After you and Jimin had made it back to your apartment, you had taken advantage of his tired physical state and convinced him to sit on your couch while you would supposedly look for the file.
You were roaming around your desk, pretending to be searching for it while you could feel his eyes observing you from afar.
"Ehm... I guess my mind is hazy because of all the days without sleep and my knock-out yesterday "You turned and looked at him " I wanted to hide it well so it would be secure but it's not coming to me where I placed it exactly "
He smiled as he found your confusion cute and you gave him an embarrassing smile," I haven't lost it. I swear. It will come to me. Maybe after I take my shower, my mind will start working ".
"Don't worry Y/N. Take your time." Jimin reassured you as you seemed slightly nervous but he considered it unnecessary because he was aware that you were a very responsible person. You wouldn't have lost it. He had no reason to doubt you.
"Thank you, I won't take long in the shower, you can rest a bit too if you want" " you offered as you walked towards the bathroom door which you entered after you received a nod and a thin smile from him.
Once at the other side, you let an exhale escape your lips, hoping that by the time you finish with your shower, his physical exhaustion might have caught up to him and he would have fallen asleep. A thing that would be ideal for it would give you enough time to come up with some false information and replace that file.
You proceeded with your shower while Jimin lay on the couch folding his arms underneath his head as he observed the ceiling with a smile for he liked the feel of your apartment and the memories you shared there together. A foolish smile reached to his lips just thinking about that time you reenacted together that scene from the book you had bought as a gift for your sister.
That book sure had some bold scenes.
He giggled at his thoughts as he rose to a seated position, his head looking around in search of that book. His eyes lit up once he spotted it on the shelves however as he was about to stand up and go grab it -just to read it to pass some time- he felt a heavy hand pushing him back down in place.
Jimin stayed still for a moment after that then he leaned back his head and rolled his eyes as he could feel P2's hand sneak at the back of his head.
"Are you not gonna search this whole place for that file ?" P2's voice whispered in his ear, making shivers run down Jimin's spine. "Do it now, now that she isn't around."
" She will find it for me. Why would I do such a thing behind her back ?" Jimin murmured back slightly annoyed already over what his other personality was again trying to imply about you.
"She is hiding it from you, just like everyone else, now that she knows, she is lying to you!" P2's tone became more demanding, ringing in Jimin's head painfully enough to make him hold his head between his hands.
"Shut up! I told you! Y/N is not like that!" Jimin spoke through gritted teeth as he laid back on the couch, eyes closed as he tried his best to concentrate and push back P2's voice.
By the time he felt like he had succeeded, sweat was visible on his forehead and exhaustion took over him soon enough, as he allowed himself to relax his body, and mind for a moment. Sleep had almost taken him when he suddenly heard the cracking sound that your bathroom door makes. However, he remained unmoved and didn't open his eyes in order to give you the privacy you could need until you got to your room.
You had opened the door just a bit to take a sneak peek at him and once you witnessed his still, laying figure, you tiptoed outside, wearing only your bathrobe as you had gone in the bathroom in a hurry and had forgotten to take clean clothes or underwear to change into. Now that the perimeter was looking safe and you weren't gonna embarrass yourself, you sped up through the living room but halted once before your bedroom door, as an idea popped into your head.
Just as Jin had suggested, putting Jimin in physical danger could potentially awaken P3 and when sleeping is the most vulnerable state anyone can be caught on. So if you were to attack him -somehow- at that very moment, chances were that his defences would awaken and he could end up thinking that he was in life danger, for real.
The idea seemed too promising to not give it a shot, especially in this pressuring situation that you were in so you turned around and grabbed one of the pillows you usually leave for decor on the couch and slowly approached Jimin. Once above his head, however, hesitation started getting born in your heart.
You had missed him even though his face had always been there, you had missed the Jimin who had offered you his friendship, the Jimin who made sure that you knew that he would never leave his people behind for any reason. And he considered you one of his people. The Jimin that had understood your pain without the need to ever speak much of it. He had brushed your tears away, he had stood up for you many times. He had even gone as far as to promise to help you love again and overcome that fear of yours.
He was that Jimin and the more that realisation sunk into your mind the more your hands were lowering and your hold on the pillow was getting loose.
How could you try so forcefully to push that Jimin away? Even if you weren't gonna harm him for real and you would never dare, if you were to try to suffocate him now, he would think that that's what you want to do. How would that feel for him? After all the moments you had shared, certainly, he would feel hurt emotionally by the fact and only that it was your hands that were pushing him away from the throne of his consciousness simply because now you needed someone else that is not him, but lived within him? You choosing anyone else over him, must taste like betrayal on his tongue and you just couldn't find the strength within you, to harm him, even if it was for his good.
