Replace Your Heart
Chapter 25
New Beginnings
NATHAN.
Tears streamed silently down my face. I clutched the bottle tightly in my hand, then reached up and took a swig of the alcohol. The burning feeling in my throat made me forget about the pain for a while, but after a few minutes, it returned again.
This is one of those nights. Those nights when I longed to have her in my arms. Those nights when the hollow feeling when she left feels ridiculously vivid.
It's been three months. How can I not forget her?
How could I have been so stupid? Our relationship was going great, we worked out tiny problems. But what the hell happened now? Everything snowballed, and it hit me right in the face. Now here we are, not talking, no communication whatsoever.
I miss her. I miss her so bad.
"Nath? You ready?" A female voice called from the doorway of the kitchen. I looked up, and her smile immediately dropped.
"You're drunk, aren't you?" She asked, arching an eyebrow at me.
Alicia's an amazing girl, but right now, I needed Alex. Not her.
I sighed, then dropped the bottle into the nearby bin and grabbed my jacket.
"I'm not, Ali. Come on, we'll be late." I replied, wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her out.
Lying came to me easily these days.
"I'm driving," She said, a playful smirk on her face. "We need to get to the party in one piece."
Oh, right. I can't go there and show my face to my mother when I'm all hammered, right?
But I have to.
Suck it up, Sykes. Be a man.
* * * *
"Oh look, 'lil Nath's finally here!" Jay exclaimed. His voice, and the music (even though it's slightly mellow) made my head pound. Shit, not now.
The party was in full swing. Our families were milling around the flat, talking to each other.
"Nathan!" My mother squealed, approaching me and taking my face in her hands. "You've grown so much!"
"Yeah, and he still looks like a sloth. Puberty DID NOT do you well, brother." Jess smirked. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Nice to see you too, Jess."
"Oh, this must be Alicia!" Mom squealed again. They both immediately hit it off, and after a while, I got pretty bored. I excused myself, and slinked off to the kitchen. It was the nearest quiet place I knew.
And holy shit, I DID NOT expect to see her there.
* * * *
Our expressions matched each other. Mouths wide open, eyes big as saucers.
She was the first to recover, dropping the sandwich she was meaning to take a bite out of back on the plate.
"Nathan?"
I took a second look at her. Green eyes, long, wavy brown hair flowing down her back, full lips good enough to kiss, red lace(ish) dress and her trusty black vans. (Lord knows she wouldn't wear heels again)
Yep. This sure is the Alex Meyer I know.
"Alex?"
I usually don't give in to my instincts, especially in situations like this, but today, I lost all control. I lunged forward and wrapped her in my arms.
"What the-?" She said, obviously take by surprise at my actions.
We stood there, for a long time. Nobody moved a muscle.
I regained composure eventually.
I let her go, and she returned to her position, leaning against the counter, staring at me.
"I didn't expect to see you here." I finally said. She was leaning against the counter, mowing down her sandwich as if nothing happened.
She shrugged. "The guys didn't tell you about this?"
"Your coming? Nah."
"Oh. Well, here I am," She smirked at me. "And why do you smell of alcohol?"
Oh shit. The feeling of drunkenness surged back through me, and I grabbed the countertop to prevent myself from falling.
I was so distracted by her presence, I forgot everything.
"You've been drinking too much again, haven't you?" She said. "Why?"
My body tensed. Am I really ready to reveal my pain to her?
My head pounded. My vision swam. Oh crap. Here goes the effect of those last 6 beers.
"You."
And then I passed out.
* * * *
"Nathan... Nathaaan..." Somebody called. Good lord, can somebody just get me to a comfy bed and leave me alone?
The person tapped my cheek. I opened my eyes.
Alex peered over me, her green eyes filled with worry. She smiled nervously when I looked back at her, fully conscious... and dizzy.
"Thank god," She sighed. "Come on, I'll help you get up to your room."
She began helping me up to a sitting position, but then...
My vision swam, the earth shifted, and I was hit by a great wave of nausea.
Before I even knew what was happening, I had thrown up on her. And her pretty dress, apparently.
"Sorry," I croaked out.
She looked at her vomit-soaked body, obviously ticked off, then closed her eyes. When they opened, they conveyed a different expression.
"Alright, I'll clean this mess up first, then we'll go up."
* * *
I ignored the looks the boys' families gave me as Alex and Max helped me up the stairs. I hate it when people look at me with pity.
Alicia followed suit.
After a long, grueling walk, I finally collapsed on my bed.
Alex leaned on the wall and wiped sweat off her forehead.
