When I came to, I was gasping for air. I was in the O.R. floor. What happened?
Oh, right. My mother shot me.
I lifted my head.
She was in the floor. Blood was on the walls and brain matter was on the walls and floor.
I dug for my phone and rang Jake.
"Hey, Britt. Did you finish the surgery?" he asked, chuckling.
"He's-He's fine. Jake, give your mom the phone."
"Britt-"
"Please," I spoke, trying to stay conscious.
A minute later, she spoke, "Britt? Sweetie, is he stable?"
"She shot me and killed herself. I have an abdominal bleed and I think a bullet lodged in my clavicle. I'm in a pool of blood and I don't know what to do."
"What's the pulse?"
I felt my pulse and gasped, "Weak. Kelly, there's a lot of blood."
"Is there anyone nearby who can help?" she asked.
"I don't have enough strength to call for help. If I die-"
"Britt, I swear to God, if you die on me-"
"What?!" Jake shouted.
"Oh, damn it. Britt, stay on the line. I'm on my way."
"Kelly, it's okay," I whispered and coughed. The taste of blood was in my mouth. "I'm bleeding out. You won't get here in time."
What felt like a minute later, the door opened.
"Oh my God," Jake gasped, running over. He knelt beside me. "Britt, can you hear me?"
"Jake, get out of here," I choked out as tears stung my eyes.
"No, I'm not leaving you."
The door opened.
"Oh my God."
It closed, then opened again.
A team ran in with a stretcher.
Kelly was there. "Jake, you have to move."
"No, I'm not leaving her."
"Then, help us get her on the table, okay? We need to save her life and we can't do that if you're in the way," she spoke.
"I've lost a lot of blood," I whispered.
"Someone run and get blood."
I was lifted onto a bed.
My hand was being squeezed.
"Jake?" I breathed.
"Yes?" he asked.
"Loosen your grip."
He lightened it. "Sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you with her. I knew and I left. I didn't tackle her or anything that I was trained to do."
"Better me than you... I-I have to go. I'm sorry..." I whispered.
"Jake, you need to move. Now."
A minute later, I lost consciousness.
***
Pain. Everywhere. Everything hurt. My head hurt. My shoulder hurt. My body hurt. I was so sore.
When I opened my eyes, Jake was squeezing my hand.
Kelly walked over to me. "Hey, sweetie. How're you feeling?"
"How's Peter?"
"Stable and well. How are you feeling?" she repeated.
Jake looked up at me with tears in his eyes.
"I'm sore, but I'm okay. How's my dad doing?"
"He's stable, too."
"Good. Was I out long?"
"Long enough," Jake sighed, kissing my hand. "Don't you ever do that again."
"I don't plan on getting shot again."
"No. Don't you ever say you have to leave me again. Ever."
"Okay."
Kelly put a straw to my lips.
I took a sip and sighed, "How bad was the damage?"
"She shot you four times. Three times in the abdomen and once in the clavicle. It was rough, but you should be just fine," she assured me.
"What about my exam?"
"Jake can quiz you while you're on bed rest. Dr. Hart and Dr. Walker will be coming to speak with you over the weekend."
"How long do I have to stay here?"
"A couple of days."
I nodded.
There was a knock on the door.
I looked up.
Lou and George were in the doorway.
"Britt," Lou cried, stepping in. "Oh my God. You're not going to die, are you?"
"No, Lou. I'm fine. You didn't have to come."
"Mom killed two people, stabbed Dad, tried to kill you, then killed herself. I had to come in," he spoke, touching my foot. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine." I looked at Kelly. "Who told Betsy's family?"
"I did. They were devastated."
"It's all my fault. All of this was my fault," I whispered, tears stinging my eyes.
"Hey, Britt, no. No one could've seen this coming. You did nothing wrong, okay? You saved Peter, knowing she was after you. You were incredibly brave," Kelly spoke.
"She said I left everyone behind, said I wasn't her daughter and that I was a monster," I whispered.
"Oh, Britt," Jake sighed.
"And I-I know I have to give a statement, but I can't. I can't do it."
"I think they'll let it slide," Jake whispered.
I looked at him. "You're in scrubs. Why are you in scrubs?"
"My clothes were stained when I knelt beside you. Mom got me scrubs to change into, so I wouldn't terrify you or the patients."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize for that, Britt."
I re-positioned myself in the bed, sitting up a bit more. "I'm so sore," I sighed.
"You will be for a while," Kelly spoke.
