The next morning, I went to the Chief's surgery and observed closely. I watched everything he did. He was perfect. His hands were steady, confident.
"Britt, will you hold the retractor?"
I nodded and did as he asked.
When our surgery was over, he spoke, "Britt, think you can close?"
"Yes, sir."
I sutured the patient and scrubbed out. I grabbed his chart and updated it. Then, I went to check on a couple other patients.
My pager buzzed. Peter's blood work was ready.
I went to the lab and picked up the results. I rushed them to Dr. Cole, who sighed.
"Not good, huh?"
"We'll just have to be more aggressive. I'll tell them. Can you keep your distance from them today?"
"Yes, ma'am."
She nodded.
I went to the E.R., where a woman ran in.
"Help! Help!" she shouted.
I rushed over. "Ma'am, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"
She looked scared, but she had no sign of injury. She handed me a swaddle of blankets and spoke, "It's not mine. I found it."
I looked.
It was a baby. He looked so small, so innocent. He couldn't have been more than a few weeks old.
I took him to a stretcher.
Dr. Phillips came over. "Dr. Malone, what do we got?"
"A baby. A woman found him. I was about to examine him, but he can't even hold his head up."
"Then, you hold him while I do the exam, okay?"
I nodded and rubbed his back.
She finished her exam and nodded. "He's probably just malnourished. Let's get him to the pediatric unit. I'll notify the police and social services. Can you weigh him and take his vitals?" she asked.
"Of course."
I took him upstairs and weighed him. I took his temperature and his vitals. He was perfect. I couldn't imagine abandoning him.
Dr. Phillips came in and took charge. She put him in a crib and sighed.
"What do we do?"
"You'll monitor him until the social worker comes, okay? Make sure he's all right."
I nodded.
She walked off.
I sighed and left the room.
All morning, I kept a close eye on him. A woman approached me.
"Social services," she spoke. "I got a call about a baby."
I led her to him. "He's healthy, but a little malnourished. He should be just fine."
She nodded.
Dr. Phillips came in. "Britt, Dr. Hamilton is paging you, said it was an emergency. You can go."
I nodded and went to Dr. Hamilton.
Jake stood with her.
"You're back again?" I asked.
"Jake has an appointment in psych. He wants you to go with him. I cleared it with the Chief and it's okay," Dr. Hamilton explained. "You were on my service anyway. Where have you been?"
"I had a baby."
Their eyes widened. They gasped, "What?!"
"Oh, sorry. I meant, I had a baby as in a patient. I was monitoring him all morning. I'm finished now, though, so I'll go with Jake," I spoke.
They relaxed.
"Okay. Let's go," I smiled.
Jake led me to the psychiatric department, where he signed in.
We sat down in the waiting room.
"You didn't tell me you had an appointment today," I murmured.
"Sorry. I knew you were busy. It was easier to have Mom page you."
I nodded.
"Hamilton?" a woman called.
Jake stood.
I followed suit and followed him down a hallway.
We went into a room with a brown chair and a red couch. There were weird plants in the window and psychology books lining the shelves of a bookcase. It looked like a typical therapist's office.
"Please, have a seat," she spoke.
Jake and I sat on the couch.
She sat down. "James, I see you brought someone with you today."
"Yes, this is my girlfriend, Dr. Bridget Malone. Britt, this is Dr. Richards," Jake spoke.
"Nice to meet you," I spoke.
"You too." She turned to Jake. "This is a big step."
"It is, but I hurt her. I had a nightmare and I hurt her."
"Do you remember what you'd saw? she asked him.
"I was on a battlefield and I was trying to help my best friend, but no one would help me. They didn't help and he was dying," Jake spoke.
She wrote it down. "How did you hurt Dr. Malone?"
"I was having the nightmare and I guess I hit her, tried to choke her."
She looked at me.
I nodded. "He woke, screaming, so I jtried to wake him up."
She nodded and wrote something down. "She stayed the night?"
"Yes."
"Does she do that often?"
"Only the past couple nights."
"There was no problem this morning?"
Jake looked at me.
I shook my head. "No, nothing happened this morning."
She wrote it down. "Okay. Did something happen the other day that would have triggered a flare?"
"She was discharged, but that's about it," Jake spoke.
"Discharged? Did something happen?"
"I was shot. Jake was there every step of the way," I spoke, taking his hand.
He smiled at me and stole a quick kiss. He turned to Dr. Richards. "This is why I need your help. I need this. I need her. To have her means I need to find a way to ease the terrors."
She nodded. "With the shooting, how did you feel?"
"She was after Britt. I was terrified. I held her in a bathroom floor, because I wanted her to be safe. I didn't want her to know what it feels like to be shot. I didn't want her to have the aftermath."