"Jesus, Nathan, what have you been eating?" Max said, massaging his shoulder.
I groaned in reply.
"Who's gonna change him?" Alex asked. She looked at Alicia.
"Oh, I'll give you the authority to do it," Alicia replied, sneaking a wink at me. "It's okay."
See, it's Alicia who knows what's up. Our "relationship" or whatever the fuck it is, is in fact, fake. She's been a trusty friend who understands the female race more than I do. She knew we'd break this up as soon as my relationship with Alex is fixed.
What? She was the one who came up with the plan, not me. I can't come up with something that... devious.
Alex cocked an eyebrow at the both of us. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I needed to go back to the apartment anyway. Bye Alex. Take good care of him for me, okay?" Alicia remarked, trotting out of the room.
"Yeah, good luck there, Lex. No sidelines." Max winked.
"Oh, shut your trap, get outta here!" Se said, kicking Max out. Literally. She kicked his bum, hard.
"OW! HEY-!" He cried, then Alex slammed the door shut in his face.
Once everything was peaceful, she grabbed a pair of sweatpants, underwear, and a shirt from my drawer.
"Do you need help or can you manage?" She asked.
I stood up. "I can do it."
"Okay. I'll just go change, then I'll be back. Anything else you need?"
"Just a glass of water please."
She nodded and gave me a small smile.
My chest tightened. You have no idea how much I wanted to hold her in my arms. Again.
Then she left the room.
* * *
ALEX.
This is a lot for one night.
I excused myself from the party and went up to the guest room the guys gave me.
I changed into a shirt and pj's, then walked into kitchen.
"Hey Lex," Jay said as I grabbed a glass and began to fill it with water. "You look bothered. What's up?"
Oh. It must've shown on my face.
All Nathan said was "You" and now here I am, wondering why he answered that.
"It's nothing, Bird. I need to go." I said quietly and walked off. I wasn't lying, I really needed time to think.
But boy, little did I know I wasn't going to get that alone time.
~
NATHAN.
"Here's your water," Alex said as she entered the room. "And I'm going now. Good night, Nathan."
I sprung up and grabbed her wrist.
She stared at me, surprise in her eyes. I took a deep breath.
"Don't leave yet, Lex. I... I have a few things to say."
She cocked her head at me, studying my face, probably to check if I was joking or not. When she finally decided to believe me, she nodded.
"Okay. What is it?" She said, positioning herself on one end of the bed. I sat on the other.
"Over this cool-off time, there were a few things I realized." I began. Boy, this is gonna be sappy.
She nodded, indicating that I continue.
"Alex, I'll admit, I'm a wreck without you. You keep me grounded. You remind me of my purpose here on earth. I didn't know what to do when you left me. I was so stupid to let a small argument snowball into a huge problem. No texts or calls from you? God, I felt like dying."
"What about Alicia?" She asked quietly, staring at her striped socks. "You seemed so happy with her."
"Aw, you see, Alicia's been helping me through all this time. She was great company, yes, but no one, not even her, could compare to you."
"So you were using her?"
"No. In fact, she was the one who offered a fake relationship (or whatever that was) to me."
"And you agreed?"
"Sorta."
"Hold on. You have the balls to make me talk to you and say things like how much you need me when you haven't been showing that in your actions?"
"I told you, I was an idiot. Come on, Alex, I'm trying to make peace here-"
"Make peace?" She snorted. "Yeah, right. And what makes you think I would forgive you that easily?"
"I-" panic swelled in my throat. This was not going according to plan. "I was thinking that maybe you-"
"That maybe I also missed you? Ha, Nath, maybe I do, but seriously? Everything that happened over the last few months fucked up my emotions, big time. What, you made that 'thing' up with Alicia to forget? To feign happiness?"
"Come on! Did you seriously expect me to go out there and make a mess of myself? Just because of you?"
She shook her head, a bitter smile on her face. Her eyes glazed with anger.
"No, Nathan. I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you would finally see how all of this is making matters worse. For the both of us. Did you think about how I would feel about that? About what I could've been going through? Nathan, after the reports of you and Alicia surfaced, the whole family, excluding my parents, have been making me feel so terrible, I wanted to die. I felt alone. I felt like you didn't care. It hurt. Do you know how it feels to just lie in bed, crying your eyes out, wanting nothing more than to get this thing over with? And look at you. Alcohol. Please stop doing that to yourself. Please stop faking happiness when I know, hell, we all know you're also hurting."
"If that's the case, why are you pushing me away?"
"Because I'm not sure if I can still trust you. If you're still worth taking risks. And by what you're showing me..."
She let the sentence trail off.
