"Knock Knock." I say standing awkwardly in the door way of our spare room. Luke's eyes meet mine and soften almost immediately.
"Hey, did you just get back?" Luke questions and I nod in response taking a step into the room. "You okay?" Luke asks giving me the same concerned look he did earlier today.
"I would say that I'm not exactly okay but I'm not exactly not, not okay so I guess I'm in-between." I tell him feeling like i wasn't making much sense.
"Right." Luke gives me a smile. "That's good though Genie."
"Yeah it is." I smile back. "I'm sorry for putting all of that on you today. I'm sure it's not something you usually deal with when you're hungover."
"You could say." Luke chuckles. "But you don't need to apologize Genie. I'm glad i was here."
"Me too. I don't know how i would've handled everything if I was alone so thank you Luke." I tell him sincerely. I really really didn't know how different things would of gone today if Luke wasn't here and although he wasn't exactly the person I wanted to be here, I'm glad he was.
"What are friends for." Luke says in a strange tone. "I'll always be here okay? You know that?" Luke asks and I nod in response. I felt like the luckiest person in the world to be surrounded by all of these people who would always be there for me, I was eternally grateful to my friends and family and I would never take that for granted again.
"I know, Thank you."I smile at him before going over and giving him a hug.
<~>
I was sitting on the bed with my legs crossed and my phone sitting in front of me. I needed to call Calum, Hell I wanted to call Calum but for some reason I was a little nervous. I hadn't been me at all over the last couple of months and I didn't know how to approach the whole situation. I had so much to say and I knew that we had a lot to talk about, I just didn't know how to start the conversation.
I take a deep breath before reaching for my phone and dialing his number. I couldn't put this off any longer, I needed to just bite the bullet and let him know what had happened today. As I wait for him to answer I can't help but think back to today. As soon as looked at the stickers on that package it had felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. A couple of days after the first scan I stupidly thought that nothing would or could go wrong and made the mistake of ordering something for the nursey. I had found a black and white plaque that I thought would fit perfectly in the nursey, The plaque itself had a quote written delicately on it which read "No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you after all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." I had completely forgotten all about it until it got delivered here today, I don't know what it was about that plaque that set me off, Maybe it was just the reminder of what I had lost or maybe it was even the reminder of all the things I had planned and I had envisioned for Calum and I when I got pregnant, either way it was what finally allowed me to open up that wound that i had so desperately been trying to keep closed.
A frown finds it's way to my face when I reach Calum's voicemail. Maybe he was in a meeting? Or maybe he was asleep? I let out a small sigh as redial his number. It goes to his voicemail once again which kind of annoys me. Why is it that when you want or need to talk to someone that they all of sudden become unreachable?
I try one more time but the result isn't any different. I tell myself that I just need to patient. Calum will call once he sees my missed calls and it will all be fine.
For the rest of the day I do my best to keep myself occupied. I take Walker for a walk and then to the park, I clean the house, I take a bath, I cook dinner for Luke and myself and after we've eaten I even attempt to read a few chapters of a new book I've started reading but I don't managed to get pass two chapters. It had been hours since I had called Calum and I still hadn't hear anything back.
I didn't want to admit it but there was just a small part of me that thought that something terrible had happened. Maybe he was in an accident? Oh god.
I try calling him again but this time it doesn't even ring and goes straight to voicemail. Well that didn't make me feel any better. What if he had been like attacked and was being held hostage? I do my best to shake those thoughts because they seem a little crazy. Maybe I was starting to crazy, that was more believable than anything.
A huff escapes my lips as I go back downstairs. Luke's in the living room with Walker asleep on his chest which makes me smile. I didn't know what it was about that dog and sleeping on people.
"What are you watching?" I ask Luke taking the seat next to him and steal some popcorn from the bowl beside him.
"John Wick." Luke answers looking over to me. "You alright? You look a little stressed." Well I was glad that I looked how I felt.
"Yeah I just haven't been able to get in touch with Calum today." I tell him and he looks surprised.
"That it is a little odd." Well thanks Luke. "So you haven't talked to him today?" I ask and he shakes his head in response. I still didn't quite understand why Calum had to go to L.A. for the label but Luke didn't.
"Luke you would tell me if Calum was with someone else right?" I ask and Luke shoots me a frown. "Like I know he's your best friend and there's like guy code and everything but you would tell me wouldn't you?"
"No." Luke shakes his head. "Because I would never need to, Genie we both know that Calum would never cheat on you so maybe get that ridiculous thought out of your pretty little head."