She nodded. "She got away from you and got shot. How did that make you feel?"
"Scared. I was worried I'd never see her again. I helped her and the shooter take a patient to the operating room. I didn't tackle the shooter. I didn't stay with her. There was so much I could have and should have done, but I wasn't thinking. When it comes to her, I can't think."
"When you found out she was shot, how did you feel?"
"My world stopped. I just ran to the O.R. and knelt beside her. She was in a pool of her own blood. Her scrubs were soaked and covered with holes. I didn't want her to be alone. She tried to leave me, almost died, and that scared the crap out of me."
"You really care about her."
"I love her."
She smiled, "A lot has changed since I last saw you. Even the fact you're in a relationship is a huge step. What made you want to take that leap?"
He shrugged, "I don't know. I met her in a diner. She walked over to take my order and I just felt comfortable. I hadn't felt that comfortable since before my first deployment."
I looked at him. I hadn't realized I changed him so much, that I brought out feelings he'd not felt since before he first left for the war.
There was a knock on the door. It opened.
"Dr. Malone?" someone spoke.
I looked up.
Dr. Cole stood there. "The Chief told me I'd find you here. I need you to look at something." She handed me a scan.
I took it from its sleeve and looked at it.
The spleen was nearly compromised and the stomach looked fairly bad, too. I looked at her with wide eyes.
"That was my reaction."
"How long does the patient have?" I asked.
"Not long. Maybe a few months. We need to tell them when you're finished here, okay? If he wants to fight this, we need to start as soon as we can, probably tonight."
"Okay." I handed her the scans. "I'll page you when we're finished."
She nodded and left.
Oh, dear. Peter looked bad. If he didn't have treatment soon, he really wasn't going to make it. How was I supposed to tell them how bad he was? How could I tell the man I loved that his father was more than likely going to die in a few months?
"Britt? Everything okay?" Jake asked.
I shook my head, coming back to the conversation. "Yeah, sorry."
"Do you need to go?" Jake asked.
"No, it's fine for now."
"James, can you tell me what your goal is? I mean, I know you want to suppress the PTSD, but is there an ultimate goal?" Dr. Richards asked.
He turned to her. "I've started construction on this beautiful land and the house should be finished in a few months. When that time comes, I want to be able to start a family without worrying about killing my wife and kids at night. I don't want to be a monster."
Wife and kids. Why did everything he say make it sound like he wanted a life without me? Did he want to get married? Or did he think we wouldn't make it that long? Could he not see a future with me?
"Britt, you look like you have something to say," Dr. Richards spoke.
I looked at her. "No, I don't."
"Surely you must be thinking something. James has spoken a lot about what he wants for himself in the future. Is there anything you want to see for his future?" she asked.
"No, I'm sure he'll be happy with a family."
"Will you?" she asked.
"Will I what?" I asked.
"Will you be happy with a family?"
"I-I, um, I don't know," I stuttered.
She nodded.
I looked at Jake, who was looking down at his hands.
There was another knock on the door. It opened.
"Dr. Malone?" a voice spoke.
I sighed and looked up.
The Chief stood at the door.
"Yes, sir?"
"I need you to take over Dr. Hamilton's cases for the next couple of days."
"Why?" Jake and I asked.
"I just need to know if you can do it," the Chief spoke.
"Yes, of course," I answered.
"Okay. Great. Are you almost finished here?"
"Yes," Dr. Richards spoke for me. "She'll be out in a minute."
The Chief nodded and closed the door.
"You're a popular person," she spoke, making a note of something. "Okay. James, over the next couple days, I want you to make a plan for your life for the next year. Map it out. If you have flashbacks, write them down as well, okay?"
He nodded, "Yes, ma'am."
"Okay. That's it until Thursday."
Jake and I stood. We left the room.
"I'm going to check on my dad. You'll be up soon?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'll be right there," I smiled.
He kissed my cheek and walked off.
The Chief and Dr. Cole approached me. They looked serious, more serious than usual.
"Dr. Malone, are you ready to go talk with the Hamiltons?" Dr. Cole asked.
I nodded.
We went up to oncology, where Peter was. Jake, Dr. Hamilton, Drew, Melanie, and William were in the room. They were all in a deep conversation, something about the upcoming holiday.
"Mr. Hamilton?" Dr. Cole spoke.
The room got quiet. The whole family had wide, terrified eyes.
"We got your blood work back," Dr. Cole spoke. "We-"
"Wait," Peter spoke.
We all looked at him.
"I'd like Britt--I mean, Dr, Malone--to tell us," Peter spoke.
Dr. Cole nodded. "Dr. Malone, please, proceed."
I hesitated.
All eyes were on me. They were Jake's family. How could I tear their world apart? How could I tell them he was going to die?
