Chapter Fifteen: Losing Control
I woke up wrapped in the arms of another. I felt the usual safe and calm part of me, which was all I needed to know it was Leo next to me in bed. My wolf was having a fit inside my mind and I couldn't understand why. Maybe she found it unsettling for me to sleep next to another man? Well I mean I certainly didn't go to sleep with Leo, but who else would invite their self into my room and take a nap beside me?
"Leo?" I called out, panicked by the thought of it being someone else beside me.
"Guess again," A deep husky voice whispered in my ear.
"Xavier," I growled, annoyed by the fact he's in my room again and in bed with me after everything he's done.
"I think you're in the wrong room, sluts sleep in the rooms downstairs." I mumbled, trying to get him annoyed enough to leave me alone.
"Really? Cause' I could have sworn you don't sleep down there," He smirked; pleased with his insult towards me.
"Are you calling me a slut after you were the one surrounded by girls?!" I questioned; my anger raising higher than I planned.
"Takes one to know one," Xavier shrugged.
I gave him the best death glare I could muster up in the morning before responding. "Well it makes sense your mate would be a slut, beings that it's the only kind of girl you can attract with a fucking cocky attitude like that," I spat.
I felt a growl rumble through Xavier's chest as his arms tightened around me. "Roxie, you're mine," He declared through gritted teeth.
"Let go of me!" I shouted as I tried to pry myself from him.
"No," He answered in a stern voice. "I saw you and Leo yesterday. You. Are. Mine," He repeated, this time emphasizing each word.
"As if!" I exclaimed, enraged by his comment towards me. "You have Julie and I have Leo. We are nothing to each other."
The second I said that, my wolf made a threatening growl toward Xavier. "I'll put him in shit place," She hissed and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her choice of words.
"Do me a favor Xavier and go back to your slut of a girlfriend," I sighed, quickly growing tired of all this.
"Leave Julie out of this," Xavier growled, loud enough for me to hear the slight protection for her he held in his voice.
That was all it took to make me snap. Hearing him threatening me over her was enough to push me over the edge. I began to shake and growl, my wolf was on the verge of surfacing and I didn't make an effort to keep her at bay.
I ripped myself from Xavier's hold and pinned him to the ground after practically throwing him off the bed. "Don't tell me what to do," I warned him in a serious tone.
My voice reached a lower, daring pitch that even I didn't recognize. Xavier could have pushed me off, but he didn't and it was probably because he was taken back by the whole situation. I had never snapped on anyone like this before; I was always the innocent one who needed protection. Xavier made all my patience leave though; it didn't take this boy long to scar me and force me to change who I am.
I starred into his eyes of confusion and surprise and it gave me power to think I caused that. For some reason my wolf was howling at the thought of finally having power and being in control. I let her have her fun, but on the inside I was scared. I didn't know what it meant for me to feel this way and that terrified me. I don't want to become some monster, but do I really want people walking all over me?
"Roxie, the power is yours for the taking," Gloria sang in my head, feeling victorious over putting her mate in his place.
I looked at Xavier and once I saw his expressions changing and his eyes scanning me; I knew he was having an internal conversation with his wolf at the moment. I bet after me hitting him in the groined and now tackling him to the ground; he knows not to mess with me or my wolf.
Before Xavier had time to react to what I had done, I slapped him hard in the face and made sure to ignore any sparks or pulls I had to comfort him afterward. I pushed myself up from the ground and stalked out of the room, feeling more on edge than before by the need to take care of such an asshole. I could hear him shouting something after me, but he didn't dare follow.
I had no idea where I was going, but I realized it was my wolf guiding me in the direction. I wanted to ask her where it was we were headed off to, but I decided against it. I felt it was better to just let her get everything off her chest, rather than stay and do something regrettable to someone in the pack.
"Roxie, there you are!" A voice called for me, snapping my mind out of its haze.
"Leo?" I questioned, raising myself up from the ground and scanning the forest for him.
"I'm right here," He answered, running up and wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me to him.
"Oh Leo!" I exclaimed, turning around to embrace him in a hug.
I felt scared and nervous, having no idea where I am or how I got here. I let my wolf take over too much and I lost control; blacking out the the process. What did I do? What did she make me do? Those simple questions were enough to worry me further and make my body shake with fear for what I might have done.
"It's okay, Roxie," Leo spoke softy. "I'm right here; it's going to be okay."
I wanted so badly to believe him, but I wasn't sure what happened to myself. I lost control, but why? Xavier made something in me snap; my wolf took over. I tried so hard to recall the last few hour, but when I did, nothing came to mind.
"Leo, I don't know what happened," I admitted in a shameful voice.
"Relax, Roxie," Leo ordered me as he felt my body tense against his. "I'll explain everything soon."
A sob ripped through my chest against my will. I felt so defeated and scared; nothing made sense to me. My head swam with questions and I began to fear for the worse. It wasn't until the scent of blood reached my nostrils that I lost it.