"You're right." I shake my head. "I'm being ridiculous." I didn't know what it was about today but I seemed to be extra paranoid. Calum wouldn't cheat on me.
"He's probably just been really busy with work and stuff." Luke shrugs turning his attention back to the movie that I now felt like I was distracting him from watching.
"Right." I nod. Work and stuff. It had to be didn't it? What else would it be? My thoughts are interrupted when there's a knock at the door. Luke and I both look at each other and he shrugs at me obviously not having any idea at who it could be.
I stand from the couch and hurry to the front door, I really didn't like to keep people waiting simply because I hated waiting on front door steps for people.
I'm with a series of emotions when I open the door to find Calum on the front door step.
"Sorry. I couldn't find me key." Calum grins adjusting the bag that's on his shoulder. Tears automatically swell in my eyes and before I know it I'm tacking him into a hug. God I missed him and not just because he's been in L.A. I missed Calum and I missed us, But most of all I missed who we were before the miscarriage. I just missed it all.
"What are you doing home? I thought you were gonna be gone for another day or two?" I ask pulling back from him.
"Your mum called me." Calum tells me and I have my answer. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."
"You're here now." I say before wrapping him in a hug once more.
<~>
"So what happened?" Calum asks. We were currently sitting on our bed and I was feeling incredibly nervous. I knew I had no need to be but I just couldn't shake the nerves. I had so many things to say and I knew Calum did too, I guess I was most nervous at how this would all end. I knew that because of how I reacted to everything that I had put a strain on our relationship and I just hoped that the damage that the strain had caused could be fixed.
A sigh escapes my lips as I move from position on the bed and go to the wardrobe to grab the plaque. "I ordered this after the first scan and it finally arrived today, I don't know why but it kind of woke me up...." I explain placing the plaque in front of Calum. His eyes travel over the words before he looks back up at me. "It would of been perfect for the nursery." Calum says confirming exactly what I thought the first time I saw it.
"Cal. I'm so sorry." I say my voice coming out small.
"Genie it wasn't your fault." Calum reaches out for my hands and then pulls me closer to him.
"I know that wasn't but everything that came after was. I know I was a different person after, a person that definitely wasn't the girl that you fell in love with, I mean the person I was, was a person who could never be loved and I'm so sorry for that."
"Genie you were grieving the only way you could and I'm not angry about that." Calum assures me. "I can't imagine what it could of been like for you and I'll never know but I know that it was painful and you didn't know how to deal with that pain so you dealt with however you could."
"I know but I was so wrapped up in my own pain that I completely ignored yours. You lost the baby too Calum and I didn't even acknowledge that." I give Calum's hands a small squeeze. I thought about everything today and I couldn't get past how I just left him to deal with everything by himself. He tried to help me deal with my pain but no one was helping him deal with his pain.
"I'm fine." Calum shrugs giving me a small smile that in no way reaches his eyes.
"Calum." I say softly untangling my hands from his to cup his cheeks. His eyes close almost instantly and I know he's fighting tears. I don't think I had ever seen Calum cry and that surprised me when I really thought about because he was such a sensitive guy. "Please let it out." I tell him and strangled sob leaves his lips. "It hurts."
"I know Cal, I know." My heart breaks as he opens his eyes to look at me, He looks tired, drained almost and it hits me that he's been doing exactly the same as me. He hasn't been dealing with it. "I know it hurts but we need to let it out and let it go, We need to find a way to be happy again." I tell him knowing that I was right, It was going to hurt like hell to deal with everything but we had to and we deserved to.
"How?" Calum asks his eyes beginning to brim with tears.
"Together." I answer bringing my forehead to rest against his. "Together Calum, We do it together."
A/N: So in case you were wondering I'm not dead! I'm sorry for not updating recently but I've just been busy with life, I just recently turned eighteen so before then I was busy planning for that which was super exciting but also scary at the same time.
I've also struggled to put any words at all down recently but I think I'm slowly getting my groove back which funnily enough you can thank Anna Todd for! I recently brought the published versions of After which I had been waiting for forever to come out in my country, I read After on here first as many many other people did and it was actually the first fanction I read which inspired to me start my own so the fact that it's the very same book and author that has pushed me back into writing is quite ironic. I know there a few share of people who don't like after and that's fine but I just adore it and I will always be so grateful and thankful to Anna's work because it's the reason why The Boyfriend Project and The Baby Project exist.
Again I'm sorry for the lack of updates and trust me that is going to be changing. Thank you for sticking around and for all your support xx