Then a few long seconds of silence passed.
I decided to break the silence. "So that's it? We won't try to fix this anymore? We're just gonna let this relationship shrivel up and die? We're not going to figure out what ruined us and try to avoid it?"
"Nath, Selfishness and pride ruined us," She said, walking to the door slowly. A tear slipped down her cheek. "And to be honest, I don't know how we could possibly fix this."
"Well here I am now," I replied, blocking the door. "I'm swallowing my pride. I'm not gonna put up a fight anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I just can't take it anymore Alex. I love you, and I want you back."
It was a long, agonizing silence. Then she finally stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around me. It wasn't long before I felt her tears soaking my shirt. I took this as my cue to hold her. Finally. After a long time.
"I'm sorry, too, Nath."
"Does this mean I'm off the hook?"
"Yes."
I breathed out a sigh of relief.
"It's been a long day for the both of us," I remarked, after a long while of just holding each other. "How about we go to sleep now?"
"Sure."
We tucked ourselves in. She snuggled up to me, while I wrapped my arms around her.
"Good night, Nath."
I planted a small kiss on her forehead. "Night, Lex."
"Sorry about your shirt."
"It's fine."
This is gonna feel new again, but I'm just glad I have her back. Because no matter what I do, I can never replace her heart.
~
When I woke up, I had a pounding headache. My throat was dry, and my vision swam whenever I looked around. But then I looked at her, sleeping peacefully in my arms, and all physical pain disappeared.
Oh my god. I am such a soppy git.
I stared at her. It was a nice feeling, to know that I finally have her back. After months and months of turning to alcohol and faking how I felt. I feel like a weight was lifted from my chest.
Alex means the world to me. And I'm not gonna make the mistake of hurting her again.
Her eyes fluttered open, and a smile crossed her face immediately when she saw me.
"Well, someone's up early," She remarked. "Good morning, Sykes."
"Good morning, Meyer," I replied, kissing her forehead.
And then we lay there for a while.
I could tell she was uneasy, as she kept moving and her facial expression said so. I couldn't hold myself back, so I finally asked her.
"Alex? What's wrong?"
She looked up at me with sad eyes, and it troubled me a bit.
"Nath, I'm leaving for California later."
I froze.
"Today?"
"Yes."
I took a deep breath. That only meant one thing, and my thoughts raced back to our first date.
"Then let's make the most out of this day."
~
I took her to tourist spots, even though she'd already seen them all (she loved the London Eye). I was determined to make every moment memorable.
And now we're at the airport. She's in my arms, locked into a tight hug. I savored every second of this. We wouldn't see each other again for a long time, and I was less than willing to let her go.
She looked up at me, her eyes glazed with tears. And as I looked into those eyes, I realized something.
They say things happen for a reason.
And would you look at that, the whole mess was actually a blessing in disguise. I've definitely learned from my mistakes. I saw how I was without her. I saw how much she really means to me.
Now, I'm never gonna let go. Our relationship will be stronger than ever before.
"Take care out there for me, aright?" I said as I wiped an escaped tear off of her cheek. "And I promise you, I will do everything I can so we can see each other again in the soonest possible time."
She chuckled. "Alright then. I'll be expecting a new kick-ass record, okay? And that's a pretty big promise. You sure you can do it?"
"Anything for you."
I took her into my arms again.
"I'm sorry I was such a douche during the last few months, okay?" I said, taking a deep breath. "You didn't deserve all that pain. I'm gonna help you forget all of that."
"It's fine, Nath."
"No, it's not. I now promise you that I will never make that mistake again."
"Promise is a big word."
"I can do it. WE can do it."
"Whatever you say, Nathan."
I looked at her, taking in every feature. Her eyes. Her cheeks. Her lips. Everything.
Then I stared into her eyes and took a deep breath.
"I love you, Alex. More than you'll ever know."
Then I leaned down and pressed her lips onto mine.
It felt like heaven.
I have no words.
"I love you too, Nath," She said as we broke away.
I smiled and gave her a quick peck.
God, she is addicting. I'll miss this.
"Here's to a new beginning."
THE END.
* * * *
A/N: And that is it, my dear lovelies.
I am emotional.
I love you guys. Thank you for sticking with me through all of this.
That's it for now, I'm gonna make a whole page dedicated to all of you later. lol.
Oh, and btw, that amazing song on the side was my inspiration for this ending. Why? Because through all of the madness, Alex and Nathan continue to be each other's clarity.
And it is just simply beautiful. LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW.
Complete speech on the next... err, page. ------>
Pic of Nath for you guys. (;