(Time skip is for a purpose)
I sat in the back of T-Dog's truck, my back pressed against the window, Carl's head poking out from the small window besides me. It was silent between us; both of us just trying to enjoy what few moments of rest we had at the moment.
It's been a few months now and we still haven't found a real place for us to settle down at. It was getting unbearably worse.
Lori was showing a significant amount now --I'd say she's about 7 or 8 months at most. Her and Rick's arguments have progressively gotten more and more constant. They can't even sit in the same car together without snapping at each other now.
That's why I volunteered to ride in the truck with T-Dog and bought Carl along with me. Being around his parents while they're fighting like that isn't healthy for a kid his age to see. But hey, nothing the poor kid sees is healthy for him.
Winter passed with a lot of complications, but with Spring approaching us, Daryl has been a bit more lucky in finding small game like a couple of squirrels sometimes more recently. Everyone is a lot more closer than the night we got run off the farm months ago. Personally everyone has changed; including myself. I just don't like the changes I've had to make.
I was closed off before but after that night when I was alone, I just can't seem to stop living in constant fear now. It's like every step I take, someone's out to get me. Even being back with the group, I feel like they could up and leave me any time they want to and I could do nothing about it. I've lost my mind before, but I've slowly gained it back, yet who's to say they won't leave me again.
They always tell me they left me unwillingly, but I know better than that. Everyone leaves in the end.
"Hey Claire, you never told me any of the stories of when you were alone," Carl pointed out. I took a sideways glance at him, shrugging my shoulders lazily. "You promised you would."
"I know I did," I answered. "But I also said when I'm ready to tell them. Right now, I'm not ready."
Honestly I was scared to tell anyone the stories. Glenn pestered me more about them then Carl, but I couldn't even tell him. They're like nightmares that keep replaying over and over in my head. That night that lady shot Franco, leaving me no choice but to blow a hole in her head for fear of my own life. Then there were nights after that, where I was just alone and scared out of my mind. Nights were I did things with a knife I found on my own skin. Nights when I was trapped with strangers I didn't know; strangers that kept me chained up and tried to feed me to walkers multiple times. Nights I don't won't to remember but have no choice. Nights were I was more of a monster than walkers are.
"You wanna play a game?" I asked Carl, to break the silence that fell between us again.
I turned to look at him, a small smile playing on my lips as he nodded his head excitedly. "Let's play I, Spy," he suggested. "I'll go first." I chuckled, leaning my head back against the window. Of course he would go first. "I spy with my little eye, something gray."
I peeked around, my eyes landing on Maggie's car, that for once she was driving. I smirked, rolling my eyes as I nodded my head in her direction. "Maggie's car?" I guessed.
"Correct. Your turn."
"Okay, I spy with my little eye, something brown," I said as my eyes landed on Carl's sheriff hat that flew out the window when he stuck his head out earlier. Luckily it landed in the truck by my feet. but I told him I was too lazy to get it at the moment.
"Trees?"
I laughed, shaking my head as I watched the trees as we sped down the road. We were going in circles nowadays, constantly going back to places we've been before to only have to move again hours later. "No." He had a point, Spring was barely approaching so the trees were empty of any leaves. Just boring old bark.
Carl stuck his head out further, his hair flying wildly in the wind just like mine. "My Sheriff hat?" he asked.
I nodded, reaching up and patting his head. "Yep."
Our game was ended as a car honked up ahead, most likely Rick since he was leading now and Daryl was trailing behind every one else.
Slowly each of the cars stopped, pulling over to the side of the road. I barely noticed that a small neighborhood coda-sack was a few feet ahead. I handed Carl his hat before hopping out the back of the truck's trunk.
I grabbed my two berettas; both running low on ammo so I put the rest of the ammo into one and tossed the other one back into the truck, tucking the gun in the back of the waistband of my dirty blue jeans. I grabbed my army knife and my flashlight before jogging over to the small group that formed.
Must be the people going to check the houses out. I squeezed in besides Glenn and Maggie --over the past few months they've seemed to become closer and if I'm honest, I didn't like it one bit. Maggie is a very beautiful woman. She could get away with anything with a bat of her eyelashes and she was tough as nails so she knew how to handle her own. Me on the other hand. I was just a dumb teenage girl that barely reached the age of 18, still needed someone to cover me according to Rick, and I definitely wasn't tough as nails.