You knew well how it felt, after all, to witness people that you thought were on your side, turn their back on you. Betray you. He didn't fully know why you would be doing all this so Jimin would see it as nothing but simply treason and he had done nothing to you, to deserve that from you.
An exhale escaped your lips as you pushed your original thought aside, despite how beneficial it could be and then you leaned down, closer to his seemingly sleeping face and gently brought your hand around his head, thinking of lifting it and placing the pillow underneath it so he has a better posture and sleep more comfortably. However, as soon as you managed to do so and slowly retrieved your hand, Jimin's eyes popped open, making you halt your breath.
He just stared at you for a while, making you feel as if he had just caught you red-handed, doing something wrong." I-I was just fixing the pillow- because...well-"
"Y/N" As he uttered your name, you halted your rumbling tongue and just raised your eyebrows as you hummed in a questioning tone, waiting for him to speak. "Why are you doing this to me?"
His words made your chest feel heavy for certainly, this question could apply to many things but you weren't sure which one he meant so you just uttered a faint "What?"
"I can smell the scent of your body wash." He replied making your face instantly grow perplexed. "I was trying not to open my eyes but I don't regret it...You look beautiful." He softly brought his hand and tagged some of your still-wet hair, behind your ear as his eyes were looking at you in a strange way that made you feel alert.
His touch felt inviting, even though it was flitting and the more you stood there face to face, the more you could feel a rush of heat getting born within you. "Jimin...I didn't mean to...I mean-I should go. I am naked underneath this." You uttered as you stood up and turned around to leave, only for your feet to halt as you heard him chuckle.
"You sure know how to use the right words to help me with my self-control." His sarcastic reply got you looking ahead frozen for a moment as you understood well what he meant but you hadn't told him that on purpose, you had just blurted it out without thinking because he had already made you feel kinda flustered.
"What self-control? Nothing is going on between us." You responded right as you walked ahead into your room and Jimin followed you, closing the bedroom door once inside.
"Well, we did agree that we would pretend that nothing is going on. I certainly agree with that. But I want to make it clear Y/N." Jimin gathered his courage as your denial earlier had ticked him off in a rather drastic way. There just was a part of him that even though he didn't mind waiting and pretending for as long as you felt safe with that. He wanted you to know that he was not playing games. Because his feelings were long entangled in this mess.
"Make what clear?" You turned and faced him and he walked right up to you and halted at a breath distance, eyes locked, as you couldn't dare look anywhere else.
"We are friends but I have feelings for you. And yes I know you may not feel the same, but don't call this nothing."He gestured between you and him as he spoke of whatever this relationship between you was, because truthfully in his eyes it wasn't friendship either for certainly it didn't fit under that category. Friends, don't kiss each other like you had done, and a friend certainly wouldn't crave you the way he does.
"I- That's not what I meant. It's just that, it wouldn't be good for either of us to complicate anything between us." You ignored the fact that he had confessed his feelings to you, for P3 had told you about them so they weren't a surprise nor they were unwanted. A part of you was happy that he had feelings for you because you had started having some feelings for him too but in the reality you were in, love was just useless, futile even.
You needed to find a way to survive and a way to help him make it out of this mess too. There was no space for feelings and no time for words or actions that could potentially hurt you both in the future.
"Oh? You don't think that it's already complicated between us?"Jimin questioned as he dared grab your neck and pull you closer, your noses touching while you stared at him with wide eyes.
"What are you doing?" You whispered to him and he just smiled." That's what I would like to ask you. Why are you not pushing me away?" His words caught you off guard but you reacted quickly and pushed him away, retrieving the safe distance.
"The Y/N I know, wouldn't have wavered at all. The unintrested version of you would have looked me dead in the eyes, and wouldn't have even flinched and would have demanded for me to back away."Jimin explained, allowing you further to understand that he had read you like a book, for it was true, that you were being affected by his actions hence why you were in desperate need of distance.
"Are you sure, you don't feel anything for me yet?" His gaze softened as if telling you that he was seeking for you to give him a bit of hope so he wouldn't give up and continue dreaming of one day being in a clear relationship with you. Because especially after the last kiss that you shared in your sister's room, back on your father's birthday, he sure wanted more than ever to be called yours and call you, his.
That was the freshest moment he recalled of you because after dropping you off he had fallen into that trap and had gotten beat up and had lost his consciousness to P3. For him that night felt like two days ago, and his heart was running wild still. The feeling of your lips against his, was strongly present in his mind every time he laid eyes on you, along with the after-talk and the fact that he had acted cool and agreed on pretending like nothing happened. Words that he had grown to regret.
