Chapter's Soundtrack: Let You Go by Morgan Page
Jackie's POV
I was stalling.
Ever since Darrell showed me the picture, I invited him in and have stayed in the bedroom I shared with the man I thought was my everything. I still believed he was my everything but the recent happenings made me think otherwise. The picture matched with the words I heard from the Maddie girl from before. My heart was hurting and my eyes were threatening to spill tears. I was scared of what Darrell had to say about Lucas.
A part of me believed he would never hurt me. But then again, our relationship was still new and not even up to a year, we were still new adults and Lucas had still been sleeping with women months ago before we started dating. The train of my thoughts made me wonder the possibilities.
What if I was just another woman for him? We had a lot more years ahead of us and anything could happen.
When Paul turned on the large bed, I sighed and covered him with his baby blanket before walking to the door of the bedroom. I clenched my hands as I stared at the door handle. I took in a deep breath and held the handle then twisted it and pulled the door. I walked out of the room and closed the door then started making my way to the living room.
When I got to the start of the stairs, I glanced at Darrell for a moment before walking down the steps. Once I finished climbing down the steps, I walked over to the couch he was sitting on and sat beside him, back stiff and emotions at the roof, ready to explode.
"How do you know my boyfriend and who is that woman?" I asked and he shuffled beside me before turning his body to face me.
"I am still surprised that he is someone you know," he said and chuckled. "The world is such a funny place."
"Go straight to the point," I said, voice heavy in anger.
"Sorry... Well, Maddie and I have been dating for years now and I have been noticing how distant she has become. It worried me until I followed her to one of her business trips in New York. A friend helped me too and snapped that picture of her and your... your boyfriend. When I approached them, Maddie told me he is her boyfriend. The way they touched each other made me feel they have been together for a while."
I wanted to believe him so much. I wanted to follow my heart but my heart was broken right now and I didn't know what to do. My head was telling me to focus on myself but the love I had for him was strong to tell me otherwise.
"I am so sorry this is happening. I wish I knew what I did to Maddie to have her do this to me."
It seemed like the people with the name Maddie were all bitches and self-centered jerks. I gritted my teeth the more I thought about them. Him kissing her, touching her. My heart ached the more I envisioned everything. I rose to my feet and glared at the coffee table with teary eyes.
"Can you leave, please? This is a lot to handle and I need to think," I said and I heard him rise behind me.
He dropped his hand on my shoulder, making me grab it before dropping it. I took in a shaky breath and waited for him to leave. Without another word, he walked to the door and I looked at his back, watching him open the door. He looked at me one last time before leaving the house.
I sat on the couch and laced my fingers then covered my face with my joined hands. I started to cry out the burning hurt I was feeling. I wanted to scream out my anger, to cry hard until I no longer felt the pain. I remember telling Lucas that I would choose me over the relationship if he messed up again and he did. I was scared that I was now given that choice.
"What do I do?" I whispered in my palms.
| | |
Later that evening, I was at home, feeding Paul when someone knocked on the front door. I cleaned the baby's stained mouth and cheeks then rushed to the door. I checked the small monitor hidden in the corner and beamed when I saw it was mom. I unlocked the door and opened the door.
"Mom!" I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. "I miss you so much."
"Aw. I miss you too." She hugged me back. "How are you?"
I pulled away and helped her into the house, taking her purse from her. She looked around the house as I ushered her into the kitchen where Paul was playing with his oats. She gushed at the sight of him and went to him then lifted him into her arms while I dropped her purse on the island. I giggled when Paul smeared his oat covered hands on her cheeks. I quickly took some paper towel and wiped her cheeks. She placed him back in his high chair then took the paper towel from me.
"How are you?" She asked, cleaning the oats off her face.
I forced a smile and wiped Paul's hands and cheeks while I felt the weight of her gaze on my back. I was scared of facing her because I had a feeling she could sense my mood.
"Jackie?"
"Mom?" I side glanced her and scooped some food with Paul's spoon then brought it close to his pursed lips.
"Have you been crying?"
My hand shook, as well as the spoon. I needed Paul to take his oats already. He needed to open his mouth and not keep me waiting with my hand hanging. My eyes started to prick and my lips wobbled. My breathing became hard as I stared through blurry eyes at the baby. When Paul's lips turned downward and they wobbled, he started to cry, probably from my expression, and that broke my dam. I dropped the spoon and turned around then started to cry hard. Mom wrapped her arms around me, patting my back. I held her back tight as I cried, hating how I was sad, angry, heartbroken and feeling slight hatred for Lucas in that moment.