I'm scared of just about everything. I hate being alone. I'm not very smart and I freeze up on runs when walkers come out of nowhere. So who's to say Glenn wouldn't rather have Maggie. I'm just a girl. A girl that murdered a woman without hesitation. A girl that let two men be devoured by walkers to save my own ass.
"All right," Rick spoke up, stopping the small debate that was going on in the circle. "We're just checking the first two houses on each side, leave the rest alone." Rick ordered. I peeked around his head to look at the houses, they were big and there were about 6 of them. I don't understand why we wouldn't just check all of them. "Find whatever supplies you can and meet back here when you're done."
"Are we pairing up or just going into which ever house we end up in?" T-Dog asked.
Rick shook his head, pointing his finger at T-Dog. "No, you and Daryl take the first house on the left," he ordered. "Glenn and Maggie will take the one besides it."
My heart sank at the pair being partnered up again. They were always put together, like I wasn't even in the equation anymore.
"I'll take the first house on the right, Claire," I snapped my head up as he looked towards me. "You check the house next to it, Carl will cover you. You two protect each others back, got it."
My and Carl nodded are heads. Rick whistled, indicating for us to get a move on it. I grabbed Carl's wrist, tugging him with me as we ran to the house we were ordered to search. If I always needed to have someone with me, I don't understand why Rick always choose Carl. Was it because he trusted Carl with me? Or did he trust me with Carl? Who did he have more trust in?
I held my hand up to Carl as we approached the door, rushing over to the window and peeking in. I mentally cursed at the three walkers walking aimlessly in the living room. "Okay, there's three of them so far as I can see," I informed him as I walked back over. "I'll open the door while you knock on the side of the house to bring them out okay."
Carl nodded, rushing to the side of the house as I placed my hand on the door handle. I took a deep breathe, closing my eyes in concentration as I held my knife in my other hand. I slowly open the door, hiding behind it as Carl knocked loudly on the wood of the house. The irritating groans of the walkers were heard as they shuffled to the door.
I watched them carefully from the crack of the door as they stumbled out. I waited until the last one was out before slamming the door shut and plunging my knife into the last walker quickly. Carl shot down the two other ones since he was lucky enough to have a silencer on his pistol, unlike most of us. I pushed the walker I killed back as I yanked my knife out, the squelching sound of the knife pulling against the dead brain was still disturbing.
The thing fell limp to the ground as I wiped my knife on the back of my jeans. "Stupid things are everywhere," I complained. I cracked a smile at Carl, who even at this point of killing, looked uneasy about killing walkers. I get how he feels though. "Good job little C," I praised, trying to get his mind off of the dead walkers at our feet. It worked successfully as he looked at me with a small smile. "Let's check this house out."
I stepped over the dead walker, Carl behind me. I turned to give him another small smile as I swung the door back open. "Claire!" he screamed in panic.
I spun my head so fast that I could swear I was going to get whiplash. I screamed out as a large walker reached out for me, lunging for me. We both fell to the ground, Carl tripping behind me as he rushed to take a step back. I screamed again as the walker tried to take a bite for my face, almost getting it if I hadn't quickly turned my head. I pushed back with all the force I could against the walker, pulling my legs up between us to separate the walker from me with my knees.
"My knife! Carl find my knife!" I yelled out in panic.
"Claire! More are coming from the other houses!" Carl yelled.
I began to really panic at his words, my mind going in complete circles as I fought against the walker on top of me. "Fuck," I hissed. "Carl get in the house and lock the damn doors!"
"What about yo-"
"Get in the house!" I ordered. I couldn't be worrying about Carl right now. He has his pistol so if there is anymore walkers inside the house, he can just shoot them down. I heard the door slam shut and a lock click --letting little relief fall over me. At least Carl was safe and the others were in the house. Wait. Fuck. Lori, Carol, Hershel, and Beth are still in the cars.
"Oh fuck you," I spat. I didn't think twice as I used my knees to push back against the walker, bringing my right fist up and connecting it into the walkers skull multiple times. I kept my lips firmly pressed together and my eyes squinted as I repeatedly punched the walker, it's blood falling to my face and neck. I didn't stop as I heard multiple other moans of walkers getting closer.
The walker on top of me began to get weaker, giving me enough time to reach around for my knife. I gripped it in my hands before plunging it into the walkers skull --wasting no time to pull the dead walker ontop of me as cover as the others stumbled towards us.
The only thoughts running through my head was of the group. Praying that they were at least safe. Praying that this wouldn't be the last day I would see any of their faces.