If you could experience all suffering that has ever been, at once, in you, do you think you could survive this?
I had fallen in a place that was no place, but still I was there. It was darker than the blackest night, furthest away from any glimpse and hope of light.
Finally I had arrived there, where my purpose lay. For wasn't each emotion buried in all human travelers, somewhere unspeakable, hidden in the outrage of all they would not even dare to think of?
Just in the one moment that could not have been more intense with pain of all kinds, surrounded by creatures, ghastly beasts, growls, horrendous smells, creepy sensations, unimaginable thoughts, it happened.
I was completely home for the first time that I could speak of. It was an epiphany of understanding that whatever human beings create as outside themselves, as foreign, something to fear, was only their doing, and in fact quite the opposite of what they were afraid of. Like drawing a painting and then looking at it, to frighten yourself and make yourself have nightmares of it.
That was when the darkness changed. Although it was still the same, I could sense every little detail.
Men killing each other. Women being raped. Children abused in every way. Animals tortured. Nature destroyed.
It was sheer beauty. Not because of the appearance, the look of it, which was still repulsive from an aesthetic point of view. But now I was able to see the power of creation and love behind all these abandoned children of mankind.
I realized my purpose of being, the power that emerged from the ability to look beyond the veil of this brutish game. I could see the miracle of creation in every speck of dust and every broken bone, every shed tear, every drop of blood.
I immediately understood that my gift was also my mission. To make everybody see the wonders of existence, helping them to overcome the angst of their own omnipotence.
I looked around and I was surrounded by beings that were fantastic and astonishing in every aspect. And although they were morphic expressions of all abysses of human fears, it was love that I felt surrounded with.
And the most peculiar thing was, that I was not able to be afraid anymore.