I looked at her. "Will you check on my post-ops from yesterday?"
"Sure thing. Can I get you anything?"
"Maybe my notes? Or notecards? I want to study. I've lost too much time already. I've been a patient for about ten minutes and I hate it already."
She smiled, "Of course you do. I'll get you your study material. Do you want charts to do?"
"Can I? Please?" I smiled.
"Yeah, I'll get you some. I'll be back shortly," she smiled before leaving.
I looked at Jake.
He looked so tired, so worried. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and excessive tears. He looked like a hot mess.
"You have work, too," I spoke.
"I'll go back Monday."
"Okay," I sighed, not wanting to fight him on it. I was glad he was there.
Lou held up a bag. "I brought you clothes to change into and toiletries. I probably packed too much, but I didn't know what to bring."
"Thank you, Lou."
He nodded and took a seat near my bed.
"What floor am I on?" I asked.
"General Surgery, so Mom can keep an eye on you," Jake smiled.
I nodded and sighed, "Okay. Good. People I like."
He smiled.
I smiled and tugged him forward. "Come here."
He leaned forward.
I moved forward and gave him a kiss. I took his face in my hands, resting my forehead against his. I sighed and ran my thumbs along his cheeks. "I love you."
"I love you," he smiled, running a hand over my hair. He kissed my forehead and took a deep breath.
"Britt, we're going to go check on Dad. We'll be back soon," Lou spoke.
"Okay," I sighed.
When the door closed, Jake sat on the bed and sighed.
"What?" I asked as he pulled back.
"I've been to war. I've been on the frontline of a lot of terrifying battles. Men have died in my arms. I'm a strong man, Britt, but when you were bleeding out, I think I nearly died. I was a mess. I couldn't breathe."
"Jake, please, don't say what I think you're going to say," I whispered with tears in my eyes.
He couldn't dump me. He couldn't leave me, not after everything. I told him I loved him. I cursed myself, knowing I was foolish to do that. My fears were coming true, and I couldn't stop them.
"What do you think I'm going to say?" he asked.
"You're going to break up with me, aren't you?"
"No, no, of course not. Britt, I'm saying the opposite. I'm in love with you. You know how your heart stopped when you couldn't restart mine?"
I nodded as he wiped my tears away.
"Well, when I saw you in the floor, bleeding out, I felt my heart stop. I-I don't want to feel that way again. I don't want to feel helpless like that again."
"Jake-"
"You moved away from me. You pushed me away and you left me in that bathroom, and I couldn't stop you. You're strong and daring and it scares the shit out of me, but I love it just the same. I love you, Britt, and I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."
"Jake," I breathed, taking his hand.
He leaned in and gave me a kiss. "Oh, Britt."
"I love you."
A woman knocked on the door. "Sweetie, I brought your dinner."
"Oh, uh, thank you," I smiled.
Jake took it from her and put it on the table. He moved it in front of me. "Here, you go. You need to eat."
"Oh, I can't. I'm not hungry."
"You have to make yourself eat. You need the nutrients if you want to get better, and you have to get better so you can go back to being a kickass surgeon."
"Kickass, am I?" I smirked.
He gave me a kiss. "I need my strong girl, so I need you to eat."
"Okay," I smiled.
He uncovered it.
My stomach turned. I shook my head. "I really don't think I can."
"Let's start simple," he suggested, passing me the green Jell-O.
"Okay. I can do simple. I like simple."
He opened it and handed me a spoonful.
I took a bite and nearly gagged. I struggled to swallow it and reached for my water and took a big gulp. I shook my head.
"That bad?" he chuckled.
"It was green apple. Who gives people green apple? I hate green artificially flavored stuff, because you never know if it's lime or apple. The apple is such a disappointment," I spoke, wrinkling my nose.
He kissed my nose and smiled, "Okay. No Jell-O. Can you try the mashed potatoes?"
I took a small bite and sighed. It wasn't that bad, but I still wasn't feeling it. I looked at him. "This is gross. How did you eat this stuff?"
"You want the truth?"
"Always," I nodded.
"I ate it, because you'd come in to check my vitals with the most beautiful smile on your face. Then, when you saw I ate my food, you'd look at me with that heart-stopping smile and you'd say, 'It's a good thing you ate all your food, because I'd hate to see you wither down to nothing.' I'd chuckle, then you'd do that giggle that I love."
"Are you going to giggle if I eat my food?"
