All doctors that I spoke to thought that it was too soon for me to go home. But they did not know what I knew, and so I agreed to come by for weekly checks.
On our way home in the car I watched mom drive. For the first time in my life I was able to see her from a completely different angle.
I guess, childhood was finally over and I could not only take responsibility, but I managed to see my mother from an outside and loving point of view.
She had given her best. She always tried to be there for me. And she had even more problems handling her own life than being a parent.
She was aware of me watching here. I could sense her insecurity. But to my surprise she didn't say a single word.
This gave me time to think about my situation. I was still about to finish my senior year at high school. And I had got a secret second life that was way more mysterious than the future in my world outside my dreams.
It was still very strange, but at the same time a wonderful experience that I was not afraid. Not a bit. I knew that no matter what would come my way, I could only come out better than before.
When my attention focused on mom again, I realized that tears were rolling down her cheeks.
"I am such a mess. I so suck. At life. At being a mother. And at everything else."
Formerly I would have said something. Something reassuring, positive. Maybe I would have made a joke to overcome the awkwardness.
But not this time. This time I just grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
I had to think of this guy Eldion and what he had said about my upcoming training.
Now I knew that it had already begun.