All of a sudden, a crowd of family rushed in, pushing us aside. They all hugged Peter and turned to us.
"Dr. Malone, please, continue," Peter spoke.
The crowd looked pissed.
I cleared my throat. "Your cancer has spread to a piece of your stomach. It has also compromised your spleen. We'll need to take you to surgery to remove the spleen before it ruptures, because with your condition, in your state, it could be fatal if it ruptures. This is heartbreaking news. I know it's devastating, but-"
"You don't know anything," an older woman spoke. "You're right out of med school. Don't come in here, telling us that he's dying and that you know what it's like. You've never watched the person you love die. Don't act like you know what this is like, like this is going to be easy for any of us to deal with, to help him with."
"Aunt Becky-" Jake started.
"There are treatment options. Treatment could give you a few more months than not having treatment. Dr. Cole has a plan and, as your surgeon and doctor, I highly suggest you hear her out and follow it," I spoke.
"And as my friend?" Peter spoke.
I looked at the Chief.
He nodded, "It's all right."
"As your friend, I strongly suggest you do the treatment. Your daughter is getting married. I know you want to be there to see that, so I'd do the treatment. It will buy you more time," I said, trying not to get emotional.
"Will you be doing the surgery?" Dr. Hamilton asked.
"She can, if you want," the Chief spoke.
"No. She's not touching our Peter," another old woman growled. "She's a kid. Becky is right; she doesn't know anything about anything. If she operates, she'll kill him."
"Then, the Chief can do it," I spoke.
"Dr. Malone, how long would he have without treatment?" Drew asked with tears in his eyes.
"Maybe a couple months at most."
"And with the treatment Dr. Cole would like to do?" he asked.
"A few months to a year, if not longer."
He nodded and looked at his dad.
"We'll give you some time to think about what you want to do," the Chief spoke. "I'll meet you in the O.R."
We left the room.
"Dr. Malone, are you okay?" Dr. Cole asked.
I nodded and spoke, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get emotional."
The Chief spoke, "Dr. Malone, I want you to prep him for surgery. If the family gives you trouble, kick them out. You're smarter than any one of them."
"Thank you, sir."
"See you in the O.R.," he smiled and walked away.
Kristi walked over. "Dr. Malone?"
I looked up.
She passed me a plate of cookies. "I made these for you. I-I didn't know what you like, so I made an assortment. You lost your best scrub nurse, your mom, and your dad. I thought you might need a little something sweet," she smiled.
"Oh, thanks, Kristi. I'll wait until after surgery, though, if you don't mind," I smiled.
She nodded.
"Dr. Malone?" Melanie spoke.
I turned and looked at her.
"We've made a decision."
I followed her into the room.
Dr. Hamilton was holding Peter's hand, sitting on his bed with him. The whole family was looking at me. Most of the eyes were glaring, which made me very uncomfortable.
"Dr. Malone, I'd like to do the treatment," Peter spoke. "When will we be able to start?"
"Tomorrow."
He nodded.
I stepped out of the room, called Dr. Cole, and told her what the decision was. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head. I couldn't believe all of this was happening.
When I was finished having a moment, I led Kristi into Peter's room. I led her past the family.
"Peter, Kristi and I are going to get you ready for surgery, okay?" I smiled.
He nodded.
"I'm going to check your vitals first. Then, I'm going to look for tenderness, okay?"
He nodded.
His vitals were good, but when I went to touch his stomach, a woman shouted, "Leave him be!"
"Get your hands off him!"
"You'll kill him!" another shouted.
I sighed and looked at Dr. Hamilton. "Will you check Peter's abdomen?"
She nodded and felt him. "Is it tender, dear?"
"No, it's fine." She sat and looked at me. "Jake said you'll be taking over my cases for the next couple of days."
"Unless you're uncomfortable with it."
"No, that's fine. I appreciate it," she spoke. "Have you gotten your results back?"
"Oh my God. Is she pregnant?" an aunt gasped.
"Does she have an STD?"
"Oh my God. It's the AIDS!" another shouted.
"Hey!" Jake shouted.
They all quieted and looked at him with wide eyes.
"Jesus Christ, you guys are vicious. You think if she was incapable or ill in any way she'd be near Dad? You think she made it through college and med school and became a doctor with no brain? She's amazingly smart. It's scary how smart she is. She's operated on Dad a few times. One time, with a gun to her, so shut up. She's an amazing surgeon. She's saved my life and Dad's. She doesn't give up. I get that you're scared, but he's in good hands. If Britt did the surgery, Dad would be fine. She knows what she's doing," Jake spoke.
They were quiet.
"Last night, she did a whole procedure mentally, doing the movements in the air. She studies harder than anyone I've ever known. She's been Dad's doctor from the start, because Mom trusts her. I trust her. She's not going to stop now, because you can't find it in your hearts to give her a chance," Jake continued.