"Do you want me to? Because I can," he smirked.
"No, don't. That'll probably freak me out," I smiled.
"It'll freak me out, too," he smiled. "Do you want me to go get you something to edible to eat?"
"If you don't mind, that would be awesome."
He gave me a kiss and smiled, "I'll be back, okay?"
"Okay."
He started to leave.
Panic surged through me. What if he left and something went wrong? What if he left and I died?
My heartbeat accelerated. I was finding it difficult to breathe. Tears came to my eyes. I took a breath and gasped, "Jake?"
He turned at the door and came over. "Hey, what is it? What's wrong?"
I gripped his arm. "Don't go. Can you not go? Just, um, stay here with me. Can you do that?"
He nodded. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm right here."
I took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. "Thank...you."
"It's not a problem."
"I can't eat."
"Then, don't."
I nodded.
There was a knock on the door.
Kelly stood there...with the Chief of Surgery.
I sat up and took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be good. How could the Chief of Surgery paying me a visit be good? I was the reason there was a shooter in the hospital, the reason all the other interns quit. Surely, him being there couldn't be a good sign.
Kelly walked in and put everything I asked for by my feet.
"Chief, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying not to freak out. I tried to stay calm. With my heartbeat seen on a monitor, I wouldn't be able to hide my panic if it started. I was vulnerable, and they would be able to see right through me.
"Dr. Hamilton came and told me you were awake. I thought I'd come see how you were doing."
I looked at Kelly. Why would she do that?
The Chief spoke, "Out of all the people the shooter-"
"My mother. You can say it. She was my mother."
"Out of all the people your mother shot at this hospital, you're the only one who had more than one bullet in you and you survived. You're the only one who survived. Dr. Hamilton and I were able to save your life and-"
"Wait. What?" I asked. He helped with the surgery? Why didn't she tell me?
"I helped Dr. Hamilton with the surgery. There were a lot of bleeders and she needed help."
"It's a good thing he was there," Dr. Hamilton spoke.
"He was at a different area of the hospital. By the time he got there, I would've bled out. That doesn't make sense."
"I was on the General floor, looking for you," he spoke. "I had a word with your father and he told me who the shooter was, said that she was after you and he was worried. When I saw the blood trail from Mr. Hamilton, I knew where you'd gone. I'd gotten there in time to scrub in."
I nodded. "Now what?"
"Now, you recover and study while you do it, because you have a test next week that you have to pass."
"You still want me to take my test?"
"Of course."
"I don't understand," I slowly spoke.
"What don't you understand?"
"Why would you want me to take my exam? After everything, why haven't you fired me? I would fire me. My last boss would've fired me. Why haven't you fired me, yet?"
"Because you're bright, quick on your feet. You're going to make an excellent surgeon, Britt, and I want my staff and myself to be the ones to train you," he spoke.
There was a knock on the door. "Psych."
Kelly's eyes widened. She looked at the person. "What are you doing here?"
"I was called down to do a consult on Ms. Malone."
"Dr. Malone," Kelly corrected, "And she's not doing a psych consult."
"It's in the hospital's best interest-"
"It's in the hospital's best interest for you to get the hell out of here," Kelly snapped.
"Dr. Hamilton, she's just doing her job. Dr. Malone has been through a devastating trauma. She just needs a quick evaluation, which will allow her to come back to work next week. It's just a few questions," the Chief spoke.
Kelly nodded and took a seat by my bed.
The man from psych stepped in with my chart. "Dr. Malone, how are you feeling?"
"Fine."
"Dr. Malone, I'd appreciate your honesty. My only interest is to get you back to work with as little issues as possible."
"I'm fine. I'd be better if you weren't here interrogating me, but I'd like to keep my job so don't sugar coat anything. Ask your questions, so I can give you answers and you can get out of here. Efficiency is a mighty fine thing. Don't waste it."
He looked caught off guard. "Yes, ma'am."
"Don't call her 'ma'am'; she doesn't like it," Jake smiled.
"Right. And you are...?" the psych guy asked.
"The boyfriend."
"Okay." He turned to me. "Let's start at the beginning. How has your relationship with your mother been?"
"Awful. She was a drunk, a mean drunk, but she wasn't a bad mother until high school. Senior year is difficult for parents, I know, but she wasn't upset I was leaving for college. She was angry, very angry."
"She didn't want you to go to school?"
"She didn't want me to be anything."
"She put you down a lot, then?"
"Yes."