"Cry it out," she said and rubbed my back.
"I don't know what to do anymore, mom," I said through stuffy nose and teary eyes. "I don't know who to believe again. How did things go worse?"
She said nothing and only hugged me while Paul reduced his cries. I hugged her more tightly, careful of my bump. It seemed like a long time went by, Paul had stopped crying and my aching heart had stopped aching. I stopped crying and pulled away from her then wiped my cheeks.
"Are you ready to talk?"
I nodded my head and turned around. I lifted Paul into my arms and we walked out of the kitchen to the living room.
Once we sat on a couch, I placed Paul between us and leaned against the couch.
"What did Lucas do this time?"
I parted my lips to try to explain but my heart became heavy again. I took some meditative breaths before looking in her direction then started to narrate everything to her. After speaking, she was pissed and was controlling herself from speaking out her anger.
"And he has not even cared to call you?" She asked and I shook my head. "Wow... Okay... Listen, you are still young and walking out of the relationship is the best for you, if you want to. Secondly, you cannot make the same mistakes I made with Martin... I felt like he was everything I needed, I ignored the red flags all because I wanted forever. Jackie, you are just nineteen, going twenty. You have at least eighty years ahead and that is a lot. If his intention is unclear, dump him and start a new life for yourself. There are better men out there waiting for you. Fate may align you with one person but there are more perfect people out there for you."
I bit my lip. I was madly in love with Lucas. It was hard to suddenly up and leave. He was my first, my first love, my first everything. We had a child on the way and breaking up with him was hard. It was like stepping on sharp nails, it would hurt.
"What is important is you... you and only you."
I swallowed spit to soothe my burning throat as tears threatened to spill again. I sighed and nodded, looking onward.
| | |
"Nah, there is no way that he could do that to you," Andrea said, shaking her head.
I was at Evangeline's place after mom left. I had texted them that I needed to speak to them and after telling them everything, Evangeline was pissed and Andrea was full of doubts.
"What are you saying, Andrea?" Evangeline shot offensively at her. "There is evidence. That fool is so far away from home so he could do whatever he wants without anyone catching him but in this case, someone did. That picture looks nothing like she forced herself on him. Don't tell me you still have feelings for him."
I looked from one woman to the other.
"Of course not!" Andrea objected. "The Lucas that I wanted for myself months back would never cheat on Jackie. Jackie, you have to think. There has to be an explanation. Lucas was so crazy about you before you two even dated so why will he cheat on you after everything that has happened?"
I looked away from her and thought about what she said, maybe she was right. Lucas showed me he was in love with me but he had a bad boy slash play boy reputation before, what are the chances he was still playing girls?
"Look, Jackie. You are the only one to decide what you want to do," Evangeline said. "All I know is that you should never be the understanding one in a relationship when the other person has refused to show understandable things to prove their love."
I bit the insides of my cheeks as I took in everything they said. I was in control of everything. Before deciding anything, I needed to talk to Lucas. He had to explain everything and if he was cheating, I would break it off.
"Think about it," Evangeline said and I nodded.
"I still believe Lucas would never hurt you. That man is a borderline simp, no offense," Andrea said, and my lips tugged into a small smile.
| | |
I went home after we hung out for a while, talking about other things and watching movies. Once I checked on Paul, I went to my room and laid on the bed. I took my phone from my sweatshirt's pocket then swiped through. I opened the Instagram app and noticed I had a notification. I tapped on the icon and I saw a follow request from an account Mad_Mad. I barely had any followers since my account was private and for someone like that to send a request, they must know me.
I made myself comfortable on the bed and clicked on the account. The first thing I saw was that she had over a hundred thousand followers and she was verified. Thinking she was a celebrity, I got excited and swiped to her feeds. She had a recent post which was a few days old. I clicked on it, which was a picture of a plate full of food. I noticed that the post had more than one pictures and I swiped through them and as I got to the end, my eyes widened at the picture.
It was a picture of Lucas smiling at the camera with a glass of wine in his hand. I gulped and swiped back to see other pictures. He did not appear in any and I quickly went back to the last photo. My heart started pounding hard and fast.
My eyes flickered from the photo to the caption which made me mad.
He is everything to me.