There was a knock on the door.
I turned to see my surgical team there with a stretcher.
"Peter, we need to take you up now," I spoke.
He gave his wife and kids a kiss.
The team and I lifted him onto the stretcher.
I put a net over his hair and moved his fluids to the I.V. stand on the stretcher.
They took him out of the room.
I looked at Dr. Hamilton. "After the surgery, we'll take him to recovery, then we'll bring him back here. As I'm sure you know, he'll need a lot of rest and he'll be sore for a while."
She nodded.
"I'm so sorry this is happening," I told her.
"Sorry? You're sorry? Her husband could die. Do you know what that's like?" an aunt asked.
"I've not been married, so I don't know what that's like... I also don't blame you for your hostility. You're scared and I understand that. I don't know what it's like to have a family. Where I come from, well, it's nothing like this. I hope that one day I'll have a family that will fight for me as hard as you fight for Peter." I left the room.
When I got to the O.R., I scrubbed in and went where the Chief told me to.
Peter's kidney was hard and gray, which wasn't good. His stomach clearly had a tumor.
"Dr. Malone, will you go ask Dr. Hamilton if she would like us to remove the tumor on his stomach?" the Chief asked.
I nodded and went up to the Hamiltons' room. I knocked and stepped in. "Dr. Hamilton?"
"No. You can't be done already. Is he-" she started.
"No, he's fine. The Chief is still operating... We can see one of the tumors on his stomach. Would you like us to remove that as well?" I asked.
She sighed, seemingly relieved. "Yes, yes, of course."
I nodded and went back down to the operating room. I informed the Chief of her decision and scrubbed in again. I went back in the O.R. and watched as the Chief performed the rest of the procedure. It was breathtaking to watch, a real honor.
After the surgery, I scrubbed out and went to Lou's room.
He and George were talking. They looked up at me and smiled.
I stepped in. "Hey. How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. I'm getting discharged this evening," Lou smiled.
"Good. That means you can start wedding planning," I smiled.
He nodded, then asked, "What's wrong, sweetie? You look upset."
"It's just been a long day. Jake's family hates me and his dad is dying. It's just been a really long, emotional day," I sighed. I looked at his monitor. "You're stable, that's good."
He nodded. "Sweetie, maybe you should come home tonight. We can talk like we used to. You can clear your head and drink all our wine."
"That sounds nice, but I'm on call tonight."
"Okay, well, call if you get bored, okay?" he smiled.
"Okay," I smiled. "I'll talk to you two later." I left the room and went to check on all of Dr. Hamilton's patients.
All of her patients were post-ops, so it wasn't that difficult. I just had to make sure they stayed stable and didn't have side effects. After I did rounds, I went to the nurses' station and sat down. I took a breath and ate one of Kristi's cookies, which were absolutely delicious. I made a mental note to thank her and praise her for her yummy cookies.
My pager buzzed. Peter was awake.
I took a deep breath and went down to his room. I got his chart from the nurses' station and went in his room.
The family was standing around, looking nervous.
I walked over. "Peter, hi. How are you feeling?"
"Tired," he whispered.
"Well, that's okay. You're entitled to a little tiredness. I'm going to check your vitals, okay?" I smiled.
He took a breath and opened his eyes.
I checked him and wrote everything down. "You're looking good. Is there anything I can get you?"
"No, Britt. Thank you."
"It's my pleasure," I smiled. I looked at Dr. Hamilton. "All of your patients are stable. They all wanted you to know that they're thinking of you."
"That's sweet. Did you have a difficult time with Mr. Joseph?" she smiled.
"If by difficult, you mean assault, yes."
She giggled, "Sorry. I should've warned you that he's a little touchy."
"He touched you?" Jake asked.
"Relax. He's an older gentleman with dementia," I smiled. I looked at Dr. Hamilton. "I'll be here all day and I'm on call tonight, so page me if you need anything, okay?"
She nodded.
I started to leave.
"Hey, Britt?" Jake spoke up.
I turned. "Yeah?"
"Got a minute?" he asked, standing.
I looked at my watch, then up at him. "Yeah, I can spare a minute."
He led me from the room and pulled me into his arms. He brushed his nose against mine.
"What are you doing?" I whispered.
"I love you."
"Jake, I-"
My pager buzzed. I looked at it and sighed.
"What?"
"Trauma," I sighed and stole a kiss. "I love you. Are you heading out?"
"No, I'll wait for you to return."
"You don't have to do that."
"I know, but I figured we ought to talk."
"Okay. I'll be back."
He gave me another kiss.
I pulled back and ran to the emergency room. I took a deep breath and walked into the craziness that was the E.R. I needed a distraction and working in the E.R. solved that problem for me.