Because after waking up Jimin had been reminded once again that time is not something that he can take for granted. He loses himself for weeks, months even. Who knows when the day comes that he won't be able to return at all and the enemies living within him will win this war. He shouldn't have been acting so nonchalant and losing moments, losing time with you, because he would regret it if he did. And now he was certain that he would because his heart was aching for you.
Your sadness felt like a rock within his chest, your tears, felt like little needles piercing his heart every time he was to witness them roll from your eyes. Your pain had become something he would like to save you from. To take it all away for you, if he could, until you smile again without a single worry. Until you love again without the fear of being broken.
He was aware that he could not heal himself, but that wouldn't stop him from spending every little piece of his heart that he had left on trying to achieve, healing you. He would hold you as much as you need it, he would brush away as many tears as you want to get rid of. He will take your anger, your bitterness, your rage, slowly and patiently with his love, his care. He was ready to do it all and go through it all no matter how much it was to hurt him. His heart had fallen for you, and no matter how stupid everyone may claim him to be for that reason, he couldn't undo that fact.
You opened your mouth ready to deny any possible feelings that you had for him, because you just shouldn't have had any but that night flashed before your eyes when he had promised you to help you love again. You had thought of it as unlikely back then yet at that very moment, you didn't have the same amount of certainty within you.
What was love even? What was this between you two? Why did it seem so hard to name it? You didn't know but certainly, he had a point in saying that whatever this is between you two, it's not nothing. It's way more than you would want to ever put under any label.
"I can't...I can't say that I don't feel anything towards you--but--" He cut off your words as he suddenly took a big step closer, making the distance between you two narrow again.
Unconsciously your eyes lowered to his lips and then back to his eyes, only then realizing that there was a part of you that was being eager for him to kiss you, right then and there.
"But what Y/N?" He whispered in a soft tone as his eyes mirrored yours and lowered to your lips then went back up to witness your shaking orbs as you were shocked by your own self. You gulped down your saliva harshly, as inwardly you were scolding yourself over wanting to taste his lips again.
What is wrong with me? I shouldn't...this is not the time. I can't...I need to break this off
Your thoughts went on but before you could even come up with what to do, Jimin had taken the initiative and had pulled you in by your waistline, his head tilted to the side as your bodies were now pressed together.
His lips were hovering above yours, and his breathing was fanning your skin to the point that it was making you go crazy. His heartbeat was beating under your palm as your hand had landed on his chest and your eyes were now both only looking at each other's lips, waiting to see who would give in first.
"Ah. Fuck it." You murmured right before you grabbed his head and kissed him, your fingers finding their way automatically into his hair as your lips started savouring each other, at a rather slow yet enjoyable pace.
Unintentionally a soft moan escaped your lips once he pulled away, making him smile in a rather annoying way, that made you hit his shoulder. "Shut up." You told him and his smile just grew wider.
"I didn't say anything." He giggled lowly as he leaned down at the side of your face, and placed a few quick butterfly kisses down your jawline, making you close your eyes as you grabbed onto his shirt tightly. Trying your best to remain sane and not let this go too far.
That thought of yours however started to fade as he made his way down your neckline and found your sweet spot, pressing his soft plump lips against your skin once, before he opened his mouth and licked it. An action that sent chills down your back.
Shit!... I need to stop him...Just say you don't want to...say you don't like it! You thought inwardly urging yourself to speak up but even your own thoughts were not fully on your side. But I do like it.
"Jimin."All you ultimately managed to utter was his name in a rather weak tone of voice but he did pull away instantly and brought his face again right before yours.
"I know, don't worry. Whenever you feel ready." He replied as he had assumed that you may have been panicking but he had no intention to scare you. He did get a bit carried away but definitely, he would never do anything against your will.
"That's not what I was talking about...I just...I wonder. You are said to fall in love easily. You have been hurt so many times...why do you think that with me it will be different?"
A soft smile reached to his lips as he cupped your cheek " I trust you. I am certain. You of all people, would never break me." His response made you feel the bitter taste run down your throat and a sense of guilt and pity that made you hug him tight while mentally apologizing to him because unfortunately, you were not that far different from others.
You were scared to the bones. And if a day was to come that his mother would put you in between your sister's life or his, you just knew, no matter how much painful it was gonna be and with how much regret you would live after, you could not choose to save him over her.
Don't love me too much...please...save your heart.
---To be continued...