her eyes slightly opened as she placed the razor on her wrist that's covered in blood. "Belle. Please." Niall whispered, his voice soft full of pain. She didn't listen though.
We watched as she pulled the blade against her scarlet red covered wrist. A whimper of pain left her lips but she placed the razor against her skin again.
This time I moved. I kneeled down next to her and placed my hand over the her hand that's holding the razor. Gently, I pulled her hand away from her wrist.
Once it far enough away she simply released the razor. It fell onto the floor with a clattering sound. The only noise besides Belle and the boys sniffling. It took all I could to hold the tears back, and I'm barely able to do so.
Belle wouldn't make eye contact with me, all she did was stare at her wrist. The tears seemed to slow down as she took deep heavy breaths.
Nobody spoke. All I want to do is ask her why. But I know why. Her brother just died and she's blaming herself. Whenever someone does there's always a person that blames themselves. It's just human nature.
Carefully, I stood Belle up, keeping an arm wrapped around her small waist, and using my other hand to turn on the faucet. I picked up her right wrist and slowly brought it towards the cold running water.
Once the clear liquid hit Belle's open wound she yanked her arm back. "Belle, please it's going to get infected." I begged, a tear slipping out of my eye.
It kills me to see her like this. I knew once we adopted her it would get hard because of hate. But I thought that would be the hardest thing.
I never thought about her bringing a boy home alone and us almost beating the crap out of him. Even though we fucked up by not letting Belle explain that he's gay.
I never thought about her brother dying. About how upset she would get to cut herself again and think that it's her fault.
The worst one is that I thought after we adopted her she'd be all better. Not sad anymore, always happy and full of energy. It's not that she's not always happy, but right now she's seems like she's at her lowest point.
What keeps hitting me in the back of my mind is that would she of killed herself if we didn't hear her?
That's what scares me the most.
Belle took a deep shaky breath before pushing her wrist under the water. I rubbed my thumb gently over her cuts to get of ride of the blood faster but I seemed to cause Belle more pain.
{Louis' POV}
I took soft quiet steps towards the other side of Belle. I sat down on the toilet seat and took her hand that is blood is starting to cover.
With my free hand I grabbed a wash cloth, paced it under the water to wet it, and started to cleanse Belle's wounds. "Louis. Please stop. Please." Belle pleaded, her usual joy filled eyes full of pain and exhaustion.
Instead of doing what she wants me to do I kept lightly brushing the cloth over her bloody wrist. "I did this once Belle." That sentence made her eyes shoot up to mine. Now the recent emotion that covered her brown orbs disappeared and filled with worry.
Even in the worst situation Belle always worried about someone else. I've only known her for a few months but this is a quality about her that I learned quickly.
"It was a stupid reason. Some people thought it was because of hate, but that wasn't it." I explained to her. The brown orbs she owns never leaving mine. I continued to wipe the blood away as Zayn did, Belle not even acknowledging the pain it give her.
"I got into this big fight with Izzie. Do you remember when her and I broke up for a month and it was all the tabloids found interesting to talk about?" Belle nodded.
This is a story I've never talked about to anyone. Everybody only knows the small parts about it. How I cheated, how the paparazzi got a picture of it, and how Izzie dated one of her band members for a short period of time.
No one knows how I felt. For that month I barely talked. I felt like absolute shit. And I did some things I really regretted.
"Well, you know how the paps took plenty of pictures of Izzie and Tommy together? And how I dropped off the grid during that month?" She nodded again, fully into the story doing just what I wanted her to.
"During that month I stayed here unless we had meetings, interviews, or concerts. I barely talked to anyone and never went on twitter. Want to know why I did that?" For a third time Belle nodded. My eyes flickered down to her wrist to see the blood stop flowing and almost completely gone. A small smile grew on my lips as I looked back up at Belle. But it faded once I knew I had to tell the worst part.
This was something I've never told the lads. I didn't even tell my mum or sisters.