"But you defied her and went to college anyway. Why did you do that?"
"Because I didn't want to sit around the house every day or work at the diner down the street. I wanted to do something good, something I liked doing."
"How was she when you decided to go to med school?"
"Furious. She didn't understand why I liked science, but how do you explain the human body to someone who has no frame of reference?"
"I'm not sure I know what you mean."
I released Jake's hand and cupped my hands together. "Like the heart. That was my first interest. Think about it. The vena cava brings blood to the heart. The blood enters the right atrium, then the tricuspid valve releases it to the right ventricle. The blood leaves the heart through the pulmonary artery, goes to the lungs, comes back through the pulmonary vein, and goes into the left atrium, where it then filters through the bicuspid valve to the left ventricle all the way to the aorta, where the blood is then sent throughout the body. It takes 16 seconds for the blood to circulate through the body, which is pretty cool. It gets to all your organs and veins and arteries. And it's all cells, which is really cool to think that your whole body is made of trillions of cells, all working together to keep you alive...but you can't explain how truly exciting that is to someone who doesn't know anything about the heart or anything about the body or cell reproduction, because they don't care. You can't explain how exciting it is to someone who has no interest in learning or knowing about such things."
I was getting excited. Just thinking about the human body got me so excited. I was with people who understood the beauty of it, the gift it was.
Kelly and the Chief were smiling at me.
"I got off topic. I'm-I'm sorry," I slowly spoke.
"No, it's fine. You haven't seen her in four years. Why is that?"
"Why would I go home to someone who was trying to keep me from doing what I loved? Mothers are supposed to support their children no matter what. I mean, I'm sure Dr. Hamilton wasn't thrilled when her son enlisted in the military. I'm sure she was terrified, but she stuck by him because he's her son."
He nodded. "And your father?"
"I don't want to talk about my father."
"Dr. Malone-"
"He's irrelevant, okay? He had nothing to do with my mother shooting me. That's why you're here. Stick to that."
"Dr. Malone-"
"No. That's like going into surgery for an appendectomy and removing a gall bladder instead. The gall bladder is healthy, but the body doesn't need it so you thought it was okay to take it anyway. It doesn't work like that."
He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Why am I even trying to explain this to you? You're a psych person. You're giving me a crazy look. I'm not crazy."
"I never said-"
"You can see it in your eyes," Jake spoke.
The psych guy hesitated and went on. "Dr. Malone, you jumped out of your hiding spot and confronted the shooter. Why would you do that?"
"Who told you that?"
I looked at Jake.
"I didn't say anything," he defended.
"Peter, then?"
He looked uncomfortable.
"Whatever. Yes, I did. My patient needed medical attention or he was going to drown, okay? His chest cavity was filling with bile from a tear in his esophagus and I did what I had to do."
"You didn't care about your safety, knowing she was after you?"
"I was putting the patient's care first. That may not be what they do in psych, but it's how I do my job."
"You carried him through the hall and got him to an O.R. before you performed a surgery on him. Why?"
"I just told you, he was dying. As his doctor, as one of his surgeons, it's my job to keep him alive."
"When you finished the surgery, the shooter came in. She lifted a gun to you and shot you. You laid in your own blood while your mother killed herself. Your own mother shot you, then killed herself. How does that make you feel?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"No, I don't know," I sighed.
"Surely, you have to feel something."
"The only thing I'm feeling right now is anger, because I have to sit here and listen to your ridiculous questions. My mother did something crazily stupid, but I was doing my job. She didn't phase me. I'm fine. I did my job and she didn't interfere. She helped us get him to the O.R. and she waited until I was finished the procedure to shoot me. Here's my question, Doc, it is 'Doctor', right? You didn't introduce yourself."
He nodded.
"Okay, Doc, are you going to ask me a good question anytime soon?" I was angry, really irritated.
I felt a stabbing pain and gripped my stomach. I felt wetness. I removed my hand, which was covered in blood. I looked at Kelly.
Her eyes widened. "Chief, we need an O.R. stat," she spoke, rushing over to me.
The Chief ran from the room and came back with a surgical team and stretcher. "Let's go. Load her up. Dr. Hamilton, I'll perform the surgery. You stay with your son."
I looked at Jake, panic taking over me.
"It's okay, Britt. You're going to be okay," he spoke as they moved me onto the stretcher.
I moaned in pain.
Somewhere between my room and the O.R., I went unconscious. Jake's worried face was the last thing I remembered before the darkness took over...