I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to open them and take in the scene before me. My cries grew louder as Leo hugged me tighter to him, whispering assuring words in my ear. My wolf growled at me in my head for cowering like this, but I couldn't accept that I caused pain to someone.
"Leo, w-what did-d I do?" I managed to get out in between sobs. Leo didn't answer, he only let out a breath he had been holding. His answer wasn't needed though; his silence was enough to tell me it's bad enough.
"This isn't happening... This isn't happening," I chanted to myself over and over again; hoping the words would ring true.
"We need to leave," Leo instructed after a while.
"Where? Why? Leo, I'm so sorry!" I cried, pulling away from him to look into his eyes of worry.
"I know, Roxie, but we need to go. It isn't safe here for you anymore," He answered with a shake of his head; directing my gaze to area surrounding us.
The leaves I had been laying on were covered in blood. I stepped back from Leo and continued to back up until I reached a tree. Pushing my body against it, I refused to accept I did something horrible enough for someone or something to shed their blood. When I looked down to inspect myself, the clothes I was wearing were covered in the same blood surrounding me.
I lifted my hands and took in the sticky, red liquid smeared on my palms. The sobs came out harder as I collapsed to the ground on my knees, slightly shaking in both fear and disgust.
"Tell me I didn't do it," I cried to Leo in a breathless voice.
"Roxie-" Leo started, but I was quick to cut him short.
"Just tell me I didn't do it!" I shouted; turning my head to gaze up at him with tear stained eyes.
"You didn't do it, Roxie," Leo stated; looking honest and true, but I knew otherwise.
My wolf gave a low and threatening growl towards me. She was pissed I didn't find this to be exhilarating, but I rather wanted to cry for her actions. I tried to push her away, but her presence wouldn't budge. I knew she was on the verge of breaking through, but I tried my hardest to keep her at bay.
"Roxie, are you alright?" Leo questioned as he took in my sudden change of posture.
I couldn't answering him; it was taking everything in me to hold Gloria back. She wanted out and knew exactly where to push me in order to get what she wanted. As we battled for dominance over my body, I couldn't stop myself from falling over on all fours. As my hands connected with the dirt, my nails dug in as a way to find some release from the tension my wolf was creating in my mind. An ear shattering cry left my lips as my wolf brought on the worst stab to the brain anyone had ever felt.
"Roxie!" Leo called; rushing over to be by my side. As he pulled me into his arms, my wolf eased up a bit.
"What's happening to me?" I asked once I finally found my voice; leaning my head into his chest to find comfort.
"Your wolf; she's destroying you from the inside out," Leo stated with a worry filled tone.
"I want to go home!" I cried out in anger; squeezing Leo tight and refusing to let up my hold on him. "I'll take you back to the pack house once you calm down," He assured me as he ran his finger through my brown curls. Pulling out dirt and leaves in the process.
"No, I want to go home- to my family," I corrected in a hushed voice.
"Are you sure you can handle that right now?" He questioned me softly.
I nodded my head as I choked back another sob. "Yes," I replied in a dead voice. Leo didn't answer as he pondered the idea of us leaving to go back to my family. I knew it probably wasn't the best idea, but as far as I was concerned; it's my only option.
I have no idea what I did and frankly; I don't want to know. Leo and I can run away and be free of all this crap. Derrek might be mad at first, but I know him; he'll grow to love Leo like a brother. We need to escape and going back the Nightfall Pack is the best, and only, option we have.
"Fine," Leo agreed in a whisper. "Get your things together, because we'll have to leave soon; the quicker the better," He stated with a demanding tone to his voice.
"Thank you so much Leo," I sighed; breathing in his scent, loving how calming it was for both my wolf and I.
Leo picked me up off the ground and carried me bridal-style to the edge of the woods surrounding the pack house. I stayed behind in the trees as he went back to gather as much clothing and belongings he could without it looking too suspicious. He also promised to bring me a change of clothes, so I wouldn't have to remain in the blood soaked ones I have on now.
He didn't take too long to return and I refused to let my mind wonder about what I had done in the time he was absent. I grabbed the black singlet and denim shorts from his hands, before moving behind the trees to get changed into them. Once that was done, Leo and I headed out into the trees hand in hand on our way to Nightfall Pack.
I was beginning to feel more and more worried about how my brother would react to Leo's presence with each step we took. I knew Leo could feel my worry as well when he gave a slight squeeze to my hand in reassurance.
I looked up into his gorgeous green eyes and found hope that all this would be over soon. I refused to think about anything that had happened in the forest back there. I can't let even begin to imagine how traumatizing finding out would be. I need to move on from all of this and get my life back together again. All I have to do now is get Derrek to like Leo and everything else would fall into place. I figured my wolf would back down as long as Leo was there to soothe her. Also, I knew with time I could forget the memories I've made on my little visit to the Black Moon Pack.
All in all; I lost control, but I'm now working to get it back.