I took a deep breath, quickly looking at the lads. All of them stared at me intently, waiting for me to continue. Everyone has silent tears streaming down their cheeks besides Belle and I. Somehow I managed to keep them back for Belle's sake. I think the only reason why she's not crying is because she's to consumed into the story.
And that was my plan. To distract her from the pain of cleaning her wrists. Zayn even stopped rubbing his thumb across Belle's cuts because he wanted to hear what I was going to say.
"I was afraid of seeing Izzie happy with another guy. She's the only person I truly love. Letting Eleanor kiss me was the biggest mistake ever. But when I saw pictures of her and Tommy on magazines I broke. I came home, ran up to my bathroom and cut. Me cutting was something I've never told anyone. The lads didn't know before this, my family doesn't know, and Izzie doesn't know. But I only did it during that month, and now I don't anymore."
It felt good to get that off my chest. Belle's eyes filled with tears as I released her wrist. I looked down at the now red wash cloth in my hands ashamed.
Saying all of that was hard. I didn't want to go to a therapist, because even if they're not supposed to repeat what clients tell them someone might've. Just because of who I am. They would probably get loads of pounds if they told a paparazzi that information.
I felt two small arms wrap around my neck and Belle's head rest on top of her arms next to my head. I placed her arms around Belle's tiny waist and pull her close to me.
"Thank you for telling me that." Belle whispered into my ear. I nodded before pulling slightly away so I could look her in the eyes. This is the perfect timing to apologise for what happened on friday. I still feeling extremely guilty for yelling at her.
"I'm sorry for friday. We all are. We overreacted and should've let you explain. Cole is always welcome here." Belle seemed to smile at the last sentence, but it faded quickly after. Her eyes looked away from mine, towards the new mirror we put in here.
"Is everything okay bellyboo?" I asked, pulling Belle onto my lap so she couldn't escape. That might be a bad thing to do, but I want her to be more open with us. "Yeah, but that's not the only reason why I was upset when I went out with Cole today." Belle said in almost a whisper. I'm not even sure Niall heard her who is sitting on the edge of the bathtub that's barely five feet away.
She shift on my lap so she could look me in the eyes. "Today's my birthday." My heart dropped to my stomach. No, it can't be her birthday. Her birthday isn't until the 24th. Today's the 14th.
Shit.
I must've gotten the date wrong. How the hell do I do that? I'm her dad, I'm supposed to know this.
"Belle. We're so sorry. I thought it was the 24th not the 14th. God I'm a terrible dad. I'm so sorry." I rushed every word out so quickly as I ran my fingers through my hair.
I can't believe I fucked up so much in the past few days. First I yell at her which is one of the worst things to do to Belle then I forget her birthday. I'm absolutely terrible!
"No you're not Lou. You're perfect. I understand you getting the dates mixed up, lots of people do it. Even I do." Belle stated with a small giggle. I smiled just at her giggle, but mostly at her calling me Lou. She only ever calls us by Louis, Harry, Niall, Zayn, and Liam. Never by nicknames.
I've never been so happy to hear someone call me Lou. This is a big step for our relationship, and I'm happy about it. "I love you boo." I said, placing a kiss on her forehead. A smile as wide as the moon spread across her lips.
That's all Belle really needs. Is to known that someone loves her. And five lads loving her is the best we can give her, but we're still going to give her others things. Things that aren't essential in life.
"I love you to dad."
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Author's Note
Quick update, but how did everyone like it? Now that I'm only writing one fan fiction I have more time to write for this one.
I won't be posting my Niall one until I finish this one. I'm going to focus on this book and school work. I dropped in every class except English, I actually went up in that class. So this book and school work are my biggest things to focus on.
Just want you guys to know how much I appreciate the comments. And I also want to dedicate this book to the person that's been reading this and commenting since the beginning. Sadws99.
I think I did the thing where you dedicate a book to someone right. Either I dedicated the book or just a chapter.
I love you all remember that!!!
Love, Isabella